American Honey

by Heidi McLaughlin

  I can feel the rise and fall of his chest. Our breathing matches, keeping us connected. My eyes flutter as his lips touch mine. They’re soft, softer than I thought they would be. They still against mine, as if he’s cautious, waiting for me to pull away and start running for the hills. I didn’t know it until he touched me like this, but I’ve been waiting for this moment my whole life. I want more. No, I need more. I have to know if he’s feeling the same crazy mixed up nervousness that I am when he’s around. I need to know if his palms sweat when I stand near him, because mine do. Does his heart pound so hard that he fears if he doesn’t walk away people will hear? If I could tell him… if I could find the words or find a way to show him that I want him, maybe everything would be okay.

  The kiss is too quick and he pulls away. At best he gave me a peck. That’s all I’m worth to him. It’s all I deserve. I let my hands fall in defeat. He catches one, placing it over his left pec. I swallow hard as my fingers caress his skin. I feel his skin pebble under my touch and knowing that I’m doing that to him turns me on. I don’t know why he’s hesitating because right now I think he knows what I want.

  My eyes meet his. They’re gleaming. He turns his head slightly before placing his hand on the back of my neck. He wets his lips and moves toward me painstakingly slow. I try to move closer, but I’m sealed to the ground. He smiles, sensing my need. I’ve never felt an urge quite like this. If he doesn’t kiss me soon, I’m going to kiss him whether he likes it or not.

  The anticipation is too much to bear, so I don’t wait. I take control. I grab the back of his head and pull him closer to me, closing the inches enough for him to know what I want. I briefly catch a smile before my lips take his. If this is what he wanted and I caved, I lose. Right now I don’t care because I feel his tongue move against mine masterfully. He steps back, righting himself along the wall, spreading his legs just enough for me to step between them. I feel his towel brush against my leg and then skin, lots of skin.

  My hand roams over his chest feeling the definition of his muscles. My fingers work to memorize each ridge and valley. I reluctantly remove my hand from his hair and to his back. He shifts away from the wall, allowing me easier access to touch him. He presses himself against me, letting me feel what I’m doing to him. I whimper as he pulls me closer with both of his hands on the side of my head. He’s no longer holding the towel and I don’t even care. Having him kiss me like he’s wanted this is all that’s important to me and all of a sudden I’m lost in everything Tyler.

  Tyler pulls away, breathing heavily. Our breathing is in sync as if we’re one. He peppers me with kisses along my eyes, cheeks and finally the corners of my mouth before placing his lips on mine again, albeit briefly before he pulls away.

  “Sweet baby Jesus, Savannah that was…”

  “Perfect,” I interject. It was for me and I can only hope that I’ve met his expectations. My hands drop from his body, both screaming with desire to touch him again. I clench my fists tightly, afraid that I might be overstepping or feeling something he’s not.

  “Perfect would be an understatement. You don’t know how long I’ve waited to do that.” My body sighs happily that he feels the same way and I try not to smile. He rests his head against the wall and gazes at me as fingers trail down my arm before linking with mine. If I move my eyes, or step away slightly I know I’ll be seeing all of Tyler. I’m not sure how much control I’d be able to maintain so I keep my eyes focused on his and try to read his expression.

  “Come here,” he murmurs, placing his hand on my cheek. “For as long as I can remember, I’ve had dreams about kissin’ you and those dreams hold nothin’ on reality. I know you have a lot going on and if this isn’t right for you, don’t be afraid to tell me. I’m not going anywhere.”

  I pull my bottom lip into between my teeth and nod. “I had this vision of what it’d be like when I got off the bus, ya know? I thought I’d come down the stairs and you’d be waiting. I’d jump into your arms and everything would be the way it was when I left.”

  “Except I screwed that up because you look nothin’ like the Savannah that left me five years ago.”

  “Is that bad?” I ask with a bit of fear in my voice. The last thing I want is for him to not like me because I grew up.

  He shakes his head. “Hell no, it doesn’t matter what you look like as long as you don’t mind being in my arms. We need to get to know each other and, believe me when I say this, I plan to get to know you all over again. You’ve been gone for a long time and we really haven’t been gettin' along, but that can all change.” He swallows as his thumb moves back and forth on my cheek, gently caressing it. “You’re so beautiful and as much as I want to continue standing here, I’m naked and unless you plan to take care of my issue, I’d like for you to turn around so I can grab my towel. As soon as I’m dressed I can take you on that shoppin’ trip I’ve promised.”

  I hesitate because honestly there’s nothing stopping me. He raises his eyebrow, calling me out on my stalling tactic. I give him the eye roll that I know pisses him off as I turn around. I hear him shuffle behind me and when his arm comes around my waist, I don’t think twice. I lean against him and am rewarded with small kisses on my neck.

  “You have no idea, Savannah,” he says against my skin before walking away. He’s right I don’t, but I really want to find out.

  I don’t have time to register that he’s gone before he’s standing in front of me again, this time in a dark t-shirt with his sleeves rolled up over his biceps. His shirt is tucked into dark blue jeans and of course, he’s wearing his cowboy boots. For the first time since I’ve been here, my idea on what my ideal man would dress like has changed. He’s not some city guy with a rich family. The image now is of a man who’s wholesome and hardworking, everything that my friends back home would scoff at. Thing is, I like what I’m seeing, even though I’m leaving at the end of the summer.

  “Ready?” he holds out his arm for me, adding to my already growing list of things I like about Tyler.

  “I have to stop at the library to send my homework.”

  He looks down at his watch and sighs. “We’ll have to drive fast,” he laughs. Somehow I think that’s not a problem for him.

  He walks us out of the house and shuts the door behind him, never letting go of my arm. When he walks around to the other side of the truck, I realize that this is the first time anyone is going to open the door for me. It’s crazy how this simple gesture makes my heart beat faster.

  “Thank you,” I say, after he holds my hand, helping me into the truck. I’m not shy about staring at him as he runs around the front and hops in. I’m trying not to smile, but I can’t help it. Earlier today, when I was waiting for him, I was pissed. I thought he and Jeremiah were badmouthing me. It was my typical girl bullshit, always assuming the worst. I need to learn that not everyone in my life is out to get me or hurt me.

  “After you do a little shoppin’, we’ll stop for dinner and then I want to take to you to Reds and introduce you to Della.”

  The instant he says a female’s name, my body tenses. Maybe Tyler’s no different than the guys back in New York. Maybe he’s just better at hiding it than they are. I stiffen when he reaches for my hand, but I let him hold it just to save face.

  “What’s wrong?”

  How he knows something’s wrong is beyond me. “I’m fine.” I attempt to convince him but my smile is stilted and I turn to look out the window.

  My hand clenches his as he barrels off the side of the road, digging up gravel and dust. Before I know it, he has my seat belt undone and I’m almost sitting on his lap. His hands cup my face, forcing me to look at him.

  “I’m not playing games, sweetheart. That kiss back there? I meant it. Now tell me what just soured your mood.”

  “Who’s Della?”

  “Ah honey, she’s the bartender and she’s heard all about you probably from Jeremiah and his big girly mouth. I just wanted you to meet her that’s all. I’m not
one who goes around kissin’ beautiful girls when I have someone else to keep my bed warm at night. The moment I heard you were comin’ back,” he stops and shakes his head. I don’t know if he doesn’t want to tell me, but I want to know. “I’m fixin’ to say some seriously girly shit and if you laugh I’m going to take you over my knee, ya hear me?”

  I nod and stifle a giggle. Sometimes, Tyler’s southern drawl is heavy and other times he acts like he’s not some straight-up southern cowboy.

  “When Uncle Bobby mentioned you were comin’ back, I thought this was a chance for us to see if we really had a connection the way I remembered all those years ago. I made sure I had no loose ends before you arrived.”

  “Loose ends, as in girls? Do you have a girlfriend?”

  “No ma’am.” His smile is so wide and his eyes are gleaming. “Unless you want to be.”

  I roll my eyes. “Ah shucks, Billy Bob, when you go and ask me like that, how can a girl resist?”

  Tyler chuckles and leans in for a kiss. “I’m going to have so much fun with you tonight.” He brushes his lips quickly against mine and nudges me back to my seat. “Yehaw,” he screams loudly as he steps down on the gas pedal, his tires spinning up dirt and gravel as the tail end of his truck shakes back and forth. This is the Tyler King I’ve been waiting to see.

  Chapter 11 – Tyler

  Today is moving entirely too slow for my liking. Each time I look at my watch, only a minute or two has passed and I know my work is suffering. I’m not sick or hung over, just infatuated and I took the menial task of moving hay bales into the horse barn so I could be close to Savannah. She’s cleaning the horse stalls today, a job that I gave her so I could stare at her. So I could see her smile at me each time I passed by and with each smile, my steps falter a little bit more, but it’s worth it.

  Last night… it was more than I ever expected. When I came out of the shower and saw her standing there waiting for me, my breath caught. The sun was beaming through the front window, shining on her just perfectly. She was glowing as if she were an angel, even though I knew she was far from it. Her piss-pour attitude from earlier still weighed heavily on my mind. But she surprised me. She moved closer. She touched me. That moment was everything I had hoped for and never thought would ever happen.

  Yesterday I did things I never thought I would enjoy. I shopped, carried bag after bag and I held her hand proudly. There were stolen kisses under the awnings of storefronts and heated ones against the side of my truck. By the end of the evening, Savannah had stocked up on everything she needed to make it through the summer, including a pair of cowboy boots. I tried to buy her a hat, but she wasn’t having it. The plan was to take her to Reds, but when we arrived, they were closed so they could resurface the dance floor.

  I hated leaving her at her front door and driving to my house. When I looked toward the big house, I could still see her silhouette standing on the porch. All I could think was that she was watching me, maybe waiting for me to come back. If she wasn’t Savannah, I would’ve. I would’ve kept her out all night and not cared about work the next morning or what her family might think. But this is Savannah and I work for her uncle. Bobby and Sue are my family and I respect them. I won’t be doing anything to mess that up.

  I lift another bale of hay and set it on top of the stack. My t-shirt is soaked with sweat and I think today’s a perfect day for a dip in the pond. I glance over my shoulder at Savannah who’s dressed like a country bumpkin in overalls, tank top, muck boots and a ballcap. Her hair is braided and in pigtails. Annamae used to do that and I hated it, but on Savannah it looks freaking sexy as hell.

  “What ya staring at, cowboy?”

  My eyebrow rises slowly as I bite back a smirk. “Cowboy, huh?” I’m not gonna lie, her giving me a nickname does something to me. I make a mental note not to tell Jeremiah that I like it because he’d just tell me I’ve turned into a sissy and ask if I need to change my tampon.

  Savannah shrugs and my eyes immediately fall to her bare shoulder. It’s beckoning for my lips. Many times throughout today I’ve wanted to take her into one of the stalls – a clean one of course – and have my way with her. I know just having her pressed against my body for a few minutes would be enough to curb my desires. No, I’m lying. A few minutes would be torture.

  “I kind of like it. It fits you.”

  I tilt my head and smile, confirming that yes I do like it, but some things are better left a secret. Making sure the hay bale is secure, I walk over to her. I’m trying to strut, to be sexy, but I’m not sure if I’m succeeding. I’ve never put much effort into impressing a girl before, but with Savannah it’s different. She’s used to high-class rich guys and I’m just a country boy with not a lot to offer. I’ll never drive some sporty car that costs more than my house or belong to some ritzy country club. There’ll be no vacationing in the Hamptons for me. I’m okay with this lifestyle. I’m also not stupid enough to think that Savannah’s willing to give all that up to make a home with me.

  As the brief glimpse of a possible life with Savannah flashes through my mind, I pause mid-step and quickly divert my eyes to the now fascinating concrete floor that she hosed down not twenty minutes ago. I don’t know where the thought of her making a home with me came from and as much as I can see a future with her, I know that’s not what she sees. I’m not a stupid man, a hopeless romantic maybe, but definitely not stupid. She’s too young and she has dreams of her own. I know she’s leaving and nothing I do or say will stop her. I won’t even try. She needs to live out her dreams. But Paris, France is light years away from Rivers Crossing, Texas and I know she’ll forget all about us back here. It’s what I expect.

  “Ty-ler,” her voice sings out, reminding me that we’re still in the present day and not months away from now. She’s standing there in her stall leaning up against her pitchfork, watching me. I know I can play this two ways: I can go over and kiss her good and proper or I can pull her pigtails like I used to back when we were running amuck and walk out. Neither will protect my heart and the reality of the situation is that she already owns it. If anyone would’ve told me that when Savannah McGuire walked out of my life five years ago, only to return and have me talking about sharing a home, I would’ve punched them in the face.

  I never thought my momma was in her right mind when she told me that Savannah and I were going to get hitched someday. I used to yell at her for teasing me. If she could see me now, standing here like a fumbling fool, she’d kick my rear end all the way to town.

  “Cowboy?” her voice is full of desire as she purrs my new nickname. That’s my undoing. I move as if a donkey has kicked me in the ass until I’m standing in front of her. Taking the pitchfork from her, I set it against outside the stall and shut the gate. The only parts of us that are visible are our heads and shoulders.

  “What d’ya say, wanna roll in the hay?” I know my joke is corny, but I’m going for results.

  Savannah pulls her lower lip into her mouth, a sure sign that she’s thinking too hard and looks out the barn door. Her smile is mischievous and daring. I pick her up and she laughs, wrapping her legs around my waist. Lowering us onto the fresh hay, I set myself on her gently. I lean in for a kiss and let my lips linger on hers until I feel her hands press against my back. This situation has bad news written all over it, but I’m not thinking with my head right now.

  I pull away and smile down on her. “What are ya doin’ tonight?”

  She shakes her head. “I’m pretty much a homebody right now.”

  I mentally kick my own ass for asking such a stupid question. Of course she’s not going anywhere. Bobby and Sue hardly go out and I know I’m her transportation.

  “Jeremiah’s havin’ a bonfire at his place. Wanna go?”

  “That sounds like fun. Will there be a lot of people?”

  I nod. “He doesn’t do small. I usually crash at his house because he gets a keg, but I don’t have to. We can throw a few blankets in the truck and watch the stars l
ater if you want.”

  Savannah runs her hands up my t-shirt and I try not to cringe with embarrassment. It’s soiled and I’m sweating. The last thing I want is for her to get grossed out by me. I start to lift off of her, only to be pulled back.

  “Leaving me so soon?”

  She doesn’t know the meaning behind her words. I’ll never leave, not her and not this ranch. This is my home and my life. I shake my head and feel my lips go into a tight line. I could say so much right now and have no doubt that most of it would scare her away. Hell, my thoughts are scaring me and I have three years on her.

  “I’m dirty,” I admit to her, staying with the safest answer to her open-ended question.

  “I don’t care, Tyler.”

  “What changed?” It’s a question that’s been sitting on the tip of my tongue since last night. Savannah did this complete turnaround and while I’m grateful, I’m skeptical.

  Moving to the side, I leave half my body still on her. She moves her leg, locking it behind mine and effectively keeping me in place.

  “Yesterday when I went inside to get ready, my mom called and I thought she’d be happy to talk to me, but she wasn’t. She was short and rude, reminding me that I screwed up and that I better not do the same crap here too. I was so angry that I took it out on you. You were trying to be nice and I didn’t deserve it. When you left me in your truck, I thought, “Wow, I must not be important to him either.” I went into your house thinking I’d snoop. Treat you like you were treating me, but when I saw the pictures of us on your mantel, something inside of me clicked. I started remembering us before I moved and how I used to smile. How you used to make me smile. My friends in New York, they don’t smile, not like you and Jeremiah.”