Identity Crisis

by Lila Munro

  After the wait staff came back and took away the remnants of dinner, Chad slipped into the bathroom to shave and dress. As he pulled up his black jeans and buttoned the fly, he looked in the mirror and hoped Tori didn’t stop loving him when she found out who he really was and what he really wanted. Five years ago, it wasn’t prudence that kept Chad from taking Tori with every bit of force she needed. It was Chad’s own restraint. He wanted to give her all she desired and more, but if he was being honest, he’d have to admit that he was scared to death of what lurked beneath the surface of his very soul. From the minute he’d stood in front of Tori that first time, Chad wanted to know what it would be like to have her yield to him under his hand.

  The crazed desire that heated Chad from the inside out increased exponentially the night he held Tori’s hand and watched Rio bend a woman to his merciful torture.

  Chad watched as Tori sucked an ice cube from her empty glass, holding it between her teeth, teasing him without realizing what she was doing. Thoughts of what he’d like to do with that ice cube flitted across his mind, through his body and landed straight in his dick. He’d been reading about the lifestyle for several weeks now, toying with the idea of giving in and asking Rio for instruction on how to go about claiming Tori. The woman drove him completely mad and his heart sank every time he watched her allow some other Dom, usually Rio, tether her to himself and walk away. Week after week he suffered. If she was trying to kill him emotionally, Tori was most certainly succeeding. Chad knew that if he couldn’t have her, he’d died a tormented man.

  He ordered another drink, needing to numb the blatant desire to drag her off and spank her senseless. Who was he kidding? He’d never laid a hand on another living thing. The one thing he needed was for Tori to say yes and leave with him. He never wanted her to come back but still, Chad couldn’t bring himself to do it. He couldn’t bring himself to act. Knowing he couldn’t relent to his instincts didn’t stop the fantasy from haunting him, however. More than once in the last several days, Chad found himself in a hot steamy shower with his cock lathered, imagining Tori was there with him. On her knees in front of him with his thick dick stretching her perfect red lips taut. With both hands free, he could delve his fingers into her sunshine colored hair, winding it around his hands, pulling while driving his cock down her throat…

  “You gonna sit there all night?” Tori dragged Chad back to reality, but not before his cock swelled, straining against his fly until it ached.

  Rio managed to crush Tori by finally claiming a permanent mate, although Tori admitted to Chad she didn’t love Rio. If that were true, what difference did it make who Rio took as a sub?

  With her small, delicate hand tucked inside his, Chad led Tori to the common area where Rio demanded his new woman submit to him publicly. Chad would like nothing more than to take a number for one such ride and make Tori understand who was boss.

  Together they stood behind the crowd of leather clad spectators. Chad’s heart raced as he watched Rio’s sharing partner land the first lash to Rio’s woman as Rio fed her through his soul.

  Rio’s eyes never wandered and each time the woman bucked forward, Rio braced her, told her how he admired her and how well she was doing and held her back up. Chad wanted to be that for Tori. That and more. When Chad’s breathing was reduced to gasps and his groin strained, stretching, reaching for something, Chad knew he wanted this too badly, that he could never allow himself to put Tori beneath his hands. He knew he could never harness the drive within him that stalked her like a caged animal seeking to be set free. As Chad’s blood continued to singe the fibers of his very being, Tori tried to pull free of his hold.

  Before she could manage to escape, Chad pinned her to the wall, facing away from him. He knew without a doubt she was aware of what watching had done to him. His hard-on drove into Tori’s back as he pressed his body into hers, holding her captive against the cold, dark marble.

  Running his tongue along her throat and bare shoulder, he whispered roughly in her ear.

  “Do you have any idea just how damn bad I want you, Tori?” The words barely came out of Chad’s closing throat. With one hand clasping her wrists tightly above her head to hold her in place, he ran his other hand up her thigh and under her short, black skirt. His fingers dug beneath the tiny triangle of material he discovered between his touch and her clit and found their mark with ease. “Let me in, Tori.”

  Tori writhed against Chad’s hold and whimpered. Before he could process what was happening, she told him that unless he took her in the manner she needed him to, he could quit trying to take her home with him. He knew it could never happen. He wouldn’t allow it. As his lungs constricted and forced out the last of his air, Chad pulled away from Tori and disappeared into the crowd before she had a chance to turn around.

  “You ready?” Chad asked Ren when he stepped back into the bedroom.

  “Damn straight, man,” Ren answered, getting up from where he’d been reclining on the end of the bed watching the evening news. “Even more ready for tomorrow night. If Tori agrees that is. Without her consent, you know I’ll walk.”

  “I know,” Chad answered, pulling his black leather jacket over his tight black tee shirt. “But I don’t think there’s any reason to worry that she won’t. She was pretty out there on the fringe when I found her.”

  “Has she ever gone as far as we’ll take her, though?”

  “When we first met she said she hadn’t. She didn’t have reason to lie because it didn’t matter to me either way,” Chad told him, running his fingers through his spiky hair. He flipped his jacket collar to straighten it and slipped the key card to their room in his pocket. “Let’s go see what I’m paying eighty-k a year for.”

  Blending into the moonless night in their black attire, Chad and Ren walked a couple blocks away from the Hyatt before stopping a cab. With Chad being next in line to inherit his family’s Fortune 50 empire, he was cautious at every turn. Not so much to protect his family but to protect Tori from the horrors of living a life on the front pages of a tabloid filled with lies. After only a few minutes in the back of the pink and green taxi, Chad stepped out behind Ren in an alley off Gateway Avenue.

  The cab driver passed the club before turning where Ren directed and Chad had to admit he was surprised at how conservative the front of L’Edge was. In his mind, even though he’d seen pictures on their website, he’d conjured up images of a Vegas atmosphere with flashing yellow neon arrows pointing from all directions, a beacon to the leather weary and whipped tired.

  Instead, he was impressed with the elegance of the structure and the subtle presentation. The building was three stories high and constructed entirely of mirrored glass. If it weren’t for the thin strips of lime green neon running along the awning in front and the soft white glow of

  L’Edge in scripted letters half-way up the side of the building, the over the top, ultra exclusive leather club could have easily been mistaken for an office building housing dentists, doctors, or architectural firms.

  Chad handed the driver a hundred bucks and told him to keep the change while Ren rang the buzzer nestled beside the steel rear door. A few seconds later, both men stood in the back entrance way where the retro style pulse of Finger Eleven filtered through the overhead speakers.

  “Good evening, gentlemen,” a burly security guard in a L’Edge tee shirt, black Dockers and black boots greeted. “Membership cards, please.”

  Chad dug his card out of his wallet and showed it to the man and watched as Ren did the same.

  “Mr. Dearborn. We’ve been expecting you, sir.” The security guard stuck out his hand and Chad took it, noting how it practically swallowed his own. Pity the violator that crossed this one, Chad thought. “I understand your wife will be joining you tomorrow evening?”

  “Tori. Yes. She doesn’t know it yet, but she’ll be joining Ren and me,” Chad stammered as cold beads of sweat broke out on his forehead. He shoved the doubt and second thoughts that threatened
to surface to the back of his mind and took a cleansing breath. “I thought I’d come by tonight and check things out.”

  “Very good, sir. Let me get someone down here to take you on a little tour of the place. Will you be in need of a room tonight? We’re not completely booked.”

  Chad glanced at Ren and saw approval swirl around his pupils. Pupils that would help pull this whole thing off as they were as dark as Chad’s were.

  “A room would be appreciated,” Chad answered, his confidence bolstered by his partner’s strength.

  The security guard disappeared into a small office behind tinted glass on the other side of the countertop and reappeared a few minutes later with black key hanging from a gold L.

  “You’ll find your room on the third floor, 3-D. Although not as nice as the VIP suite you’ve reserved for tomorrow evening, I think you’ll find it more than suitable. Ginger’s on her way down, she’ll be your escort as long as you need her. She will see to anything you need.”

  “Is there any chance of having a look at that suite tonight?” Chad lifted his wallet from his back pocket and pulled out his personal credit card, the one neither his parents nor the company had access to, and stuck in out at the man.

  “Oh, no sir,” the security guard said, waving off the piece of platinum plastic. “First night’s on the house. The suite is booked tonight, but the couple won’t be here until much later. I’ll let Ginger know you’d like to see it. It’s in the basement.”

  “That’s much appreciated.” Chad put the card away, retrieved a few hundred dollars, palmed the money into the other man’s hand and winked. “Consider this a down payment to ensure my wife’s safety tomorrow night. She won’t be coming in with me and until I…find her, I’d like a close eye kept on her. She’ll make sure it’s advertised she’s unavailable, but just to make sure she isn’t bothered?”

  Ren placed a hand on Chad’s shoulder, squeezing a bit and Chad was glad for the contact.

  Ren assured him time and time again this would be fine, that he’d be Chad’s safety valve. That there was absolutely nothing to worry about. But the icy finger of fear still tickled Chad’s heart sending him the occasional adrenaline filled warning across his system.

  “No, sir. Mrs. Dearborn will not be bothered,” the guard assured Chad as he slipped the money into his front pocket. He then stepped aside and pressed a button under the edge of the counter. A dull click resounded in the space and the doorway to ecstasy cracked open.

  Chapter Five

  Steam rose from the black marble tub as Tori sank into the hot water, a blanket of mandarin scented bubbles eventually reaching up and touching her chin. She laid her head back against the slick surface and propped her feet up on the opposite side of the structure, looking at her red painted toes and realizing she hadn’t had a pedi in almost two weeks. While they didn’t look that bad, she definitely needed to be pampered before Chad got back. Tori closed her eyes and draped a cool damp cloth over them, trying to drive all thoughts of when he would return from her mind and replace them with something else. Something less stimulating. Dinner. What should she have for dinner? The chef was on vacation so she’d have to fend for herself, which if Tori were being honest, suited her just fine. She wasn’t raised to depend on anyone for anything and she preferred to cook her own meals. Raised? Hell, she was barely raised at all.

  Depend on anyone? The only people she could depend on until she met Chad was herself and J.C.

  When Tori was still too young to realize what was going on, her father was sent up the river on drug related charges. She didn’t remember the man and Tori’s mother never spoke of him other than when things were so tough they couldn’t be cut with a scalpel. It was at those times Tori learned he was “that no good bastard.” While true, he may have been a bastard, at least he was in jail where he belonged, unlike the string of men that constantly drifted in and out of Tori’s life, each one asking to be called Uncle something-or-other. The men never hurt Tori, but they sure never paid her much attention either. And Tori was sure they were just as guilty of what her father was in prison for. Some of them were probably guilty of far worse. And Tori’s mother didn’t pay any attention to her when she was busy shacking up. Tori was an afterthought. Once she was in high school, Tori stayed at J.C.’s house more than her own and it was together that the girls discovered the lifestyle through an older cousin of J.C.’s.

  Tori and J.C. were visiting said cousin one weekend and happened upon her closet full-o-naughty-goods. At first they both turned beet red and giggled like the school girls they were.

  After a few more weekend visits and peeks in the closet, their embarrassment turned to curiosity followed quickly by fascination. By the time they worked up the nerve to ask J.C.’s cousin about her little closet of horrors, Tori and J.C. were three months from graduation. They were both eighteen and as a graduation gift, cousin Madame took them on the Tour de Vertigo.

  It wasn’t long before they were both frequent flyers, albeit on different flights. J.C.’s self-discovery led her into the world of dominating while Tori’s journey took her down the path to submission.

  Pizza. That sounded good. Tori would order her favorite from Old Town Pizza and watch a movie. Something scary. No chick flicks tonight. She sat up in the tub and reached for the phone on the wall. Eugene, her driver, wasn’t on vacation. He was always good for a pizza run.

  “Eugene?” Tori asked when someone picked up the downstairs extension.

  “Yes, Miss Tori. What you need, hon?” Eugene was an old, southern gentleman with old style charm and a drawl to die for. And he simply adored Tori. In fact, he treated her like the daughter he said he never had. Eugene had a past he was running from, but Chad liked him and trusted him, so he was hired and was never found far from where Tori could reach him.

  “I’m hungry. Would you mind going to Old Town for me?” Tori asked, sinking back into the tub with the phone now on speaker.

  “I’d be delighted to do that for you, hon. The usual?” Eugene’s drawl lilted over Tori’s soul.

  “Yes, please. Extra tomatoes though. And make sure they don’t put any onions on my salad.

  Thank you, Eugene,” Tori said, rubbing her brow with her forefinger. “Oh, and Eugene? Please make sure you get whatever you’d like as well.”

  “Thank you, Miss Tori. I’ll be back soon. Would you like to eat down here or would you like me to bring it up to you?”

  “I’ll come down and get it,” Tori said, remembering the clothes hanging in plain sight in her room. What would Eugene think of her red chaps? So much for getting her mind off that. “Just give me a buzz when you get back, please.”

  “Will do, Miss Tori. Need anything else while I’m out?”

  “Meh…I don’t know.”

  “I can stop at Pearl’s and get you some of those raspberry brownies you like so much.” Eugene knew how to make a woman feel better and he always babied Tori a little more than usual when Chad was away.

  “Okay,” Tori agreed, smiling. “You know, you’re too good to me Eugene.” Tori stayed in the water until her fingertips and toes puckered and tingled with that weird water logged numbness. She pulled herself from the tub, wrapped a towel around her middle and wandered back into her bedroom. With little droplets of water falling off her elbows and hitting the carpet with a practically indiscernible plunk, Tori rummaged through her chest of drawers and retrieved a pair of cotton shorts and an extra-long, well-worn tee shirt. As she was pulling her hair back in a ponytail, the intercom next to the bed buzzed. Walking past the closet, a raging flush raced across her skin at the smell of the leather that still hung in the air.

  “Eugene? Is that you?” Tori asked, rubbing a hand over the back of her neck and silently cursing Chad for leaving her alone on their anniversary. She knew two more days wasn’t that long to wait, but she’d already waited four months, since Christmas, adhering to Chad’s rules.

  The torment of knowing she couldn’t have what she wanted righ
t now was almost enough to cause her to spontaneously combust.

  “Yes, Miss Tori,” Eugene answered. “I’ll leave your things here on the kitchen counter for you.”

  “Thank you, Eugene. What would I do without you?”

  “Now, Miss Tori. You’d find a way, hon. You’d find a way.”

  As Tori hung up the receiver, she knew Eugene was right. If he wasn’t there for her, someone else would be but no-one could ever replace Eugene. She made her way down the back staircase into the kitchen and there on the counter as promised was a small pizza box and a plastic salad container from Old Town, a small white bag from Pearl’s and a venti sized cup from Starbucks. God bless Eugene. He’d made a special trip for a caramel macchiato to complete her dessert! Tori grabbed a fork from the flatware drawer, balanced the Pearl’s bag and coffee on top of the pizza box along with the salad, and made her way back up the stairs.

  She kicked the door closed behind her and went into the retreat she and Chad shared that adjoined the bedroom. With her mini buffet set out on the coffee table, she curled up on the end of the loveseat with her salad and flipped through the channels until she found one of the horror movies she liked so well on HBO.

  When the credits rolled almost two hours later, Tori contemplated calling Chad, but glanced at the clock and figured he must be still out with clients or he’d have called her by this time.

  Another installment of horror started and instead of dialing, she settled in with another piece of the now cold margherita pizza. In the middle of the third movie, Tori popped the last bite of raspberry brownie into her mouth and chewed appreciatively, turning off the set, and heading toward the bathroom to wash up. Surely after that much gore she’d be able to go to sleep.

  As she grabbed the edge of the comforter to pull it back, she noticed the things that still lay on the pillow, among them the envelope Chad had left. Tori tossed everything but that in the chair next to her night stand and propped up in the bed with his letter. With anxious fingers she ripped open the paper and pulled out a carefully folded piece of Chad’s love letter letterhead.