Just Jack

by Meredith Russell

  It wasn’t like he had all that many options. “Leave.”

  “You can’t leave.”

  “I can’t stay. I can’t just sit around and hope Leo keeps his mouth shut.” One word and he could find himself in some cage, some laboratory, some scientist’s new pet.

  “He wouldn’t.”

  “You don’t know that.” He remembered the shocked look on Leo’s face.

  “What about me? What about Neve?”

  Jack looked around the room. His gaze settled on the mirror behind Abe, and he strolled up to it. He pressed his hand to the surface, closing his eyes briefly before stepping back. He opened his eyes as frosted fractals slowly crept outward from his icy handprint. The pattern continued to grow, covering the mirror, then the wall. With a sharp crack, the mirror fractured, shards falling to the floor and smashing into smaller pieces.

  Abe let out the breath he was holding and shuddered as it clouded in the cooled room.

  Jack looked at Abe. There was concern in his friend’s eyes. “You’re safer without me. I shouldn’t be around people.”

  “Where will you go?” Abe hugged his arms, studying the frozen branches on the wall.

  Jack shook his head. “Away. Somewhere people aren’t.” He lowered his head. “At least until I figure out what this is.” He had done everything he could to have normalcy in his life. He thought he’d have longer somehow. He had met Frosts well into their second century. But maybe this was the plan, his fate, his time to retreat to the icy wastes of the poles where he could do no harm. Maybe he’d done something wrong, something Mother Nature hadn’t liked. Was she driving him away?

  There was a knock on the door, and Abe took quick strides to press his hand to the back to stop anyone from coming in. “Yeah?”

  “There’s a guy here. Says his name’s Leo,” Kate said through the door.

  “Leo,” Abe mouthed to Jack.

  Jack shook his head. He had done enough damage already tonight. It was best for everybody if he just left.

  “Did he say what he wanted?” Abe asked.

  “To talk to Jack.”

  Abe looked at Jack. “He wants to talk.” He raised his brow in reply to Jack’s silence. “Well?”

  “What do you want me to tell him?” Kate sounded annoyed.

  Abe clicked his tongue. “Hang on.” He took his hand off the door. “You, don’t move.”

  Jack went to protest, but Abe pointed a finger at him, then left the room, pulling the door shut behind him.

  Shit. Jack rubbed a hand over his hair. He should go. He should slip out the back. Good-byes were overrated anyway.

  Making a decision, Jack headed for the back exit. Firmly, he pushed on the bar of the fire exit, leaving the club. He stopped and listened for the bang of the door closing behind him. The shutting door brought with it the realization this was it. He could never come back here. Maybe in a different lifetime. He glanced over his shoulder at the closed door, then looked up at the sky. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

  “Running away?”

  Jack opened his eyes. “Nah, I thought I’d take the bus,” he said dryly. He lowered his head and looked at Leo. He wondered if Leo had figured out he was leaving on his own, or if Abe had had a hand. Abe always claimed to know Jack better than Jack knew himself.

  Color flushed Leo’s cheeks, and he sniffed as he hugged himself. “You were just going to leave?”

  Jack frowned and gave a shrug. “It’s for the best.”

  “Best for who?” There was an accusation in Leo’s tone. He thought Jack was selfish.

  “For you. For Abe and his family. For anyone who means something to me, who I…”

  “What?” Leo asked.

  “Nothing.” Jack cleared his throat. His exit wasn’t up for debate. He was leaving. “Good-bye, Leo.”

  Leo wasn’t letting him go that easily. He stepped in front of Jack, though he still seemed wary. “Who are you?”

  “I’m nobody. I’m a fairy tale. And ours has come to an end.” He went to step around Leo, but Leo moved with him. Jack stared at Leo. He had never thought he would see someone actually scared of him. For all his tricks and the accidents he had helped to cause, no one had ever looked straight at him, knew he was to blame or just how dangerous he could be. No one until Leo, and Jack hated that he was the reason Leo was afraid.

  When Jack moved, Leo matched him for a third time and raised his hands. “You’re leaving, so what does it matter? Be brave and tell me the truth. Be the man I think you are.” Slowly, he lowered his hands. “Surely you owe me that much.”

  The truth. He could do that. “Okay,” Jack agreed. He didn’t think, he just reeled off the first thing that came to his mind. “I was born over eighty years ago, haven’t aged in fifty, and I can make it snow. You asked who I was. I’m Jack. But I guess you would call me Jack Frost.” He waited, studying the changes in Leo’s face as he seemed to sway between disbelief, bewilderment, and childlike curiosity.

  “Jack Frost? The Jack Frost?” There was clearly doubt in Leo’s voice, a hint of nervous laughter as he blinked.

  Jack shook his head. “One of many Jack Frosts.”

  “So, are you all named Jack, or is that some coincidence thing?” Leo chewed on the inside of his mouth, seemingly voicing questions he hadn’t thought through as he tried to process what Jack had just said.

  “Honestly, I don’t know. It just seemed right.” He didn’t really remember where his name had come from. He just remembered waking up and there he was. He was Jack.

  Leo rubbed his forehead. “How? How are you real?” He stopped, lifted his head, and stared at Jack. “What else is real?”

  Now was not the time to get into a debate over the existence of Santa Claus. “It’s complicated,” he said. “But there are so many wondrous things in this world that humans will never see.” He stepped forward, saddened when Leo stepped away from him. “Or understand.” He glanced down the side of the club. “I need to go.”

  Leo shook his head. “You can’t tell me that and just leave.”

  “You asked me to tell you the truth. There it is. That’s all I have. Now let me go.”

  “No.” Leo looked at him. He stood tall and shook his head. “I don’t want you to. Don’t you get it? I don’t care who or what you are.”

  Jack closed his eyes. “But what I did. I scared you.”

  “Yes, you did.”

  Jack opened his eyes as Leo pressed his hand to the side of his face. He rubbed his cheek against Leo’s palm. Though he was clearly cold, Jack swore he could feel warmth in Leo’s touch.

  “But I’m not scared now.”

  “Maybe you should be. You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.”

  “Frost on the window panes and snow days?” Leo smiled as he curled his fingers against Jack’s cheek. “That first day, when I slipped? That was you, wasn’t it?”

  “Being near me will only get you hurt, and I don’t want to hurt you.” He dropped his gaze to Leo’s chest. He could only imagine the damage he might do. He was losing control. One touch and he could stop Leo’s beautiful heart, freeze it solid. “I would never forgive myself if anything happened to you.”

  Leo lowered his hand. “Nothing is going to happen to me.”

  They could go round in circles all night, but it wasn’t going to change anything. “I need to go.” He kept his distance and passed Leo.

  “So that’s it?”

  Jack stopped. “It has to be.” He couldn’t turn around. If he looked at Leo, he might actually manage to fool himself that things could be okay.

  “You can forget about Abe just like that? You can forget about me?”

  Forever was a long time, but Jack would forget eventually, and if he couldn’t? He just hoped one day it would hurt less. “Yes,” he said and took a step forward, a step away from Leo.

  “I don’t believe you.”

  Jack stopped again. “It doesn’t matter what you believe.” Slowly, he
turned around. “It’s how it’s got to be.”

  “You said I meant something to you. Surely that’s got to count for something. It’s got to be worth giving this, us a shot.”

  “You don’t understand. I can’t give you what you need.”

  Leo looked confused.

  “I can’t…” He pressed his hand to his chest. “In here is nothing but ice. It’s cold and dark and empty. I’ve been this way for over fifty years, and no matter how much I want to be with you, to feel you, feel something for you, I can’t.” Before he could walk away, Leo was beside him, holding his face and pulling him into a kiss.

  “We can figure this out.”

  Leo kissed him again. The kiss was slow and firm, and Jack wanted nothing more than to stay.

  “Together,” Leo said and rested his forehead against Jack’s. “I know you care about me.”

  “It’s because I care that I’m leaving.”

  “There must be a way.”

  There was nothing more either of them could say or do. “I have to leave.” Jack closed his eyes, daring to share another kiss with Leo before pulling away.

  “It’s not fair.” Leo looked angrily at him. “You’re not being fair.”

  Walk away. But Jack couldn’t. He looked at Leo. “I’m not being fair? I’m trying to do the right thing.”

  “What if it’s not the right thing? I mean, you come into my life, you let me spend time with you, get to know you, and—” Leo stopped, his jaw tensing. “You let me fall in love with you.”

  Jack closed his eyes. “Leo.” He didn’t know what to say. He raised his hand to his chest. It was like Leo’s words had cut into his heart. The pain vanished as quickly as it had hit him.

  “I know what this feeling is. I know where it’s heading. I’m standing on this invisible line, so close to stepping over it. One word from you and I’d be over it in a heartbeat.” Leo met Jack’s eyes. He looked so desperate.

  Now who wasn’t being fair?

  When Jack didn’t answer, Leo stepped back. “Okay,” he said, his voice almost a whisper. “Tell me none of it meant anything to you. Tell me you felt absolutely nothing, and I won’t stop you.” He looked directly at Jack. Leo shivered. Was it the cold or something else making him tremble so?

  “Leo, I…” Jack gazed at the man standing in front of him. He remembered every moment they had shared. Every kiss and touch. How empty they had all seemed in the beginning, and how different things were now.

  “What?” Leo looked at him hopefully.

  Be honest.

  Jack looked away. He closed his eyes when Leo took his hand in his. What had changed, and why now? Why Leo? Everything was different.

  Be brave.

  Taking a deep breath, Jack met Leo’s eyes. Gently, he ran the back of his hand over Leo’s cheek. “I’m leaving because…”

  “Yes?” Frustration got the better of Leo. “Jack, tell me.”

  “Because I love you,” he snapped. Jack surprised himself with his confession. He drew back his hand. “I love you. Okay? Happy?” Jack stepped back. It was like the admission had knocked the wind out of him. “And that’s why I have to go.” He blinked as a soft haze settled over his vision. “I shouldn’t feel anything, but when I’m around you… It’s dangerous. I’m dangerous.” He shook his head as he tried to lift the fog. Something wasn’t right.

  “Jack?” Leo’s voice was tinged with concern. “Are you okay?”

  “I, uh—” He cleared his throat. “I don’t feel so good.” Jack grabbed at anything around him in a desperate bid to stop himself falling, but there was only air. He crumpled to the floor, his shoulder hitting the ground as he fell onto his side. He stared across the ground, watching Leo’s feet as he rushed to his side.

  “Jack.” Leo’s call was muted. He shook Jack by the shoulder and rolled him onto his back. “Jack?” He swept back Jack’s damp hair and cradled Jack’s head in his lap.

  I’m cold. But it wasn’t the same coldness he had delighted in for decades. This was something different, something bad. There was no fun and tricks now. He blinked and looked up at Leo. The sound of his heart rose in his ears like the roaring waves he’d admired at the base of the cliff earlier that night. His heart beat faster and faster until the sound reached a crescendo, and then? Nothing. He stared up at Leo. Leo was talking to him as he held his face, but Jack couldn’t hear what Leo was saying. He looked beyond Leo into the night sky. Blue lights danced above them. Leo leaned over him, silent words falling from his lips as he held onto Jack. Jack smiled and closed his eyes. He was glad Leo was with him. He didn’t feel alone anymore.

  Everything faded, but only for a moment. An intense pain flashed through him, and Jack was suddenly aware that he was experiencing things he thought he’d never experience again—pain, emotions, memories. It was like someone had hit rewind on the last fifty years, flashes of moments, of people, sights and sounds. What the hell was happening? Was this real? Was this the end for him?

  “Jack. Jack.”

  Jack’s eyes snapped open, and he bolted upright, clutching his chest. He took gasping breaths in a desperate bid to fill his lungs as his heart raced out of control.

  “Jack?”

  His breathing was shaky. Jack looked over his shoulder. Leo looked pale and frantic. “I’m okay.” Jack nodded, noting how his heartbeat steadied with each breath he took. “I’m okay.”

  “You scared the crap out of me.”

  “Me too.” Jack let Leo help him to his feet. He held on to Leo for support. Something had changed. Something was different. He felt strange.

  “Are you okay?” Leo held Jack by the shoulders and met his eyes.

  “Yeah, I’m fine. Ow.” He rotated his shoulder away from Leo’s touch. “My shoulder.”

  “You hit it when you fell.”

  “When I fell.” He looked down at his hand and stared at his grazed and dirty palm.

  Leo cradled his hand. “Does it hurt?”

  Never had Jack been happier to say, “Yes.” He curled his hand into a fist, wincing as he felt pain. He shuddered. He was cold, and his clothes were damp from lying on the ground.

  Gently, Leo squeezed Jack’s good shoulder. “We should get you inside.”

  Jack stood firm. He turned and faced Leo. “Kiss me.”

  Confusion creased Leo’s brow. “What?”

  He didn’t have the energy to explain. Wrapping his hand around the back of Leo’s neck, he pulled him into a kiss. Closing his eyes, he breathed in the scent of the man as he kissed him. He smiled into the kiss, taking in everything he could. The feel of Leo’s lips on his, the way Leo tasted, the way being near Leo made his heart skip and a heat spread through his chest and down to his groin. Reluctantly, he pulled back, savoring the memory of the kiss before opening his eyes.

  “What was that for?” Leo licked his top lip before running his fingers over his mouth.

  Jack didn’t know what to say. So he didn’t say anything. Instead, he pulled Leo into a hug. He pressed their bodies together and cherished the feel of Leo against him.

  “Jack?”

  “I’m okay.” Or he hoped he was. Jack pressed his face to the side of Leo’s. “I just want to hold you.” He didn’t understand what had happened or why, but somehow he could feel. He could feel everything. He held on to Leo for fear it might be the last thing he ever did. The emotions he could feel, the way Leo was warm and solid in his arms, this had to be what it meant to be human. He was human. He really was. But what of his fifty years as a Frost? Was he owed them back? Would Leo pull away and find himself faced with an eighty-year-old man? Jack glanced up at the sky. He didn’t see the lights anymore, no blue song on the wind, but it didn’t mean Mother Nature had forgotten him. Would she really free him of his curse so easily?

  “I love you,” he whispered and kissed Leo’s cheek. He loved him, and he could feel it, together with the swell of joy in his heart, as he held Leo tight. He didn’t want the moment to end and couldn’t bear t
o let go. What if he had merely been granted a final moment with Leo, a good-bye, then it would be over, the spell broken and he would what? Die? Disappear? Turn to dust?

  “I love you too.” Leo hugged him back. “Does this mean you’ll stay?” He fisted his hand in the back of Jack’s jacket as if Jack might slip from his grasp.

  Nodding, Jack pressed his lips to Leo’s cheek. He would stay as long as he was allowed. He lifted his hand behind Leo’s back. It looked like it always had, not that of an old man. If this was the end, surely if anything was going to happen, it would have by now.

  Leo breathed in deeply and raised his head to the sky. “It’s snowing again.”

  Reluctantly, Jack leaned back and watched the falling flakes. This had to mean something, right?

  “Are you doing that?” Leo asked.

  Jack wrapped his arm around Leo’s shoulder. He smiled as snow fell on his face. “It’s not me.” He studied the sky, looking for the familiar glow of something he could no longer see. “You believe in magic, right?”

  Pursing his lips, Leo gave a slow nod. “Yeah. I do.” Leo shifted his gaze and looked at Jack curiously.

  “Later,” Jack answered the questions Leo hadn’t yet asked. He wasn’t sure he knew what had happened or could even explain it, but he would try to. “Promise.” He guided Leo to stand in front of him. He glanced back up at the sky. Had this been Mother Nature’s plan all along? “Thank you,” he mouthed to the stars. He looked at Leo and wiped the snow from his cheeks. He didn’t know why Leo was so special, but all he wanted to do was to be with him, to love him, to make him happy every single day from this day forward. The snow seemed to dance around them as it spiraled downward in large, soft flakes. They wrapped their arms around one another and hugged each other tight.

  Teasingly, Jack touched his nose to Leo’s before leaning in for a kiss. As Leo kissed him back, he noted all the things he had forgotten for the last fifty years—the way his chest tightened as they kissed, the weak feeling at the back of his knees when Leo touched his waist, and the flush of heat in his cheeks as he imagined all the things he and Leo might do in private. He was in love and it felt perfect.