Just Jack

by Meredith Russell

  Raising an eyebrow, Leo watched him go, then looked back at the bar. He studied the large piece made from ice. He was amazed it looked as solid and as detailed as it had at the beginning of the night, the Harding name etched in the front.

  “So, are you going to come out?” He folded his arms and waited, relieved when Jack finally got to his feet. “Jack—”

  “I don’t want to hear your excuses, Leo.” He wiped his hands on a towel he was holding.

  “I wasn’t going to make excuses.”

  Jack tensed his jaw. He gave a nervous laugh. “So, you’re not even going to sugarcoat it? It’s nice to know where I stand.” He flung the towel at Leo and pushed past him.

  “Wait.” Leo grabbed his wrist. He flinched as there was an almighty crack and a woman squealed, causing a commotion next to one of the tables. Startled, Leo let go of Jack. He looked over his shoulder as the head of the largest ice teddy bear bounced off the edge of the table, hit the patio, and sent chunks of ice skittering between the high heels of the shocked woman.

  When Leo turned around, he was disheartened to see Jack walking away.

  Misha returned and crouched down beside the bar. “Damn it,” he muttered.

  “What?” Leo asked, not taking his eyes off Jack as he crossed the parking lot and disappeared into the darkness. Was he supposed to chase after him? Or would Jack hate him even more?

  “Nothing.” Misha got to his feet and gave the bar a gentle nudge.

  Leo eyed the bar, noticing the large crack within the joined blocks of ice. He stepped forward and carefully ran his hand along the line. The fracture was a good couple of inches below the surface. “Is it okay?”

  Misha pressed down on the bar. “Seems okay.” He lifted his head and looked directly at Leo. “You’re going after him, right?”

  “I thought I should give him some space.”

  “Yeah, whatever.” Misha shrugged his coat higher onto his shoulders and fastened a couple of extra buttons.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  With a shrug, Misha lifted his hood. “I just don’t believe in giving up so easily.”

  Leo stared at the dark space beyond the line of lamps illuminating the parking lot. Misha was probably right. Letting things stew overnight wasn’t going to help anyone. Ramming his hands in the pockets of his jacket, Leo jogged forward. Jack couldn’t have gotten that far.

  * * * * *

  “Jack?” Leo shivered as he glanced around the open space. He had followed the coastal path out of the back of the parking lot for about ten minutes. For a while he feared Jack had maybe strayed from the path and headed in a different direction altogether. He could hear the sound of waves below them, breaking against the rocky wall.

  Jack was standing near the edge, close enough to be able to look down and see the waves Leo could only hear.

  “Jack,” he said more loudly. A gust of wind blew past him, carrying with it crisp, frozen leaves. The faux warmth of the alcohol no longer seemed to have the desired effect, and he shivered. “Can we talk?”

  “I’m not in the mood,” Jack said, his voice barely audible as the wind blew up around them.

  Blinking, Leo looked up at the sky as snow began to fall. Great. “I want to apologize. How about we head back to the hotel, yeah? Get inside, warm up, and—”

  “I’m not interested.” He didn’t sound angry, just weary. Jack turned around, and Leo found himself instinctively stepping back. There was an unnatural brightness to Jack’s eyes, the orange light from the lamp behind Leo mixing to make a dirty blue glow as Jack looked at him.

  Leo rubbed his arms. He took a deep breath, the cold air chilling his chest as he breathed in. “Please. What you saw and what I said, it came out wrong. Mac kissed me. I guess I just…” He had gone along with it like a fool. “But I don’t love him anymore.” Leo’s heart clenched as Jack turned back to look down at the ocean. “Come away from the edge so we can talk.”

  Shaking his head, Jack looked up at the sky. “It was a stupid idea anyway. An unachievable dream.”

  Leo wasn’t sure he understood. “What was?”

  “Us.” Jack raised his hand and seemed to examine it. “It would never have worked.”

  “What are you talking about?” Leo wiped the wet spots from his cheeks. The snow seemed to be getting heavier. He tensed his jaw to stop his teeth from chattering as he trembled.

  “It was only a matter of time before you realized who I was and wanted better.” Jack glanced over his shoulder at Leo and said solemnly, “You deserve better.”

  “Better? Better how?”

  “Better than me.”

  What the hell was Jack talking about? If there was better, Leo wasn’t sure he’d find it, nor did he want it. Jack was all he needed. Jack was who he wanted. “Even if that’s true, I don’t want anybody else.” He stepped forward, battling the wind and snow as it seemed to swirl around him like it was keeping him away, keeping him at a distance.

  “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  Leo stopped. He couldn’t imagine Jack ever hurting anyone. “Look, let’s go back to the hotel.” He waited, hoping Jack would turn around or say something. “You would never hurt me. You’re kind and gentle. You’re amazing. One of the sweetest guys I know.”

  A cold chill traveled the length of Leo’s spine. The air around him seemed like ice, and he struggled to breathe. He looked at Jack and stared wide-eyed as he tried to understand what he was seeing. Jack stood before him with his hands at his sides. The falling snow no longer came down in straight lines, but instead seemed to defy gravity and circle upward. The snow that had covered the ground rose into the air. A quivering circular plane surrounded Jack a couple of feet off the ground.

  “What is this?” Leo stepped back and brushed at the white line on his pant leg. He stumbled backward until he was outside the ring of snow. He looked at Jack. How was this possible? “You? You’re doing this?” Was he seriously asking Jack that?

  Jack swiped his hand from left to right, and Leo watched in awe as blue sparked within the flakes as they swayed from side to side.

  “You don’t want to know me.” Jack closed his fists, and the snow fell to the ground with a soft whoosh. Straightening, he looked firmly at Leo. “You should go now.”

  Leo opened his mouth, but he had no idea what to say. The way he felt was somewhere between fear and fascination. “No.” He shook his head defiantly as he met Jack’s eyes. But the way Jack looked at him left him cold. Jack’s eyes were alight, as the wind whipped up between them once again. Leo took another step back, hugging his waist as the temperature dropped around him. It was like his breath had been stolen from him by the breeze. “Please.” He pressed a hand to his chest and closed his eyes as he tried to shake off the oppressive sense of exhaustion.

  “You aren’t listening.” Jack tensed his jaw.

  Leo glanced at the ground. He eyed the dusting of white as it seemed to wash toward him in waves, attempting to drive him back. This was insane. He had to be asleep, right? Passed-out drunk and having some crazy-mad dream? He squeezed the top of his arm, pinching himself through his jacket as he focused on Jack. No, this wasn’t a dream.

  “Then talk to me.” Leo eyed the moving snow warily. “You haven’t said anything. Tell me what this is.” He held out his arms. “I don’t know what you want.”

  The wind died down, the snow seemed to stop mid-fall, and Leo was surprised at the eerie stillness that enveloped them. He glanced at Jack. Everything inside Leo was telling him to leave, to run away. “What do you want?”

  Jack stared at him. He shook his head. “You could never understand.”

  “Try me.” Leo stepped forward and instantly regretted it.

  “Stay away,” Jack roared. It was like his words had turned into a wall of ice that rushed at Leo and knocked him off his feet.

  With a grunt, Leo hit the ground. Shock as good as paralyzed him, and Leo stared up at the orange lamp. Closing his eyes, he caught h
is breath, tried to gather himself. He thought his heart might burst from his chest, it was racing so fast. Swallowing, he lifted his head from the ground and was struck by a conflicting mix of relief and sadness.

  Jack was gone.

  * * * * *

  What have I done?

  Jack stopped himself from rushing to Leo’s side. He wasn’t safe to be around. Not like this. He hadn’t meant to hurt Leo. He really hadn’t. But seeing him with Mac, then here. Leo should have listened. He should have gone when he had the chance. Instead, Leo had pushed and pushed, and Jack had all these feelings and this icy pain building inside him. He had needed to let it out. Leo was just in the way.

  Waiting, Jack watched the rise and fall of Leo’s chest. He had feared he’d gone too far, but Leo was okay. Everything was going to be okay. Leo let out a soft groan and raised a hand to his head. The thought that he might have hurt Leo made Jack sick to his stomach. He shouldn’t be here. He should leave.

  I’m so sorry.

  Aware Leo had recovered, Jack darted from the path and for the shelter of the trees. He couldn’t face Leo. Not after this. Ducking beneath some branches, Jack stopped. He had to be sure Leo was okay. Composing himself, Jack turned around and was relieved to see Leo sitting up. From his hiding place, he watched as Leo got himself to his feet and brushed himself down. The urge to step out of the shadows, to pull Leo into a hug and tell him how sorry he was, struck Jack like a knife in his chest. He was ashamed. He felt guilty. But he wasn’t safe to be around. What he had feared these last few days was true. He was unstable and dangerous.

  “Jack!”

  Jack flinched as Leo shouted his name.

  “Jack.” Leo ran a hand back through his hair and looked around the space. His gaze lingered on the trees for a moment before he turned to the cliff edge. Slowly, he edged closer until he would be able to see the water below.

  Jack took a step back, farther into the dark cover of the trees. Leo stood on the edge and hugged himself. He looked so confused, so alone. As if shaking away what had happened, Leo seemed to take a deep breath and stand tall. Jack smiled sadly when Leo glanced toward the trees one more time before heading back in the direction of the hotel.

  A few minutes passed before Jack emerged from his hiding place. He looked along the empty path toward the Silverstorm. Leo would be nearly back at the hotel by now, safe and away from Jack. Jack looked down at his hands and watched the threads of blue spark through him, like his nerves were igniting beneath his skin. With a deep breath, he walked toward the cliff edge. He tilted his head as he examined the scene below. He was filled with a sense of freedom as he watched the waves break against the rocky wall. He wondered what would happen if he was to jump right then and crash his body against the rocks. Would the ocean claim him? Or would he claim it and freeze the body of water around him like some icy tomb?

  He snorted a laugh. In all this time, he had never thought about death. Not really. He didn’t age, he didn’t get sick, and he didn’t remember ever getting hurt. Not even a scratch. But could he end this life? Could he be smashed to pieces on the rocks? Could his heart of ice be ripped from his chest and this life be over? Or would it achieve nothing and somehow he’d be left to face another life, a worse life, a lonelier life?

  The waves continued to roll in. That was not the way. He stepped back from the edge and looked along the path toward the hotel. Lowering his head, he turned in the opposite direction and started to walk. He needed to clear his head and think about his next move.

  I can’t stay here. He needed to leave town. Maybe he could make a fresh start. He glanced at his hands. There would be no fresh start for him. He needed to go far away from the people he cared about, from Leo and Abe. Hell, he needed to get away from every living person. He didn’t want to hurt anyone. Not ever again.

  Chapter 19

  “What the hell happened to you?” Ruby quirked an eyebrow as Leo dropped down into the seat opposite her.

  Leo shook his head. He didn’t even know where to begin. “It doesn’t matter.” He leaned forward so he could pull off his damp jacket, glad Ruby and Nathan had moved inside the hotel. He was so damn cold.

  Ruby sat forward and ran her hand over the back of his head. She gave him a curious look as she pulled what looked like a piece of leaf from his hair. “Did you two have a fight?” She looked horrified.

  “No. No. Nothing like that.” He stroked down his hair, then pulled at his rumpled tie.

  Ruby didn’t look convinced, but seemed to decide against pushing.

  “He didn’t want to know, then?” Nathan questioned.

  There were no words Leo could think of to explain what had happened and what he had seen. He simply shrugged.

  “You look like you need a drink,” Ruby stated.

  Leo rested his elbow on the arm of the chair and ran his fingers over his lips.

  “Get him a beer,” she told Nathan.

  “No,” Leo decided. “No beer.”

  Nathan leaned forward in his seat. “Something stronger?”

  Taking a deep breath, Leo stared out through the large glass doors at the flutter of white outside. “It’s snowing.” Snow had always seemed so magical to him. He loved it. So white, and when the light bounced off the surface, it would sparkle and you could be fooled it was alive.

  “Sweetie, are you okay?” Ruby rested her hand on his knee, and he welcomed the warmth of her touch.

  “Yeah.” Leo gave a short nod. Despite everything he had just seen, all he could think about was Jack. “Actually, I do want a drink. Can you give me a ride?”

  Ruby narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips thoughtfully at his request.

  “To Jack’s bar.”

  “You think he went back there?”

  “I don’t know.” Leo didn’t have any better ideas. He needed to talk to Jack. To tell him he was okay and that Jack hadn’t hurt him. Yes, Leo had been scared, caught off guard by something so incredible yet unbelievable, but he was fine. Jack needed to see that. He needed to hear Leo was okay with everything. They could figure this out.

  Ruby pulled her seat closer and hugged Leo’s shoulder. “Maybe you should go home. Get out of these wet clothes and get some sleep. Things always look better in the morning.”

  What good was sleep going to do? Jack was… Leo had no idea what Jack was, but the guy made it snow and some other stuff Leo was struggling with. But that had been Jack. All Jack.

  “I need to see him. Will you take me?”

  Ruby blew out a breath. She seemed reluctant.

  Leo pushed away her arm. “It’s fine. I’ll get a taxi.” He stood and grabbed his jacket.

  Nathan got to his feet as well. “Don’t. We’ll take you.” He glanced at Ruby. “If you’re sure that’s what you want.”

  Pulling on his jacket, Leo gave a firm nod. He was sure.

  “Okay, then.” Nathan held out his hand to Ruby, who with a disapproving shake of her head took it and let him help her up. “Let’s go.”

  * * * * *

  “Where the hell have you been?” Abe waved his cell phone in Jack’s direction. “I’ve had Misha callin’ me every five minutes for the last hour. You left him?”

  “Yeah, I did.” Jack grabbed a bottle of vodka from behind the bar. Abe ordered the bar staff around before following Jack through to the back room.

  “What are you doin’ with that?” Abe eyed the alcohol.

  “What do you think?” Jack asked. He unscrewed the cap and took a large drink. He winced at the bitter taste but welcomed the warm buzz it gave him.

  Abe pushed the door shut for privacy. “Why? You don’t do drunk, remember?”

  “Ah, that’s where you’re wrong. Apparently, tonight, I can.” He held up his hands and curled down his mouth. “No idea why. But there you go.” He took another drink and licked his lips.

  “Give me that.” Abe roughly took the bottle from him. “Are you bein’ serious?” He eyed him curiously.

  Jack shrugged.
“It comes and goes.” He frowned as he realized how clear his head suddenly felt.

  “Right.” Abe’s hand went to his hair. He was clearly concerned. “No more vodka.” He scratched his head, then put the bottle on the floor. “So what happened? Misha said somethin’ about Leo.”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.” He stared at Abe, and what he had done suddenly hit him. “He knows.”

  Worry flashed over Abe’s face. “He knows?” It was clear from his expression Abe hoped he was wrong when he asked, “As in knows?”

  Jack pressed his hand to his forehead. “I’ve been an idiot.” His hand trembled as he curled his fingers in the front of his hair. “I caught him and his ex, and I just…”

  Abe raised his hands in an attempt to calm Jack down. “I’m sorry to ask this, man, but is Leo…? Did you…?”

  “I scared him.” Jack closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “You should have seen how he looked at me.”

  “Okay.” Abe’s mind was clearly working overtime. “And only Leo saw you, right? What about this ex you mentioned?”

  Jack shook his head. “They were kissing, and I walked off. Leo caught up with me, and well, I was… I don’t know how to explain it.”

  “You were jealous?”

  “Maybe.”

  There was a beat as a realization dawned on Abe. “Oh my God. You were jealous.”

  Jack looked at Abe. “So?” He had just seen Leo kissing another guy, a guy he apparently loved up until a week ago.

  “You don’t get jealous, Jack. You have to be able to feel somethin’ for someone to get jealous over them. And you don’t feel anythin’, do you?” Abe scrutinized Jack, every damn inch of his face, as if looking for an answer. “Do you?” The tone of his voice rose with the question.

  “Of course not.” A shiver passed through Jack. His gaze fell to the vodka. How he would love to lose himself right now.

  Abe scratched behind his ear. “So, what are you going to do?”