American Honey

by Heidi McLaughlin

  Pretending as if I didn’t hear or am currently boiling with anger on the inside, I follow Will’s lead as he guides us to a booth. I instantly jump in the side with my back to the famous crowd of hypocrites. Kara doesn’t bother to quiet down when we sit, nor does her table all laughing hysterically at something. I know assuming is the worst thing to do in moments like these, but it’s the only thread I have left to grasp. And it’s safe to assume they are all laughing at me.

  “What can I get you all to drink?” A voice asks.

  “I’m ready to order,” I pipe up, hoping to hurry along this pain.

  “Alright, what can I get you?”

  “I’ll take a side of sausage links and an extra large order of hash browns.”

  A little trick I learned in high school, grease and ketchup the instant hangover cure. The rest of the table orders and I don’t catch one thing they say. They could have ordered grilled alien with a side of cactus and I just smiled and nodded. Will tries to make small talk about the size of his boat engine and who he’s going to drag around first on the tube. His words are just a jumble and Tommie’s face, nodding in agreement, is just a missing piece to the puzzle.

  “Okay, sausage and hash browns.”

  “Here,” I say, signaling with my hand.

  “And our famous cinnamon roll?”

  We all look at each other in question.

  “Nobody ordered that,” Will finally speaks up.

  “Oh, that’s right. Finn ordered it for a Tess.”

  Holding my hand out automatically, then mentally kicking myself realizing it was at the mention of the name Finn that made me hold my hand out. Grabbing the plate, I mentally note the paper on the bottom of the plate, trying not to give up my poker face.

  “Shit, I totally forgot about the cinnamon rolls,” Will vocally scolds himself.

  “We can share,” I playfully tease, trying to distract the table from my actions of burying the note in my lap.

  Finn. The fucker isn’t giving up. It takes everything inside of me not to open the paper and read it. Every five seconds, I have to remind myself not to look.

  “I need to use the restroom,” I finally surrender to the note sitting in my lap.

  “Are you sick?” Will asks around a mouthful of waffle. “You always say I’m heading to the shitter.”

  “Yeah, I’m sick of watching you molest that waffle,” I automatically retort not giving him a chance to respond before I dart from the booth.

  Once safe in the bathroom, I open the piece of paper.

  Tess,

  I’m not giving up on you. I ordered you a cinnamon roll. They are my favorite, and I want to share that with you.

  Finn

  Motherfucker! I mentally berate myself. Why did I even look? Self-torture, that has to be it. Once back at the table, I first notice the cinnamon roll untouched by my hash browns. Settled back in, I dig into it and nearly experience my first foodgasm. The taste is out of this world with the perfect mixture of cinnamon, brown sugar, warm bread and frosting. It’s the frosting that makes this cinnamon roll so mind blowing.

  “Giving up on the ketchup grease theory? Knew it was fake, I’ve never seen you drunk a day in college,” Scarlett preaches.

  “It’s next. This cinnamon roll is uh-mazing.”

  “They really are. Your sister gained ten pounds the first month we lived here.”

  “Will,” Tommie screeches.

  “You know I like those extra pounds,” he says, waggling his eyebrows up and down.

  Scarlett begins to gag and Will picks up on her cue.

  “Eat and let’s go spend a day on the river,” Tommie finally blurts out.

  “Is that a blush, I spy?” I harass Tommie.

  “Eat,” she retorts back.

  Tommie, always the famous prude, some things never really do change, and she is one of them. A few minutes later the loud clatter of the largest group of the restaurant leaves. I do everything in my power not to turn and face him because I’d bet all my money, he’s following Kara like a neutered puppy.

  The door slams shut with the slight breeze flowing outside, and everything inside me relaxes for the time being. The restaurant is suddenly eerily quiet with the popular group gone.

  “You can unclench your butt cheeks there, Tess. They’re all gone.”

  “Thanks, Will,” I say with a little giggle accompanying it.

  I swear sometimes that man knows me better than my own sister.

  “Ten minutes to finish up eating and then we are hitting the river.”

  “For Christ’s sake, Will. You are not going to put a time limit on us eating. You can just kiss my ass,” Tommie replies.

  “Oh, I’ll kiss your ass and then lick your…”

  “Stop. Oh my God. Stop, now,” she squeals. “I’ll be done in eight minutes so there!”

  “Good, I’m going to pay the bill and talk to a guy about a horse,” Will announces to the table, kissing Tommie on the top of the head and heading for the bathroom.

  “A horse?” Scarlett asks.

  “It’s code for the bathroom,” I say.

  Exactly five minutes later, Will makes his way from the counter and just like good, little girls all three of us are standing by the door waiting for him.

  “Good kids,” he commends.

  Tommie gives him a slap on the ass, as he walks by and we all walk to the parking lot. My eyes are focused down on the metal parts of my leg that are gleaming in the sun. It’s such an awkward sensation, but so liberating at the same time not to care anymore. The tiny voice that is constantly begging and encouraging me to be free is whispering, “You should be proud of that metal and everything you’ve become.”

  A deep voice drags me from my thoughts. Looking up, I see Finn and Wes leaning up against their truck, which is also hooked up to a boat.

  “Hey guys,” Will says, walking over and doing the man half shake half hug to both of them.

  Tommie is standing directly behind me barricading me from turning and running. Damn her because that’s exactly what I want to do. Run and lock myself in the back of the truck.

  “Scarlett invited me to go boating with y’all today,” Wes says.

  “Yeah, no prob,” Will replies.

  In slow motion, I watch Wes grab Scarlett’s hand and head for Will’s truck. I mentally note there is only room for two in the back seat due to all the shit Tommie packed.

  “Whoa, whoa,” I finally holler, realizing exactly what’s going on.

  “You can ride with Finn, Tess,” Tommie says, as the four motherfuckers basically jog and lock themselves in the truck.

  The sheer horror plastering my face must be seriously obvious.

  “Tess, I just want a day with you,” Finn finally says, stepping closer.

  “Why,” I whisper.

  “I’ve tried reaching out to you. I know you’ve read my texts and the note this morning. I’m not leaving you alone until you give me a chance.”

  “How do you know I read your texts? Is my whole family in on this conspiracy?”

  Finn laughs really hard before he has the chance to catch his breathe.

  “No, Tess. You have the read receipts turned on on your iPhone.”

  “Oh.”

  Awkward silence fills the parking lot, which is now empty besides the two of us, and his truck and boat.

  “Why not just walk away from me? It would be a lot less painful, I can assure you that.”

  Finn takes another step closer and this time we are merely inches apart.

  “I’m stubborn and know what I want. I want a chance with you. That’s all I’m asking. You’ve been on my mind since that first night together. I only taste you, smell you and feel every single part of you on me. I just want you.”

  Finn grabs both of my hips, whirls me around and pins me up against his truck.

  “But you never called or tried to get hold of me after that night. You just showed up with Kara.”

  Finn lowers his forehe
ad to mine. “Listen, Tess.”

  “Uh. That’s Tessa to you, Finn.”

  “Listen, Tessa. I planned on finding you. I never put two and two together and my heart literally shattered when I walked into the vet clinic and spotted you. I knew how it looked and Kara. Fuck Kara! I’m not going to let her ruin this. I won’t.”

  “Ruin what? We have nothing, but one night together.”

  “Give me a week. Let me have you for a week, Tess, uh.”

  “Ass, you don’t have to be so dramatic about my name. Only my family gets to call me Tess.”

  “A week, please?”

  “What about Kara and that group. Hell, they made fun of me in public last night.”

  “I don’t care about them. I grew up with all of them in this small town. Yes, it’s true my dad and Kara’s dad have always pushed us together. It’s not going to happen. She came home all graduated from college and ready to be with me. I’ve told her no.”

  “I’m broken, Finn,” I whisper, hanging my head low.

  “I’ve seen all of you. Your leg doesn’t mean a damn thing to me.”

  “It’s more than the prosthetic. I’ve had my heart broken and life destroyed and I’m not quite sure I’m willing to put it all out there ever again for a repeat story.”

  “A week. I want a week to get to know Tess-uh and I want you to know me.”

  “First thing first, stop with the name shit. One week. That’s it. No Kara.”

  “Deal.”

  “Deal?” I ask.

  “It’s a deal because I’m not letting you back out of it.”

  “Whatever,” I say rolling my eyes and going for the passenger door.

  Immediately, I notice it’s completely piled up with coolers, life jackets and a bag.

  Pointing to the mess, I ask, “Where am I supposed to sit?”

  “In the middle,” Finn replies, as he grabs my hand and starts dragging me to the driver’s side.

  “You asshole. Where did Wes sit on the way here?”

  Finn keeps dragging me and just laughs.

  “I’m not losing one minute of this week. I came prepared.”

  “So, you are telling me that Wes sat on your lap on the drive down here?”

  “No, I’m telling you that I’ve fucking died day after day with the thought of never kissing you again.”

  Finn wastes no time after his sentence and swoops down on me. He hesitates one second, almost pulling back from his decision, and I decide to jump for it. Standing on my tippy toes, I reach up and graze his lips. They feel and taste the same they did the other night. My hands grab his long, shaggy hair, as I press harder to his lips. Finn opens up and again I jump first, gliding my tongue into his mouth. I feel his hands roaming down my back and finally settling on my ass. His grips tighten, as he pulls me towards him, eliminating all air between us. A honking horn and some catcalls finally pull me to my senses. Looking up, I see Will’s truck pulling back into the parking lot and Scarlett hanging out the back hollering her approval.

  “Get a room,” Will pipes up.

  He pulls in right next to us, and I can see the smiling faces of all four of the idiots in the truck. So obvious this was a complete setup.

  “So, everyone was in on this?” I ask.

  “Kinda,” Tommie answers.

  “Kinda, how?”

  “Well, Wes texted us the plan earlier this AM. I told them I was only leaving you alone with Finn for twenty minutes because I didn’t want anyone to get killed,” Tommie explains.

  Scarlett and Wes are smiling like fools who just won the lottery in the backseat with sweet victory plastered all over their face.

  “Don’t get too excited, it’s just a week.”

  Finn wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me into him. The sensation of him touching me is welcoming and all so inviting, but in the same instance, a slight twinge of awkwardness pulls at me, and I instantly feel uncomfortable with his hands on me in front of my family. I pull away and climb up into his truck.

  “Well, let’s go,” I say with everyone staring back at me.

  “We’ll follow you, Finn,” Will announces.

  With the engine roaring to life, Finn begins to pull out of the parking lot.

  “What was that all about?” He asks.

  “What?” I feign innocence.

  “Don’t play dumb with me, Tessa.”

  “I don’t know…”

  Finn’s phone goes off, saving me from answering him. My heart sinks a little knowing he noticed me pull away from him. It’s like my heart knows what and who it wants, but my brain is fucking everything else up for me. I notice Finn’s conversation is all about the farm, irrigation and some other shit I have no clue about. His voice is tense.

  Grabbing his hand, I stretch up and place a kiss on his cheek and then whisper, “I’m sorry, Finn.”

  “You promised a week. I want one full week of Tessa. Not the Tessa everyone thinks she should be, but the one she is. I want her.”

  “I’ll try,” I whisper.

  We pull into the dock, with Will behind us, and secretly I hope Finn and I can sneak off in his boat by ourselves. Scarlett and Wes hop out the back of the truck and look as if they’ve been a couple for years. The girl can always fit in so easily, but there’s definitely something different with her and Wes.

  “I think my brother has it bad for that girl,” Finn says, pulling me from my thoughts.

  “Well, if I was a betting woman I think Scarlett has fallen for him.”

  We both watch the two unload the truck as they set up a little camp on the shore. There are a lot of things you can dream about and wish for in life, but the one simple thing I want is Scarlett’s easy carefree attitude.

  Finn backs his boat down into the dock, hops out to unload it, and I just sit frozen wondering how this will all work out. He’s the man I’ve been dreaming about for days. His scent, his tone of voice and his eyes, have consumed all my thoughts, and now here I sit with him. He’s asked for one week with me and has demanded all of me for that week. Deep down, I want that time with him to be whomever I want and act impulsively whenever I want. I want to live life with Finn.

  The driver door opens, sending in a gush of hot air rolling over my skin, and I remember all the posters that have been plastered around town advertising the county fair.

  “Until the county fair,” I say.

  “What?” Finn asks, looking up.

  “I want to be with you until the county fair.”

  “That’s all summer,” he replies looking shocked as hell.

  “And that’s what I want.”

  I watch as Finn jumps up into the driver’s seat with a huge grin plastered on his face. His hands grab my hips and he pulls me onto him. Every single emotion possible races through me: excitement, happiness, fear, dread, shame, but most of all joy. I can sit here and worry about all my insecurities of being abandoned and self-worth or focus on my missing leg, the wreck and the color red. Yes, I can sit here and focus on all that shit or I can choose to take a chance with Finn. The man who has brought out every single emotion in me in just a few short weeks. I want the adventure.

  Grabbing both sides of his face, I let him know, “ Finn, I choose the adventure with you. Our one night together at the bar was amazing. I’ve never felt so alive. Let’s do this.”

  “Tessa, I never thought I’d hear you speak those words.”

  Bending down to touch his lips with mine, I whisper, “Don’t break my heart, Finn, it’s already been crushed too many times.”

  I don’t give Finn a chance to talk or defend himself before my lips finally touch his. They feel exactly like I remember and that’s probably because I’ve fantasized about them every night since our first kiss. His hands roam up and down my back as we kiss.

  “I want you again,” I whisper into his mouth.

  Again, I don’t wait for an answer or reply, instead I keep devouring his lips. Finn’s hands move low down to my ass and pull me in harder
on top of him, and I can feel every single inch of his want for me.

  A pounding sound on the hood draws both of our attention up. Will is pounding on the hood trying to get our attention.

  “Let’s go you two horn dogs,” he says.

  Looking to my left, trying to bury my head from embarrassment I see Kara and her gang of bitches staring at us from a distance.

  “I hate her,” I whisper.

  “What? Who?” Finn asks, trying to turn his to look.

  “Her. I fucking hate Kara. She’s not nice to me.”

  Sitting back and facing him, Finn starts to talk, “I’m very sorry for what she’s done and said to you.”

  “She can’t hurt me anymore if you stay by my side.”

  “I’m here,” Finn reassures me.

  Scarlett rips open the driver’s side door. “Let’s going.”

  Tommie and Scarlett have unloaded all the food, blankets and towels, and have created a perfect little picnic area. The three men are busy collecting some firewood and prepping the fire pit. I’m having a hard time focusing on the girls’ conversation because I can’t keep my eyes off of Finn.

  “Earth to Tessa, we want details,” Tommie demands.

  “What?”

  “Spill it, ass,” Scarlett demands, pointing towards Finn.

  “I’m giving it a chance just for the summer,” I reply.

  “My little sister has a man,” Tommie squeals.

  “Both of you stop now and I mean it,” I say, trying to sound very mean.

  “We’re just so excited for you. You’ve been like a nun for years now and I, well, quite frankly, Will and I, were a little worried about you turning into a lesbo.”

  “You’re so fucking embarrassing,” I say laying out a tablecloth. Figuring I need to contribute to the camp area.

  “He’s hot. I do approve of that,” Tommie says.

  “No shit, he’s fucking hot. I do have standards unlike Scarlett,” I say laughing.

  Before the last word leaves my mouth, I feel two hands wrap around my waist and then lips on my neck.

  “You do have good taste,” Finn whispers.

  Everything inside of me freezes with dread of unwanted attention. I mean I want his attention. I want him, but after years of closing myself off to the world, it’s hard to open up even a little bit for Finn. Willing myself not to brush him off, I find myself melting just a little back into his hold, and then I catch Kara again out the corner of my eye.