Holding a Tender Heart

by Jerry S. Eicher

  “Yah, we understand that,” Bishop Beiler agreed. “And we have our duty, which must also be done. Adding to our burden, we have further problems with Henry Yoder’s situation. Why don’t you fill us in on that, deacon, instead of me messing up the finer points.”

  The room was silent as the men waited. Deacon Mast took his time before speaking. “I’m sorry to report that Henry is demanding that we drop all requests that he apologize to the church. He also asked that we drop our request that he take his tractor back to the dealership. He claims he has no further intention of using the tractor’s rubber wheels for field work. He says he’s taken them back.”

  Minister Kanagy’s face twitched. “Has Henry perhaps been emboldened by the problems with Joe Weaver we’re dealing with?”

  Deacon Mast thought for a moment before he answered. “My feelings are that he has.”

  “That’s what I was afraid of.” Minister Kanagy gripped the side of his chair. “This is bringing nothing but trouble to the community. I think the best route we could take is to excommunicate Joe at once.”

  “Even before the Englisha law proves its case?” This from Minister Graber whose voice squeaked even higher than normal. “What if they should be wrong?”

  “You know they rarely make such big mistakes,” Minister Kanagy shot back. “Are they not sure of themselves?”

  “Yah, they are,” Deacon Mast admitted when they all looked in his direction.

  “But they are trained to appear sure.” Bishop Beiler spoke up. “We cannot proceed with such a harsh method if there is any chance they are wrong. We’d lose Joe for sure, and perhaps even his family. And I can’t say I’d blame them.”

  “Is your mind perhaps colored by your daughter’s feelings on this matter?” Minister Kanagy stared at Bishop Beiler. “Verna’s getting older, my frau reminded me this morning. It seems she’s hanging on tightly for a reason—even when it’s most foolish to do so. Surely you aren’t supporting her in this matter?”

  Bishop Beiler took a deep breath. “My two eldest daughters have had several offers for their company on Sunday evenings. I am the one who has warned them and held them back until now. As you know, Verna is the first of my girls to date.” Bishop Beiler struggled to control his voice for a moment. This discussion had gone where he’d known and dreaded it would. Still, he couldn’t sit here and allow falsehoods to be tossed about.

  Minister Kanagy snorted. “And your judgment has not turned out that gut, if you ask me. Joe is the first man to seriously date your daughter, and now he’s arrested for robbery. This is a great shame, as I don’t have to tell any of you. I think Bishop Beiler should give way on this matter and allow others to judge who are not as closely involved. Perhaps they can see clearer.”

  “Are you challenging the bishop’s authority?” Minister Graber squeaked, wringing his hands.

  “Of course not,” Minister Kanagy shot back. “I would not challenge Da Hah’s choosing. But that’s not the same as questioning a man’s judgment when church matters involve his family.”

  “I think I have always demonstrated my fairness in these matters,” Bishop Beiler said. “I told Verna the relationship between her and Joe was over, but they are adults and have the right to make up their own minds—within the Ordnung, of course. However, I do understand your concerns and I will stay open in these matters to your judgment. And I will even go further than that. If at any time everyone except me thinks a course of action is wise, then I will not stand in the way. Is that satisfactory?”

  “It is,” Minister Kanagy said at once. “And danke for your consideration. You have my full support.”

  “And the others?” Bishop Beiler glanced around the room. The other two nodded, their faces sober. “Then we will continue with the question of Joe’s excommunication. Do the rest of you think that wise?”

  No discussion was needed, Bishop Beiler noticed, before everyone shook their heads. Even Minister Kanagy backed off from his initial counsel. Bishop Beiler sighed. “We will leave Joe Weaver alone until something arises that gives us further direction. In the meantime he should stay back from any communion—should this drag on into the fall—and his membership should be placed on probation. Is everyone in agreement?”

  Minister Kanagy hesitated but finally agreed with the others.

  “Then what about Henry?” Bishop Beiler glanced at their faces. “I must admit I am at a loss there.”

  “But what about your daughter?” Minister Kanagy interrupted. “Will she be allowed to cavort with Joe, even with his membership in probation, and perhaps he’ll serve a jail sentence before this is over?”

  “I have plans to speak with Verna this afternoon on the matter,” Bishop Beiler said.

  “You have not said anything before?” Minister Kanagy’s face showed shock.

  Bishop Beiler nodded. “I have, but Verna chose not to listen.”

  “And you expect her to listen now?” Minister Kanagy’s face had grown red.

  “I hope so,” Bishop Beiler allowed. “But I must admit I don’t know for sure. Saloma told me about Verna’s visit to Joe on Friday and of her intentions to continue those visits—to stay in touch, shall we say. I have waited for my feelings to quiet down on the matter before bringing up the subject again with Verna.”

  “It doesn’t sound to me as if your talk with Verna will produce much fruit,” Minister Kanagy ventured. “I think we should speak on what our plan will be if Verna continues to defy your counsel. This would make me feel much more confident with our position on the matter. These family matters can get touchy sometimes, as I’m sure you all know.”

  Bishop Beiler nodded. “It seems to me that harsh measures are not needed here, but the wisdom of your counsel is great, I’m sure. What do the others think?”

  He shouldn’t have made that sarcastic remark, Bishop Beiler thought. But this wore on his nerves. He’d never thought to stick up for his children, but this wasn’t reasonable at all. He had ordered Verna’s relationship with Joe to be over in the heat of the moment. That was one thing, but now that Verna had expressed what was her heartfelt devotion for Joe, to threaten her further was something else.

  Deacon Mast responded first. “I agree with the bishop on this. My counsel would be that Verna be spoken to for now and hopefully she will listen.”

  “And you?” Bishop Beiler turned to Minister Graber.

  Minister Graber gave a nervous glance at Minister Kanagy. “I can give my counsel to that, with the additional warning to Verna that if Joe is found guilty by the Englisha, she will suffer some additional discipline if she does not listen to our counsel.”

  “Then it’s decided.” Bishop Beiler settled into his chair again. “And I thank you for your kind counsel.”

  They all looked pleased except Minister Kanagy, who glowered. He’d get over it, the bishop figured. He had dealt all of them a fair hand in the matter.

  “Now back to Henry.” Bishop Beiler shifted in his chair. “What is to be done in his case? Shall we allow him off the hook? It would only embolden others, in my opinion, once the word is out. And you know this will come out, especially after the strong warning we gave the last time.”

  “I agree,” Deacon Mast acknowledged. “Henry is challenging us. If we back down, there will be nothing but trouble.”

  Minister Graber spoke up. “And if we don’t back down, there will also be trouble. Nothing gut is coming out of this regardless of what we do.”

  “Let us do nothing right now,” Minister Kanagy said. He gave Bishop Beiler a sideways glance. “We should wait until after Joe’s problem clears up. Henry might be more open to correction then.”

  “I don’t know,” Deacon Mast said. “Henry’s right stubborn, if you ask me. Why, I don’t know. But something seems to have ridden into his soul. Maybe a strange spirit, even.”

  “You don’t say!” Minister Graber had horror written on his face. “Has Henry been around those wild preachers from Mifflinburg? The ones who claim they are
the only true believers left on this earth?”

  “Who are you talking about?” Bishop Beiler asked. “Half the world has gone mad it seems to me.”

  This produced a mild chuckle, but they soon grew serious again.

  Minister Graber shifted in his chair. “It’s that Plain group I was talking about. Those are the most dangerous sometimes. They run around in sheep’s clothing. At least with the Englisha world we know what we’re dealing with.”

  “You can say that again.” Deacon Mast stroked his beard, lost in thought.

  “Are you saying Henry is involved in this group?” Bishop Beiler couldn’t keep the stress out of his voice. “It’s not like we don’t already have enough trouble on our hands.”

  Deacon Mast shrugged and came out of his contemplation. “I was just expressing my fear. I don’t know anything for sure.”

  The problem was the deacon often guessed things correctly, Bishop Beiler thought. But he didn’t wish to share this observation at the moment. Concrete action was what was needed, but such a move might well blow up in his face. But he had to say something. “Shall we warn Henry again then? Tell him we’re giving him until next communion time to see things our way? That might buy us some time.”

  Minister Kanagy snorted. “Henry will be seeing right through that, I’m thinking.”

  “Do you have any suggestions then?” the bishop asked.

  Minister Kanagy didn’t miss a beat. “I say we tell Henry outright we’ll accept his terms. It will surprise him and perhaps get him on our side for a few months. At least until this thing with Joe blows over. Then if Henry acts up again, we’ll have stronger reasons on our side.”

  Bishop Beiler cleared his throat. “I don’t like that option, but what do the rest of you think?” He paused as Minister Graber and Deacon Mast pondered the question.

  “I’m with Minister Kanagy.” Minister Graber spoke first.

  This would put extra pressure on Deacon Mast, Bishop Beiler knew. All of them were tired, and it was past time when they should have returned to the congregation. Below them the singing had stopped some ten minutes ago. They would begin singing again before long. He couldn’t allow this meeting to drag out much longer.

  Deacon Mast finally shrugged. “I guess I’m with Minister Kanagy. It’s a hard question really. But Henry might best be left alone for now. We can’t afford to lose him. I really am afraid he will consider jumping the fence for gut if we press him too hard.”

  That was exactly what Henry would do if he wasn’t pressed hard, Bishop Beiler thought. But the vote had gone against him, and he wasn’t in any position to contest the matter right now. Not with Verna continuing to act up.

  The bishop bowed his head. “We have unity then. So whose turn is it to preach the main sermon?”

  He already knew the answer, but he needed a few minutes to collect his fallen spirit. There was trouble ahead, he was sure. Bad trouble, and they raced ahead of the storm in vain. But now there was preaching to be done, and he wanted his soul calm before Da Hah. His will would be done anyway, regardless of how much they struggled.

  The voices of the three men rose and fell around him, as they discussed the question. Deacon Mast announced the result. “It’s you, Bishop. Minister Kanagy has the opening.”

  “Yah, I think that’s correct.” Bishop Beiler got to his feet and led the way downstairs. The singing had begun again, but everyone stopped by the time the men were seated on the ministers’ bench up in front of the living room. As Minister Kanagy rose to his feet for the opening sermon, Bishop Beiler stilled his mind. He needed peace in his heart right now.

  Twenty-Eight

  That afternoon Verna carried bowls of white fluffy popcorn into the living room. Mamm tried her best to put on a cheerful face. No one really looked upbeat, even when they smiled and offered their thanks for the popcorn Verna gave them.

  Ida and Debbie helped by filling glasses of apple cider to go with the popcorn. Their married brothers, Wayne and Reuben, were here, along with their fraus and young children. They’d arrived soon after the morning church service and meal had ended. Lois was outside with their children to make sure they stayed in the yard.

  Neither of the brothers had mentioned why they’d driven over from their homes a district away, but Verna was certain the trip didn’t involve a friendly family visit. Word must have reached them about her troubles with Joe. And perhaps worse—about her stubborn refusal to end the relationship. The family honor was at stake, and if she knew Wayne and Reuben, they would wish to say their piece.

  Mamm hovered around the room, now and then shooting off random comments…“Your bowl is empty, Reuben.

  “Oh how your children are growing—for both of you.

  “It’s so gut to see everyone.

  “Shouldn’t you eat more? You look so skinny. Men are supposed to gain weight when they’re married.”

  When Reuben’s frau, Esther, looked up in surprise at this implied insult of her cooking skills, Mamm laughed and waved her hand about. “I’m sorry, Esther. I didn’t mean anything by that remark. Reuben’s always been such a light eater. I often thought he’d wither and blow away as he was growing up.”

  “Please, Mamm,” Reuben interrupted. He reached up to take his mother by the arm. “Sit down. You’ll wear yourself out with all this pacing about.”

  Mamm allowed herself to be seated in her rocker, where she fanned herself with a section of The Budget snatched from the floor. “I do declare it’s hot in here. Summers always are. Shall I open more windows?”

  “We’re fine,” Bishop Beiler said. “Do control yourself, Saloma. Worrying isn’t going to make anything easier.”

  Verna fled to the kitchen. She didn’t blame them if they discussed her openly. It was the Amish way, but still it made her uncomfortable to listen. Never before had her actions so affected the family.

  “You look pale,” Ida whispered, her hands full of glasses with cider. “Here, take some nourishment.”

  Verna shook her head but took a moment to pull in her emotions. She grabbed glasses of cider in each hand and followed Ida back into the living room.

  Wayne regarded her with a baleful stare as she handed him his cider. He’d always been decent in his younger years and acted his part as the eldest child of the family. No doubt Wayne expected her to follow his example and, as the eldest of the three sisters, do the right thing. In her case, stop seeing Joe.

  “Sit down, girls. Sit down.” Mamm waved her hands around.

  “We still haven’t served everyone,” Ida protested.

  “Ach…yah…I’m all ferhoodled.” Mamm appeared close to tears. “But do hurry. We can’t keep the children outside much longer.”

  Verna felt icy stabs of fear run up her arms at this reminder from Mamm.

  “We’ll hurry,” Ida said, rushing toward the kitchen with Debbie close behind. Verna forced herself to follow, keeping her gaze lowered as the three of them managed to serve the rest of the cider in two trips. Each girl kept one for herself and found seats among the family in the living room.

  Silence fell after Daett cleared his throat. “It pains me greatly that things have come to this state of affairs. I do wish to say I did not call for Wayne and Reuben to come over this afternoon. They came on their own accord, but I do give them credit for their concern. This shows a tender heart toward their sister Verna. They have taken the afternoon off and traveled here with their families. So perhaps we will let them have their say first.”

  Wayne nodded. “I do wish to express my sympathy for what Verna and the rest of the family are going through. This must be worse with all of you living right in the district. We hear things, of course, but it’s not quite the same.” He shifted on his chair. “I hoped I’d come here today and be able to express my full support for Verna. But from what I’ve heard, this may not be the case. I hope to hear from Verna herself on what’s going on. I wish to have explained why she can’t see clearly what’s happening with Joe. The man has app
arently led quite a secret life, it seems, during his rumspringa time. This was a thing Joe has kept well hidden, even managing to join the church without it being found out. We await Verna’s explanation before saying more.” Wayne folded his hands and stopped though he looked even more troubled than when he’d arrived.

  Verna wanted to burst out and say that what they’d heard wasn’t true. That Joe had told her everything. But no one would believe her, and she had best remain silent for now. There would be time to speak later.

  Daett glanced toward Reuben.

  Reuben grimaced. “I don’t know if I can add anything to what Wayne said. It expresses pretty much how I feel. Disappointed first of all that Verna has let things come to this state. There’s no reason her relationship with Joe shouldn’t be history by now, and perhaps Joe should even be excommunicated for the things he’s done. People might understand a mistake in judgment on Verna’s part when she first dated Joe. We all make those. But this continued stubbornness in the face of the obvious truth is hard for me to understand.”

  Reuben was being nasty, Verna thought. His words of rebuke cut deep. A tear trickled down her cheek.

  Daett looked at her, apparently wanting her to speak. She opened her mouth but no words came. With great effort she finally began. “I wish…I had hoped…well, perhaps…that you would all be understanding of Joe and me and not rush to judgment like everyone in the community seems to be doing. Shouldn’t I be the one who understands Joe the best? I’m the person closest to him other than his own family. But even then doesn’t a man’s frau touch the deepest part of his heart?”

  “But you’re not his frau!” Daett exclaimed.

  “I know, but I will be someday. Already my heart touches his. I don’t see why you can’t understand that.”

  “Because you haven’t said the wedding vows yet!” Wayne burst out. “There’s still time to save yourself from this man.”

  “And what if I had said the vows?” Verna looked at him. “Wouldn’t I stand with him regardless? Why should I do any less now?”