Into the Dark

by T A. McKay

  ‘Do you think that would keep me away from you?’

  I press the send button on my message and realise that even to myself it sounds creepy, maybe I should tell her to get a restraining order just to be safe. I sit looking at my phone, willing her to write back but there’s nothing, maybe I took it too far and finally scared her off. This makes me more worried than it should, thinking of not hearing her snidey remarks actually hurts and I asked myself for the thousandth time ‘what has this girl done to me?’

  I need to do something, anything to get me out of the house and not spending the day sitting here waiting on a text. I get up from the couch and go to my room grabbing my gym kit, a few hours at the gym should be enough to use up some of this extra energy and maybe even get rid of this hard on that seems to be ever present at the moment. Locking my front door, I throw my bag into the passenger seat before starting my car. The sound of the engine settles over me and I can feel some of the tension in my body ease, the vibrations feeling like home away from home. My mind goes back to the first time I sat behind the wheel of a car, it was a rust bucket held together with tape and a prayer, but I remember that feeling of the open road and the world being my oyster. The truth be told I was thirteen and the world wasn't so much my oyster but a large field that Rocco’s uncle owned. We spent all summer working on that car, and I think that’s where our love of fixing and building came from. The car didn't look much better by the end of the summer, but it ran like a dream. It was one of the best summers I can remember, late nights and oily clothes that drove our mums crazy. I can feel the smile on my face as I think back to a much simpler time, before responsibilities and having to act like an adult. Yeah, I know I'm sounding like I am ninety, but life has just been so hard the last few months, actually life has been hard since Rocco’s accident, having to be an adult sucks big time. Running the business single handed while he recovered was harder than I thought, it was also a good thing for me if I'm honest, making me act my age for once in my life.

  The only other time that I felt my age was when I left Carina. I don't know why at this particular moment I’ve found my mind slipping back, but it seems to have been doing that more recently and I wish that it didn't. I know my thoughts of her have returned because I saw Connor a few weeks ago, and seeing him always makes me think of her. Connor had been a close friend since school, when we had all left, I had joined with Rocco to open the business and Connor had gone on to college to continue his study to become a lawyer. That choice of career had always made me laugh since we had spent most of our formative years in trouble with the police. We’d stayed in contact for a while when he left to study, even though we didn’t see much of each other we were continually calling. I remember when he started telling me about this amazing girl he had met, I was so happy for him, he had never really shown any interest in having a relationship before. To be honest, we thought he might be gay, so for him to be suddenly gushing about this girl was something we didn’t expect. I’d been dating Carina for about six months, and as far as I was concerned she was the one, the last girl I was going to be with. She had told me she loved me and we were talking about getting married, nothing was official yet because we were still young, but we were done dating other people, we were going to grow old together. Carina was out of town working the weekend I was meeting up with Connor and his girl, but I didn't mind being the third wheel to finally meet her. He hadn't really told me much about her and I was looking forward to finding out more about her, make sure she was good enough for him. All I kept thinking was how fantastic it would be if his girl and Carina got on well, we could do couple things together, maybe seeing each other more. As I walked into the cafe we were meeting I could feel something was wrong straight away, but even looking back I wouldn't be able to tell you why I felt it, something just felt off. Approaching the table I watched as Connor kissed the neck of his girl, and at that moment I felt my world crumble around me, my breath caught in my throat and dark spots started appearing at the edges of my vision. I just stood and stared, not fully believing what I was seeing. Connor noticed me and stood with a smile, greeting me with a hug. He stood back with a confused look when I didn’t respond to him, but I couldn't take my eyes off her, Carina.

  “Are you ok, Mason? You look ill.” I couldn't even respond to him. Carina had a look of horror on her face, like she wanted to run from the cafe and not come back. Her hands were clenched on the top of the table and I could almost see the pleading look on her face not to make a scene. Like that would fucking happen.

  “I thought you were working?” It was such a lame ass thing to say, but it was honestly the only thing I could think to say at that moment, my thoughts were so muddled and a dull pain had started in my chest as I could feel my heart breaking. She looked at me with huge eyes, eyes I had looked into for six months but now I didn't recognise them. Connor looked between us even more confused, probably wondering why I was speaking to her and not him.

  “I’m missing something here, can someone tell me what it is? CC? Mason?” I felt bad for him, but I also couldn’t lose the feeling of anger that was starting to build inside me. I knew I shouldn't be angry at him, by the look on his face he was as in the dark as I was up until that moment, but I just couldn’t stop it.

  “Seems I already know your girlfriend, Connor. Funny how you never told me her name.” I turned to look at him, finally forcing my eyes away from Carina.

  “I told you CCs name.” If possible he looked even more confused than before. I laugh as I realised that he had always called her CC in our conversations, but he had never mentioned her real name.

  “I mean her real fucking name, Connor. Did you keep it a secret on purpose, since you knew I would work it out?”

  “Mason, I have no idea what you are talking about. Will you explain what the hell is happening here?” Finally coming out of her daze Carina whispered quietly.

  “Mason, please don't.” I just looked at her hoping the devastation I was feeling wasn't showing, I wouldn’t give her that power.

  “Don’t? Really, Carina? You want me to just sit here and pretend you haven't been mine for the last six months. That we haven't been talking about getting married. That you aren't fucking cheating on me with one of my best friends. How the hell did you not know that we knew each other, how didn’t you put two and two together. Are you really that thick?” I could see the moment that Connor worked out what was happening, the look of pain on his face reflecting mine, and his eyes flashed over to Carina. She quickly stood up and moved to stand in front of me, trying to place her hand on my arm. I didn't let her touch me because I wasn’t sure if I would have been able to handle that with all the anger in me.

  “Mason, please. You know I love you, I never lied about that.” I looked at her with disgust, all I could think about was her being with him then coming home to me. Getting right in her face, I growled out.

  “You love me? Well, the last ten minutes have shown me that you have no fucking idea what love is! Love isn't whoring yourself out to my friends while you’re with me!” I don't know if it was the look on my face or if he just didn't know what else to do, but Connor moved to stand between Carina and me. The anger that was building inside increased as he protected her, and I needed an outlet for the anger, unfortunately for Connor he was going to be that outlet since I couldn't hit her.

  “Get out my face, Connor. You’re sleeping with my girlfriend, how the hell could you do this to me? I thought you were my friend?” I am trying to work out what is hurting me more, the thought of Carina being with him or losing Connor as a friend. He stood in front of me with a look of defeat on his face, like me he knew we couldn’t recover from this.

  “I swear I didn't know. I would never do anything to wreck our friendship, nothing. You have to know this, Mason.” I watched Carina approach him from behind and place her hand on his back, like she was trying to comfort him. That wasn’t what caught my eye though, it was the moment that his hand reached behind him and entw
ined his fingers with hers.

  “Yeah, it sure looks like it.” I tried to just walk away, tried to get my feet to move, but it just didn’t happen. I drew my fist back and felt a certain pleasure run through me when it connected with his jaw.

  Walking out of that cafe was the last time I saw Connor until a few weeks ago when I’d seen him in a local bar. All the old feelings had returned from our last meeting and I have found myself thinking more about him, wondering what he has been up to. Was he still with Carina or had he finally come to his senses? I haven't thought about Carina since that day, only my lost friendship with Connor. Carina had broken my heart and I didn't think I would be able to survive it. Thanks to Rocco I came out the other side intact, he dealt with removing all her crap from my flat and making sure I didn't have to see her. He was also the one who dragged my stinking body into the shower and told me to grow a pair, that sitting in my own filth was doing no one any good, especially him who had to smell me all the time. He told me to get a shower and get back to life, he was sick of running the garage on his own. Stepping out that shower after washing away all my memories and hurt, I vowed never to get my heart broken again, I would never let a woman have that much power over my heart. I love women, what man doesn’t? They are amazing and beautiful, but they get me for one night and one night only. Very few women get a repeat performance from me, and the ones who do are the ones who understand the arrangement set out to them, and usually have their relationship limitations as well. It’s a life that suits me well, I get to have the enjoyable parts of the women that I spend time with and none of the drama, well unless I'm talking about Wendy.

  Shaking my head I try to clear everything from it, there is just too much in there just now. I need to stop thinking so much, I have gone from having an easygoing life only a few months ago to having so much in my head I can't get a moments peace. This is all started when I met that hot little brunette for the first time, Niamh, she has fucked with my head for so long now. No woman has ever been stuck in my head for as long as she has, I’m now working with the theory that it’s because I can't get her, I need to fuck this woman out of my head, but I need to work out how to get her in my bed first. I reverse the car out of my drive and head in the direction of the gym, a hard workout is just what my body and mind needs.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Niamh

  Work has been a nightmare all week. I’ve worked two nights of overtime in the emergency room and spent most of those shifts avoiding Callen. He has called a few times over the past week, but I haven't been brave enough to answer it, our night together just shouldn't have happened and I can't face him yet. It’s even worse now that I know I shouted out Mason’s name when we were together, how the hell am I meant to face him knowing that? And why didn't he mention it in the morning? I know I had avoided him by hiding in the shower, but it should have come up, shouldn’t it? Walking in my front door, I throw my bag under the table in the hall and kick off my shoes leaving them lying in the middle of the floor and not caring about the mess. I walk straight to the kitchen to grab a tub of ice cream. Opening the freezer I look inside expecting to find my favourite ice cream, mint choc chip, the food of the gods. I bought a tub of it on Monday night knowing I would need it by tonight, but I’m looking and I can't see anything. Talia, the bitch must have eaten it. I drop my head down taking deep breaths. She does this all the time, I love her so much but she really can be so thoughtless sometimes, she never thinks about other people. I slam the freezer door closed having to opt for relaxation option number two.

  I turn the taps making the water run nice and hot, adding my favourite bubble bath to the running water. I strip out of my scrubs while I wait for the bath to fill, turning to look in the mirror. I don’t think I look too bad for my age, my body has lost the tightness that it had in my early twenties, but I think I still look hot, ok maybe not hot, but I'm not repulsive. I suck my belly in and hold my hands up above my head coming to the decision if I'm ever naked, and sober, with a guy I needed to do this to look perfect. I grab my robe from the back of the door and slip it over my naked body as I make my way back to the kitchen. I grab a wineglass from the cupboard above the sink and after opening my favourite bottle of rose wine I pour myself a huge glass and head back to the bathroom … taking the bottle with me.

  I sink into the hot bubbly water and it feels amazing on my body, settling back against the little blow up pillow, I let out a cleansing breath. I can feel all the tension leave my body, and my muscles relax for the first time in what feels like months. I grab my glass taking a large drink, I have never been much of a drinker but since the drama of last weekend I have felt the need to have a small glass of wine on my nights off, tonight definitely feels like a large glass of wine night. Today had started the same as always, I got to work on time and everything seemed normal, that is until the rota sheet for the day had been posted. I usually work with Dr. Perry when I’m in the emergency room, we work well together and I can anticipate what she’s going to need even before she asks. I think this is why I love my job so much, but today I really didn't like it at all. I didn't even check the rota list when I walked past, I just automatically thought it would be the same as always, but I was so, so wrong. I walked to treatment room one and stopped in the door when I saw Ruby assisting Dr. Perry, I don't know how long I stood in the doorway with a confused look on my face, but it was long enough for someone to walk up behind me and say quietly into my ear.

  “You’re mine all day today, Niamh. No avoiding me now.” That was the start of my epically awful day and it just didn't get any better. Apparently Callen had requested to work with me, he had obviously gotten sick of me ignoring him. After nearly a full day of avoiding him as much as I could, and making sure I was never alone in a room with him he finally got me cornered in a supply room. I felt like crying by the time I left, turns out I had called out Masons name, but he had been willing to overlook it as he really liked me and couldn't forget about the night we had spent together. It about ripped my heart out to tell him it only happened because I was drunk, and that I didn’t remember any of it. He is such a nice guy and to watch the sadness appear in his eyes made me feel like a complete bitch. I have never been the one to let a guy down, it’s always been me who gets hurt.

  The rest of the day had been so difficult to get through, I’d been tempted to fake illness to just get out of there, but that would only have worked for today. There’s nothing I can do about it now, the truth is out and I just need to get on with things, act like a professional when I’m around him. Maybe I should have had this talk with myself before I went out with him. At least that’s one problem sorted, now I just need to sort out the little matter of Mason. As I think about him, I can feel my body heat and my nipples tighten. This has been happening all week, ever since our kiss. I thought my bodies fascination with him was bad before, but now it’s even worse, I can't go an hour without thinking about him and it is messing with my body. It seems to be in a constant state of arousal and I can't do anything to stop it. Thankfully he hasn't text me since Sunday so I haven't had to worry about it, truthfully though I’ve missed hearing from him and for that thought I hate myself. It was nice knowing I was on his mind, that for that moment I was the one he was thinking of. It also meant that he wasn’t with someone else. I know I have no control over his sex life, and from his reputation I don't think anyone has any control, but when I think about him with another woman, touching her and kissing her like he had done with me I feel sick to my stomach. I have been worrying all week that he has finally just given up with me and moved on, that maybe that’s why he hasn't text me back. I have had to stop myself replying to him, letting him know that I can't stop thinking about him. Why is it when I think of him I just want to be with him, but when I’m actually with him I can't seem to do anything but be a bitch to him, well when I'm not kissing him. That is another thing I have been thinking about all week, the feel of his lips against mine. The way he took control, but he was st
ill so gentle, I always imagined that he would be the type of guy who would be out for only his own pleasure, but he wasn’t, I felt as though he would have kissed me forever if that’s what I wanted.

  I reach over the side of the bath and grab the bottle of wine when I realise I have finished my first glass already. I fill the glass right up to the brim and sip a little out the top so I don’t spill it when I lie back. I need to do something, anything to get my mind off my problems. It has been a long time since I had any interest in men and I suddenly remember why, they’re nothing but trouble. Even when they aren't in your life they cause chaos. I continue to sip on my wine, convincing myself if I take small drinks it will last longer and I’m technically drinking less. I know this is a lie when I take the last drink from my glass, my head feeling fuzzy but at least my thoughts aren't straying to a certain hot guy. Shit. I’m such a liar, the wine is making me hornier than I was before, and that was pretty damn horny. I drop the glass over the side of the bath hoping it will land on the soft pile of towels, I really can’t be bothered sitting up to put it down properly. I hear it land with a little thump and I relax with both hands under the water. My mind drifts back to the kiss with Mason, the way it felt being with him, feeling his body against mine, his hardness against my softness. His lips are so soft, much softer than I had ever imagined they would be and they feel thick, the type of lip that you just want to bite and suck. I can feel my core start to tighten as I think about the feelings I had at the time. I had just wanted him to lift my skirt and have his way with me, I wanted to know what he would feel like if he just slipped inside me and then pounded me until we were both satisfied. I slip my hand around my breast imagining what it would feel like if it were Mason's hand, I imagine his hand would be rough and strong and he would know exactly what to do to please a woman. I squeeze my nipple between my fingers and feel my core tighten even more in pleasure. I move my other hand down my stomach towards the area screaming for attention. Even thinking of Mason has me close to coming, it never takes much to reach total bliss with him in my thoughts. I run my fingers through my heat and over my clit as I continue to think about him, his hands, his lips, his hard body against mine and his sexy voice whispering to me. I slip two fingers inside me as I continue to play with my clit with my thumb, my muscles wrapping around my fingers ready to release. What sends me over the edge into climax is imagining Masons eyes, the intensity in those beautiful blue eyes as he looked at me after he kissed me. He looked like he couldn’t see anyone but me and that he could see right into me, seeing all the secrets I tried to keep inside. My body tightens in the most intense orgasm of my life, I can see colours flashing behind my eyes and I swear I pass out for a few moments.