To Mend a Broken Heart

by K. A. Hobbs

  “How was work?” I ask.

  “Exciting actually, they want me to go to New York to take some photos.”

  “New York!” I exclaim, “I’m soooooo jealous!”

  “Come with me.” he smiles, filling up my wine glass.

  “What?”

  “Come with me, you said you’ve always wanted to go. So come with me. They asked if I would be taking anyone and I said yes, so it’s all paid for, you just need spending money.”

  “Are you serious?” I ask excitedly.

  “Completely. You’ll love the city, Katie.”

  “It’s just that easy isn’t it?” I laugh, “I want to go, you’re going, it’s paid for.”

  “Well… Yes.” he shrugs.

  “I’ll talk to work about it tomorrow.” I smile excitedly at him.

  “You have to live life to the full, Katie. We both know how short it is.” he takes my hand and squeezes it.

  “I know.” I whisper squeezing it back.

  We finish dinner in a comfortable silence, the music swirling around us. When we’ve finished, I help Daniel clear the plates before we settle in the lounge. I’m taken by surprise when Daniel says he needs to talk to me.

  “Should I be worried?”

  “That depends.” he sighs.

  “Okay…” I watch him. He’s nervous about something, hesitant to say whats on his mind. He seems to find the courage he needs because he looks me straight in the eyes and speaks.

  “I’m in love with you Katie.”

  I think I jerk back a little, out of everything that could have come out of his mouth, I was not expecting it to be that. I have seen the feelings he has for me, I’ve been told by everyone that Daniel has more than friendship on his mind when it comes to us, but he has never actually said it.

  “Daniel, I love you too, but not how you need me to,” I tell him honestly, “I love you like I love Ginny, I love you like a best friend. You’ve helped me heal and overcome the immense sadness I felt when I lost Richard. But I’m not ready to move on. I’m not sure I ever will be.”

  He reaches over and brushes the tears I don’t realise are falling away with his thumb. When he rests his forehead to mine and takes a deep breath, I struggle to take one of my own.

  “I love you, much, much more than a friend, Katie. You’ve allowed me to breath without hurting, you’ve shown me that life can and will go on without Poppy. You’ve given me my life back.”

  “Daniel..”

  “I love you because of all of that and I love you for so many more reasons. I love you because you’re kind and good and loving. I love you because, you gave up Christmas with Ginny to be with me so I wouldn’t be alone on the one day I desperately didn’t want to be. I love you because you're always here for me, whenever I need you. Whether it’s lunchtime or two in the morning and I’ve found one of Poppy’s little socks hiding under my bed.”

  “Please..”

  “I love you for all of those things and more. And I will always love you,” he presses a kiss to my forehead and takes another deep breath, “But I’m not naive or foolish enough to think that you feel the same for me. As much as my heart wants you to. I understand that, and that’s okay. Please don’t let it change our friendship, please don’t walk away. I cannot lose you.”

  I sit there, with Daniel’s forehead resting on mine, trying to take deep breaths, to try and calm my racing heart. After a few minutes, Daniel pulls back to look at me.

  “Stay here tonight.” he whispers.

  “Danie—”

  “You’ve stayed so many times, please. The spare room is ready for you. I’m not suggesting you stay in my room, but please, please don’t leave me alone after what I just told you,” he looks deep into my eyes before speaking again, “Please don’t leave, Katie.”

  “Okay,” I whisper, “But Dani—”

  “I know and it’s okay.”

  I get up and go upstairs then while Daniel puts our coffee cups in the dishwasher. I get ready for bed, like I have so many times before. I brush my teeth, wash my face and slip into my pyjamas. When I hear Daniel’s feet on the stairs I take a deep breath and go to the door. I open it and look out, he is just about to go into his room when I call his name. He turns around and looks at me.

  “Stay in there,” I gesture to the spare room, “With me, please.”

  He doesn’t say anything, he walks back towards me and into the room I always stay in. He pulls the covers back on one side of the bed and takes the blanket off the end of the bed. He lays on top of the bed and covers himself with it exactly like we have done so many times before. I slip under the duvet and turn on my side to face him.

  “I’m sorry, Daniel.” I reach out and rest my hand on his cheek.

  “There is no reason to be. I had to tell you, Katie. It was killing me you not knowing.”

  “I don’t know if in time,” I sigh, “It might change, Daniel.”

  “Katie,” he places a finger over my lips and gives me a sad smile, “It’s okay.”

  * * *

  I leave for work the next morning without waking Daniel. I feel guilty as soon as the front door closes behind me, but I have to try and be normal for work today, and in order for that to happen, I couldn’t see Daniel. I make it all the way to work before I get a message from him.

  Daniel: Katie, I’m sorry if I’ve upset you. I wish you had woken me before you left. Will you meet me this afternoon? Please? Daniel x

  Me: I’m sorry I didn’t wake you, but I needed a clear head for work and speaking to you would mean I didn’t have one. I’m free after 3, any good? x

  Daniel: Yes. I’ll see you at Starbucks, the usual one at 3.30. Daniel x

  What am I going to say when I see him? All day I keep running over things to say to him when I see him, but nothing seems to work. I told him I love him like a friend but do I? Or am I in denial? I try to work out what I feel for Daniel and all I have managed to come up with is that I care for him. I am pathetic. I find a parking space outside of Starbucks and take a few steadying breaths. When I walk in, I spot him straight away. He is impossible to miss, dressed in jeans, a dark blue jumper over a white shirt and a jacket in a lighter blue over the top of that he is absolutely striking in blue and my heart rates picks up a little. I wasn’t ready to try and work out why right now. I walk closer to him, he is reading something on his phone.

  “Hey you.” I say as I step up to where he is sitting.

  “Katie.” he stands and comes towards me.

  “Daniel, I don’t…”

  He takes one more step towards me and places one finger over my lips. He sinks down to meet my eyes, just like he did the first day I met him.

  “Katie, I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, telling you what you make me feel. That was never my intention. I just wanted you to know. I don’t want this to be awkward, I don’t want to lose your friendship.”

  “I don’t either. And it wasn’t anything you did wrong. Everything you told me, it was so lovely.” I whisper.

  “It was all true. I’m not going to say it again, but I—” I stop him.

  “I know. These past seven months… Sometimes I think I only got through it because I have you.” I smile at him.

  “I know I’m only standing here because I have you.” he tells me.

  * * *

  I spend my shift at the hospital in outpatients again. I’m sitting chatting with the parents of a little boy when Daniel walks in. Every single females eyes follow him as he walks through the door. they follow him like he is the most delicious thing they have ever seen. Jealousy flows through my veins at the looks they give him. He isn’t mine, I have no right to feel like this. But he wants to be yours, Katie, the little voice in the back of my head tells me, the voice that always sounds like Ginny. He spots me and comes over, taking a seat next to me.

  “We’re needed on the ward.” he tells me smiling.

  “Okay,” I nod, “Angie, I’m going to have to go, I’ll try and pop
back later. Zack, be good for your Mummy.”

  We both stand and make our way out of the door, the ward is heaving when we get there. We help out where we can and don’t sit down the entire time. When it gets to the end of our shift, we collect our things and head out to our cars. When we reach mine I lean against it and roll my neck.

  “That was crazy.” I groan.

  “It was a little.” Daniel agrees.

  “My neck is so sore, I’m going home for a hot bath and a big glass of wine.”

  I feel his fingers on my neck and a shiver runs up my spine. I both want them there and I don’t. The ridiculous thing is, if this had been a couple of days ago, I wouldn’t have thought anything of it but now knowing how Daniel feels about me, it changes things.

  “I’m going to go.” I unlock my car and open the door.

  “Katie, can I take you out next week?” Daniel asks.

  “Out?”

  “Yes, like two friends going out. I have tickets for something I think you’ll enjoy.” I nod my head then find my voice.

  “I’d love to.”

  “I’m not going to be around this weekend. I’ve been asked to go and photograph a couple of beaches in Cornwall. I’ll pick you up on Tuesday at six?”

  “Okay. Have a lovely weekend, Daniel. I’ll look forward to seeing the photos.”

  “You know my number if you need me.” he leans in and presses a kiss to my forehead.

  “And you know mine. Be safe, Mr Lambert.”

  I drive home and do exactly what I said I would. I run a hot bath and pour myself a huge glass of wine. The heat from the water helps my aching neck almost instantly. Needing to speak to Ginny about everything that has happened, I reach for my phone and dial her number. She picks up on the fourth ring.

  “Hey girly.”

  “Hey, you okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m just getting a foot rub, so if you hear sex noises I promise you, we’re not going at it while I talk to you on the phone!”

  “Can you talk?” I ask her.

  “Yes. You okay?”

  “Yes…No…Yes… I think so.”

  “What happened?”

  “Daniel… he told me.. he loves me.”

  “And?”

  “And?” I ask a little shocked it’s all she has to say.

  “Katie, I love you, but you’re so blind sometimes. This can’t come as news to you.”

  “Well it does, it did.” I huff taking a huge mouthful of wine.

  “Open your eyes, Kate. He has been in love with you for a long time.”

  “You’re supposed to be help me!” I growl into the phone.

  “I am. I’m telling you to stop overtaking it and admit you love him too.”

  “I love him like I love you, Ginny.”

  “Well, thank you, I never knew you thought of me like that, Kate.” she laughs.

  “Stop laughing!”

  “Katie, you do not love Daniel the same way, you don’t love Ryan the same way either.”

  “Why did I phone you again?” I grumble.

  “Because you know I’ll tell you the truth.”

  “Big mistake,” I roll my eyes, “He’s taking me out on Tuesday.”

  “Ooooh! Your first date?” she teases.

  “I’m hanging up now.”

  “Enjoy your date!” she laughs down the line.

  Chapter Sixteen

  I refuse to think of it as a date. This is Daniel, and regardless of what he told me last week, this is not a date. This is two friends going out for dinner. Yes, one of those friends happens to be in love with the other one, and yes, the other one happens to find their friend ridiculously attractive, and yes, maybe I am wearing my best lingerie and have shaved everywhere. But this was not a date. Nope. Not at all. The doorbell goes and my stomach flips, time for my date. No! Not a date. The little annoying voice in the back of my head reminds me again, if it isn’t a date, then I wouldn't be wearing what I'm wearing. I choose to ignore it.

  I head downstairs and put on my coat and scarf, grabbing my gloves and handbag as I go to the door. When I open it and see Daniel standing there, I know that one of us definitely thinks it is a date. Dressed in his dark grey winter coat, I can see he is wearing a suit underneath, and not just any suit, his navy suit. The thing about his navy suit is, blue makes his eyes look incredible, I’m certain he knows this, someone must have told that before.

  “Good evening, Katie.” Daniel smiles at me.

  “Good evening, Daniel. I'm all ready to go.” I step out and pull the door shut behind me.

  The heels of my shoes click on the pavement and I hear Daniel’s breathing get a little heavier. Definitely a date for one of us. I lock the door and turn around.

  “So what are we doing tonight?” I ask, placing my keys in my clutch bag.

  “I have two tickets for Swan Lake at Saddlers Wells." he puts his hand into his his coat pocket and pulls out an envelope.

  “Swan Lake?” my throat constricts and tears threaten to fall.

  “Yes. I always wanted to take Poppy. But she was too poorly and.. Katie?”

  “Richard took me to see Swan Lake on my twenty-fifth birthday.” I whisper.

  “I should have asked. I'm so sorry.”

  “There is nothing to be sorry for, I would love to go with you. It is a wonderful show and I have some special memories of seeing it, I would like to have more and I'd like you to have some too.” I take his hand in mine and squeeze it.

  “If you're sure.” he brings his hand up to my face and gently wipes my tears away.

  “I'm sure. Let's go and create some happy memories, Daniel.” I smile.

  We walk down the path and to his car, Daniel, always the gentleman opens my door for me and waits till I am safely seated before closing it and walking round to the drivers side and sliding in. He starts the car up and pulls away from the house and down the street. Watching Daniel drive is something special. I can’t fully explain it to myself why I find it so strangely beautiful, but I do. His hands are strong, yet smooth, not a workman’s hands, but strong nonetheless. He drives with confidence and ease, seemingly completely in control of his car and the road in front of him. I have never felt safer in a car than I do with Daniel, not even with Richard.

  “So I thought we would grab some dinner nearby. There is a lovely Italian close by, if you fancy Italian that is. If not I'm sure there are lots of other places.”

  “No, Italian sounds perfect.”

  “How was your day?”

  “It was tiring. I'm still struggling to balance work and the hospital and life in general if I'm honest. I get home exhausted and coming home to an empty house when I'm so used to coming home to.. Well, you know. It's just exceptionally difficult. Especially at this time of year when it’s dark when I leave and dark when I get home.”

  “I can imagine. The house always seems so empty to me now. Regardless of the season or time of year.”

  “How was your day?” I place my hand over his on the gear stick and give it a little squeeze.

  “Challenging. I made arrangements for someone to come and pick up Poppy's furniture from her room. I can't have it in the house any more. It isn't helping me and it isn't healthy.”

  “Are you sure?” I almost whisper.

  “Am I sure I want to remove everything Poppy ever had from the house? No. Removing it feels like I'm cutting out my heart, like I am trying to erase my precious little girl from my life.”

  “Daniel, no.”

  “The rational part of me knows I’m not, but that is how it feels. I have to do it. They are just material things, they don't tell the world she was my daughter. Her memories and the photographs, they do that. So as difficult as it will be, I have to do it. But I need to ask you something.”

  “Anything.”

  “They are coming on Thursday. I didn't explain why I needed it to be taken away, I can't. Can you..” He takes a deep breath before continuing, “Can you.. be there? When they come to collect it?
”

  “Of course I will be.”

  “Thank you.” he whispers a little hoarsely.

  We drive in silence for a little while and soon arrive at the restaurant Daniel mentioned. He parks and gets out of the car, handing his keys to the valet that must work at the restaurant. Daniel walks around and opens my door for me then holds out his hand.