Sing A New Song

by Michelle Lindo-Rice

  Tiffany alternated between cursing herself and crying her eyes out. Darnell soothed her. “Karlie will come around. You’ll see.”

  “She hates me. She’s not going to forgive me.”

  At his wit’s end, Darnell took Tiffany’s hands in his and prayed. He mumbled assurances and quoted scriptures that came to mind.

  They heard the screen door open and sat up.

  Karlie entered the house, waved at Jamaal, and said, “I’m in. Text me when you get home.”

  Darnell left Tiffany on the couch and said a terse “Wait here” to Karlie, then went out to thank Jamaal for seeing Karlie home. He extended an invitation to come in at Tiffany’s behest.

  Jamaal declined, politely saying, “Karlie and her mom need to talk. I’m just glad to help.” Darnell even tried to give him cab fare, but Jamaal assured him he was quite comfortable walking home.

  Back inside, Darnell watched as Karlie slowly hung her jacket on the hook. He pulled her aside and used his sternest teacher tone with her. “Karlie, what you did tonight was totally uncalled for. You caused your mother unnecessary worry and pain without once considering her illness. Look at her. She’s so cold that she has not stopped shivering for almost two hours. Neil found her literally sitting in the snow, crying, because of you. Right now your mother needs a reason to live and hang on. You are that reason, Karlie. Think about that carefully before you speak to your mother.”

  Karlie wanted to resent Darnell for what he’d said to her. But she could not. He was right. She should have stopped to consider her mother’s serious condition. If anything happened to her mother, she would not be able to live with herself.

  Darnell calmed down. “Karlie, I know I had some tough words for you just now, but I just want you to think about your mother and put yourself in her shoes. Her entire life has been about you and what you want.”

  Karlie went into the room, afraid and ashamed to face her mother when she thought about how she’d call her a slut. “Mom?”

  “Karlie.” Tiffany simultaneously smiled and cried with relief. She opened her arms to receive her daughter.

  Karlie lunged into her mother’s arms and hugged her tightly. “Mom, I am so sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean it, honest.”

  Jamaal and Darnell went out the door, and Darnell gave Jamaal a ride home.

  Tiffany and Karlie barely noticed when the men left. They were too busy trying to console each other.

  “I know you didn’t mean it, Karlie,” Tiffany said. She sneezed three times and pulled the blanket closer. Karlie started to fuss over her mother, but Tiffany stopped her. “No, I am fine. I am just glad that you are back. Karlie, can you ever find it in your heart to forgive me? Because of my stupid actions, I have made your life a complicated mess.”

  “No, Mom. You do not have to apologize. You are the best mother a daughter could ask for, and I love you.” Karlie spoke honestly and sincerely. “I am sorry, Mom. I do respect you, and if I had a choice, I would still choose you as my mother.”

  Tiffany’s eyes filled at Karlie’s declaration, and she said a mental prayer of thanks to Jamaal, because she knew, without any doubt, that he was the reason why Karlie came home. She would have to thank him later. He was truly a remarkable young man.

  Chapter Thirty-one

  It was almost dawn when Darnell entered his house and vigorously knocked the snow off his boots. The temperature had dropped several degrees. He walked quietly up the stairs to check on his daughters. Both of them were asleep in their room

  Darnell found his mother waiting for him in the kitchen. He reached over to give her a gentle kiss of appreciation on her cheek. “Sorry, Mother. I did not expect to be this long.”

  Leona looked at her son. “Darnell, what’re you doing?”

  “What do you mean?” he asked.

  “I mean with Tiffany Knightly,” Leona said. “She is dying, Darnell, of lung cancer. You know any kind of a relationship with her would be pointless.”

  Darnell sighed. “Mother, I know that she is dying. I just . . . I like her.”

  “But you have two young girls to consider, Darnell. I mean, you should have heard them talking nonstop about Tiffany. I can see how much they love her. They even asked me if you two were going to get married so they could have a new mom.”

  Darnell paused at that new piece of information. When his daughters had told him how much they liked Tiffany, he had been relieved. But now he could kick himself for this lack of foresight.

  “What do I do? I guess I never thought that far ahead.” He sat down at the table and put his head down.

  “I know what you need to do. You need to consider your daughters first, Darnell. It’s not about you anymore and what you want. When you have a child, it’s about them.” Leona got up to leave.

  “The weather is nasty out there,” Darnell said, “I think you should bunk over here for the night, or what’s left of it.”

  Nodding her head, Leona left her son with his thoughts and went to sleep in his guest room. She hoped for his children’s sake that Darnell knew what he was doing.

  “Daddy, are you going to marry Ms. Tiffany?” Amber asked her father.

  Though three weeks had passed since his mother had given him a heads-up, the question still caught him off guard. It was the first day of his winter break, and Darnell relished these days off that came along with his career choice. It was well worth the salary cut to spend quality time with his daughters. Next year he planned to take them both to Disney World.

  Right now, though, with that question hanging in the air, Darnell wished he had some place else to be. He did not have the answer to that question, so he decided to ask one of his own. “Why would you ask me that, honey?”

  “Because.” Amber looked up at her father, and Darnell knew that was her final answer.

  He stooped down to her level and then called April in the room. He might as well talk to them both at the same time, even though he knew they would ask this same question a million times again and not get tired.

  “Girls, I like Ms. Tiffany, but it does not mean that we are going to get married,” Darnell explained.

  “Why not?” April asked with a look of innocence.

  “Because Tiffany and I are just friends. Okay?”

  “Okay,” they said in unison. They sped off to their room, momentarily appeased.

  Darnell, however, was not. He wondered if it was fair of him to engage in anything with Tiffany when he had daughters. They needed a mother. Common sense dictated that he end whatever this was between himself and Tiffany. Yet he heard himself call out to tell his mother that he was leaving. He still put on his coat and went to meet Tiffany.

  He was powerless to resist the pull that Tiffany had on him. He missed her like crazy, and as soon as he left her, Darnell found himself missing her again. What he was feeling sounded like love to his ears, but Darnell refused to acknowledge that emotion. He figured that as long as he did not delve too deeply into his heart and as long as he did not say anything aloud, it would not be real.

  However, somewhere deep inside him, Darnell knew he was kidding himself. He could not stop the love from flowing or growing in leaps and bounds. He could not rein in his feelings any more than he could stop the rain.

  “Hurry up, Darnell.”

  Tiffany had shipped Karlie off with Tanya to guarantee them the privacy they would need for what would be their first and last winter break together. She opened the curtains to look outside again. Still no sign of him. “Where is he?” She looked at the clock on the mantel. Suddenly, she shivered, feeling unnaturally colder than usual. Tiffany abandoned her post at the window and checked the thermostat. She raised the lever to warm the house and lit the fireplace.

  Twenty minutes later, she still felt chilled down to her bare bones. Her teeth shattered, and her body quivered. “This is ridiculous. I should be warmer than toast by now.” Tiffany stomped up the stairs to her bedroom to get an extra pair of socks.

  On the wa
y back down the stairs, a brief dizzy spell came over her. “Whew.” She sat at the bottom of the stairs to get herself together. “Please God. Not now. I’m not ready.”

  The doorbell rang. Tiffany got up off the step and walked to the front door. It took every ounce of willpower she possessed just to accomplish that small task.

  “Hi. How are you doing?” Darnell greeted her and drew her in for a deep kiss.

  “Okay, now,” Tiffany returned. She purposely refrained from mentioning how she felt because she did not want to worry him. She moved her body as close to Darnell as she could to draw his body heat.

  “Hmm. Hmm.” Darnell gripped her bottom and pulled Tiffany even closer. As the kiss continued, their passion ignited. Darnell broke contact to grab Tiffany in his arms and carry her up the stairs.

  On the drive over, Darnell had cautioned himself to slow things down between the two of them. He planned to have a long talk with Tiffany to voice his concerns. But now all thoughts of verbal conversation flew out of his head. Now he realized it was sheer madness on his part to imagine for one second that he could turn his ardor on and off as if it were a light switch.

  Darnell knew only that he wanted this woman with an intensity that stupefied and humbled him. He had never believed until this moment that instantaneous passion of this dimension was possible.

  Darnell decided to give in to the urge gripping his mind and body. He practically threw Tiffany on the bed and was completely naked by the time her shirt came over her head. He stood proud and tall before her, leaving nothing to the imagination.

  “Whoa.” Tiffany saw the fever reflected in Darnell’s eyes and felt her insides heating up at his hot glare, but nature spoke first. “I have to use the bathroom,” Tiffany shyly admitted.

  “Take your time, but hurry up.”

  Tiffany chuckled at the contradiction. “Give me two seconds.”

  She went into the bathroom and looked into the mirror. Suddenly Tiffany felt another presence. It was odd, but it was as if she was not alone.

  God’s eyes were watching her. Tiffany keenly felt His presence and instantly felt ashamed. “Lord, if that is you,” Tiffany softly commented, “if that is you, I don’t know if you can get me out of this. Honestly, I don’t even know if I want to be rescued, but if it is you, then do something.”

  Just like that, her body cooled down.

  Tiffany did not know much about praying, but she was going to need the Holy Ghost when she faced Darnell to tell him she had changed her mind. She quietly opened the bathroom door and poked her head out. Darnell was lying on the bed. Slowly she crept forward until she stood over him.

  He was asleep and was snoring loudly.

  Tiffany curled her lips and covered her mouth to keep from laughing. Snatching a warm blanket, Tiffany went into the smaller guest room.

  God had a sense of humor. Not only did He stop things, but He kicked her out of her own room in the process.

  About three o’clock in the morning, Tiffany woke up and entered her bedroom to find Darnell lying there with a pensive look on his face.

  “What’s the matter?” she asked.

  “Just thinking about how I fell asleep on what could have been one of the luckiest nights of my life.”

  “You know it would have been, but let’s agree to face the obvious. God is at work.”

  “He must be,” Darnell concurred.

  After their previous two foiled attempts, Tiffany and Darnell decided not to have sex, but that didn’t stop their hands or curb their imaginations. The most significant event took place when they went to church together that Saturday. After Pastor Johnston’s pointed message, both Darnell and Tiffany went to the altar to commit their lives to the Lord.

  For Darnell, it was a return home.

  For Tiffany, it was hope. Hope for a life devoid of pain, tears, and sadness. When Pastor Johnston asked her to pray, she cried out, “Lord, I thank you for all the good and bad things I have endured in my life. For they led me to you. Take my life, Lord, and make me become a blessing for you. Lord, thank you for the gift of salvation and for the promise of eternal life. Thank you for showing me your love.”

  Standing at the altar with Darnell, Tiffany knew that she had made the best decision of her life. She looked behind her to see Karlie sitting in the pews. Tiffany prayed that her daughter would also accept the gift of salvation one day.

  When they returned to their seats, Tiffany surreptitiously wrote Darnell a quick note. He quickly perused the contents before nodding his head in agreement.

  Karlie saw the note pass between her mom and Darnell, and her curiosity blossomed. She really wanted to know what her mom had said to Darnell. She eyed the note, hoping to catch a glimpse, but Darnell tore the paper into tiny pieces and stuffed it into his pants pocket.

  Tiffany felt her chest lift at Darnell’s consent. She had been as nervous as a schoolchild but felt it was imperative to communicate what was uppermost on her mind. God had said no more touchy-feely stuff.

  Tiffany and Darnell prayed together. They read and studied together, growing more and more in God’s grace. They lived in His favor. It was a huge sacrifice, but Tiffany knew it was worth it.

  Chapter Thirty-two

  “Four.”

  “Yes.”

  “Let me get this straight in my head. You slept with four men in the space of one year?”

  “Yes.”

  “So Thomas may not be Karlie’s father.”

  “No.”

  “Wow.”

  “Big wow.”

  Myra subconsciously played with her wedding ring. She experienced a momentary loss of words. Well, actually, she had been silent through Tiffany’s entire story. Myra was not about to put her foot in her mouth. She’d learned well from their last conversation to keep her mouth closed, since it was less likely she’d come off sounding condemnatory. When Tiffany came to her door this morning, she had no idea what she was in for.

  “So did you finally set a date for the paternity test? I mean tests? ’Cause I mean, I wouldn’t have waited this long if it were me. Ah, please don’t just say yes again.”

  “Yes,” Tiffany responded before she caught herself. “I’m sorry. Yes, I did set a date.

  January nineteen, since that was when I could get everyone in together. I spoke with Karlie about it, and she wants to be there when I get the results.”

  “That’s understandable. It’s only right that she hear firsthand who her father is,” Myra agreed. She sure was glad she was not standing in Tiffany’s shoes right now. “How are you feeling?” She asked the first thing that came to her mind while she tried to process the latest in the Tiffany Knightly saga.

  “I have some really good days when I entertain the thought that God healed me. But then they are followed by some really bad days. So, you know, I try to take things day by day.”

  “God knows what is best for us, even when we don’t know. At least that is what I hold firm. Tiffany, I am taking a personal leave from work.”

  “You’re taking a leave of absence? Why?” Tiffany scooted her chair closer to Myra.

  “More tea?”

  “No, if I drink another cup of chamomile tea, I’m likely to start singing “Come By Here” or something.”

  Myra giggled. “You’re hilarious. I’m going to get myself another cup.” While she busied herself with the necessary ministrations, she answered Tiffany’s original query. “Honestly, my reasoning is twofold. I need some time away from work, and I just want to be here for you, as well.”

  “Myra your offer sounds appealing, and I do want the help, but I get the feeling that this has nothing to do with me.”

  Myra self-consciously wrapped her sweater tighter about her waist. “Your perceptiveness is so uncanny. Yes, Tiffany, I genuinely want to help you in any way I can. That’s from the heart. But—and please don’t think less of me as a woman of God—but I have been questioning God lately, sort of.”

  Tiffany leaned back into her chair.
She felt uneasy hearing someone as devout as Myra questioning her faith. “What do you mean, Myra? As a new convert, that is scary for me to hear you say, because if you’re questioning God, then where does that leave me?”

  Myra closed her eyes, feeling slightly embarrassed, but her eyes watered from her inner pain. “I can’t keep it boxed in anymore, Tiffany. I just don’t get why it hasn’t happened. Why hasn’t God given me a child? It is eating away at me, and all I do is bake and eat, bake and eat. Look at me. I am almost three times the size I was in high school. I pray, I fast, and I pray, and I am not getting any answers. Then there are women like you who got pregnant without even trying, and you may not have even wanted a child.”

  Tiffany instinctively gave Myra a hug. “Oh, Myra.”

  “Please don’t take offense at what I’m saying. I just feel this big, empty void in me, and nothing else matters. I want a baby so bad, it consumes me. There is not a single day that goes by that I don’t think about getting pregnant. And I know it sounds selfish, but I can’t stand to see Ms. Wise.”

  “Whoa. Myra, you just lost me. Who’s Ms. Wise?”

  “My coworker. She’s pregnant, and I have to see the joy on her face and listen to her talk about things I can’t relate to, and it is tearing me up inside. I am doing everything. . . counting days . . . everything. It’s like it’s never going to happen.”

  Myra cried, and her potent anguish brought tears to Tiffany’s eyes. Tiffany drew her into the living room area, and they sat together on the love seat. “Myra, you keep saying what you are doing, but what about faith in God? I know I sound childish, but that is what I hear Pastor Johnston talk about, and it helped me. I put my life and my faith in God, and I know that whatever happens to me, God will be there with me. I have to believe that, Myra. Don’t you believe that?”

  “Yes, I do. It’s just . . . I don’t know. I’m confused, I guess, because I keep wondering if God is not going to do what I am asking Him to do.”

  “But we are God’s creations, and we can’t dictate what God should do with us.”