Identity Crisis

by Lila Munro

  She always thought it was funny he had special stationery made up just for his notes to her. It was off white with gold gilded edges and tiny red hearts ran down both margins. Tori held the paper to her nose and inhaled. More torture but she couldn’t help it. It smelled so damn good she had to do it. Chad’s cologne. Clive Christian No. 1. Tori’s heart flip-flopped and her thighs and belly grew hot. With some degree of reluctance, Tori pulled the paper from her face and started to read.

  Tori—

  Happy anniversary, baby. I’m sorry I’m not there but I’m not sorry as to why. You see, I must confess now that I’m gone that I’m not away on business. I hope you’re still reading at this point and haven’t ripped this to shreds…

  “No, it’s not ripped to shreds, but I’d like to rip you to shreds,” Tori whispered over clenched teeth.

  If you’re still reading, at least let me explain before you pick up the phone and tell me to fuck off. I had to leave first. I’m working on your gift. You should know by now that I’d never leave on business on any of your three days of the year. I hope you liked the starter gifts. J.C. helped. The girl has good taste, I’ll give her that. Here’s what I can tell you and I hope you say yes. Tomorrow morning very early, four a.m. to be exact, Eugene will take you to the plane where you’ll board with enough clothes for a couple of days and the new outfit complete with collar. You’ll land in St. Louis where Robert will pick you up and escort you to the St. Louis Arch Hyatt. The concierge will bring you to your suite and will be at your beck and call. Once you’re settled, there will be further instructions and a few more surprises. So, what do you say, baby? Meet me in St. Louis?

  I love you—Chad

  Four o’clock? A.M.? Was he serious? Tori looked at the bright green numbers on the alarm clock beside the bed. It was already one and she wasn’t even packed. Dear God, why the hell hadn’t she read that letter sooner? Oh yeah. J.C. distracted her then she got hungry, pizza, movies…Jesus, there wasn’t time to dwell on it now. She had to get ready. Sleep would have to wait until she was on the plane and then maybe there’d be time for a nap once she got to the hotel. Tori hopped back out of the bed and rummaged through her accessories closet looking for her old duffel, a Louis Vuitton that Chad gifted her with for their very first trip together. She didn’t need much, but didn’t want to leave without something she might regret leaving behind.

  Who was she kidding? Anything she needed once she got there would be at her disposal with one simple phone call. She could show up naked and it wouldn’t matter. Five years and she still hadn’t grown accustomed to thinking like the wife of a rich man. Unzipping the luggage, Tori realized it was one of the pieces she’d taken on her honeymoon and apparently hadn’t used since then. Her lacey black hose from their first night of marital bliss were still inside. Tori picked them up and her lips curled in a wicked acknowledgment of the night she’d agreed to marry Chad in the first place. The night he did a fair amount of compromising before thoroughly convincing her he was worth compromising for.

  As the steady beat of an old Depeche Mode classic thrummed through Tori’s body, strobe lights danced off the walls of Vertigo giving the illusion she moved in slow motion. Rio was off the market and she hadn’t seen Chad sitting on his usual stool for two weeks now. She remembered how her heart raced as he pressed her into the wall with her hands restrained over her head. Why couldn’t he take it further? Not seeing Chad for so long convinced Tori that for some odd reason, she did have feelings for the man even if she didn’t want them. In fact, her heart hung heavy as she watched the door, wishing he’d walk through it dressed in something dark and sinister. That he’d walk up to her and carry her off over his shoulder like a caveman.

  The song changed to something more modern and Tori closed her eyes. Running her hands up her throat and back down her sides, she swayed to the music, absorbing the words. What she wouldn’t do to have Chad Dearborn bring her to life. With Rio off limits and Chad nowhere to be found, Tori found no satisfaction in anyone or anything. She was dead inside, almost grief stricken. While she was brushing her palms across her belly, a firm grasp gently gripped her chin.

  “Don’t open your eyes yet,” Chad rasped in Tori’s ear. “Just listen and feel. Don’t pull away from me, don’t try to run again. I’m tired of waiting you out so I’m here to meet you half way.” Tori gasped as Chad kept his grip on her chin and ran his tongue up the side of her throat, landing on her ear, biting her. He wrapped his free arm around her waist holding her against his frame containing her arms. She realized he held her captive but more than that, she was happy being trapped.

  “What do you…” Tori started.

  “Shhh. No talking,” Chad said with authority as he clasped his hand over her mouth. “Only listening and feeling. I’m going to take you tonight, Tori. Your way. As much as I can give you right now, but I’m going to ask a lot in return. Nod if you understand.” All the wind seemed to leave Tori’s lungs at once and her nostrils flared as she bobbed her head up and down in eager agreement.

  “That’s good, baby. Now I’m going to explain my little proposition and if you agree, we’ll move on. Nod if you understand.”

  Tori nodded again as she fisted her hands at her sides, clipping her palms with her nails as sweat dripped down her back.

  “I’m not sure if you understand who I am, dear Tori, but I’m not just a Dearborn. I’m one of

  the Dearborns. You know, the Dearborns that practically own Portland? I know who you are and where you come from and I don’t give a damn. I want you, all of you, and if you think that because your dad’s in prison, your mom’s a drunk and you’re poor as a church mouse I‘m put off, you couldn’t be more wrong.”

  At the news that Chad was one of the Dearborn’s, Tori inhaled sharply and stiffened under his touch. A mixture of flattery and concern ran over her at the revelation that he’d obviously done his homework.

  “Shhh. It’s okay, pet. Relax. It’s a name, not a title,” Chad assured her in a soothing voice.

  “I’m in love with you, Tori. And I want you. I’d never let anyone hurt you. And as far as Ted and Susan are concerned, they can both kiss my ass as they’ve never been the model for what marriage should be anyway. So, you don’t have to worry about feeling like you don’t belong.

  This is between you and me, not you, me and my family. However, for reasons I can’t tell you tonight, I can’t live this lifestyle all the time. It’s not because I care what they think. It’s for your protection.”

  Chad started walking Tori off the dance floor but she had no idea where they were headed as she was a model submissive and her eyes were still closed. She knew for sure they were moving further into the club as the music wasn’t as loud and she could tell by the way her heels sounded, they’d crossed the tile floor into at least the common area. Trying to gain her bearings, she counted her footsteps and was pretty sure they may have gone into a private room.

  “Open your eyes, Tori. I want you to look at me when I tell you the rest,” Chad told her, helping her sit in a chair in the middle of a dimly lit private suite. She opened her mouth only to slam it shut when Chad raised a finger and looked at her sternly. “What did I say? Are you itching for punishment?”

  As a matter of fact, she was. Tori almost opened her mouth and disobeyed him on purpose but she wasn’t sure what his idea of punishment might be. There were games such as deprivation that she certainly wasn’t fond of.

  “Do you understand that I can’t live this life all the time?” Chad asked, leveling his eyes with Tori’s.

  She nodded and sat dead still as she watched the man she mistook for a submissive some weeks back take control.

  “I want you to marry me, but I have conditions. If you say no, I’ll walk away right now and you’ll never see me again. If you say yes, I’ll open the door and let Rio in here. I can’t take you to task, but I’ll watch and relish the sight of him doing it and then I’ll fuck you ten ways to Sunday, Tori. Do you want to hear
the conditions?”

  Tori didn’t move as Chad stepped behind her, wound her hair around one of his hands and pulled her head back before biting her earlobe again. Just that small amount of discomfort sent a wave of pleasure straight to her core and her clit pulsed. Tori wasn’t sure she wanted to know what he expected of her. If it was too much and she said no, he’d be gone forever and now that she saw what he could be, she wasn’t sure she could take losing his presence again.

  “Tori?” Chad demanded. “Answer me.”

  What the hell. If she could live with his terms, she gained a husband. If she couldn’t, she lost nothing except her heart and eventually it would heal. Right? Tori nodded.

  “I’ll never deny you anything material. I can give you the moon on a silver platter if that’s what you want and you already own my heart. But this,” Chad said and motioned with his free hand around the small room that was littered with the tools of the trade. He took a regretful sigh before continuing. “I can’t do it, Tori. Not all the time and I can never…never be the one to touch you with a whip or a flogger. Although it might seem like an unfair trade, it’s the best I can do for now. Three times a year, as a gift to you, I’ll give in and we’ll spend time living in this world with the help of someone that can give you what I can’t.” A life of luxury with a man that clearly adored her whom she loved in return. All for a compromise that seemed impossible yet challenging to Tori. The thought of four months’ worth of vanilla sex, a sort of long period of foreplay, followed by a release that stood to be earth shattering caused Tori to take pause. For about two seconds. Deprivation had never been Tori’s thing, but the way Chad presented their future life to her made it sound quite intriguing. With a smile on her face, Tori nodded in agreement as Chad tilted her head back and took her lips forcefully. After kissing her until she could no longer breathe, he turned her loose, snapped the lock on her collar closed, and let Rio into the room.

  Chapter Six

  A petite woman wearing nothing more than a black corset cinched tightly under her bare breasts, a pair of black leather short shorts and a pair of black thigh boots pushed the entry door open wide enough for Chad and Ren to enter.

  “Good evening, gentlemen,” she said, looking them both up and down before peeking around the edge of the door to talk to the security guard. “Anything I need to know?”

  “You need to show them the VIP suite. Mr. Dearborn has it reserved for tomorrow evening.”

  With that the door shut behind the trio and Ginger took the lead.

  “So, gentlemen, first time here?” Ginger asked, walking into a black velvet lined elevator.

  “I’ve been several times,” Ren answered. “It’s Chad’s first time. I don’t remember seeing you here though.”

  “I’ve only worked here a few months. And sometimes I wear a mask,” Ginger offered, looking at Ren with a heated gaze.

  “The suite is in the basement?” Chad asked, diverting Ginger’s attention away from Ren. “Is that the only thing down there?”

  “Yes, it’s quite spacious and I think you’ll find it stocked to accommodate whatever you prefer.” The elevator stopped and Ginger motioned for the two men to disembark ahead of her.

  Chad was surprised to find that the elevator stopped in the suite itself. He looked at Ren who also shared a similar, puzzled expression.

  “Don’t worry,” Ginger said laughing. “I can assure you, your privacy will be respected. Once the suite is occupied, we program the elevator to only come down when summoned.” She pointed to a button on the wall. “No one can access this floor once you’re here unless you want them to.”

  That was a relief as Chad had no intention of being watched. That was one thing he’d never done with Tori—shared their escapades with just anyone. Chad always handpicked the man that would flog Tori if that’s what Chad had planned for her and it was always done in private. He was pretty sure Tori wouldn’t want anyone watching tomorrow night either, when she found out what he and Ren had planned.

  “Feel free to look around. I’ll wait here for you,” Ginger told them and stepped back, her hands clasped in front of her.

  “Have you ever been down here?” Chad asked Ren, stuffing his hands in his pockets and offering a low whistle.

  “Nope. But now I’m wondering why. Holy shit,” Ren answered, running his eyes over a bastille complete with stocks and a rack and a cage underneath. “Have you ever seen one of those?”

  “Only in magazines,” Chad told him, walking toward the door that led into the adjoining room.

  It was the bedroom. A king size bed sat along one wall dressed in black satin. The headboard was solid teak and was adorned with several eyelets for securing restraints. Chad walked over and discovered the footboard was set up much the same way. In one corner of the room was a simple spanking bench. In another was a St. Andrew’s cross. Along the wall in between was a miniature coat rack of sorts and from the penis shaped pegs hung a wide assortments of paddles, floggers, whips, restraints, riding crops and gags. There were a few chairs scattered around the room and a love seat with a good vantage point of everything, obviously set up for voyeurs.

  “Look up,” Ren said, pointing toward the ceiling.

  Hooks and rods hung from the ceiling at strategic intervals and appeared to operate via a small hydraulic system.

  “I can think of a few uses for those,” Chad said, remembering the red leather handcuffs he’d left Tori. His eyes came back down and met Ren’s. “I can easily see why this room cost what it did. It’s well worth every Benjamin I spent.”

  Chad spun and returned to the front room, the click of Ren’s boot heels following closely behind his own.

  “Do you have any questions?” Ginger asked as they all stepped back into the elevator.

  “When I reserved the room, they said special requests would be honored. Does that mean you can send down anything we need? Ice, drinks, oils…”

  “We can get you anything you ask for even if we have to send out for it,” Ginger assured him. “As far as ice, there’s an ice maker in the kitchenette as well as a partially stocked bar, but specialty drinks can be furnished as well. Just call up and order and buzz the wait staff down when you’re ready.”

  Ginger showed them around the rest of the club, ending her tour in the main bar area.

  “Is there anything else I can do for you gentlemen tonight?” she asked, smiling at Ren again.

  “Are you ready to go to your room for the evening?”

  “No, Ginger. You’ve been most helpful,” Chad told her, digging a couple hundred bucks out of his front pocket and handing it to her. “Thank you.”

  “Thank you, Mr. Dearborn. Enjoy your time here.”

  “Wanna get a drink and watch a while?” Chad asked Ren, glancing at the dance floor.

  “Sure. Table or stools?” Ren answered, scanning the room.

  “Table. I see one in the corner. Let’s lay low so we can figure out what our best approach is for tomorrow evening.”

  The men took up position at a table in the corner and sat with their backs to the wall so they could see everything around them. A waitress in a black latex body suit and black platform knee boots approached their table.

  “Gentlemen,” she greeted, placing two coasters on the table, never making eye contact.

  “What may I bring you?”

  “Chivas,” Chad answered. “Regal 25 if you have it.”

  “Yes, sir.” The woman turned toward Ren, her eyes still on the floor. “For you, sir?”

  “What do you have in stock tonight in the way of tequila?” Ren asked, tapping his fingers on the table top.

  “We have Rey Sol Anejo on hand and I believe we still have a very nice Gran Patron Platinum in stock.” The waitress waited patiently as Ren contemplated his choices.

  “I’ll take the Rey Sol, on the rocks. With a lime, please.”

  “Yes, sir.” She then backed away from the table with her head down.

  “Well trained, o
bedient staff,” Chad noted. “I do believe you could’ve had your way and then some with the lovely Ginger.”

  “I’m sure,” Ren answered, smiling. “However, like I said before. I’m committed to you and Tori now. Pending her approval, of course.”

  “I think we should let the security guard in the back know Tori should be escorted to the bar and seated,” Chad said, looking around the room, contemplating how best to proceed tomorrow evening. “If we get here early enough, we can sit back here where we can watch her no matter where she goes in the room.”

  “I think you’re right. What do you think her reaction’s gonna be?”

  “Receptive, I hope.”

  The waitress returned and stopped at their table, placing their drinks carefully on coasters then backed up with her head lowered.

  “Is there anything else I may do for you?” she asked without expression.

  “That’s all for now, sweetheart,” Chad said, dismissing her before turning to Ren. “I’m so gonna enjoy coming here.”

  “We could take our drinks upstairs,” Ren hinted. “We’re not here to dance anyway.”

  “I like the way you think.”

  Chapter Seven

  With her suitcase in tow, her toiletries case in her hand and her favorite Louis Vuitton slung over her shoulder, Tori hurried down the stairs. She set the security system, flung open the front door and stepped onto the sprawling front porch, pulling the door behind her before the alarm went off. Eugene was parked in the circular drive fifteen minutes ahead of schedule, just as Tori knew he would be.

  “Good mornin’,” Eugene said, opening the back door of Tori’s limo. “How you doin’, Miss Tori?”

  “Good morning, Eugene,” Tori answered, leaving her bag on the ground and climbing in the car. “Tired. I had no idea I was leaving until one this morning. A nap is sounding really good about now.”

  “I know that’s right. I thought you might need to sleep on the way so I called ahead and had Janice make up the suite in the plane.”