Clarissa's Choice

by MS Weinman

  Clarissa smiled. Considerate too. She released her hand from his back and reluctantly unlaced her fingers from his. She felt like she had just unplugged herself and the electricity stopped flowing, but like an appliance used for a long time, she still felt hot.

  April 12

  I went out with Tony Brooks tonight. It was amazing. I could kiss him forever!!! He says he’s going to call me tomorrow.

  How many times do you need to go out with a guy before you can call him your boyfriend?

  Chapter 5

  The surf rolled onto the sand, resounding a rhythmic crash. A lone surfer straddled his board, bobbed over the swells, and waited for the perfect wave. Dripping with salt water, Clarissa grabbed her large orange beach towel off her chair and wrapped it around her. She shook the water out of her curls, like a dog after a bath.

  As Clarissa sat down, Michelle asked, “Don’t you ever get sick of swimming?”

  “Oh yeah. But the ocean’s different. Strictly play.” She put on her sunglasses and tilted her face up toward the sky. “How come no one else wanted to come down today?”

  “I guess they think it’s not summer yet.”

  “But that’s the beauty of it. Look, we have practically this whole beach to ourselves. No sunburned inlanders with loud music and huge picnics.”

  Clarissa sank deeper into her chair. The sun had begun its slow descent from the overhead position. Sunlight sparkled on the water, making a path like a river of fireflies. She felt the warmth on her face and chest. Every muscle in her body relaxed.

  Michelle lowered her sunglasses and glanced over them at Clarissa. “What time does your boyfriend get off work?”

  “He isn’t my boyfriend.” Her face remained impassive, but inwardly, Clarissa smiled.

  “Right. OK. What time does Tony get off work?”

  “Four o’clock.”

  Michelle pushed her sunglasses up the bridge of her nose and laid her head against the back of her chair. “Are you going to see him tonight?”

  “I don’t think so. I’ve got a ton of homework, and instead of doing it, I’m sitting here with you.”

  “You’re a nice friend,” Michelle said as she patted Clarissa’s arm. “I had a shitty night last night, and I just wanted to sit on the beach today and chill.”

  “You still haven’t told me what happened.”

  “Oh, we all went out to the Point last night, and my darling Rick ignored me as usual. But come about one o’clock, when everyone started leaving, he started sniffing around me, looking to come over to my house.”

  “What did you do?”

  “I let him.”

  After taking a sip out of her soda can, Clarissa asked, “Did you sleep with him?

  “Yeah. But I’m getting sick of this schizophrenic relationship. He is so nice to me when we are alone, but in public …”

  Clarissa regarded her friend. She is so beautiful and smart and funny and fun. “Why do you stay with him?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. I guess I’m afraid.”

  Clarissa opened her mouth, expecting the words “Afraid of what?” to come tumbling out. But her mind answered before the words came. Afraid of being alone. Afraid of not being enough. Afraid of not being worthy of love. Do all the girls our age feel this way? Maybe even the prettiest ones? Do boys feel like this? Reclining her chair all the way back into the sand, she turned over onto her stomach.

  Michelle copied Clarissa’s position. “Anyway, Jay was asking where you were last night.”

  “Did you tell him?”

  “Yep. He seemed kind of sad.”

  “Oh, come on.”

  Michelle sat up on her elbows and looked Clarissa straight in the eyes. “I’m serious, Clarissa. Jay really likes you. I can tell.”

  “He likes me because we’re friends.”

  “You just don’t see how many guys are attracted to you.”

  Clarissa took off her sunglasses and shut her eyes. “I think you’re crazy.”

  Clarissa dropped her beach bag and put her ringing phone up to her ear.

  Tony’s voice rang out, “Hey, Clarissa.”

  A smile washed over Clarissa’s face. She walked back into her bedroom, sat down on the floor with her back against her bed, and became immersed in conversation about school, friends, work, swimming, baseball, and family. After a while, she looked up at the clock. “Oh my god, Tony! We’ve been talking for almost two hours.”

  “Wow, have we really?”

  “I haven’t done any of my homework, and I’m still in my bathing suit.” Clarissa put a strand of hair in her mouth and licked the salt off it. “I’d better get into the shower.”

  “OK, I’ll let you go. Are you coming to my baseball game?”

  “Sure, if you want me to.”

  “My mom was wondering if you would come over for dinner afterward.”

  Making a triumphant fist pump that only she could see, Clarissa said, “Sure, I’d love to.”

  As she hung up the phone, Clarissa lay down on the floor and stared up at her white ceiling. He wants me to meet his mother. He really likes me.

  Pulling up into the driveway of a small white bungalow, Tony parked in front of a one-car garage. He ran around the car to grab Clarissa’s hand as she got out. She could faintly hear the sound of the waves crashing on the beach.

  “I like your house,” Clarissa said as they entered the small living room with light-blue walls and hardwood floors. The room felt clean and orderly.

  “Oh, thanks. We used to have a big house on the bluff before my mom and dad got divorced. But this is OK for the two of us, I guess.”

  A quick tour of the house ended in Tony’s tiny bedroom. “My mom won’t be home for about an hour. Do you mind if I take a shower?” Tony asked. “I’m still sweaty from the game.”

  “Go ahead,” Clarissa said.

  “Here.” Tony picked up a remote and clicked on the TV that was perched on top of his dresser. “I’ll only be a couple of minutes.”

  After handing the remote to Clarissa, Tony disappeared into the room next door. Clarissa could hear the shower turn on. She surfed through a few stations and indulged in an internal laugh. I am watching TV on Tony Brooks’s bed.

  She looked around the room. Baseball posters, a dresser, a guitar in the corner. No pictures of old girlfriends—good. A bit neater than my room—I’m not sure if that’s good or bad.

  The shower stopped, and the sound of the shower door opening and closing resonated through the wall. Suddenly, Tony appeared in the room, hair dripping wet, a towel wrapped around his waist.

  “Sorry. I forgot my clothes,” he said as he rummaged through his dresser drawers.

  “That’s OK.” Clarissa tried to fix her gaze on the TV. She found herself moving just her eyes to sneak a look at his torso without getting caught. To her, his back looked like a beautiful sculpture, broad in the shoulders and narrow at the waist. She could see the outline of the muscles in his back and arms as he reached into a lower drawer. She started feeling aroused looking at him.

  As Tony turned around, Clarissa darted her eyes back to the TV screen.

  “I’ll be right back.”

  “OK,” Clarissa said, with her eyes still on the TV set.

  In a few minutes, Tony came back into the room wearing jeans and a green T-shirt. Water dripped off his hair onto his shoulders. He climbed over Clarissa to the other side of the double bed. “Watching anything good?”

  “Nope. Want this?” Clarissa asked, holding out the remote. Clarissa inhaled his clean, soapy smell.

  “No thanks.” Tony rolled to his side, facing Clarissa. He rested his body up on his elbow. He placed his lips on Clarissa’s as he set his free hand on her stomach.

  She responded to his kisses, each one growing deeper and more passionate. Lacing her hands in his hai
r, she pulled her body tightly against his. Their legs intertwined. He began kissing her cheek then her neck. Clarissa felt a tightness between her legs as Tony moved his hand inside her shirt, up her bare back. She began gently biting his earlobe, and he let out a low moan. Tony was moving his hand around to Clarissa’s stomach and up toward her breast when they heard the front door open.

  April 25

  I just got back from dinner at Tony’s house. As we were driving home, he told me how much his mom liked me. Maternal approval—this has got to be a good thing.

  I think that my mom likes him. She told him to write his snack requests on the grocery list. Who knows what my dad thinks. I bet that, besides Michelle, he doesn’t even know one of my friends’ names.

  I hope that my mom doesn’t start with the “I think Tony might want to move things along faster than you do” talk. I mean, how fast does she think I want to move things along when I don’t even know? I want Tony wicked bad when we are together. But I don’t want to get pregnant. And I don’t want him to break up with me if I won’t have sex with him. I love him.

  It all seems very complicated to me.

  Clarissa unzipped the large compartment of her backpack and rummaged through its contents. Pulling out a stack of typewritten papers stapled neatly in the upper left-hand corner, she turned toward the posters on her wall. “Look, Natalie, an A+ on my English paper.”

  Sitting on the edge of the bed, she thumbed through each page, savoring the red cursive “Good” scribbled on each paragraph. She flopped onto her back and tossed her paper to the carpet. Berkeley, here I come.

  They gathered around the marble-topped bar of Adam’s Mediterranean mansion. The swimming pool glowed green beyond the leaded-glass doors. When the blender stopped, Rob poured margaritas into large salt-rimmed glasses for Clarissa, Michelle, Tony, Adam, and himself.

  Rob licked some salt off his glass and asked, “So, Michelle, to what do we owe the pleasure of your company this evening?”

  Michelle took a sip of her margarita. “Well, Rob, my boyfriend is out with the boys again.”

  “His loss is our gain,” Rob said as he toasted with Adam.

  Adam slid over next to Michelle and put his arm around her shoulder. “I’ve got to tell you, Michelle, if you were my girlfriend, I sure wouldn’t leave you to go out with the boys.”

  “Thank you.” Michelle clinked her glass against Adam’s.

  Tony gulped down the last of his margarita. “Who’s ready for a swim?”

  The grid of Ocean City’s lights sparkled beyond and below the luminous, zero-edge pool, presenting a stark contrast to the vast darkness of the sea. The guys were already in the water when Clarissa and Michelle strolled out onto the deck in their bikinis.

  Tony let out a slow, appreciative whistle.

  “Things are really looking up around here,” Adam said.

  Clarissa and Michelle walked slowly down the broad steps in the shallow end. Michelle rose up on her toes when her stomach hit the water. Clarissa reached the third step and dived in, swimming underwater and surfacing right in front of Tony. He wrapped her up tightly in his arms.

  “Should we help Michelle into the water?” Rob asked. He began to inch toward her.

  “I’m in, I’m in,” Michelle said as she dunked her head under the water.

  “I fired up the Jacuzzi, if anybody’s cold,” Adam said.

  Michelle swam toward the far corner of the deep end and pulled herself into the warm water. Like magnets, Rob and Adam followed her.

  “Are you cold?” Tony whispered to Clarissa.

  “Not when I’m next to you.” Clarissa wrapped her arms around Tony’s neck and kissed him. Then, she ducked under the water and swam away. Tony chased after her in vain. Stopping at the wall, she allowed herself to be caught. And kissed.

  Tony ran his hand over her wet, slick hair. Giving a gentle tug on the ends, he pulled her chin up and kissed her neck.

  “Hey, you two, how about some more margaritas?” Rob asked.

  Tony mumbled into Clarissa’s neck, “You want one?”

  She pressed her lips close to his ear. “Sure.”

  Tony pulled Clarissa tightly against him. “OK, we’re in.”

  When Rob brought out the margaritas, Clarissa and Tony slid into the Jacuzzi. Air jets churned the surface of the water like a pot boiling over. They all talked, laughed, and sipped their drinks. Rob and Adam did their best to sound clever and charming in order to impress Michelle. Clarissa and Tony sat close, his arm around her shoulder and her leg draped over his. The combination of margaritas and warm water made Clarissa feel confident and relaxed.

  When they had all sipped to the bottom of their glasses, Adam asked, “Anyone ready for a movie?”

  “I am,” Michelle said as she climbed out of the water. First Rob’s and Adam’s eyes then their bodies followed her toward the towels and the house.

  As Clarissa started to climb out of the water, Tony grabbed her arm and gently pulled her back down.

  “We’ll be there in a minute,” he said.

  With their friends out of sight, Tony seized Clarissa’s hands and lifted her onto his lap. Her legs straddled his, their lips inches apart. He kissed her urgently. She kissed him back with the same insistency. Tony placed Clarissa’s hands up on his shoulders. Sliding his hands up her thighs, he rested them on the back of her purple batik bathing suit bottoms.

  Delicately, Tony began kissing down Clarissa’s neck, following the string that held up her suit. Kissing the inside edge of her triangular top, he let out a soft “Mmm …” Clarissa felt him growing hard beneath her as he gradually pushed his tongue under her suit. Before she knew it, she was arching her back as Tony licked and kissed her erect nipple. Her insides felt tight as Tony rhythmically pushed his groin against hers. His hands reached up her thighs once more, this time sliding under her suit. Opening her legs slightly, Tony moved his fingers between Clarissa’s thighs to the place of her deepest arousal.

  Clarissa’s mind went in two directions. Oh, this feels so good, and I have got to stop. Removing her hands from Tony’s shoulders, she wrapped them around his forearms and pulled his hands from underneath her suit.

  “We’ve got to stop,” she whispered. Adjusting her top, she slid off Tony’s lap and nestled next to him.

  Tony didn’t move, except to lay the back of his head against the Jacuzzi’s edge. Afraid he was angry, Clarissa asked, “Is everything OK?”

  A broad grin slowly spread across Tony’s face. With his eyes still closed, he said, “Oh yeah, everything is just fine.” Underwater, Tony grasped Clarissa’s hand.

  She asked, “Do you want to go inside?”

  Tony lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it gently. “You’re going to have to give me a minute, if you know what I mean.”

  Clarissa and Tony found Michelle and Adam lying with their heads on the opposite arms of the brown leather sofa, feet intermingled. Rob was sprawled across the oversize matching chair.

  “Just in time for the credits,” Rob said as he sat up in the chair.

  “Did we miss anything good?” Tony asked.

  “The movie sucked. But I got to share the sofa with Michelle,” Adam said. Michelle sat up and patted Adam’s leg, as if to say thank you.

  They all walked out the front door. Illuminated by various garden lights, an expansive lawn stretched before them. The eucalyptus trees that dotted the wall surrounding the property gave off a pungent odor. A circular driveway connected the wall’s two heavy wooden gates. As Michelle started to climb into the back seat of Tony’s car, Adam yelled, “Hey, Michelle!” She backed out and looked at him. “If that boyfriend of yours doesn’t treat you right, you just let me know.” She blew him a kiss and climbed back into the car.

  A strong wind had just started blowing. Clarissa could hear it rustling the trees outside her windo
w, drowning out the soft music that floated through her pitch-black room. Lying in bed, Clarissa played the evening back in her mind. She could still smell the chlorine from the Jacuzzi in her hair and on her skin.

  Tony is kissing me. He gently bites my lower lip. He kisses my cheek then nibbles on my earlobe. She felt the familiar tightness between her thighs return. Sliding her hand down her stomach, she stroked between her legs, allowing her hands to explore. She experimented with the pressure of her touch, sometimes soft, sometimes firm. His fingertips squeeze my nipples. His hands move downward. Clarissa grew more excited by her thoughts and touch. He is stroking me under my bathing suit. I can feel him pushing against me.

  Suddenly, a wave of ecstasy pulsed through Clarissa’s body. It was beautiful and intense.

  Chapter 6

  Clarissa listened to the drops of rare spring rain strike the ground outside her bedroom. Through the open window, she inhaled the refreshing smell of the wet concrete.

  Retrieving the phone from her nightstand, she dialed Michelle’s number. “I’m devastated!” Clarissa exclaimed. She rearranged the pillows so she could sit up in bed.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Tony is going to New York to be with his dad and brother!”

  “He’s moving? When?”

  Clarissa rolled her eyes. “No, he’s not moving. He’s going for spring break.”

  “Jesus, Clarissa. You made it sound like he was leaving forever. Get a grip.”

  “Sorry.” Clarissa put her phone on speaker and grabbed a bottle of Fireside Crimson nail polish off her nightstand. She began stroking the polish onto the nails of her left hand. “I’m just so bummed. Everyone is going somewhere except me. I thought Tony was going to be here and we could spend the entire spring break together. Now I’m going to be the only one in town.”