Blocked

by Lisa N. Paul

  “Ford Marcus Brand,” Robyn snapped, “you know I have no problem with language as long at my granddaughter isn’t in the room, but that word? Ick. It’s offensive. Don’t forget, I’m still your mother, and punishment can still be dealt.”

  Ford looked cocksure, as if there was nothing his mother could do at his age that would hurt.

  “I made pecan pie for after dinner. Use that word again, and you’ll not have even a sliver.”

  His bottom lip curled downward, “Sorry, Mom.”

  “Hmm.” Decker mussed his brother’s perfectly styled hair. “Your knowledge of chicks truly is amazing.”

  Ford flipped him the finger, and their mom flicked Ford with the spatula. The three of them howled with laughter. For Decker, it was the first time in two weeks he’d even cracked a genuine smile, and it felt great. His brother was right; there was no way he was giving up on April, not yet. He couldn’t let her go without one hell of a fight, and in the end, if she really was done with him, then he’d respect her wishes.

  * * *

  WITH HER SATCHEL on her desk, April glared at the pile of term papers she’d collected throughout the course of the day. “I’ll never learn,” she muttered under her breath as she began to shove the reports in her bag.

  Each year she swore to her colleagues that she would never give out long assignments again, because while it forced the students to use the skills they’d learned during the year, grading them became a nightmare for her. Not to mention she liked to get the grades back to the students as soon as possible, which meant sending Eli to her sister’s for the weekend. It just so happened that her poor planning had the papers due the Thursday before Memorial weekend, so she would work around the clock for the first half of the holiday then spend the second half with her little boy and her family. Eli didn’t mind because Ember belonged to a pool club, but just the thought of working Friday night and all day Saturday had her thumping her head against the hard wood desk.

  “Ah, there’s the pleasant April Maddox I know and love.” Rori put her hands in front of April’s forehead, protecting it from further blunt force trauma. “Couldn’t help yourself, huh? Had to go and give the annual tight-ass term paper?” Rori crouched down and looked April square in the eyes. “You know you’re doing this to yourself, right?”

  “What exactly am I doing now, Ror?” April sighed. “I give this assignment every year, and I hate it every year. But I think it’s important so—”

  “Do. Not. Play. Dumb with me, chica. It isn’t a good look for you.” Her friend stood up and grabbed a chair from one of the pupil’s desks, brought it next to April’s, and planted herself down. “Do you know what I love about you?”

  “My hair?” April deadpanned.

  As if she hadn’t responded at all, Rori continued to talk. “I love your strength. I love your ability to pick yourself up and move the fuck on. You don’t just limp, you soar, and it’s amazing to watch. Hell, April, it’s inspiring.” Rori’s eyes flared with admiration. “When that shithead you were married to ripped your life apart, you grieved and then you mended. You’re an amazing mother and a wonderful friend…”

  “But?” April questioned uneasily.

  Rori sucked in a breath. “But that strength has, in some ways, become your weakness. You wear your tenacity like armor, making it practically impossible for people to get through. April, you’ve mended, yes, but you haven’t healed. And that, my sweet friend, is what will bring you down. Sometimes moving on means allowing yourself to actually let go of the hurt from the past. Because holding on to it will block you from finding the happiness you truly do deserve.”

  The scrape of Rori’s chair on the linoleum floor jarred April from her silent state. “I didn’t force him to leave me.” She wasn’t sure if Rori had heard her whispered comment when, after a few seconds, there was no response.

  “Who?” Rori finally snapped.

  “Either of them.” April’s voice was loud but shaky. “They both chose to leave on their own. And I refuse to beg anyone to stay with me, Rori. They want out?” She pointed toward the hallway of the empty school building. “There’s the fucking door.”

  Shaking her head, her eyes filled with what looked like sadness instead of anger. Rori placed both palms on April’s desk. “That, that right there is what I’m talking about. Listen to yourself. Ben was a cheating, lying asshole, April, and by the sounds of it, he always was. Compare that to Decker. The man made a shitty choice, one bad move in a litany of great ones. Someone finally manages to get past your protective wall, they make a mistake, and you kick them out forever. You kicked him out after he apologized. You. Not him. He came back begging.” She pushed off the desk, spun on her heel, and headed for the door. April watched as Rori pivoted just before she exited the room. “Wow, chica, it must be really hard dealing with such flawed people when you’re so perfect yourself.”

  At a complete loss for words, April stood there blinking as her friend left her and the building behind. As if talking about him summoned him, April’s cell phone lit up with a text message indicator. While it wasn’t the first time he’d attempted contact in the past couple of weeks, seeing Decker’s name on the screen in that moment sent butterflies soaring through her belly, but her feelings still felt jumbled. She missed him, that much she was sure of, but was she ready to put aside her fears to let him back in? Was Rori right? Did she hold people to an impossible standard only to toss them away when they failed to meet her bar? She hadn’t always been so cynical, but naiveté had gotten her burned.

  Decker: Let’s talk

  She needed to sort things out in her own head before adding him, his tender voice, his soft touch, and his playful sense of humor back to the equation. She deleted the text, grabbed her bags, and headed to pick up Eli.

  “Mommy, when are Uncle Gust and Aunt Member coming to get me?” Eli scooted off the oversized, upholstered armchair that faced the large window and shuffled over to April.

  “Any minute, sweetie,” April replied, her eyes focused on the first term paper in the stack.

  “Are you sure you can’t come with us for ice cream? It’ll be fun.”

  Ugh, she hated missing out on family time, but it was Thursday night. She figured if she made even a small dent in her grading, she’d be able to join her family for dinner on Sunday instead of picking Eli up from her sister’s afterward. She looked into her son’s big innocent eyes. “Not this time, honey, but definitely next time.” She forced a smile before returning to the paper in front of her.

  “Mommy, are you okay?”

  She recognized the wariness in her son’s voice, and immediately the work she was doing was forgotten as she pushed her chair away from the table and lifted Eli to her lap. “Sure, baby, why?”

  While they had had a simple chat regarding the absence of Decker and Charlie—namely that everyone was busy and there wasn’t time to see each other—April had done her best to change the subject every time Elijah mentioned them.

  “Your face isn’t happy again.” He touched her cheeks with his tiny hands.

  “Again?”

  “Uh huh.” He nodded short quick nods. “Before, you didn’t smile with your whites, and then you did!” Her little boy’s eyes grew large at whatever memory sparked in his mind. “When Charlie and D-man came around, you showed your whites and your dents. You look pretty when you smile, Mommy.”

  “I’m smiling right now, Eli.” April’s stomach knotted at the realization that her four-year-old son had noticed the change in her demeanor.

  “No whites and no dents, Mommy. I miss seeing them, so maybe you guys could get un-busy soon, okay?”

  “We’re here!” Ember called as she and August entered the house. “Who’s coming for ice cream?”

  “Me,” Eli chanted as he hopped off April’s lap and ran to his aunt and uncle.

  April waved off August’s concerned glance and called out her request for a cup of mint chocolate chip ice cream for when they returned.

>   Sitting alone in her house, trying her hardest to concentrate on the students’ reports, her silent thoughts became stifling. They sucked the air from around her until finally she had no choice but to pay them the attention they sought. The past two weeks tumbled through her mind—no, the past few months danced through her memories. While her friends and family members were incredible and supportive, right down to the verbal ass-kicking Rori had given her earlier that day—it was Elijah’s simplistic view that finally ripped the blinders off her stubborn eyes.

  She’d spent four years protecting her child from people she thought would hurt him, leave him, or make him feel unloved; but in the end, it was she who’d removed affection and love from his life, and it was she who’d removed it from hers. Eli was right. Decker made her smile, a real smile, one that she felt clear to her bones. While he had screwed up, there was no doubting the agony she’d seen in his eyes when he came to her. He wasn’t Ben. He’d learned from his mistakes. Now she needed to prove that she could learn from hers.

  But how... how was she going to do it?

  Pacing the floors, her mind reeling with decisions, she was startled when the front door opened. “God, that took you no time at all.” She swooped Eli into her arms and pressed her face into the top of his head. “Mmm, you smell like waffle cones.”

  “Tiny, we were gone for two hours.” August arched his brow. “You okay?”

  Inhaling deeply, April thought for a moment before looking at both of her siblings. “I think I will be”—she smiled—“I really do. Now, let’s get Mr. Waffle Cone bathed and ready for bed. Ember, you’re still good to have him for the weekend, right?”

  “Oh, we have big plans, don’t we, E?”

  With a loud yawn and a wide smile, Eli reached out, gave kisses to his aunt and uncle, and wrapped his arms around April.

  “How about if we wait down here so we can chat after he goes to sleep?” Standing with his muscled arms crossed over his chest, August’s presence would intimidate most people, but not April.

  “I promise I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Let me marinate on my thoughts overnight, and I’ll run them past you guys first thing.”

  “Ahh, look at that, Aug. See that smile?” Ember pointed. “There’s some good stuff rolling around in that brain of hers.”

  “I know,” her brother agreed. “That’s why I’m scared to leave her alone.” He cocked his head to the side, staring as if trying to figure out a puzzle. “Do you have any clue how eff’d up this whole thing could get by morning?”

  “Guys,” April hissed, not wanting to startle Eli, who was fading fast in her arms, “stop talking about me like I’m some mental patient in need of a rubber room.”

  “Well…” August chuckled. “If the straitjacket fits…”

  April’s eyes narrowed, but she felt no anger toward her siblings as the three of them quietly laughed at her expense. “Good night, you two, and thanks for taking this little guy out. While I didn’t get much grading done, I actually got a lot accomplished.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Wonderful and Fabulous. Feel better? Egos stroked?

  “GET UP, SLEEPYHEAD. The car’s all packed up and ready to go.” Decker smiled as he swept away the long tangled hair from Charlie’s sweet face and pressed a soft kiss on her sleep-warmed cheek.

  She groaned, pulling her blanket over her head.

  He couldn’t blame her. Hell, the sun had barely risen. “You remember what today is, right?”

  As if he’d whispered magic words, Charlie popped up and squealed with delight. “Yes! I forgot for a minute, but now I remember. I can’t wait to ride the new waterslide, Daddy. It’s gonna be so much fun.”

  His daughter’s enthusiasm was the only reason why he hadn’t postponed the trip in favor of pounding on April’s door, forcing her to see how right they were together, and seeing the radiant smile on her face reaffirm he’d made the right decision. It wasn’t that Charlie would always come first, leaving the woman he loved doomed to a life of second place. It just meant that turns would be taken, choices would be made, and he knew of all people, April understood exactly what that meant.

  “All right then, baby doll, go brush your teeth, get dressed, and meet me in the kitchen for a quick breakfast. I’d like to get on the road soon so we can get the entire day in at the park.”

  His daughter treated him to another brilliant smile before hopping out of her bed.

  The cooler on the island was filled with snacks and drinks, in case traffic got heavy, and Charlie’s electronic devices were charged and packed in a duffle bag. Yep, he had everything under control. The only thing missing were the two people he’d hoped would be joining them on this year’s adventure. His eyes roamed once again over the text icon, and disappointment jabbed his gut. He’d hoped she would respond to his text from the previous evening. According to information his mom gave him, it seemed as though April wasn’t faring much better than him. Robyn had told him that April’s mom had said April had been unhappy, moody, and sad since their breakup. Something had to give.

  His heart thundered when the phone resting in his hand vibrated, but when the screen showed it wasn’t April calling, the desire to answer nearly left. “Hey, Mom.”

  “Decker, the excitement in your greeting makes a mother feel so loved,” Robyn teased. “Anyway, honey, I know you’re going to be unavailable for the rest of the weekend, so I just wanted to tell you and Charlie-bear to have a great time.”

  “Oh, thanks, Mom. We will. She loves this weekend.”

  “No, baby, you both love this weekend. I promise, things will work out the way they’re meant to with April, so enjoy the time you have with your little girl, because before you know it, she’ll be a grown-up, and these days will be nothing but a memory.”

  His mother’s words didn’t fall on deaf ears. He heard what she said, as well as what she didn’t say. After all, one never knew how much time they had with their loved ones. Decker made sure his mother had the phone number of the resort he was staying at just in case of an emergency, then they disconnected their call. He and his daughter had some waterslides to conquer, but first they had to navigate the drive.

  * * *

  DISCOURAGED, APRIL CHECKED her phone again only to see that Decker hadn’t returned the text she’d sent him during her lunch break. After a restless night, April had dropped Eli off at day care then three-way-called Ember and August on her way to work. While they both seemed satisfied that she had finally pulled her head out of her ass—their words, not hers—they weren’t comfortable with her waiting the entire day to contact Decker.

  “Haven’t you waited long enough?” Ember whined.

  “Games are for children, April,” August grunted. “You don’t play well, and you lose even worse. Call him now.”

  April pressed her lips together. The taste of the lime balm, Decker’s favorite and the one she’d avoided using since they broke up, sent flutters through her belly. “I’m not playing a game, guys. I just know that if I call him now, he’ll want to see me… now.” Just the thought of breathing his same air had her heart thumping and her panties dampening. “And we both have a long day ahead of us. I’ll text him later and set something up.” Excitement poured out of her as she explained what she was going to say to Decker once she got him face to face.

  Elation must have beamed from her face, because the moment she entered the teachers’ lounge, both Rori and Janie stared at her with slack jaws and curious expressions.

  “Uhh, graded a really great paper last night, did ya?” Janie teased.

  April’s lips curved up as her eyes went from Janie to Rori. “No, not quite.” The singsong response only further flummoxed her friends as she lowered her bags to the empty chair and floated over to the only other people standing in the room. “Just so happens I have a best friend who gets pleasure out of punting my ass back onto the Yellow Brick Road when I go too far astray and a kid who’s too wise for his age.”

  “So wait,”
Rori interrupted, “am I the good guy in this Wizard of Oz reference or the bad guy?”

  Janie snickered. “Get your panties out of their twist, Ror. It sounded like you were Glinda or maybe a munchkin, but no way were you the nasty green bitch or a flying monkey. Right, April?”

  April looked from one friend to the next and blinked… twice. “Are the two of you fucking crazy? Yes, Rori, you’re goddamn Glinda. But that has nothing to do with anything, so keep up!”

  Rori first filled Janie in on the mini-intervention she’d had with April the day before, only to learn that Janie had been gearing up to stage one of her own.

  “I, however, would have included you in my ‘Save April’ mission.” Janie aimed her death glare directly at Rori.

  “I’m sorry, Janie.” Rori’s choked apology came through a tight smile. “There was no time to contact you. Our girl here was talking to herself while slamming her head on her desk. Had I let it go on for too much longer, she’d have turned out like Sloth from the Goonies movie.” Rori shrugged. “Then we’d have a whole different set of issues to deal with.”

  “Ladies,” April barked, “you’re both wonderful and fabulous. Feel better? Egos stroked?” It felt as if it had been ages since the three of them goofed around in such a carefree way, and she hated to end it, but the lounge had begun to fill, meaning the first bell wasn’t far behind.

  Quickly April explained how even though she’d been missing Decker like crazy, it was Rori’s tough love that got her thinking about her own imperfections and Elijah’s words that made her realize that she wasn’t just giving up a man but her own happiness, as well as that of her son.

  “I want him back,” April repeated the words she’d said to her siblings.

  “Why?” Rori asked, not a trace of humor in her tone.

  “Because I need him in my life. Because Eli adores him and because we make sense.”

  Janie closed her eyes. “It’s not enough, honey. You know that. That night, before he left, he came to you with his heart. What are you willing to give him in return?”