by Kelly, Marie
Sighing, I climbed out of the car and followed Ma to the house. She opened the door for me and I stepped inside. A sadness washing over me knowing that Alvaro wasn’t there.
“He’s out with TJ.” Ma spoke up from behind me like she knew my thoughts and I turned to look at her.
“Oh okay. Thank you Ma.”
She opened her mouth to say something but must have decided against it because she closed back her mouth.
Ma didn’t even have to waste her breath to say it because I knew, and I could see it in her eyes.
She was disappointed in me, but I knew it wasn’t as much as I was disappointed in myself. Had I just told Alvaro the truth from the beginning, none of this would have happened.
“I’m sorry, Ma.” I apologized for the first time since everything happened.
She saved me and the best thing I could do was bring police to her house. I knew that was embarrassing—especially because I know people would have heard what happened.
Ma was good to me and I let her down bringing cops to her house.
“You don’t have to apologize to me baby. I know you just made a mistake,” she said with a smile.
Damn I wished Alvaro felt like that.
But I couldn’t blame him. He told me everything and I didn’t. I kept the most important thing away from him and now nothing would be the same again.
Ma stroked my cheek and I smiled at her.
“Why don’t you go get settled and I will bring you something to eat after I talk to David.”
“Okay Ma.”
I shook hands with David again, thanking him for helping me, kissed Ma on her cheek and went up to my room.
A long ass shower later, I felt somewhat normal again. Thoughts of calling Alvaro—who still wasn’t back with TJ yet—crossed my mind but I wanted to have a face to face conversation with him.
I wanted to explain everything to him, even though it was something I should have done from the beginning.
I just wanted a chance to make things right.
Someone came knocking on my door and I told them to come in.
The door opened and Ma’s head popped in. I waved her in further and she walked in with a smile on her face as she carried a tray with food.
“Thank you.” I told her when she put the tray down on my bed.
“No problem. I can’t imagine what you went through in that place.”
I looked over at Ma and sighed dramatically.
“It was the worst but that was my fault.” I admitted.
“Stop saying that, Kanada. You made a mistake, you were scared. I can understand that.”
“Alvaro, doesn’t.”
She sighed.
“My grandson is stubborn as hell Kanada.”
“Yes, but he has a right to be.” I dropped my head.
“So he doesn’t make mistakes?” She asked me.
“I’m not saying that. But when we got together he told me how he felt about loyalty. He told me never to lie to him and I promised that I wouldn’t.”
Ma’s eyes searched my face, but she didn’t say anything, and what could she say? I promised Alvaro knowing I was already lying to him!
I lied by lying saying I wouldn’t lie to him! He had every right to hate me.
“Just give him time, Kanada. He did help you, that has to mean something.” Ma added after a few seconds of silence.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right. What did he do because all the officer told me was that I was free to go, and all charges were dropped.”
Ma smirked.
“Let’s just say Alvaro went and had a talk with the guy. If you didn’t know before, my grandson can be very persuasive,” she said, and I giggled because I knew by persuasive she actually meant threatening.
After laughing together, I smiled at Ma.
“I guess you’re right. He helped me for a reason.”
That made me smile because that meant I had a chance.
I made a mental note to talk to him when he came back with TJ.
The fact he helped me gave me hope that we could work this out somehow. Now, with my charges dropped, it was finally all behind me.
I took a seat on my bed and started to eat after saying a prayer and thanking Ma again.
“Kanada, I need to tell you something.” Ma interrupted as I pushed some rice into my mouth.
“What’s wrong Ma?”
Her eyes had me feeling a little uneasy for some reason.
“Terrence was here.”
That made me choke on the rice I was eating. Ma rushed over and started patting my back.
It took me a minute to bring my coughing under control and then I looked up at Ma.
“He was where? Here?”
No this couldn’t be happening now!
“Yes, he came here yesterday. He was talking to Alvaro.”
“Oh my god!” My hand shot up to my mouth in shock.
What did he say to Alvaro? And why was he here? How did he even find me?
My nerves had my whole body shaking in fear.
For as long as I had been in New York, Terrence never came here but he just had to now! He didn’t even call or text my phone to find out where I was before I sold my phone, so I had no idea why he was here and now.
And what was he talking to Alvaro about? What would he have to talk to Alvaro about?
Why was this all happening now? It was like my past wouldn’t stay there. Just as everything was going good for me, all of this had to start now.
First the cops showed up here and now somehow, I led Terrence here too.
I’ve been nothing but a burden to these people. Ma was better off leaving me where I was!
“I don’t know how or what they were talking about. I just thought you should know. He spoke to TJ briefly because I was on my way out with him. He had been here crying for you and I wanted to take his mind off things.”
My heart pounded out of my chest.
Why was Terrence here and what did he say to TJ?
“Did he say anything?” I asked Ma and she shook her head no.
“When I was leaving I heard him telling Alvaro that he knew where to find him, and Alvaro said he would call him to talk.”
“About what?” I panicked, and Ma shrugged her shoulders at me.
“Listen, try not to worry Kanada. I just thought you should know that Terrence is in New York. I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about.” She tried to console me but the churning in my stomach was telling me that I had a lot to be worried about.
“Ma, with all due respect, if I had nothing to worry about, Alvaro would be here.” I let her know.
At first, I was thinking that he wasn’t home because of me, but now it had me wondering what Terrence may have told him. And it was making me believe that had something to do with the fact that Alvaro didn’t even bother to come meet me himself.
“He just wanted to take TJ out somewhere.”
My eyes shot open as I looked at her.
“You don’t think Alvaro took TJ to see Terrence, do you?”
Ma couldn’t even answer me but her eyes said it all—she thought so too.
“Oh my god.” I groaned again running a hand down my face.
Now I would have to call the last person I wanted to talk to.
When I left Boston, I left Terrence and all that happened between us, behind me with plans to never revisit them. He was the past I planned to forget for the rest of my life.
Knowing that Terrence was in the same State as me, I knew that I would have to call to find out why, even though I didn’t want to see or speak to that man again.
“Kanada, it may be nothing. I think he wants to just see TJ.”
I would have believed that if I didn’t know who Terrence was. He didn’t want to see TJ while I was with him, so why would he try now?
Still, I didn’t bother letting her know what I was thinking.
“I guess you’re right,” I said instead and forced a smile to appear on my face.
“Okay. I’m going leave you to eat and rest.” Ma kissed my forehead and walked toward the door.
“Thank you, Ma.” I called out making her stop walking through the door after opening it.
“Of course, that’s what family is for.”
I smiled knowing that even after I messed up, she still saw me as family. Now all I could do was pray that Alvaro still did and that Terrence hadn’t made things worse!
After eating the feast Ma had brought up to me, I tried to say awake and wait around for Alvaro to come home but I couldn’t. I spent almost two days in that cell and I hardly slept.
My eyes slowly opened, and I sighed peacefully knowing that part of my life was finally behind me. And then my mind ran on Alvaro.
Only God knew how much damage was done but I was praying and hoping for another chance to make it all right.
Maybe Terrence saw the errors in his ways and was really here for TJ and if that was true, that would mean one less thing to worry about.
I sat up in the bed and looked at the time surprised to see that I had slept for six hours. It was after two in the afternoon when I came home and it was now eight at night.
I wondered if TJ and Alvaro were home yet until I heard my little man’s voice letting me know that they were.
Anxious but excited, I climbed off the bed and went into the bathroom to brush my teeth.
I washed my face after and made sure I looked presentable before I left my room.
Hearing TJ’s little laughter coming from the den was like music to my ears and I found myself smiling too.
I had missed my son so much and I felt like I had let him down.
The image of him screaming and crying trying to get to me was the last vision of him that I had, so to hear him laughing soothed my heart. And I made a promise to make it up to him—even if it took the rest of my life.
Smiling, I stepped into the den to see my baby talking to Ma.
“Hey, baby.” I called out.
His little neck snapped around to look at me, and the smile that plastered on his face let me know that he still saw me as the heroine in his life. It warmed my heart and made tears build up in my eyes.
He slid off the couch and ran toward me full speed ahead.
I bent down and scooped him up into my arms.
“I missed you. Mommy missed you and I’m so sorry.” I held on to my son and closed my eyes.
It seemed like I found myself apologizing to my son for the bad decisions I made in my life but I knew that I was done being foolish.
“I missed you too mommy.” His little arms wrapped around my neck as far as they could reach.
“Were you a good boy?” I asked, and he pulled back to look at me.
“Yes. I was good for daddy and grandma.”
It had me wondering if he was talking about Terrence or Alvaro, but I didn’t bother confusing him by asking.
“That’s what I like to hear,” I said with a smile and held my hand up for him to give me a high five.
I kissed his face a few times before putting him back down on his feet. He took off running back to the couch.
“Where’s Alvaro?” I asked Ma after looking around for him.
“He’s by Brittany’s.”
That made me frown.
Why was he over there?
My heart leaped into my throat at the thought of them two getting back together. But if they did, I could only blame myself!
“He said that he was going to be there for a few days.” Ma said with reluctance lacing her voice.
I looked at her when it dawned on me that whatever I thought I still had with Alvaro was over. He would rather stay at his baby mother’s house than deal with me. Or maybe he just thought what we shared wasn’t worth saving and he went back for her—just like she said he would.
Either way, I knew in my heart that we were done.
“Oh, okay.” I answered and forced a weak smile on my face while I tried to keep my tears at bay, but I couldn’t.
“I’m just going to use the bathroom,” I said just as my first tear rolled down my cheek.
“Kanada.” Ma called out to me as I dashed out of the room.
I didn’t stop running until I made it inside of the bathroom and I locked the door behind me just as a floodgates of tears rushed down my face.
I had lost Alvaro!
Alvaro ‘Wrath’ Ramsey
Two Days Later
“It’s all taken care of, Alvaro.” David said.
“Thank you, I appreciate it.” I let him know and then sighed.
“No problem. Take care.”
We ended the call and I sat back in the chair with a thousand things on my mind.
It took me until the next morning to get David to act on Kanada’s behalf.
My first thought was to leave her ass to deal with it alone, but I couldn’t, no matter how angry I was with her, TJ shouldn’t have to suffer for the shit his mother chose to do. Trust me, if she didn’t have TJ, she would have had to rely on a prayer and a miracle.
Plus, she had some shit to sort out with Terrence. The nigga wanted his son, and it wasn’t my place to deal with that. Although I loved TJ like he was mine, in the eyes of the law, he wasn’t. So, I was gonna see myself out of that.
He came to see TJ that day he arrived at my door, but just like I was going to tell Kanada, they needed to meet and figure that shit out. I did my part, and I was done.
I got Nigel to drop the charges against Kanada. The nigga had a fucking drug problem that I threatened to let out if he pursued her. The nigga was mad as fuck about it, but he couldn’t do shit. Not unless he wanted to come up missing. I thought about killing him, but I only didn’t because I fucked with his cousin, Lock.
Plus, the nigga clearly approached Kanada and wanted to take advantage of her situation. I went to the m.all and viewed the video from that day. I saw him watching her go into the restroom with TJ and then he approached her when she got out.
Something she had told me that happened—at least she told me the truth about one thing!
I didn’t know what the nigga told the cops and I didn’t give a fuck as long as the charges dropped and he didn’t mention my name. He knew who the fuck I was, so I knew he didn’t want those type of problems.
And as for the situation in Boston, I found out through my police links that a group of females were wanted for robbing niggas but Kanada wasn’t a named suspect—they didn’t know who were behind them.
But news of a crew of women robbing niggas was circulating in the streets, so I knew the shit was real and that she was involved.
I did get a blow when I heard that most of the females actually fucked the niggas and just robbed them after they fell asleep. I swear that shit did something to me because I had no idea if that included Kanada or not.
And I knew if I asked her, she wouldn’t tell me anyway because I knew I had asked her before if she fucked for money and she told me no, before no turned to only once!
Plus, I just didn’t know if she was forced into doing it like she told me she was. It was her word against her baby father’s and to be honest, I wanted no parts of it.
She had every opportunity to tell me the fucking truth and chose not to. I was good on her for that.
Yes, Nigel approached her, but who was to say that wasn’t in her plans to begin with?
I think my grandmother finding her put a stop to her plans of working the streets. But that was neither here or there. I was done and it was no longer my problem.
I tuned back into the news that I was watching before David called me.
A few minutes later, my eyes moved from the TV to the door when Brittany walked in.
“Sup.” I nodded my head at her and she gave me a shy wave.
“Are you hungry, Wrath?”
“Nah, I’m good.”
I went to look back at the news I was watching but instantly looked back to Brittany when I realized she was still standing there looking at me.
>
“What’s up, you good?” I asked and she nodded.
“I’m fine Wrath, now don’t take this the wrong way but when are you going home?”
“What?” I chuckled and she fell out laughing.
“I’m sorry! I was just wondering. I’m not trying to be accused of being a homewrecker—even though we are not doing anything.” She threw her hands up in surrender as I sat there watching her.
She was right about that—nothing had been going on for the few days I had been here. I was sleeping in the guestroom and she hadn’t tried anything. Considering the last time we were alone and I walked in to her pleasuring herself, things had been good between us.
As I sat there watching her, I also noticed that she was dressed differently too. Normally, Brittany left nothing to the imagination from how she dressed—which was why half of the time we ended up fucking. But now, she was completely covered up.
Dare I say it, Brittany had changed, and I had been noticing it since I had been here.
“I know you’re serious about Kanada, and I respect that.” She smiled at me and it was actually genuine! I had been around Britt long enough to know when she was faking being nice.
Her mentioning Kanada made me sigh out.
Other than me helping her, there was nothing going on between us. I didn’t even want to see her and that’s why I had been staying at Brittany’s house. I knew that it was best if I just avoided her altogether.
“We are not together anymore.” I decided to honestly answer Brittany. Her face dropped and her eyes widened in shock.
Damn, if anything I was shocked too!
If somebody told me a few weeks ago that what I had with Kanada was going to end, I would have beat their ass for talking shit about my relationship and then laughed in their face. That was just how sure I was about what we had together.
I thought that was it for me—that she was it for me. I didn’t see myself with anyone but her. And then in a blink of an eye, I found out it was all a lie and things ended before I was ready for them to.
And just when I got to a point where I fought through my stubbornness and decided to work on our shit, I find out that she had lied to me about more than I first thought and I couldn’t look past that.