Forgiving Patience

by Jennifer Simpkins

  She poured herself a cup of coffee, forgetting about asking him again. If he wanted some, he could get it himself. She added her creamer, and when she was satisfied with the flavor, she went and sat on the couch she rarely used. Jake sat in the oversized chair just opposite. She missed his closeness, but it made what she had to say, or better yet, ask, easier.

  She’d never been strong enough to hear the details of Jake’s betrayal, but she was ready now. It was a night for answers.

  “So, what’s got you up after midnight drinking coffee?” he asked. His hair was unruly, and sleepiness was still evident in his eyes.

  “I need to know about Cara, Jake.” There, she said it. It was finally out there. There was no taking it back now.

  “Oh hell, Anna. You want to talk about that right now?”

  “Yes. I need to know, and I need to know right now. The not knowing is driving me crazy. I think I deserve that much.”

  “You’re right, you do, but I don’t see why we have to talk about it this minute. We have a wedding to go to tomorrow, and I don’t know about you, but I need to get my beauty sleep.”

  “It’s not funny, and I don’t appreciate you brushing it off like it meant nothing. Maybe to you it was just another night, but to me it was life shattering, and I think I deserve more than a cute remark.”

  “You’re right—”

  “You’ve already said that, so get to talking,” she interrupted.

  “Okay.” The way he was violently rubbing his palms over his face told her he wasn’t looking forward to the long overdue conversation. “It was the night after you met me in the barn and broke things off with me. Bradley was having a bonfire party, and as you can imagine, he invited girls. Tommy was there, so was Em, even Tex.”

  “I get it, everyone was there. I don’t need a list of names. I need to know how you ended up sleeping with her.”

  “You breaking up with me blindsided me. I was in love with you. Tex had gotten one of his older friends to score us some alcohol, so I had more than a few beers. I was walking around the field by myself when I came up on the barn we met at the night before.”

  “You slept with her at the last place we were together? You sorry son-of-a-bitch.” She stood to walk off and leave the conversation and the old wounds that were surfacing. She thought she could do this, but she couldn’t. Why would she want to know about one of the worst nights of her life?

  “You wanted to know, so I’m telling you. Sit down and listen.”

  She stalked off, too riled up to hold it in, then she stalked back. “You don’t tell me what to do.”

  “Can you please just let me finish?”

  She sat back down, but not because he demanded she do so. But because whether she wanted to or not, she needed to hear this, and it had been her idea to get it rolling.

  “I don’t know why I wanted to torture myself by going to the last place I saw you, but I did. I was trying to figure out what had happened and how things changed so quickly. I heard someone crying, so I called out. It was Cara. She was mumbling all sorts of things, but I was going through my own shit so I just kept saying ‘yeah, yeah.’ When she wouldn’t stop crying, I did all I knew to do. I rubbed her back and told her it was going to be okay. Not that I believed anything was going to be okay for myself, but it seemed to work for her because she was finally making some sense.” He stopped to rub his hands up and down his face again, this time not so hard.

  “Well, aren’t you just a knight in shining armor?”

  “What was I supposed to do, leave her there to bawl her eyes out? I can be a son-of-a-bitch, as you like to point out every chance you get, but I wasn’t going to just walk away, leaving her to cry all alone. I watched my mom cry for a month straight after my dad died, and it broke me. I can’t just leave a woman when she needs help. I’m sorry for a lot of things, but that I’m not.”

  “Fine, go ahead, even though I think it’s obvious that there were other ways you could’ve handled things—like going to get one of her friends. But, whatever. You can’t go back and change what you did, so just tell me what happened next.”

  “I did ask if she needed me to go get one of her friends, but she said no. She didn’t want anyone to know what had happened. She was embarrassed.”

  “About what?”

  “Her boyfriend, an older boy she was dating over in Knight County, had just broken up with her. She was supposed to introduce him to all her friends at the party, and all the girls thought it was cool that she had an older boyfriend.”

  “That’s nothing. Em always dated older boys.”

  “I don’t know, Anna. All I do know is she was embarrassed because he didn’t come with her to the party. We were kind of in the same boat, so, since she’d opened up to me, I just decided to join in on the pity party. Nobody knew about me and you. Bradley suspected, because he’s my brother. He just can tell when something’s up, but unless you told Em, nobody knew.”

  “I didn’t. That whole next day I stayed to myself. I remember her trying to call and probably invite me to that party, but I just wasn’t ready to talk to her. I didn’t want to talk to anyone.”

  “Well, I had to get things out and sorted. I was trying to figure out what I had done for you to just end things the way you did. Cara and I were just talking, and then she came up with this plan. She was mad more than hurt. She suggested that we tell everyone we slept together.”

  “Wait. What did you just say?” Anna swore her own heart stopped beating. The shock of his words paralyzed her.

  “Cara and I never were together.”

  “You’ve got to be kidding me? Why would y’all do that?”

  “She wanted to make her ex-boyfriend jealous, and I just didn’t care anymore. You’d ended things with me. Nothing mattered to me after that. The next day when she told everyone…I just didn’t deny it. It wasn’t like I cheated on you because you had already broken up with me, so I didn’t see the harm.”

  The pain of betrayal hit Anna hard. She was seething with anger. “You didn’t see the harm in breaking my heart?”

  “You broke me too, Anna. I don’t know what else to say.”

  “I didn’t lie to you. Everything I said was the truth.”

  “That’s the thing, you didn’t tell me anything. You telling me you couldn’t do this anymore was a lame excuse for leaving. If you would’ve just told me what was really going on, things might’ve been different. What did you expect me to do?”

  “Nothing. I guess I should’ve expected nothing out of you. Get out.”

  “No.”

  “I said get out. I can’t do this with you right now. Just, please go.”

  “Anna, you wanted to know, and I was just telling you how it all went down.”

  “I said, go,” she shouted.

  “Don’t shut down on me now. Whether you like it or not, you feel things for me. And for us to work it out, you’re going to have to start talking to me. If you want to yell, yell. If you want to slap me, I can’t say that I would enjoy it, but I’ll take it. Just do something besides shut me out.”

  There was nothing she wanted to do. She couldn’t yell, and while slapping him would’ve made her feel good for the moment, it still wouldn’t have changed anything. She would still feel hurt and lied to.

  “Go.”

  * * * *

  Pulling down the long, curvy driveway, Jake felt like he was coming home. And home was where he needed to be at the moment. He’d screwed up. He stopped his truck just behind Bradley’s Jeep, grabbed his tuxedo for the wedding, and walked around to the back. Growing up, his house was always one where friends entered through the back door. He always thought it odd, but over time realized it made the house seem more inviting. When his mom had been alive, everyone was welcomed in the Lawrence home. She was never one to turn a stranger away. God, he missed her.

  Lucy, Bradley’s basset hound, met him on the porch. He patted her head, gently moving the lazy dog out of the way of the door so he could
enter.

  “Bradley, I’m here,” Jake hollered through the house.

  He laid his garment bag on the arm of the chair and made his way to the kitchen to get a cold RC Cola out of the fridge. He popped the can and took a long swig. It was ice-cold and took his breath away. It gave him a kick, but not the kind he needed. He needed a kick in the butt, and only one person could give that to him and live to tell about it.

  “Bradley, where you at?”

  “Right here, bro. Why aren’t you dressed?”

  Bradley had all the Lawrence good looks when he used his swagger and walked into the kitchen. He was already dressed in his tux. He reminded Jake so much of their dad. It hurt to look at Bradley and see his dad’s eyes staring back at him.

  “I brought my tux with me. It was too damn hot to ride over here in it.”

  “You look like shit today.”

  “Well, thanks, you look well yourself.”

  “No, really, what happened to you?”

  “I just didn’t get much sleep last night.” Jake’s eyes were swollen and bloodshot, and he knew his brother was only speaking the truth.

  “Sexual frustrations?”

  “Fuck off. We’re not talking about that again. Last time we kicked each other’s asses.”

  “Chill…I’m just trying to lighten your down mood.”

  Jake slumped down in a kitchen chair and raked a hand through his hair. “I screwed up. Big.”

  “Screwed up how?” Bradley pulled out a chair, turned it around, and straddled it.

  “With Anna. I told her about Cara.”

  “You what? Why would you do that? I thought things were going good between the two of you. After what happened at the bachelorette party, Cara is the last person I would’ve brought up.”

  “They are…they were, but she wanted to know, and I couldn’t lie to her anymore. I told her everything.”

  “Which was?”

  “That I never slept with Cara. That I never denied it when Cara told everyone at school that we did.”

  “You mean you never fucked her?”

  Jake had been so out of his mind that he’d never even told Bradley what had happened between him and Cara. “That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

  “You let Anna think all these years that you cheated on her? Why would you do that?”

  “I don’t know, maybe because I was pissed that she broke up with me. She left me…what was I supposed to do?”

  “Did she tell you why she broke up with you?”

  “Yes.”

  “You want to tell me why?”

  “No.” Jake couldn’t tell Bradley the real reasons for Anna’s departure. That was between him and Anna. She’d thought she was doing him a favor by leaving, and even though she was dead wrong, he couldn’t deny her reasons. There were things she’d lived through that he’d never had to think of while growing up. Not for a moment in his childhood did he feel unsafe in his own home. His heart broke for her.

  “I get that, but Anna seems like a level-headed woman. I imagine she had a damn good reason for ending things.”

  “In her mind she did.”

  “Then you are just going to have to forgive her for that. But, man, I have to say, you lying to her about Cara is messed up. That’s something I would do…not you.”

  “I know I screwed up, but I was in a bad place.”

  “I get that, but why are you just now telling her?”

  “I brought it up several times since she got back, but she didn’t want to hear it. Last night…well, it was actually early this morning, she wanted to know. You should’ve seen the way she looked at me. I thought she would be relieved.”

  “Come on, Jake, no woman is going to be happy that you’ve lied to them for what…ten…eleven years. You have to see that.”

  And Jake was seeing that. On one hand, he saw where she was coming from. She was hurt and had spent all these years believing the worst and hating him for something he hadn’t actually done. But he thought she would in some way be relieved by his lack of action. There was nothing he could do to change it now. They both had made mistakes, and now they were paying for them.

  “I know, but I don’t know how to fix it.”

  “Talk to her. Don’t let things end like this. You’ve been in a bad place since your accident and are just now getting back to a happy frame of mind. And I think Anna has something to do with that. Don’t let her go now. You just got her back.”

  “I will handle it. Thanks, bro.”

  “No prob. Now, are you going to get ready?”

  “Yeah, but I have one question.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Who’s going with us?”

  “Whatcha mean? Nobody’s going with us.”

  “You mean no hot chick will be accompanying us to the wedding?”

  “No. You know what they say about weddings. They’re good places to find hot, available women.”

  “Why didn’t I think of that? Give me a minute and we can get to the church.”

  * * * *

  “Anna, I don’t think I can do this.”

  Anna had never seen her best friend so scared. “Emilee, you listen to me. Tommy loves you. It’s rare for any of us to find a love like the both of you share. Do you love him?”

  “Of course I do.”

  “Then quit second guessing yourself, put this dress on, and get ready to walk down the aisle.”

  Anna loved her friend, but Em had picked the worst time to start having wedding jitters. The wedding was expected to start in fifteen minutes—which meant Anna had to get her friend ready and calm enough to stand on her own two feet—and put the last minute details into her own appearance. She could barely hide the gloom surrounding her. Though the sun was beaming and it was a good evening for a wedding, Anna couldn’t shake the revelations from the night before.

  But she didn’t have time to think about Jake and his betrayal. This was Em and Tommy’s day, and Anna’s emotions would have to come later. And later they would come. After she’d turned her back on Jake and insisted he leave, she hadn’t gotten much sleep. Zero sleep was more accurate. She drank a pot of coffee, emailed Liza, and tried reading, but nothing would help her forget Jake. Whether she liked it or not, she was going to have to feel the pain he’d caused all over again. And she didn’t know if she could survive it for a second time.

  “Do you need me to do anything?” Georgia asked, thankfully interrupting Anna’s thoughts.

  “No, I think we’re going to be good now.” Anna turned to Em. “Aren’t we, Em?”

  “Sorry, girls, I’m getting married. I do get the right to want to run, don’t I? It’s written in the wedding handbook or something.”

  Georgia, being bubbly and full of romantic notions, said, “Em, thank you for letting me come to your wedding. You are a beautiful bride, and even though I don’t know you, I can tell that you and Tommy have something others search their whole lives for. I, along with most, am envious of that kind of love. I wish nothing but happiness for the two of you.”

  Anna saw a tear slide down Em’s cheek. “No, there will be no crying. It took you almost an hour to get your face the way you wanted it. We don’t have time to reapply.” Anna shoved a tissue into Em’s hand, forcing her to gently dab at the falling tears. They were on a strict timeline, and crying wasn’t an option. The tears needed to be saved for the actual ceremony.

  Or in Anna’s case, after the ceremony.

  “Georgia, that is so beautiful of you to say. How long have you lived here?” Em still looked misty-eyed.

  “I’ve only been here a couple of months. I haven’t gotten to know a lot of the people around, but the ones I’ve met seem real nice.”

  “You are a good person. Why don’t you, Anna and I, go down to Ollie’s one night after I get back from my honeymoon? It can be just a girls’ night out.”

  “That sounds like fun. I would love that,” Georgia cheerfully agreed.

  Interrupting the girl talk,
Anna chimed in, “Hate to be a downer on the girl night, but I won’t be here when you get back from your honeymoon. I plan on going back home in a few days.” Or tonight, she wanted to add, but decided to keep her mouth closed. Em would only pry, and they didn’t have time for some drawn-out discussion. And they really didn’t have time for Em to find Jake and beat the tar out of him.

  “You trying to kill me or something? I thought you were staying a little longer so you can do some finish work on the house. What’s changed?” Em took Anna’s hands and brought them down, forcing Anna to sit in the chair beside her. “Tell me, Anna.”

  “We don’t have time for this right now. You need to get your dress on. I will talk to you later.”

  “Promise?” Em asked while Georgia helped her get into her gown. “I promise.”

  She should have known that Em, even before her wedding, wouldn’t let the conversation go unchallenged. And when the time came, what was she going to say? That she’d reluctantly come back to Patience, knowing it wasn’t the best idea, but had decided her best friend came first. Now, standing in the bridal suite, Em’s life was moving forward, and Anna’s was standing still.

  “Here we go. Georgia, if you could unzip the dress, then that way I can just step into it.” Georgia did what Em said, and before Anna realized, Em was zipped up tight in her wedding dress, looking amazing. The strapless taffeta flare gown was a perfect match for Em’s body. The beautiful beading was stunning, to say the least. The open back showed off Em’s tanned skin. Anna walked over to stand behind Em in the mirror and whispered, “You really look pretty, Em.” More tears filled both girls’ eyes. They laughed and reached for a wad of tissues.

  “Well, I think I’m going to find me a seat. Good luck.” Georgia gave Em a hug, careful not to mess up the bride’s makeup, and left the bridal room.

  “Now, what did you just tell me about crying?” Em scolded, eyeing Anna in the mirror.

  “I know. I can’t help it. Just look at you. You look so beautiful. Tommy’s jaw is going to drop when he first sees you. It just really hit me that you’re getting married.”

  “Can you believe it?”