Hawke's Game

by Natasha West

  And maybe Jessica could get something out of this too. Her unhappiness in the marriage was screaming out and maybe I could lift her self-esteem a little while still getting what I wanted.

  I suddenly looked at my watch in shock at the passing of time.

  ‘Oh, I’m supposed to be at the hair dressers in ten minutes!’

  Jessica looked a little crestfallen.

  ‘I’m sorry to dash but can I give you my number? Maybe we can take a class together sometime?’

  She seemed pleased that I wasn’t going to disappear from her life so quickly.

  ‘Yes, that sounds nice.’

  We swapped numbers and I left her at the smoothie bar with a promise to be in touch. And I certainly would be. Because there was a deadline looming.

  In the car on the way home, I called Jacob.

  ‘Jacob, your business reporter friend, does he know exactly when the board of Murphy’s house is going to announce Alexandra Murphy as its CEO?’

  ‘I believe he said it was the twentieth, three weeks from now.’

  ‘Great. And if I delivered a scandal to you on a silver platter concerning that candidate, might that be something you’d be interested in printing?’

  ‘Yes, I believe it would.’

  He paused.

  ‘And would that particular scandal be the type that might put a spanner in the works of that potential CEO before she can get her hands on the brass ring?’

  I smiled to myself. Nothing got past Jacob. My plan was indeed to take Alex’s job from her. Maybe I might get my book deal book back once she was gone. Maybe not. But primarily, I wanted to take something important from her. To repay in kind.

  ‘I think it might. Would that be a problem for you?’

  ‘Not if it doesn’t lead to a lawsuit for me. And it will if you get anywhere near it.’

  ‘My byline won’t be on this. You can give it to someone else.’

  ‘And later on? When Alexandra Murphy goes looking for my source and finds out you work for this website?’

  ‘I promise you, I won’t leave a fingerprint on this. It will never be anything she can prove.’

  ‘You better be right about that. Can I ask, what the hell happened with this woman that she wants to ruin you?’

  I was about to answer when he beat me to it.

  ‘Let me guess, she’s one of your former conquests gone wrong?’

  The man was psychic.

  ‘What makes you say that?’

  ‘Because I know you. Your Achilles heel is sex. Always has been.’

  ‘I can neither confirm nor deny that statement.’

  ‘Of course you can’t. But just be careful with this. It could blow up in your face.’

  I thanked him for his concern and hung up. It was interesting that he’d linked my problems to sex. I suppose to an outsider it would appear to be my kryptonite. But that had never quite been the problem for me. It was always something more elusive than sex that I wanted.

  No, sex wasn’t my weakness. And in my quest to take down Alexandra Murphy, it might even turn out to be a strength.

  Chapter Twelve

  I let a day pass before I texted Jessica. I didn’t have a ton of time to waste but running into this all guns blazing was unlikely to yield the result I needed. I told her I had an appointment in West Medford later and I had a little time to spare afterward if she wanted to grab a coffee? Very casual, but I knew before I got her reply ten minutes later that she was going to say yes. The woman was starved for attention and ‘Beth’ was going to offer her all the affirmation she craved. And right now, it was all innocent. Jessica didn’t have to feel like she was doing anything wrong. Not yet.

  On my way to the coffee place, my phone rang. For a second, I thought of Lauren but as I looked down, it wasn’t her. It was Penny. I hit the speaker button.

  ‘Penny, how’s the book going?’

  ‘I don’t want to speak prematurely, but it feels like I’ve turned a corner.’

  I was pleased for her. I knew how it felt to be stuck in a literary quagmire.

  ‘That’s great news. Did you try the outline thing I suggested?’

  ‘Yep, wrote a new outline and it’s changed everything. I’ve been redrafting like a crazy person since then and it feels like a new book.’

  ‘Sounds like you don’t need me anymore then’ I teased.

  ‘Well, I wouldn’t go that far. Actually, I was thinking, I know you hate being thanked so I won’t do that again, but maybe I could take you to dinner instead? As a friends thing.’

  I was surprised by her boldness, she would never have initiated something like that when I’d first met her. She’d barely been able to look me in the eye. It showed how much she’d grown up. And this new Penny, I wanted to get to know her better, to know what her life was now.

  ‘Well, if it means you won’t thank me anymore, then I’ll most certainly take it.’

  ‘Great! You wouldn’t be free tonight, would you?’

  I considered. I’d gotten my work out of the way for the day, having bashed out a follow up article on Stephen Griffin this morning, describing the charges he was facing. And this afternoon’s ‘activity’ shouldn’t take up too much time. And at the end of the day was an empty house and an empty evening, one of my first without Lauren. It would be nice to have my mind taken off that.

  ‘That works for me. Pick a place and text me the details later.’

  ‘Sure, see you later.’

  We hung up just as I was pulling into the coffee shop and I suddenly wondered what Penny would think if she knew what I was doing with Jessica. For some reason, that disturbed me. But only for a moment.

  I walked into the coffee shop to see Jessica waiting to give her order to the woman behind the counter. She was a little more dressed up today than the gym, in a short, red dress that accentuated her small waist, with heels that showed off her long slender legs. I had a sudden feeling that I’d be mixing business with pleasure.

  She’d reached the front of the queue.

  ‘Can I have a skinny soy latte, please?’

  I sidled up to her, saying ‘And I’ll have the same.’

  She looked around in pleasant surprise.

  ‘Hi!’

  We did a double cheek air kiss and I saw her do a subtle outfit check, but I’d dressed for the occasion, swapping my usual dark tailored smart attire for a white skirt and white blouse combination, with a large black belt for a monochromatic affect. It wasn’t my normal taste, but I selected it carefully to go with ‘Beth’s’ lifestyle while still being flattering to me, and I could see that it had flicked Jessica’s switch.

  We got our drinks and sat down.

  ‘Thanks for being able to meet on such short notice.’

  ‘Oh, I wasn’t up to much today. I just had to drop my wife off at the airport.’

  I noticed that her voice had dropped on ‘wife’ as if she’d realised midway through her sentence that she didn’t really want to mention Alex. But I was glad she’d brought her up. It saved me having to.

  ‘Oh? Where’s she going?’

  ‘Business trip to Antwerp.’

  ‘How long is she gone for?’

  It was a loaded question, although not for the reasons Jessica probably thought.

  ‘Four days.’

  I hadn’t anticipated such a lengthy business trip, although I’d hoped that her busy company-running schedule might get her out of the way. But four days out of the country was more than I could have hoped for.

  ‘What does she do?’

  I could see that Jessica wasn’t keen to keep discussing her but I needed to get her talking about Alex.

  ‘She runs a big publishing company.’

  I raised an impressed eyebrow.

  ‘Wow. That sounds like a lot of work.’

  She looked away.

  ‘Yes, it is. She works a lot.’

  I nodded.

  ‘It’s tough, sometimes, isn’t it? When you’ve got a big import
ant spouse, running all over the place. Sometimes you feel a bit forgotten.’

  She smiled timidly in agreement with the sentiment and I could see how lonely she was.

  ‘What does your wife do?’

  ‘Oh, she’s in finance. Very dull, but very well paid.’

  The insult to my imaginary wife was subtle but it landed. Jessica gave a small private smile.

  We talked for another half hour and I learned that despite Alex’s job, Jessica wasn’t much of a reader. She liked movies though. Not just the rom-coms, she was quite a film buff, with broad tastes in all sorts of genres. It made me wonder why she’d married Alex, who I recalled was pretty snobby about the visual arts. Alex was a book person through and through, which probably came from her grandfather.

  As we discussed movies she liked, she mentioned one that she’d missed recently, a Swedish art film that she’d wanted to see. I jumped on it.

  ‘A friend of mine told me that one was good. I don’t usually like subtitles though.’

  ‘Oh, you’re missing so much!’ she said. She seemed genuinely sorry for me.

  ‘Well, you certainly seem to love the foreign flicks. Maybe I should give them a try if you think I’m missing out?’

  I wondered if she was going to take the bait.

  She shrugged her shoulders, affecting indifference, as she said ‘Why don’t you come over to my place and we can see that Swedish one together?’

  It made me wonder, how far was she willing to let this get? Would she let me take her to a hotel right this second if I asked? I thought not.

  Because there was a sad quality to Jessica. And it made me think that things had been going pretty badly with Alex for quite some time. It wasn’t new. She wasn’t some bored housewife looking for an affair to bring excitement to her life. She was genuinely unhappy in a way that serial cheats generally didn’t suffer from. It was the kind of unhappiness that comes from seeing something you’ve put everything into sliding down the tube. I had a feeling it was quite a big deal for her to even consider an affair.

  Picking up on these things about Jessica made this whole thing a lot easier. Part of me had thought that if Alex and Jessica’s marriage had been a good one, I might just have had to find another way to get what I wanted. But it was obviously not the case. And I had four days with Jessica to let her make the decision to break her vows. I promised myself I’d make it worth her while.

  I smiled shyly at the invitation.

  ‘That sounds nice.’

  We made plans for me to come over the night after next. I promised to bring the low calorie popcorn.

  Later on, after changing into more ‘me’ clothing, I was waiting in the restaurant that Penny had picked. It was Italian food, which certainly confirmed the platonic nature of the meeting. Spaghetti, pizza, all very non sexy foods to consume in front of someone else.

  I was nibbling on a bread stick when she came in and looked around for me. I put a hand up to catch her attention. She saw me and gave an awkward little wave. It was very Penny. I had to push back a grin as she sat down.

  ‘You beat me! I’m always the first to arrive for everything, and you actually beat me.’

  ‘Imagine that. Look, before we get to the awkward part…’

  She looked a bit edgy at what I might be about to say.

  ‘…I’m not letting you pay for this. You’re a student. I remember how broke I was at your age.’

  Her anxiety dropped, replaced by mild outrage.

  ‘But it’s my thank you. So I don’t have to say it again. Because I know you hate that.’

  ‘I get to eat my food in good company. That’s payment enough.’

  She accepted the compliment but the fight hadn’t quite gone out of her.

  ‘Are you trying to make this difficult?’ she said cheekily.

  ‘I never try to make anything difficult. It just happens naturally.’

  She chuckled at that and I knew the debate was over.

  ‘Fine. But now I have to get you a fruit basket or something.’

  ‘I don’t like fruit all that much.’

  She sighed with comical exasperation.

  ‘Damn it!’

  I laughed bodily at her exasperation and she joined me. It felt nice. She took her coat off and hung it off the back of her chair, saying ‘I’m starving. Do you know what you’re having?’

  And just like that, it was like the old days. Easy, agreeable. Whatever had happened at the end of our affair, it seemed possible that we might just be able to get past it.

  By the time desert came, she knew about the vague details of my cancelled book, and my break up. Her sympathies were mixed with outrage at the treatment I’d received, which she perceived as utterly unfair. She felt Lauren should have been more supportive.

  ‘Yes, perhaps she should have. But I don’t blame her.’

  ‘Why not? I would. What’s the point of a girlfriend that doesn’t have your back when things go wrong?’

  ‘It was complicated. It wasn’t the only problem, just the straw that broke the camel’s back.’

  ‘Why was it complicated, if you don’t mind me asking?’

  ‘Because of me. The whole Julia Hawke package, which comes complete with sex scandals and notoriety.’

  She tutted, vexed.

  ‘You shouldn’t see yourself like that. Everyone has baggage. I bet she had some.’

  ‘Nope, she was pretty perfect.’

  ‘That’s hard to believe.’

  I smiled wickedly.

  ‘Well, there was one thing…’

  She leaned in hopefully.

  ‘She used to go to the toilet in front of me.’

  Penny exploded into a guffaw.

  ‘Is that it?’

  I was indignant.

  ‘What do you mean ‘is that it? It’s pretty disgusting.’

  ‘I think it’s fairly normal. Unless… It was just number one, right?’

  I almost snorted my amusement into my drink. Penny always could make me laugh. It felt good after the week I’d had.

  ‘So, how about you?’

  ‘How about me what?’

  ‘Well, what’s going on in the romance department?’

  She shrugged.

  ‘Not much to report.’

  ‘Hard to believe.’

  ‘Why is that?’

  I was about to say that hot girls don’t usually stay on the market for long, but I realised that was completely inappropriate, given that we were trying to be friends.

  ‘I’m just surprised that you haven’t found someone nice to settle down with yet. It’s been a while since…’ I broke off there. I had nearly made a reference to our little tryst, but again, that kind of talk was supposed to be off the table. Wow, this was a minefield. I’d never tried to be friends with an ex before, so it came as a shock at how easy it was to step over the line. But Penny gave me a sweet look of encouragement.

  ‘It’s OK to mention the past. I don’t want to pretend it didn’t happen. Do you?’

  I shook my head, agreeing strongly.

  ‘No. I don’t want to pretend that at all. I’m just trying not to be… inappropriate.’

  She giggled.

  ‘Wow. You have changed.’

  We both shared a meaningful smile at that. Then she became serious.

  ‘This is difficult, isn’t it? Knowing what’s OK. I’ve been trying to follow your lead.’

  I threw up my hands, giving up any idea that there was a proper way to do this.

  ‘I’m as lost as you.’

  ‘OK, then. I guess we’ll just have to figure it out together. If you really want to do this friends thing?’

  ‘I’d really like to try.’

  She picked up her glass and raised it.

  ‘To friendship, then.’

  I clinked my glass against hers.

  ‘To friendship.’

  We sipped our wines as I wondered to myself whether I could really do this. And the answer that came back w
as… Maybe. Maybe I could. And that was good enough.

  Chapter Thirteen

  ‘To friendship, then’ I said, clinking my glass against Julia’s.

  ‘To friendship’ she agreed.

  I took a sip and watched as Julia drank hers. I was so glad we’d managed to get past the awkward phase we’d seemed stuck in initially. Feeling like I had to watch every word I said around her, it dragged me back to the girl I’d been when I’d first met her. That girl had been shy, bumbling and nervous. I didn’t ever want to feel like that girl again. She hadn’t known what she wanted, what she needed. I didn’t want Julia to see me in that old way, I wanted her to see the woman that I’d become, in some ways the woman she’d helped me become.

  After dinner, Julia suggested a bar and it was still fairly early and I thought ‘why not?’ I didn’t want to drink too much because tomorrow was a writing day and I wanted to bang out as much as I could. But for now, being with Julia was fun and I wasn’t ready for it to be over.

  In the bar, I insisted on buying the first round, seeing as she’d paid for dinner. As I was standing at the bar waiting, I turned to see that some guy was talking to Julia. We’d been here all of two minutes and she was already getting hit on. I heard her say ‘No thank you.’ But the guy was persistent, he wasn’t leaving. In fact, he’d stepped a little closer to her. She looked annoyed. I was maddened for her and I wondered if I should go over to help, but watching how Julia was handling him, she didn’t really look in much need of rescue.

  The woman behind the bar gave me my drinks and I went over. Julia took the drink from me with an eye roll. I grinned back, beginning to find it amusing.

  The guy, who was about forty, with hipster beard and tattoos, looked over and said ‘Who’s your friend?’

  And Julia said ‘She’s not a friend, she’s my girlfriend, and we’re enjoying our evening together so why don’t leave us to it?’

  I knew Julia was just trying to get rid of the guy but it jolted me slightly hearing her refer to me as a girlfriend, even in jest.

  The guy started to grin and he opened his mouth but before he could get a word out, Julia cut him off.