She Never Knew

by CJ Simpson

  Darryl had it all worked out. Of course, he had told his boss that he would need to discuss the proposal with his wife, but that he would get back to him as soon as possible. He found it rather amusing how easy it was for him to manipulate Matthew. He didn’t give a darn about his job. All he wanted was to make more money and do nothing like Vivian did nothing. He wanted to boss people around and show them who was in charge. He would make his employees perform better than ever, and in the end, Darryl would be a star. He would be the top guy. Perhaps he would even be the CEO of the company he worked for.

  But all of his dreams were shot down because of Katherine Richards. She ruined any chance of success he had in this world. Who did she think she was, getting him expelled like that? Well, he wasn’t about to let her get away with it. He had complained to his academic counselor that he would be reporting her. She was a lousy instructor and her only goal was to see him suffer. What happened in her life that was so bad that she had to take it out on me, he thought angrily. Well, I’ll show her who the boss is here. I’ll make her pay! He slammed his fist on the table, forming a crease in the center of his expulsion letter.

  Chapter 7

  “What do you think of this one?” Kat asked Rhonda, holding up an assembled model of a stuffed apple. Two pieces of heart-shaped red fabric were hand-sewn together and stuffed with crinkle paper. The message behind the craft was for children at vacation bible school to give away the apple as a gift to show their love for others.

  “Wow.” Rhonda admired the craft as she took it from Kat. She removed her glasses and set them on the table as she leaned forward in her chair to inspect Kat’s handiwork. “These crafts look a lot better in person than they do in the catalog, don’t they?”

  “They sure do.” Kat replied, reaching for the next craft. The women had been working together for an hour on crafts and were about half way through. Assembled models sat on Rhonda’s kitchen table in no particular order. Soon the women would break for lunch and finish their afternoon by organizing training manuals.

  Rhonda pushed herself away from the table and stood up. “I’m going to check on the boys; I’ll be right back.”

  “Okay.” Kat began working on a new kit as her friend went upstairs. A few moments later, she heard hurried footsteps descending the stairs. When she looked up, she saw that Tyler was wearing an Iron Man helmet. She laughed as he ran toward her.

  “Mommy, look at me!” Tyler pushed up his visor so Kat could see his eyes.

  “Oh my!” Kat pretended to be awestruck as she looked at her son. “Who are you supposed to be?”

  “I’m the Iron Man!” Tyler exclaimed. By this time, Eli and Rhonda had joined them. Eli was dressed as Batman and was flapping his cape as he jumped up and down.

  Rhonda and Kat laughed as they watched their boys chase an imaginary monster into the living room. Rhonda said, “The boys said they’re hungry, so I’m going to go ahead and make them sandwiches. Do you want to eat now or wait a little while?”

  Kat looked at the clock on the wall and saw that it was just after eleven o’clock. “Let’s wait a little while. I want to finish up this craft.”

  “Okay.” Rhonda began taking out items from her refrigerator to make grilled cheese sandwiches for the boys. As she prepared the sandwiches, Kat continued to work on her craft.

  “Tyler asked about his father the other night.” Kat said, carefully gluing jewels onto a piece of felt material.

  “Oh, yeah?” Rhonda paused to look at Kat, her hands resting on the counter. “How did that go?”

  Kat set down her craft and looked behind her to ensure Tyler and Eli were out of earshot before answering her friend.

  “I think it went very well, actually. But I hate lying to him, Rhonda.”

  “I know you do.” Rhonda cut a petite slab of butter and dropped it into a small frying pan. “What did you tell him?”

  “Well, he wanted to know if he would ever see his father again. You know, in heaven.” Kat reached into an open bag of jewels and placed an onyx-colored gem in the palm of her hand. “I told him that his father’s boo boos couldn’t be fixed and that God was taking care of him now.”

  Rhonda nodded in understanding as she carefully placed a sandwich into the frying pan. “How did he react to that?” she asked.

  “He seemed okay with it, I guess.” Kat said thoughtfully. “Although, I don’t think he really understands what Heaven means and what happens to people when they pass on.”

  “Kat, I think most of us don’t. We have this idea of going to Heaven, or going to the other side to spend the rest of our lives with Jesus.”

  “You’re probably right.” Kat applied a freshly-glued gem to her craft and pressed her finger on it to hold it in place. “I think the fact that Tyler never had a father in his life somehow makes it easier to deal with his loss, if that makes any sense.”

  “In a way, it does.” Rhonda agreed. “I think it’s only natural for him to ask questions about his father and the rest of his family.”

  Kat knew Rhonda was referring to Tyler’s aunt. “Surprisingly, he hasn’t asked and I haven’t told him about Mary. The only pictures I have around the house are of Michael and my parents.” Kat released her finger from the jewel and sat back in her chair, a sad expression forming on her face. “Besides, I don’t know how to explain to my five-year old that my sister and I haven’t spoken in years.”

  Rhonda’s heart tugged for her friend. She wished she could wave a magic wand that would remove the pain Kat was going through. “Have you considered calling her, Kat?”

  Kat watched Rhonda flip the sandwich in the pan and press it firmly with her spatula. “Yes, I have. Many times. But I don’t seem to have the courage to pick up the phone and make the call.”

  Rhonda retrieved two salad-sized plates from a cupboard and set them on the counter. “Well, I won’t pretend I understand how hard this is for you.” She removed the clip from a bag of potato chips and poured some on each plate.

  “I think I’m just afraid that she will not want to talk to me.” Kat said. She got up from her chair and headed to the refrigerator. “I don’t think I can go through that again,” she said, flinching at the memory of when Mary blasted her for the loss of their parents.

  “I don’t blame you, but do you think that after all of these years, she’s had time to reflect?” Rhonda turned off the burner and scooped the gooey sandwich from the frying pan and set it on a plate. Next, she cut the sandwich into four pieces and transferred two onto the other plate. Finally, she placed a pickle on each plate.

  “Honestly? I hadn’t thought about that.” Kat removed the pitcher of lemonade from the top shelf of the refrigerator and set it on a nearby counter. With her hands on her hips, she remarked, “It keeps nagging at me. I know I need to reach out to Mary.”

  “I agree.” Rhonda said, turning to face Kat. “What’s the worst thing that could happen, though? If she’s not ready to talk, at least you’ll know.”

  Kat poured lemonade into two plastic cups and set them on the kitchen table. “I suppose. I’ll give it some more thought.”

  “Boys!” Rhonda shouted. “Lunch is ready!” Squeals could be heard from the living room as Tyler and Eli aborted their mission of chasing a monster. When the boys came into the kitchen, they sat down at the table and continued giggling.

  Kat carried the plates over to the table and set them in front of each child. She returned with napkins and said, “Be careful around these crafts. Do not touch them, okay?” she pointed. The boys nodded and eagerly began eating their lunch.

  The women went to the living room to continue their conversation in private. After they were seated comfortably on the couch, Rhonda’s cell phone rang. In the meantime, Marlowe had come in from the porch and pounced on Kat’s lap. She meowed loudly and began to knead Kat’s legs as if to suggest that she would soon be taking another nap.

  As Kat slowly stroked the exquisite animal, she thought about Mary and wondered what her life wa
s like. Had she gone on to open her own practice as a child psychologist? Was she married? Did she have children of her own?

  “That was Robert.” Rhonda said, after she terminated her call. “He’s been delayed again. Apparently, the new hire didn’t quite understand how the commission plan worked so he quit.” She removed her sandals and curled her feet underneath her legs.

  “After all this time?” Kat said, incredulous. “He just spent the last two weeks training this guy!”

  “I know. Robert’s not happy about it. So, he’s going to stay for at least two more weeks and contact the people he interviewed before.” Rhonda sighed as she rested the back of her head on the couch.

  Robert and Rhonda Burns owned and operated a luggage delivery service that was often contracted out by major airlines. When luggage was delayed or put on alternate flights due to space constraints, the delivery service was contracted to transport the luggage directly to the homes of passengers. Since Butler Delivery Services had received numerous high ratings from satisfied customers, additional airlines wanted to initiate delivery service contracts with Robert. While this meant more income for the Burns, it also meant that Robert would be traveling more often. The bulk of Robert’s success was due to the fact that he had well-trained employees who put the needs of airline customers ahead of their own and that he offered competitive rates.

  With Robert away as often as he was, Kat and Rhonda had become second parents to their sons. Both women were grateful to have each other to rely on when they had outside obligations to meet.

  “So, how are you really doing?” Rhonda asked.

  “I’m doing okay.” Kat replied. “I just take it one day at a time. If I didn’t have Tyler in my life, I don’t know where I would be.” Both women turned their heads in the direction of the kitchen where they could see their boys giggling at each other.

  “Have you thought about talking to a counselor?” Rhonda prodded.

  “Sort of. I mean, I know I probably should, but I’m just not ready for that.” Marlowe raised her head so that Kat could scratch her chin.

  “And that’s okay, too. When the time is right, you’ll know what to do.” Rhonda smiled. She stretched her legs and rested her feet on the coffee table.

  “I do have an appointment with Pastor Cullen early next week.” Kat revealed.

  “I assume it has nothing to do with vacation bible school.” Rhonda guessed, raising an eyebrow.

  “You assume correctly.” Kat smiled at her friend. “I need to talk to Pastor Cullen about Tyler’s father and if what I’ve been telling him is the right thing to do, at least for now.”

  “That’s a good idea. I think you’ll be surprised at how much better you’ll feel after you talk with him.”

  “I think so too. At least it’s a step in the right direction.”

  Rhonda considered suggesting to Kat that she should go out and meet new people, but somehow she didn’t feel that now was the right time. It was obvious to her that Kat still had inner demons to battle with first before she was ready to take that step.

  Instead she offered, “What do you say we eat and get those training manuals done?”

  “I say let’s do it. I’m hungry all of a sudden!”

  Chapter 8

  After Kat dropped off Tyler at Rhonda’s house, she drove to Piney Grove Baptist Church. Her appointment with Pastor Cullen was this morning and she was very nervous about their meeting. Only her doctor and the Burnses knew about her rape ordeal, but after her most recent discussion with Tyler about his father, Kat knew she needed additional guidance.

  When she arrived to the church, she sat in her car for a few minutes to collect her thoughts. The night before she had slept fitfully, tossing and turning, rehearsing what she was going to tell her pastor.

  Kat trusted Pastor Cullen so she didn’t really know why she was so anxious. They had had plenty of conversations in the past, but those were always geared toward church-related activities. However, she felt connected to him because of the way he occasionally opened up about himself during services. Perhaps that is his way of healing, she thought. If he can share his personal experiences in front of an entire congregation, I should be able to handle a simple conversation with him in his office.

  When Kat stepped out of her car, she took a deep breath. It was a warm summer day and the air smelled of freshly-cut grass. She allowed herself to feel relaxed as being on sanctuary grounds always seemed to have a soothing effect on her.

  Kat walked from the parking lot to the entrance of the church office. She swung open the door and walked down a short hallway that led to the restrooms. She entered the ladies’ room and studied herself in the mirror. I can do this, she thought. Just stay focused.

  As she exited the restroom, she turned down another hallway that housed several offices. She passed the secretary’s office, which was closed. When she reached the end of the hallway where Pastor Cullen’s office was, she noticed the door was wide open. She thought back to a time when Pastor Cullen had told his congregation that his door would always be open to those who seek him.

  When she arrived, she knocked gently on the door. Pastor Cullen turned quickly in his swivel chair and returned Kat’s smile when he saw her standing there.

  “Kat! Come in, come in!” Pastor Cullen stood up from his chair and circled around his desk to greet her. He was a handsome man, in his mid-fifties, with dark hair and brown eyes. He had a kind face and always wore a smile for anyone he came in contact with. “It’s always good to see you.” He took her hands in his and shook them gently before motioning to a chair for her to sit in.

  When she was seated, Pastor Cullen took his seat once again and said, “So what brings you to my office on this beautiful day?”

  “Well….” Kat felt a lump form in her throat. God, this was harder than she thought. “I—I wanted to talk you about something that’s been bothering me for some time now.” She swallowed hard as she looked down at her hands.

  “It’s okay, take your time.” Pastor Cullen said softly, a look of concern forming on his face. He waited patiently for Kat to continue.

  Kat raised her head and faced her pastor with a sad smile. She took a deep breath and said, “Six years ago, I was assaulted in my home. As a result, I became pregnant and had a child, whom you know as Tyler.”

  Pastor Cullen sat there quietly, absorbing what he had just heard. He pulled his eyebrows together in concern and nodded gently for Kat to go on.

  “A month before the attack, my fiancé and parents were killed by a drunk driver. I was—we were—supposed to get married…” Kat lost her voice, hung her head, and began to sob.

  Pastor Cullen quickly got up from his chair and hurried around to the conference table where a box of tissues rested. He handed a tissue to Kat and took a seat in the chair next to her.

  “Thank you,” she whispered. Her voice was shaky and her shoulders were trembling. “I—I didn’t realize how hard this was going to be.”

  “It’s okay. It’s okay.” Pastor Cullen reassured her. “Kat, I am going to get you some water. Just stay right here and I’ll be right back, okay?

  Kat nodded, her hands shaking. When Pastor Cullen left the office, she reached for another tissue and blew her nose. Taking several deep breaths, she blinked her eyes several times in efforts to clear the blurriness her tears had caused. After she patted her face dry, she looked up at the ceiling and prayed. God, please give me strength.

  Pastor Cullen returned with two bottles of water in his hands. Kat looked up as he entered and gratefully accepted the drink from him. “Thank you,” she said.

  “My wife is always telling me that I drink too much coffee.” He smiled, once again taking the chair next to Kat. “So, I’ve taken a pledge to drink more water during the day. Besides, it’s been said that water is better for the soul.” He winked.

  Kat let out a small laugh. “I’ve always loved drinking water. Tyler likes to pour me water from the spout in the fridge. He tells me, ‘
Mommy, drinking water flushes out the bad germs in your body’ but I think it just makes me go to the bathroom more.”

  Pastor Cullen and Kat laughed. Feeling more at ease, Kat took another breath before speaking again. “I’m sorry I lost it back there.”

  “It’s quite all right.” Pastor Cullen said soothingly. “You are a human being with human feelings and sometimes you just have to unload those burdens eventually.” He paused as he looked at Kat, his eyes kind and caring. Leaning forward and taking her hand, he said, “I will do whatever I can to help you get through this.”

  Kat looked at her pastor with a sad smile. “Thank you. That means a lot to me.” She opened her water bottle and took a healthy swallow before continuing. “Anyway, Michael and I—Michael was my fiancé. We were engaged to be married. Tyler isn’t his. Uh—we wanted to wait until we were married.”

  Pastor Cullen nodded in appreciation. “That is admirable. Is it safe to assume it was your faith that led you to continue with your pregnancy?”

  Kat nodded. “Yes. As angry and hurt as I felt, I knew abortion wasn’t the solution. I also knew I couldn’t give up my baby for adoption.”

  Pastor Cullen continued to listen intently as Kat spoke. “This may sound strange, but I think being pregnant saved me.”

  “How do you mean?” Pastor Cullen prompted, reaching for his water bottle.

  Kat responded, “Knowing that there was a new life, this tiny human being inside of me gave me the strength to accept what had happened. It gave me the power to bring the pregnancy to term. I had lost my parents too, so I….”

  Fighting back tears, Kat went on. “I felt very alone. My parents were no longer alive, and even though I have a sister, I didn’t tell her about it. We haven’t spoken in years. She blames me for our parents’ deaths. And Michael was an orphan so he had no family members that he knew of.”