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American Honey

Page 50

by Heidi McLaughlin

“I’m not,” I say.

  “I feel your tears rolling off my stomach.”

  Touching my face, I realize Finn is right, which causes more to flow. I feel Finn sit straight up in bed and drag me up to his chest.

  “I’m sorry for waking you up.”

  “Babe, it’s three in the morning. What’s wrong?”

  Climbing up into Finn’s lap, facing him in the dark, I let go of all my fears.

  “I’m not a strong enough woman for you, Finn. I’m broken and hurt from my past. I want my parents back. I want the Tess who lived recklessly back and I’ll never get that. I’m a broken, weak person, but I do know one thing…I love you, Finn.”

  “I hate life,” Finn replies.

  I know exactly what those words mean, and that he just understood every single one of my words. With everything I have I melt into him. My need builds up for the man, reaching down between us I free him from his boxers and then grab both of his hands raising them above my head and then sink down onto Finn.

  His groan of pleasure sets me on fire, and I take the lead this time. Every time we’ve been together, Finn’s has always been the driving force. Not tonight. He tries to move his hands, but with all my might I keep them pinned to the wall above us. My hips quicken up their pace as I feel my want and desire mingle. I can feel Finn begin to buck underneath me and each time he pushes up in me, it causes me to drive closer to releasing.

  “Finn,” I scream as I let go of everything.

  I let go of past pain and memories. I let go of all my insecurities and only see me as Finn does. I let go of everything except for my love for Finn.

  Collapsing down onto him once again, he whispers, “You just wrote another chapter of our love story that I’ll never forget, Tessa.”

  “I love you, Finn. There’s something about you that I just know I have to have and be with.”

  I feel Finn pull my head up, forcing me to look into his eyes. “What’s this all about?”

  “I love fishing with you. I love spending time with you, eating lunch or riding in your truck next to you and I just don’t know if I’ll ever be strong enough to keep you forever.”

  “One day at a time, Tess. We are both afraid to death of having our hearts broken, so let’s just take it one day at a time.”

  “I can do that,” I whisper.

  I go to get out of bed to clean up, but I’m stopped by Finn.

  “What are you doing?” He asks, pulling me back down on him.

  “Going to clean up.”

  Finn’s room is above the shop not even in the same house as Jimmy’s. Thank God, because I’m pretty sure I just did more than moaning with the man.

  “I don’t think so,” he says, rolling me on top of him again.

  “Finn, are you hard again?” I ask, feeling him pressing up into my belly.

  “Nah, it’s just a semi,” he says.

  “You are insanely way too horny for your own good.”

  “I can’t help it when I’m around you.”

  “You are crazy,” I say.

  “I have an idea,” he says, bounding out of bed.

  “What?”

  “Jump on my back, baby.”

  “Finn, what are you doing?”

  “Do you trust me?” He asks.

  “When you’re sleeping,” I joke.

  I hop onto his back piggyback style, and he takes off for the door. My heart skips a beat or two as he makes his way down the steps.

  “Are you going to tell me where we are going since I’m only in my panties?”

  “We are going to clean off, country boy style.”

  Finn turns the corner at the end of the shop and heads straight for the little dock by the pond.

  “No,” I yell.

  “Shh, you’ll wake up Granddaddy.”

  “Finn, not the water. No, no, no, stop now.”

  “You’re going in, baby.”

  “No, I’m naked and it’s going to be cold and my leg. My leg,” I scramble.

  “You’re not fooling me,” he says catching onto my tactics.

  Finn’s foot hits the dock. I feel him reach back to my kneecap and slide off my prosthetic at the same moment Rocky jumps up on both of us and licks away.

  “What are you doing?” I scream in horror.

  “Tonight it’s going to be just us. Not the things that define us. You and I are going to jump in the pond as just us and when we get out it will still just be us.”

  “Rocky is going to start barking and Granddaddy will wake.”

  “So be quiet, pet my puppy and take the leap with me.”

  “Okay,” I say, as I feel my prosthetic drop to the ground.

  “Here we go,” Finn yells.

  I feel as his body takes off into a dead run down the dock. I throw my hands up in the air and enjoy the moment. Our bodies hit the ice cold water together as our limbs struggle to surface back up for air. I’ve never swum without a lifejacket since the accident. Will and Finn have pulled me around on a tube in the lake, but that was always with a lifejacket and both my girls by my side.

  I surface before Finn and panic a little trying to paddle enough to stay up. The full moon lights the entire pond, and I don’t see him or the water rippling anywhere for that fact.

  “Finn,” I holler.

  Moments later, I feel his arms wrap around my waist and feel their way up to my chest. Finn’s head comes up from the water with a huge grin on his face.

  “You scared me, asshole,” I yell.

  “You made it. We made it.”

  “We did,” I finally admit.

  “You know there’s only three more weeks until the fair.”

  “Yeah, so,” I reply.

  “We have three weeks to live it up,” he whispers into my lips.

  “I want to stay here with you and Granddaddy,” I say.

  My words shock me, but they may be the first honest words that have left my mouth in a long time. I’ve never felt as much at home and where I belong as I do with the two of them.

  “I’d love that,” he replies.

  “It’s done then, but we will have to get my crazy family to warm up to the idea.”

  “Shouldn’t be hard,” Finn says. “Since Scarlett is busy doinking my brother and Tommie and Will are trying so hard to make a baby.”

  “I like this,” I admit.

  “What?” Finn asks with a raised eyebrow.

  “You, me, this pond.”

  “Yeah, me too, but since you are moving in I’m going to have to buy you a cute little checkered apron and pitcher to make lemonade in, so you can pamper your man.”

  “I don’t fucking think so,” I say giggling.

  “C’mon, I can even buy you a little naughty maid outfit to wear at night in our room,” he finishes wiggling his eyebrows.

  “Alert the media, your semi is growing again,” I say laughing.

  Then taking Finn by surprise, I push him down in the water dunking him, but making my escape before he can grab me. I hear him sputtering and splashing behind me, but swim like hell. The feeling is liberating as I push as hard as I can with my arms and try to coordinate my legs. I reach the dock before Finn and use my arms to hoist myself out.

  “Beat ya, lover boy,” I taunt as he makes his way to the dock.

  “You play dirty, Tessa.”

  “A girl has to win somehow,” I say grabbing my prosthetic.

  “Let me do that,” Finn says hopping out.

  “Why?”

  “Because I need to,” he replies, lowering to one knee.

  “Oh my God, Finn, you lost your boxers,” I squeal, laughing hard.

  He just shoots me a devilish grin.

  “You did it on purpose, didn’t you? What if Granddaddy wakes up? You’re naked.”

  “You just better be quiet,” he says.

  I watch as Finn very carefully places my prosthetic in place. I can tell he’s nervous, and it melts my heart to know he’s so concerned with me. Once his job is done, I wa
tch as he kneels back on his knee and bends over kissing my toes, trailing kisses all the way up my leg. His action reminds me of our very first time in the closet, except we are laying down this time. No more words are exchanged as we both devour each other.

  Chapter 9

  Good News Finally

  “Tess, it’s so good to have you home for a night.”

  “My God, Tommie, you act like I’ve moved across the country.”

  “You basically have. I never see you anymore.”

  “Dumbass, I work with you every day at the clinic.”

  “It’s just not the same and you know it, but I’m super happy for you, Tessa.”

  Plopping down on the patio furniture, I take a swig of my moscato and ask, “Where’s Scarlett?”

  “Probably out humping her man like you typically are,” Tommie says sitting by me.

  “You’re really butt hurt, aren’t you?” I ask facing Tommie.

  “I just miss you little shits,” she replies.

  “Well, you have us tonight. It’s girls night, Momma,” I say using my most cheerful voice.

  “Tessa, I’m pregnant,” Tommie blurts out.

  My jaw drops and tears instantly well up. She and Will have been trying for months and months

  “Tommie,” I scream.

  “I’m so happy,” she says through her tears.

  “I’m going to be an aunt. Oh, I’m so happy. Could you imagine Daddy’s face?”

  My words cause both of us to cry harder and then we laugh at our sobbing mess.

  “Holy hell, what did I just walk into?” Scarlett asks rounding the corner.

  “We don’t have to share this bottle of wine with Tommie tonight,” I say. “She’s pregnant.”

  Scarlett freaks just as much I did with the news. The three of us have formed an unforgettable bond. After all the celebrations, we bring out the junk food and devour it sharing all of our tales from the last couple weeks. I had to tell them all about the pond experience since it’s my favorite memory of all time.

  “You bitch, you totally got the romantic one,” Scarlett says after my story.

  Tommie pulls out some peanut butter M&Ms. She knows they are a favorite on girl’s night, and really it can’t be considered girls night without them.

  “Pass them over,” I declare.

  Tommie pours half of the bag in her lap, tosses me the bag and begins telling the story of how she told Will when she found out they were expecting.

  My phone alerts me to a text before I make love to the M&Ms.

  Finn: Guy’s night blows

  Me: Girl’s night is okay-ish…but I want to be with you

  Finn: Can we come over?

  Me: YES!

  Finn: I don’t think it will be hard convincing the other men. We are like lost little puppies without our girls.

  Me: I’ll act surprised when you get here

  Finn: We are two blocks away

  I let out a snort reading his last text realizing the little shit had it all planned out before he even texted me. It only took about ten seconds before I hear his truck coming down the road. Plopping a handful of candy in my mouth, I just laugh and watch Tommie.

  “Is that…Is that Finn?” She asks in horror.

  The smell of peanut butter made my stomach roll, but I don’t think twice about it before stuffing another handful of candy in my mouth.

  “Honey, we’re home,” Wes yells.

  The three men walk into the backyard with bags full of groceries and a beer in each hand.

  “Tommie, don’t be mad. I thought we could celebrate, you know?” Will pleads.

  “Celebrate what?” Wes asks.

  Finn has a puzzled look on his face too. Us girls just look at Tommie for the answer, knowing better than to answer for her. The silence fills the backyard, and my stomach flips again causing me to gag a little. I try to hold it back the best I can waiting for Tommie’s answer.

  She finally flashes a smile. “Yes, we can celebrate that we are pregnant.”

  Will sets his bag of groceries down and runs to Tommie lifting her from ground.

  “Congrats, guys, I had no clue,” Finn says, making his way to me.

  “I just found…”

  I can’t manage to get the words out before I’m gagging and running for the bathroom.

  “Are you okay?” Finn hollers.

  I can hear his footsteps behind me, but can’t stop to answer him with the threat of vomit spilling out. I barely make it to their guest bathroom before the surging fountain of puke sails out of me. It seems to go on for minutes. Finn kneels down beside me, rubbing my back and talking to me. My head buzzes, and I see stars for a minute or two after the vomiting spell is done.

  Collapsing back onto Finn’s lap, I can finally talk, “Well, that was fun.”

  “What the fuck happened?” He asks.

  “I guess Moscato and M&Ms don’t mix.”

  “Were you sick today helping Granddaddy and didn’t tell me?”

  “No, but being out in the heat all day probably has a bit to do with it.”

  “C’mon, let’s get you some water,” Finn says, standing me up to my feet.

  “No more wine or peanut butter for me.”

  “That’s just a gross combo, Tess, maybe a beer after a bottle of water.”

  The mention of the word beer makes me audibly gag.

  “Or no beer,” he says.

  By the time we make it back outside Will has smoke roaring from the grill, Wes and Scarlett are deep in a conversation with Tommie.

  “I need to go talk to Will,” I say, looking up to Finn.

  He knows how important Will is to me. We’ve shared everything over our late night conversations in bed and runs to the pond.

  “Go,” he whispers.

  I watch as Finn joins the rest of the group. Maybe one day this will be us celebrating a huge announcement with our family.

  “Congrats,” I say approaching Will with arms wide open.

  “Tessa,” he bellows with his spatula held high. “I almost forgot what you looked like.”

  “Not you too,” I fire back.

  “We’ve missed you, but are super happy for you.”

  “I’m so happy for you two,” I say finally wrapping my arms around his chest.

  “We are super happy and passed the scary part. You know being a doctor is hell when your wife is pregnant.”

  “I bet,” I say, sitting down.

  “How’s life, kid?”

  “Perfect,” I whisper.

  “Well, don’t sound so sure about that.”

  “You know I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop,” I reply.

  Will takes a seat next to me on the stone bench. “You have to quit thinking like that, kiddo. Just live life.”

  “I’m trying.”

  “Is the food done yet?” Tommie yells.

  We all make our way to the table, dish up our food and settle in. Rocky comes bounding up to Finn and takes his faithful seat at his feet. I laugh remembering the day the poor thing got neutered and send up a silent prayer thanking God Kara never took him away from Finn.

  “So, does anyone have any funny stories?” Will asks.

  “I do,” Finn pipes up.

  “Let’s hear it,” Tommie says.

  “Don’t you dare,” I squeal.

  “Well, Tess and I have developed a bad habit of going skinny dipping after dark. The first night I lost my boxers in the pond. The next morning Rocky and Granddaddy had them sitting on the porch with them. Tessa turned around squealing to my room when she spotted them and Granddaddy just smiled.”

  The whole table roars at the story, and I even find myself laughing at the memory.

  “To many more memories as a family,” I say, raising my bottle of water.

  “To the baby,” Will says.

  “To us,” Wes adds.

  We all clink glasses and bottles and say cheers.

  Chapter 10

  Walk Me Down


  Finn is working late tonight. He texted me earlier and told me to meet him at the fair. I bought this dress special for tonight. Scarlett and I found it at a flea market. It’s a white lacy summer dress with no straps and is very short. I go all out tonight with my hair and makeup. The old Tessa smiles back to me in the mirror.

  “All because of Finn,” I whisper to my reflection.

  I’ve made my choice. I’m staying with Finn and making my roots here with him. I can’t wait to tell him everything tonight under the glow of the carnival lights and in front of everyone. Not even Kara can ruin our night.

  A knock at the door catches my attention. I’m the only one home as Will and Tommie are running a food booth at the fair, and Scarlett is serving drinks at the fair with Wes. So, this means it can only be one person, Finn.

  Opening the door, I squeal, “Finn, I thought we were meeting…”

  It’s not Finn. It’s his dad.

  “This isn’t a threat it’s a promise,” he says, handing me a thick envelope.

  I watch as he turns and walks away.

  Sitting on the bed, I open the envelope with shaky fingers. I notice the letterhead firsts. It’s from an attorney.

  Dear Ms. Tessa Jones,

  You have a choice to make and I do warn you to think very carefully before you act on this letter or go running to Finn. I’m asking you one time to leave town. I want you gone tonight without any drama or fuss, and you are never welcome back here under any circumstance. If you choose to stay the following will happen. Will will lose his practice and license to practice. Don’t ask questions, I can make things happen in this small town. Tommie will be evicted from the building she rents from me. Your choice.

  Sincerely

  Dr. Evans

  The pages go on forever. Pages and pages of documentation and proof of his power fill my hands. There are even pictures of Will and Tommie in their practices smiling and helping customers.

  Finn’s dad just made every decision there was to ever make. My dreams for the future were just shattered in the form of paper and ink. I’d never jeopardize Will or Tommie’s practices for my own selfish reasons. They’ve both worked so hard to build their careers from the ground up and who am I to take it all away when they are expecting their first child.

  I sit here and write two of the hardest notes I’ve ever had to write in my life to say goodbye to the best summer of my life. The first one is to my sister and Will and the second one is to Scarlett. I don’t share details, rather just tell them I have to leave.

 

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