Blocked

by Lisa N. Paul

  April knew what her friend was asking. Was she able to give him everything?

  “April”—Rori’s stare was loving but not gentle—“if he came to you now offering anything less than everything, I’d ruin him.” Rori stepped close to April and tapped her fingers on the left side of April’s chest. “Make sure you possess what he needs before you take this thing any further. You’ve both been hurt enough.”

  April knew damn well what she had to offer, but as much as she cared for her friends, the first time she admitted those feelings for Decker would be to the man himself. So instead, she nodded solemnly and grabbed her bags as the first bell rang.

  April: Hi

  April: You’re right, we do need to talk. Can we do it today?

  April: … I miss you.

  There was no way she could wait until the end of the day to contact him. She was surprised she even made it until lunch. The glow that poured from within her faded with each hour that the texts went unanswered, and by the time she was at her sister’s house with Eli and his weekend bag in hand, her nerves had practically gnawed through her stomach lining.

  “Call him,” Ember insisted. “Maybe he’s waiting to hear your voice.”

  Once she arrived home, she grabbed a glass of wine and a blanket from the sofa, wrapped the blanket tightly around her curled up form, and nestled into the chair that had recently found its way back to the small front porch after spending the winter hibernating in the garage. The sun was just dipping into the horizon, highlighting the clouds in a pink glow and painting the sky purple, when she dialed Decker’s number.

  She left a message explaining that she was ready to talk, ready to work things out, and ready to let go of the things that had held her back before. “Please call me back.” She tried to keep the desperation out of her tone, but somehow, she felt she failed in that mission.

  After several ineffective attempts at grading term papers, another glass of wine, and the realization that more than just a couple of hours had passed since her call to Decker, April gazed out at the dark sky, taking in the crescent moon, and wondered if possibly she’d actually blown her chance at happiness.

  “Tiny, why would you listen to Ember’s advice when it comes to men?” The disgusted humor coming from the phone was exactly the reason she called her brother.

  “Because I knew you’d tell me to go over to his place naked, August, and that wasn’t the advice I was looking for.”

  Silence met her ear before her brother spoke. “The whole concept makes me nauseous, April, you know that, right? You’re my baby sister, for Christ’s sake. I don’t wanna picture you naked. However, you called me now, which means you want my opinion, so here it is. Decker isn’t waiting to hear your damned voice, he needs a grand gesture.” August huffed. “Go over to his place with a bottle of his favorite drink, in some skimpy lingerie, and show him just how much you’ve missed him.”

  “Oh, really? That is so cliché, August!” Even as she criticized the words, she rummaged through her cabinet, looking for the vodka she knew Decker favored.

  “It’s cliché for a reason, little sis.” August’s smile could be heard through the phone. “It works. Women always over think and overanalyze, but you and November aren’t too far off when you make fun of us men. We’re simple creatures. With fine drink and great sex, in either order, we’re as happy as kings. So go polish his scepter… err… okay, that was too far, even for me. I need to go puke.”

  If her brother didn’t sound as if he was ready to lose his dinner, she would have ribbed him for suggesting such lewd actions. However, hearing someone vomit was one of the things that she hated most in the world. So instead she changed the subject. “Hey, it’s Friday night. Why are you even home talking to me?”

  “It’s the twenty-first century, little girl. Who says I’m home? Now, go crown your king… yeah”—he gagged—“still no good. Let’s just drop the whole royalty reference, shall we?”

  They rang off, and April brought her things inside, took a quick shower, and readied herself to go to Decker’s. It was about ten o’clock when she was ready to leave her house, and while she adored Charlie, she hoped the little girl would be asleep. If not, April’s clothing was child friendly, but what was underneath wasn’t for public consumption. A tingle ran up her spine. Hopefully there would be a lot of consuming done once she and Decker had talked through their issues.

  Pulling in a fortifying breath, April opened her front door. Standing there with one hand up, fisted as if ready to knock, was… Becky Spears.

  “And the flying monkeys have arrived,” April mumbled as the breath quickly left her lungs.

  Gripping the solid door frame tightly, her legs trembled as she stared into the eyes of woman who had slept with her husband. The woman who had shamelessly taken something that didn’t belong to her without care, without remorse, and judging by the run-in only a few weeks before, without regret.

  April breathed in slowly. The shock of Becky’s presence washed over her, and once it was gone, she was able to register the true being who stood at her doorstep. Becky’s normally coiffed hair and pristinely applied makeup was a disaster. Black lines of mascara traveled down her cheeks like a river cutting through caked-on cosmetics, leaving banks of blush and foundation on each side.

  Standing tall and steady, April stared at her nemesis. “What the hell do you want?”

  “April,” Becky sobbed, using the back of her hand to wipe at the tears, causing even more of a makeup malfunction. “It’s Ben…”

  Had he died? While she hated the man, he was her son’s biological father, and she’d spent years loving him… she quickly searched deep inside herself and realized that she’d already grieved the loss of Ben Spears the man. If he died, she would only grieve the passing of a young person. “Becky, say what you need to say and then leave.” April tapped her nails on the door frame. “I don’t have all night.”

  Sniffling, Becky rubbed her open hand across her rounded belly and looked over April’s shoulder into her home. “Um, can I-I have a tissue, please?”

  Narrowing her eyes, April stood quietly for a second, suspicious of Becky’s every movement, of her mere existence. What does she want at my house now?

  “Sure.” April shut the front door, leaving her uninvited guest on the opposite side, and grabbed a couple of paper towels from the kitchen. No soft tissues for that homewrecking whore. I don’t care what her problem is. She opened the door and handed the rough paper to Becky.

  “Thank you.” She muffled blowing her nose into the first towel and wiped her face with the second. She blanched when she saw the remnants left on the paper. “I must look like a horrible mess.”

  Was she kidding? Did she expect April to soothe her feelings and play nice? “Becky. Why. Are. You. Here?”

  “April, do you think I can come in? I really need to talk to you.”

  “No.” April finally reached the end of her line. Her patience was gone, the time was slipping away, and she needed to get to Decker’s house. “You cannot come in my house. It’s mine. I know you have difficulty understanding that everything is not yours for the taking, what with my husband being so easily snatched up, but this is my property, my life, and here, you are not wanted, so—”

  “Ben left me, April.” Tears once again streamed down Becky’s blotchy face as her body was wracked with hysterical sobs. “He’s been cheating on me for months with his secretary. How fucking… cliché.”

  The world stopped spinning as April listened to the words that poured from Becky’s mouth. He’d told her she was too cold, too independent, that she’d gained too much weight, but it wasn’t until Becky stated Ben’s final excuse for leaving that April, once and for all, absolved herself of any blame in the ultimate demise of her marriage to Ben.

  “He… he told me that he still wasn’t ready to be a father. That maybe he never would be.”

  April hadn’t realized that during Becky’s revelation, they’d both inched toward the porch
, but now she was grateful they had, because the iron seat that she’d vacated hours earlier was the perfect spot for her to land on when her knees all but gave out. Becky sat down on the second chair opposite the tiny metal-and-glass table.

  “Wow.” Her mind was so overloaded, and words were lodged without a means for escape.

  “April, I just told you that my husband left me. He’s fucking the chippie who works in our office, I’m close to eight months pregnant, and he wants nothing to do with our baby. What should I do? Please, you’ve gotta give me something more than, ‘wow’.”

  April’s eyes sprang open as her jaw dropped wide. “You’re kidding, right?” Word blockage no longer an issue, she sucked in a deep cleansing breath to settle the rage boiling within and leaned toward her ex-husband’s wife. “I don’t gotta give you anything.” She kept her tone low, her temper reined in. Because the truth was, Becky didn’t even deserve her emotions. “I’m not exactly sure why you decided to come to my home when your husband left”—Becky opened her mouth, but April lifted her hand to stop the response—“because we are not friends. We are not allies. We are not sisters scorned. You did something horrendous; you carried on an affair with a married man. No, you weren’t the one cheating, Becky, he was, but you lacked conscience and morals and values. I was nine months pregnant, and you didn’t care. Where in the hell was your sense of sisterhood back then? In fact, I still don’t know why you came to me at all. Go to your friends, you mother, hell, go to your damn priest.”

  “April, I’m sor—”

  “Nooo.” April shook her head slowly. “I’m not finished. I had my baby more than four years ago. Where were you? Were you on the sidelines coaxing your husband into seeing his son? Were you urging him to have a relationship with his firstborn?” April’s brows snapped together in mock confusion. “I can’t remember, did you? I do, however, recall perfectly the night you had the audacity to strut your marriage and your baby in front of me. You told me that child in your belly would be Ben’s firstborn because my son was a mistake.” April snorted. “Good times, huh?”

  “I’m sorry, April. I really am,” Becky pleaded. “I didn’t realize—”

  April released a humorless laugh. “What didn’t you realize? That the same damn thing could happen to you? Or that it would happen to you? See, that’s the problem, Becky. If we were friends, way back when, I would have warned you that a man who cheats with you will have no problem cheating on you.” April sighed. “But we weren’t friends then, and we aren’t friends now. Our sons may be half brothers”—April saw the same awe in Becky’s eyes at the revelation as she’d felt when she first saw the expectant couple in the restaurant weeks before—“but that still doesn’t make us friends. Maybe one day our boys will meet. Who knows, Ben may have left a trail of fatherless children by then.” Her heart clenched at the thought of so many little kids wondering where their daddy was and why he’d gone away. She rose from the chair and headed back toward the entrance of her house.

  “Oh my God.” Becky gasped through her hands. “I never even thought about the fact that my baby already has a big brother.”

  White-hot fury burned through April’s chest. “Hasn’t that always been your problem? You’ve never thought of anyone but yourself. Go away, Becky.”

  Defeat, while clear in Becky’s blue eyes, didn’t stop her from calling out to April’s retreating form, “April, I just need to know one thing, and then I promise I’ll leave you be.”

  April gazed over at a very pregnant Becky, who stood with her hands wrapped around her belly as if she intended to protect her unborn baby against any battle they may face. Regardless of their warped past, April respected the determination she saw in the other woman’s eyes. “Go on, ask.”

  “How did you do it? How did you move on and take care of your son and yourself on your own? You asked for nothing from that bastard, but look at you.” Becky gestured toward the house. “You have it all.”

  Almost, April thought, almost. “That little guy you’ve already fallen in love with?” April pointed at Becky’s stomach. “That’s how you do it. You figure your shit out and fast, because your baby didn’t ask to be born. He only asks to be loved.” She saw a fresh round of tears begin to form in Becky’s eyes.

  “I’m not like you, April. Ben isn’t getting out of this without paying child support. This is his baby, goddamn it.”

  April had no doubt Becky would make Ben pay, and part of her was glad. That son of a bitch needed to accept responsibility for his actions. “Good-bye, Becky,” April called over her shoulder as she walked into her house and closed the door.

  Sinking into the oversized armchair, April pulled the blanket over her chilled body. The second Becky’s taillights disappeared into the night, adrenaline seeped from April’s body, releasing an emotional outpouring that no amount of ice cream would be able to pacify. She needed comfort and support, not because she felt weak but because she finally felt strong. Becky’s visit, while disturbing, had given her the closure she’d unknowingly waited four years for. April had already known she was in love with Decker before Becky knocked on her door that night, but now armed with the knowledge that her ex-husband was a runner—it wasn’t her, it was him—the last piece of her protective shell crumbled away, leaving her wide open, vulnerable, and ready to finally give all of herself to the one man who truly deserved it.

  The problem—it was after midnight, her face, post-crying jag, most likely didn’t look much better than Becky’s, and Decker still hadn’t returned her call. Wiping away the last of her tears, April plucked her phone from her jacket pocket and made one last attempt at contact.

  “Decker, it’s me,” she informed the voice mail, “I’m not giving up on us. This time I made the mistake, and I’m sorry. Please, big guy, call me back.”

  Still snuggled in her favorite blanket, April climbed the stairs and got into bed. Still dressed in her comfy clothes with the sexy lingerie underneath, she drifted into a dreamless sleep.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  The Young and the Crazy

  BARELY THERE LIGHT forced its way through April’s window as the thick grayish clouds held the sun captive behind them. Rainstorms and thoughts of Becky’s visit had awakened her several times during the night, and musings of Decker had kept her from effortlessly falling back to sleep.

  She grabbed for her phone and called her sister, knowing full well that neither Ember nor Eli would be asleep at eight in the morning on a Saturday. Once she’d spoken to both of them and filled Ember in on her surprise visitor, which left her sister in a speechless state of shock—speechless because April quickly reminded her that Elijah was in the house and all language needed to be G-rated—she hung up and tried calling Decker once again. When the voice mail kicked in, she hung up.

  “‘Leave a message?’ What in the motherfuck!” She screamed to the empty room. “Okay, I get it, I hurt him. But I got hurt too!” April paced. “What the hell am I supposed to do?”

  She couldn’t just storm over to his condo, pound on his door, and demand he speak to her, because no doubt his daughter would be awake, and that’s not the role model she wanted to be. However, she couldn’t wait until later that night to try a second attempt at the lingerie seduction because there were too many hours between now and then, and she was through sitting on her ass. August had been right when he said she’d been playing games—she just hadn’t realized it. Thinking of games…

  She grabbed her phone once again, breathed deep, and swallowed, before slowly dialing the one number she never thought she’d use for advice… ever. “Hi, Mom, um… I need your help.”

  “Hello, dear. What can I do for you?” While the tone wasn’t warm and fuzzy, it also lacked the frosty bite April was used to hearing. It almost sounded like a normal person’s voice. Strange.

  “So you know how I was seeing that guy for a little while?”

  “Yes, April, the man from the gym.”

  April rolled her eyes, awaiting the
next comment, the one where her mother would point out how it was she who’d gotten April the membership to the gym in the first place, hence wanting some type of gratitude for the entire relationship. However, the follow-up comment didn’t come.

  She just asked a simple question with a sincere tone. “What can I do for you, dear?”

  With a silent prayer and a sigh, April told her mom the condensed version of her relationship with Decker. She, of course, left out the part where she texted him first, but she also refrained from telling Ellen that Decker had said he loved her. The last thing April wanted was a lecture about a man who declares his love just before or during intercourse. Been there, done that. While Ellen had apparently been right about Ben, April knew in her gut that sex had nothing to do with Decker’s feelings.

  “Hmm, that’s quite a story, little girl.”

  “Look, Mom…” April strolled into her kitchen and turned on her Keurig. Discussing relationships with her mother before her first cup of coffee was never a good idea. Hell, discussing anything with her mother before coffee was a terrible idea. “I know that you and I don’t see things through the same eyes. I’m not sure when it started, and I guess at this point it really doesn’t matter, I just need your help—”

  “It started with Ben.”

  The creamer missed the coffee cup, spilling onto the counter, as her mother’s response startled April speechless.

  “Sure, you were always strong-willed and independent, so we butted heads when you were young, but I loved seeing that fire in your eyes,” Ellen continued evenly. “It was when you started pining for and then dating that horse’s ass that the fire turned to flickers, and then finally, it burned out. I tried to talk to you about it, but we ended up arguing, and that, April, was my fault. I was the parent, and I acted more like a child than you did.”