American Honey

by Heidi McLaughlin

  He makes his way up and stops to look at my bra which happens to still be on. “Why is this still on? Oh wait, you’re lace panties kinda sucked me in.”

  He tries to remove the bra, but I slip from under him and straddle this time. “I don’t think so. It’s my turn now.” I tell him with a wicked grin. Normally I’m not big into giving head, I just don’t really care for it, but with Beau, I want to experience everything with him.

  I lick my lips as I pull his boxers down. His cock springs free practically begging to be sucked. I pull my hair back as I lower myself down. I lick the tip first, preparing myself and I hear him moan. Hearing him moan definitely makes me want to do this for him. If he’s moaning already, what’s he going to do when I really get started?

  I take his cock in and moan as it slides further back into my throat. I grab his cock with my free hand and begin to stroke him as I take him faster and deeper. “Fuck Shay, that feels so damn good.”

  Hearing him say that only makes me want to keep going so I suck him hard, finding that I actually don’t mind it. Maybe it’s because it’s with someone I really am beginning to care for and it isn’t seeming like a chore. I moan onto his cock and he thrusts upward. “Shay, I’m about to come. Do you swallow?”

  Oh shit, I don’t know. I’ve never really done it before, but I look into his eyes and give a slight nod. I want to do this for him. Seconds later, he’s coming in my mouth and I drink every inch of him. I lick my lips as I sit back up. He’s wearing the most devilish grin. “That was amazing. Grab a condom, I need to be inside you, now Shay.”

  I lean over and grab a condom. I take full control and roll it on him. I slide down on his cock and begin to ride him. He goes so much deeper in me this way and if I thought it felt amazing before, this is like a million times better. He thrusts up hard and fast, my orgasm is getting closer and closer. I can’t hold this back anymore.

  I try to steady myself as I fall apart. When he catches me, he smiles as he pulls me in for a kiss. He kisses me long and hard, and I think things just got a thousand times more complicated than before. More feelings are coming up and I have no idea how to deal with those. I know I’ve never really shown feelings before, for anyone, and it’s really cruel that this is happening now. When he breaks the kiss, I lay on his chest. There’s no way I can leave in a few weeks and be able to just consider this a summer fling.

  ***

  Beau cooked me breakfast this morning and it was amazing. Pancakes and bacon are definitely the way to a woman’s heart. Apparently Sienna and Rob came back home last night. I never heard them, but they came walking in right after we sat down to eat.

  Sienna sits down beside me and pops a piece of bacon into her mouth. “You know what game we should play tonight?”

  I look up at her wondering what she’s thinking. Beau and Rob are having another party tonight so we’re about to be busy making sure everything is ready. “What should we play?”

  “Blow me.” I almost began choking on my food. It almost feels like she knows that I gave Beau a blow job last night.

  “What the hell kinda game is that?” I ask after taking a sip of orange juice.

  “You place a deck of cards on top of a beer bottle and if you blow just one card off, everyone drinks. If you blow more than one off, nothing happens. But, if you blow all of them off, you have to drink and everyone sings some song.”

  “That sounds lame Sienna.” I say rolling my eyes. “Why can’t we just drink?”

  “We can. I just was suggesting it.” She smiles. “Beau, what do you think about that game?”

  He smiles leaning in to kiss me. “I’d play that with Shay any day.”

  I can feel my face flush, but I don’t care. He makes me not want to give a shit about anything. All I care about is him. “You’re being a suck up.” I whisper in his ear.

  “Can we quit saying the word suck because it’s turning me on.” He whispers back.

  I bite my lip and try to hide my grin. “Maybe if you behave today there will be a surprise for you tonight.”

  “I love surprises.” He says as he places a lingering kiss on my cheek. I suddenly can’t wait for tonight.

  Chapter 12

  “Shay, come see! You have to try this drink!” Sienna walks up slurring a little more than normal.

  I eyeball her glass and shake my head no. Whatever the hell she is drinking, has got her way more toasted than normal. “No, I’m good! I have a drink here.” I say pointing to my own glass.

  She laughs at me and shrugs her shoulders. “Oh well, more for me! Hey, Beau was looking for you.”

  I turn my head looking to see where he may be. I haven’t seen Beau in a few minutes. It sounds pathetic that I’m keeping track, but I don’t care. When I spot him, I can’t stop the smile from spreading across my face. His smile matches mine and he stops the conversation he’s in, and walks up to meet me. I can taste the whiskey on his breath as he kisses me and it’s completely intoxicating.

  I’m drunk on his kiss by the time he pulls away and I can’t help but lick my lips to taste the sweetness that lingers. I keep waiting to wake up and know this has been an amazing dream, but this is real and it’s something I’ll never be able to forget.

  “Hey beautiful, I’ve been looking for you.” He murmurs against my ear.

  “I was talking to Sienna. She wanted me to try her drink, but I don’t trust what she was drinking.”

  “Wanna go somewhere with me for a minute?” he asks. I raise my eyebrow trying to figure out what he’s up to.

  “Where are we going?” I ask.

  “Follow me.” he says grabbing my by the hand. He walks over to a four-wheeler and pats the seat. I look at the thing like it’s the last thing on earth I’d ever sit on. I’ve never been on one before, but I know Beau wouldn’t let anything happen to me. I draw in a deep breath as I reach for his hand. He helps me get on and then sits in front of me. He starts the engine and my hands immediately wrap around his waist. I clench him tightly as he slowly begins to drive off from the party.

  Beau drives with ease down the dark road. There isn’t a car to be seen anywhere and it’s sorta nice. It’s just me, Beau, and the dirt road. I can hear the crunch of the dirt below the tires. I never realized we came out that far. He pulls the four-wheeler over and parks in the grass. There are tons of trees around and if you look just far enough, you can see almost every star in the sky. It’s mesmerizingly beautiful.

  “I wanted some time with you away from everyone at the party.” He tells me. It takes a minute for my hearing to come back to normal now that the four-wheeler is off. He is sheer perfection and he knows it. Standing in the moonlight has him glowing and I can’t take my eyes off him.

  “I’m glad you did.”

  He pulls me in for a kiss, his lips still taste just as intoxicatingly sweet as they did before we left the party. I moan as he deepens the kiss. The feelings that I feel coming up for him, are trying to surface, but there is no way in hell I could ever let that happen. Letting that happen would be like signing my own death wish. It’s like committing suicide.

  “You are so damn perfect Shay. I’m so glad I got this chance with you.” He kisses down my chest.

  My breath hitches as he cups my ass pulling me closer to him. This seems so crazy to be outside like this but right now, I don’t care. I tug at his zipper and he lets out a groan. “Fuck, Shay. I need to feel you.”

  I’m glad I wore a skirt tonight and as I lower myself onto his throbbing cock, I close my eyes and see more than just the stars in the sky. I see stars of my own.

  He wore me out. I don’t know if the idea of being caught scared the shit out of me, but every thrust seemed to feel so much more pleasurable than normal. It was exhilarating and the hottest damn thing I’ve ever done in my life.

  I sit with my back to him on the four-wheeler with his arms wrapped around my waist. This is too perfect and the fact that all this is coming quickly to an end, has me feeling sad. I close my e
yes and let out a sigh. I don’t realize I did it until Beau kisses me behind my ear. “You okay?”

  “Yeah Beau, I’m good. It’s beautiful out here.”

  “You make it even better. Shay, I want to tell you something. I know this doesn’t change things, hell I wish it could, but I still can’t let this go unsaid.”

  I turn around to look at him wondering what he is trying to say. He looks nervous as hell sitting there and when our eyes lock, he runs his hands over his hair. “What is it Beau?”

  Big mouth Shay has to open her mouth about everything. It’s just me, it’s who I am and what I do. He gazes into my eyes and it hits me in the pit of my stomach. I know exactly what’s going on and I so badly want to freeze time to stop this moment, but I can’t and it’s going to forever alter everything. I’m not ready for this to happen, I’m not ready to ruin this yet. It wasn’t supposed to be ruined until I left to go back home.

  “Shay, I’m in love with you.” He says with hope in his eyes. Hope, the one thing I crush on a daily basis. I never wanted to have to do this to him. Could I love Beau Granger? I so could love him in the perfect world where we live in the same city, but to live states away? I couldn’t put myself or him through that.

  “Beau, stop.” I stammer out the best I can.

  “Shay, don’t tell me you don’t feel it too, I know you do. We can make something work I know we can.”

  “Beau, please listen to me. This wouldn’t be fair to either of us. I live in Missouri and I’m happy there. This was supposed to just be summer fun, and I don’t know what happened.” I whisper. Fuck, I love Beau Granger. Someone call the press and print this first thing, Shayleigh Dougherty has fallen in love.

  “You do feel it, I know you do. Shay, please give us a chance.” He pleads with me. He’s so damn sexy doing it and I wish I could fall at his feet and tell him everything would be more than perfect and we could do this, but we can’t.

  “Beau, I do feel it. For the first damn time in my life, I feel it. This with you,” I say pointing at him. “is the best damn thing I’ve ever experienced and I’ll never forget you, but you know this won’t work. Long distance doesn’t work.”

  He lets out a frustrated sigh. “I’ve been waiting to tell you exactly how I feel and when I finally do, you shut me down.”

  “Beau, I’m so sorry.” For the first time in my life, I am sorry. For the first time, I’m feeling like absolute shit for shutting him down. I never thought I’d have to break his heart to begin with anyway.

  “This is unbelievable.” He says as he places his head in his hands. He has no idea the guilt I’m feeling right now. This is suddenly the most awkward position I’ve ever been in and if I had magical powers, I’d make myself disappear. “You ready to go back to the party?”

  All I can do is nod my head yes. I don’t just want to go back to the party, I want to go lock myself in a room or better yet, drive back to Sienna’s.

  Chapter 13

  The ride back to the party is completely awkward. When Beau parks the four-wheeler, all he does is give me a sad look before walking away. He won’t talk to me, great. The thought to walk up and grab something to drink crosses my mind, but I want more than nothing to just get out of here. Being around here does nothing but make me want to crawl into a corner. He is so damn sexy and sweet, any girl would be lucky to have him love her. If I lived here, I would love him with everything I have inside me. I knew this was going to end in disaster and it’s all my fault.

  Sienna is dancing around having the time of her life. Her face falls when she sees mine. I didn’t realize I had begun crying until she wrapped her arms around my neck and asked if everything was alright. “Shay, what happened?”

  “He, he loves me but I, I can’t.” she squeezes me tighter not letting me go. “I just want to go back to your place.”

  She finally pulls away and looks into my eyes. “Let’s go then. Here’s my keys.” She says handing them over to me. “Let me tell Rob bye and we’re out of here.”

  This is why I love my best friend. She’s putting an end to her absolutely perfect night to take her sulking best friend back home. I climb into the car and wait for her to come get in. Of course, the only person I see walk in front of the headlights is Beau and his eyes lock with mine. He stares for a moment before he decides to walk over towards the car. Where the hell is Sienna when I need her? My eyes land on her and Rob kissing. Looks like she’ll be another minute or so.

  Beau stops in front of the window and I close my eyes as I roll the window down. “Shay, why are you leaving?”

  “This is the best thing right now Beau. After this summer, you will thank me for this.” He tries to speak but I continue, “I think it’s best if maybe we don’t see each other for the rest of the time I’m down here. It’ll only make things harder.”

  He stomps his foot on the gravel and lets out another sigh. “Shay, stop please. I can’t not see you for the rest of the summer. I won’t say anything else about it, I swear. Just please don’t go.”

  Sienna comes walking up, finally and sits in the passenger seat. “You ready Shay? I’m tired.”

  She’s nowhere near tired, but faked a yawn and I give Beau a sympathetic look. “I’ll catch you later Beau.” Before he can say anything else, I drive away.

  ***

  The next morning, Sienna is sitting bright eyed and bushy tailed at the table drinking a cup of coffee. I didn’t sleep worth a shit. Me breaking Beau’s heart meant Beau getting drunk and texting my phone all night long. He doesn’t see that what I did was for the best. I wanted to answer his texts, but I can’t. This summer with him has been far more amazing than I could have ever dreamed. I want to stay and finish the rest of my time here, but it suddenly seems impossible.

  “Good morning gorgeous.” She smiles at me.

  “Hey,” I mutter back.

  “How’d you sleep?”

  “Like shit. Beau blew my phone up all night long.”

  “I didn’t know he was going to do that to you. I had no clue how he felt.” She says sympathetically.

  “I had a feeling Sienna. I had that feeling because I felt it too, but it would never work. I tried to tell him that.”

  “I’m so sorry Shay. What do you say we just hang out here the rest of the summer?” she offers. Her offer is sweet and sounds amazing but deep down, I know what I have to do. It’s time to go home.

  “That sounds great Sienna, but I think it’s time for me to leave. I know this is sooner than planned, and I’m sorry, but I have a lot of stuff to do before the semester.” She begins pouting and I give her a half smile. “I’m so sorry, please don’t be mad at me.”

  “Fine, I understand. Are you going to tell Beau you’re leaving?” she asks.

  I shake my head no firmly. “No, I’m just going to leave.”

  “This sucks.” She says. “I finally got you here and it’s time for you to go.”

  “I know, this has been the best summer ever. I’m so glad you asked me to come down.”

  “When are you heading home?”

  I close my eyes and draw in a deep breath This decision isn’t an easy one and if I thought my heart was hurting before, it’s damn near broken right now. “Today. I’m about to pack my stuff and leave before he can realize I’m gone.”

  I turn to walk back towards the room that I’ve stayed in all summer. I grab my suitcase from the closet and begin to pack everything I brought back inside. I see the black lace bra and can’t help but feel the swarm of butterflies that invade. I push them back as I continue packing. Once I’m sure I have everything, I double check and look up to see Sienna standing in the doorway.

  “I wish you weren’t going. We should still have a few weeks left.”

  “I know. This is going to help keep things from being awkward. I’m sure he’ll move on with his life soon anyway, I mean he is God.” I say with a forced smile. Truth is, I hope he never forgets about me and I hope he has hell moving on because I know I will.
Beau Granger is forever etched into my heart, body and soul.

  I grab my suitcase by the handle and drag it towards the door. Sienna follows and opens the front door for me. The morning heat hits my face and I have to squint to see. The sun is so damn bright. I pop the trunk and set the suitcase where it sat right before I ever got here. I turn to face Sienna and she has silent tears running down her face.

  “I’m so glad you came to see me Shay. Next time, I’m coming to see you. We’re going to keep this up, do you hear me?”

  I pull her in for a hug, holding her tightly. “Yeah, we are keeping this up. I’m not going that long without seeing you ever again. Tell him I’m sorry, will you?” I ask her.

  “You know I will. I love you Shay.”

  “I love you too, Sienna. Thank you for everything this summer.”

  “Let me know when you get home?”

  “You know it. I have a long drive, so I better get on the road now.” I tell her wishing it wasn’t true.

  We finally break the hug and I know if I don’t get into the car now, I won’t be leaving today. As I sit inside my car, I wave to Sienna and blow her a kiss. I’m going to miss the hell out of her, I know it already.

  I back out of the driveway and begin the long drive home. This time, I’m consumed with thoughts of Beau and the memories we made over this short period of time. Three hours up the road, there are no messages from Beau. I think he’s finally understanding this is for the best. I grab my phone and call Dad. I haven’t heard from him in a while and now I can’t wait to see him. He’s shocked when I tell him that I’m on my way home. He doesn’t ask questions and I don’t say anything. I just tell him I’ll see him when I get home. Home, that is the only place I want to be now.

  Chapter 14

  A year has passed since that summer. Sienna told me Beau was pissed when he found out that I left without saying anything to him. I don’t blame him. I would have been pissed too. He was so pissed, I haven’t heard a single thing from him. It hurts like hell to not hear from him, but I expected this. I knew when I shut him down, this would happen. It’s never hurt like this, but then I’ve never loved anyone like I love Beau Granger. He consumes my thoughts, every minute of every day. I don’t know that I’ll ever get him out of my mind, but dammit, I don’t regret a single moment I spent down in Louisiana.