American Honey

by Heidi McLaughlin

  “How do we smile?”

  Savannah moves so she can see me clearly. “When you smile, you light up the whole room. Your smile means that you’re happy. I haven’t smiled like that in years and wanted to remember what it felt like.”

  “So you thought you’d kiss me?” I ask, playfully.

  “No, that was something I wanted to do since that day in the kitchen. I just didn’t know how you’d react. I mean, I had a pretty good idea from earlier in the day when you held onto my hip but I was being an epic bitch and was just praying you wouldn’t push me away.”

  “I’d never push you away, Savannah.”

  She snuggles into my chest, draping her arm around me. I’m not sure if this is the right time, but I have to ask. “Sweetheart, why’d you get sent here?”

  She sighs and moves her hand to the back of my head. Her fingers glide along the nape of my neck. “I had a party. Mom was never home, I was lonely and desperate to fit in. You know at first when we moved, things were great. We went to the park, toured some museums, all stuff we didn’t do here, but she quickly got promoted and started spending more and more time at work or when she was home, she was locked in her office. My mom was rising up the ranks as one of those big time celebrity lawyers you see on TV and while she looked great and powerful to everyone else, she was ignoring me. I could go two, three nights before I’d see her and one night I reached my breaking point. I invited friends over and things got out of hand. She um… caught me with a boy in my bed. I was drunk and there were people all over the apartment in various states of undress. She found some cocaine residue on her mirror and freaked out. Even though I passed the drug test she gave me, she still opted to send me here to fix myself.”

  I pull her closer, hugging her to me. Life here is so laid back, but I get that her mom would be mad. “I’d be pissed too if I came home and found you like that.”

  “Pissed enough to send me away, or to start coming home from work at night?”

  She had me there. My mom was always home by dinnertime and is always there when I need her. I didn’t grow up not seeing her. “My anger would be more directed at the boy in your bed. That would piss me off the most, but work is never more important than family.”

  “It is when you’re trying to screw the boss’s niece. Get the hell up you lazy asses.”

  We both jump, causing Jeremiah to cackle loudly as he leaves the barn.

  “Shit,” I mutter. “I didn’t want him to see us.”

  Savannah pulls away quickly, scrambling to her feet. “Why not?” there’s pain in her voice. I reach for her, only for her to pull away.

  “Because he’s an ass, that’s why. He’s a freaking child, Savannah. It’s not because I don’t want him to know, it’s because of the torment we’re going to receive. Believe me, sweetheart, I’ll be shouting that you’re mine from the rooftops when we decide to make it official.”

  “What’s it going to take?”

  I pull her to me, capturing her lips with mine. “You tell me.”

  I leave her standing there with her mouth wide open. It’d be so simple to just fall into her life and be with her if she wasn’t leaving. I can’t be the one to make a decision on where we’re going. If she wants to have fun, I’ll show her a good time. If she wants to be together, I’ll be there willing and waiting for her to break my heart in the end.

  Chapter 12 – Savannah

  I rush through my homework, knowing that Aunt Sue won’t let me go out with Tyler tonight if it’s not done. It doesn’t matter that it’s Friday; rules are rules here, and they’re not meant to be broken. I know they mean well, but it’s hard to concentrate knowing that Tyler is waiting for me. He’s going to take me on a date. Well, I’m calling it a date. I don’t care that it’s not to some five-star restaurant with a maître d’ and fake accent. It’s a night with Tyler and his friends and I want to see him interact, see who he’s become. I want to learn what makes him tick and how to make him laugh. I have a feeling he’s different in front of his friends. I just hope he doesn’t put up a front while I’m there.

  My mind drifts back to the barn and how comfortable I was in his arms. My heart was racing, laying there with him on top of me. It wasn’t like before, when my mom caught me. Everything about that night was wrong. The way he touched me. The way his lips felt against my skin. I had expectations and feelings that I thought would surface, but they never did. With Tyler, my senses are heightened. I don’t have to wonder how my body will react because it knows him. How it can remember him from when I was twelve is unbelievable. I know our moms used to joke that we’d get married when we were older, but I never thought anything of it. Poppycock is what Uncle Bobby would say, but maybe they were right. What else explains my sweaty palms, my inability to breathe and the anxiousness I feel when he’s around? It’s not just when he’s standing next to me but when he’s across the pasture or standing in the kitchen. I feel his presence all the time.

  I should be scared because when you think about it, it’s creepy, having those types of reactions when you hardly know someone. My knees shouldn’t go weak when he smiles at me. I shouldn’t find myself smiling at the silliest of thoughts, things like when he brushes up against me, but that’s what I’m doing. I can hear my heartbeat over the loud roar of the tractor and not just when he’s near – it’s in anticipation of when I’ll see him. I didn’t know how today would go. I wasn’t sure if I’d see him before lunch. He made sure I did, working along the side of me until it was quitting time. For the first time since I arrived, I actually loved my job today.

  My cursor blinks at me, reminding me that I should be filling the screen with useless words that don’t mean anything to me. Homeschooling has a lot of benefits, one being if I ace this paper, I’m done with this class. Sure I’m going to miss graduation in a few weeks, but I don’t care. When my mom busted the party, they all went running. Not a single one of them stayed to help clean up or helped me to diffuse the situation. Not a single one of them spoke to me the following Monday at school, shunning me due to their own selfish reasons. They left me alone, throwing me to the sharks of high school rejection.

  The more I think about it, the happier I am that my mom sent me here. In just a few weeks I’ve remembered what it’s like to live here, breathe the cleaner air and relish in the calm that comes with living out in the country. I miss the amenities that living in the city provides, but I’m managing. It’s nice not to be tied to my phone all the time or sitting in my room surfing the web.

  I look out the large picture window that faces the driveway, the same driveway that will lead to Tyler’s house if I were to walk that way. Half of me wants to get up and start the trek, just to see what he’s doing, maybe even pretend I was just out for a leisurely stroll. He’d know I’m fooling, but that wouldn’t matter, not in my eyes.

  I let out a heavy and dramatic sigh only to hear Aunt Sue giggle from the kitchen. I should talk to her, confide in her. I know she won’t tell my mom how I’m feeling or what I’m doing, but she might tell Uncle Bobby and I don’t want him freaking out on Tyler. Uncle Bobby doesn’t need to know that Tyler was in a state of undress with me pressed up against his body alone in his house. I don’t want Tyler to get into trouble for my actions. It wouldn’t be fair.

  Aunt Sue appears with a tall glass of sweet tea and a plate of cookies. She sets them down in front of me and pulls out the chair to my right. When she sits, she sighs in a more dramatic fashion than I did a few moments earlier.

  I laugh and shake my head before taking a sip of her homemade brew. Uncle Bobby says it’s the best I’m ever going to taste. I’ll have to take his word for it. None of my friends would be caught with ice in their tea.

  “What’s on your mind, sugah?”

  “Me? I’m not the one who exhaled a year’s worth of breath when I sat down!” I wink at her, letting her know that yes, I’m in a good mood and she won’t get any sass from me.

  “Well, there’s something I want to talk
to you about.”

  “What is it?” I ask, shutting the screen on my laptop. Out of respect, I’m giving her my undivided attention. Not that the black vertical line blinking at me is going to get any of it.

  “I know I’m not your momma and I never pretend to be, but you’re here in our house, livin’ under our roof and we have rules that you’re expected to follow.”

  I’m slightly confused by what she means. I’ve done everything she and Uncle Bobby have asked of me and I’ve done my chores without too much complaining. I know I’m a pain and didn’t want to be here, but I’ve adjusted.

  “Did I do something wrong, Aunt Sue?” I change the infliction of my voice and throw in the “aunt sue” to help diffuse whatever situation is brewing.

  “Well, not so much, but I just want to have a woman-to-woman talk. Ya see, Jeremiah was flappin’ his yapper again and said somethin’ about you and Tyler… well you were…” she starts wringing her hands and I can only imagine what Jeremiah came in here and said. It makes me wonder if Tyler knows how much of a busy body that boy is. Maybe Jeremiah and I need to have a sit down about his gossiping.

  “Just spit it out so I can tell you the truth.”

  “Well, gosh darn it, Jeremiah said you and Tyler were humpin’ in the hay.”

  If my mouth had been full of sweet tea it would now be all over the table. As it is, I find it hard to form a sentence to counter what she just said. I look away, not because I’m ashamed, but to gain a tiny bit of composure. I have to give Aunt Sue credit; at least she’s not yelling like my mom or throwing breakables at my head.

  Folding my hands in front of me, I square my shoulders before answering. “Aunt Sue, Tyler and I weren’t humpin’ in the hay. We were laying there, talking.”

  “Is that boy takin’ liberties?”

  “No!” I shake my head adamantly. “I like Tyler… a lot. But we weren’t doing anything wrong out there.”

  Aunt Sue leans forward and places the palm of her hand against my forehead. I look at her like she’s crazy, but she continues to flip her hand over before doing the same on my cheeks. “Are you sick?”

  “What? No,” I answer quickly, moving away from her hand. “Why do you ask?”

  “Because not so long ago did you stand in my kitchen and throw daggers at the boy and shortly after that, you were stompin’ around muttering his name with so much malice that I thought you were going to darn near kill him for something. What’s going on?”

  I can’t help smiling and wishing that things were different when I got here. Being forced to do something against your will makes you hard and bitter and I took that out on everyone here. No one deserved it, except for maybe Jeremiah, but still. I was rude and know I have to change things fast before I ruin too much.

  “I woke up, Aunt Sue. It was the sun, the air and the birds chirping. Heck it might be Sundance because every time I go to clean her stall, she gives me a kiss. It was Tyler, being selfless and accommodating to my attitude. It was my mom, reminding me that I’m trouble and that she’s still angry, yet you and Uncle Bobby aren’t treating me like that.”

  I take a deep breath and smile. “I don’t want to be angry all the time. I know what I did was wrong and I apologized, but my mom won’t listen. I’m only here for a few months and should try to make the best of it. Am I excited for Paris? Yes, I am, but that doesn’t mean I need to make my life miserable while I’m here.”

  “Well I’ll be darned. You went and fell in love with Tyler, just like your mommas said you would.”

  My mouth drops ever so slowly. Only to be lifted back into place by her soft fingertips. “It’s okay, sugah, we’ve just been waiting for this day to come.”

  I shake my head. “Aunt Sue, I’m not in love with Tyler. Sure, I like him, but love… I don’t even know what that is. I’m too young to be in love and Tyler… he’s definitely not in love with me.”

  “Well whatever you young’uns are, you need to be careful. Don’t go lettin’ Bobby catch you with your pants down and be careful.”

  “Aunt Sue, Tyler and I were fully clothed. Jeremiah is just being a tattle that’s all.”

  She nods, but the expression on her face tells a different story. She thinks we’re having sex and that thought horrifies me. I don’t want her thinking things like that. As soon as she’s busying herself in the kitchen I hightail it out the front door. The guys are still working and I know Uncle Bobby has gone to auction, so he’s not going to see this.

  Jeremiah is driving the tractor, mowing down the hay so it can settle for the next few days before they turn it into bales. Standing in his path, I make sure I give him plenty of time to stop what he’s doing. Once the engine stops, he stands and tips his hat.

  I march over to him and beckon him down with my finger and a sweet smile that does the trick because before I know it’s he’s climbing down with a shit-eating grin on his face.

  “What’s up, darlin’? You lookin’ for someone better than ole Tyler?”

  I close my eyes and imagine the scene playing out in front of me. My hand forms into a fist and before I know it, my arm is back and moving forward at a break-neck speed, connecting with his chin.

  “What the – “

  “Oh, holy mother of – “

  “What the hell is going on?”

  Jeremiah, Tyler and I are all yelling. Jeremiah is holding his chin. I’m holding my hand against my chest, trying not to cry. Tyler is running toward us at full speed. This is not how things played out in my head.

  “Savannah, what the hell?”

  I look at Tyler with tears in my eyes and see nothing but confusion all over his face. “Tyler, he went and told Aunt Sue that you and I were humping in the damn stall.”

  “You what?” he roars at Jeremiah who is still holding his face. He doesn’t seem to care because he’s not agreeing or disagreeing, he’s just standing there.

  “What?” he shrugs. “I was just sayin’.”

  “Dammit all to hell, Jeremiah, her uncle is going to kick my ass.”

  Jeremiah spits and thankfully there’s no blood. Tyler moves over to me and pulls my hand away from my chest. He rotates my hand back and forth and wiggles my fingers.

  “Doesn’t look broken,” he mutters. “Jer, sometimes I think you’re out to get me killed.”

  “Nah, man, just laid.”

  I start to say something but he’s climbed back onto the tractor and turns it on. He wouldn’t be able to hear me if I yelled. Tyler shakes his head, takes my hand in his and walks us to the house. I’m learning really quickly that Jeremiah says what’s on his mind whether it’s correct or not.

  Chapter 13 – Tyler

  We walk back into the house. I have one hand on Savannah’s back and the other cradling her injured hand. I know what Jeremiah’s doing, it’s what he always does, creating a comedic yet drama-filled situation to gloss over his own insecurities. My only guess is he has a crush on Savannah, which I really can’t fathom because he knows how eager I was for her to get here. Yes, my feelings have changed these past few weeks, but he knows that I’m definitely into her.

  “I can’t believe you hit him,” my voice is soft, caring. Savannah leans into me, her head brushing lightly against my nose. I breathe in deeply, taking in the coconut shampoo she uses. She smells like summer and warmth. She makes my days brighter just by walking into my line of sight.

  “Well, I can’t believe he said we were doing it.”

  I chuckle lightly. It’s nice to see the slight subtle changes in her. When she got here, she was hardcore and mean. Nothing was going to penetrate her tough façade, but I did. It took some time, but it was done.

  “Would it be so bad if we were?” I close my eyes and wait for her to stiffen in my arms. I can’t believe I let my mouth get the best of me. She has to know that guys, especially me, think about her like that. She has a rocking body and the thought has crossed my mind a few times.

  “Sorry,” I shake my head. I know it’s a dumb quest
ion to ask. Hell we aren’t even a couple. We’ve just been kissin’. I haven’t taken her out on a date yet and taking her to Jeremiah’s tonight doesn’t really count. There will be a lot of people hanging around and it’s probably the least romantic thing I could do for her. Tomorrow I’m going to have to take her out, wine and dine her and show her how special I think she is.

  Savannah stops one step below me. She holds her hand out in front of her while I push her hair over her shoulder. She looks up at me and without hesitation I lean down and kiss her. I’m trying to make up for putting my foot in my mouth. I don’t want her thinking that I’m only hanging out with her to get into her pants, especially after what she told me earlier. I had a feeling that her being here had something to do with another guy. Deep down I didn’t want to know, but she’s told me and I’m not going to use that to my advantage.

  “I’m not saying it’s bad, Tyler. What I’m saying is that Jeremiah telling my Aunt is not a good thing. She wanted to have the “talk” with me and that was slightly awkward and when she used the word humpin’, I swear I turned fifteen shades of red. You should’ve been there.”

  I lean my head to the side and laugh. “Oh, sweetheart, I would’ve loved to be there when this all happened.” Shaking my head, I look into her blue eyes. “I’m sorry Jeremiah is such a dink. He’ll never learn and it doesn’t matter how many times I beat his ass. Although, since you just cold-cocked him, maybe that’s his lesson. If you don’t want to go there tonight, we can do something else.”

  “No, I want to go.”

  “Okay.” I look around quickly to see if there are any prying eyes before I lean down again and kiss her. Her lips are sweet, soft and taste like candy. They’re reminding me of our make-out session – one that I want to revisit, repeatedly. “Come on, Rocky, let’s get you some ice.” I take her hand in mine and lead her right to the kitchen where Aunt Sue gasps as soon as we walk in.