Charlie took a few tentative steps toward me, but I kept out of his reach. “Matt, let me explain—”
“You know what’s funny?” I said, tears staining my cheeks. “I thought maybe, for the first time in my life, I’d finally found something real. Something I could build on. Who knew that it was all a lie? Well, obviously you and my brother.”
The two men now glared at each other, Clay puffing like an angry bull.
“I want you both to leave now,” I said, as calmly as I could. “I don’t want to see either of you again.”
“Matt, no—” Charlie said, looking absolutely stricken.
“Get the fuck out of my house!” I shrieked, glaring at Charlie. “Get out. Take your shit with you and just go.”
Clay folded his arms across his chest, a smug expression on his face.
I turned and simply stared at him. “I hope you’re happy, Clay. You’ve destroyed everything I thought I could have. Now? Thanks to you, there’s nothing left. Congratulations, you’ve ruined my life.”
His smile faded. He turned toward me and tried to speak. “What? No, that’s not—”
“Please leave,” I said wearily. “Just go.”
Both of them spoke at once, trying to get me to hear them out. I was tired of listening to other people. It only led to heartache.
“I’m going down to the pond,” I said. Despite the crappy conditions outside, it was better than being here with them. “I expect you both to be gone before I get back.”
Clay grabbed my arm. “Matt, you have to listen—”
“To what?” I shouted, jerking away. “More lies? I can’t believe you set this whole thing up. I thought you loved me.”
“I do!” he protested. “I wanted—”
“What you wanted doesn’t matter. Go back to town where you belong. Don’t bother trying to talk to Judge Hamlin, because I’ll tell him what you’ve done. I’m pretty sure he’d sign a permanent restraining order for me. Just leave me alone. I don’t want either of you to contact me again.” And with that, I grabbed my heavy coat, hat, and scarf and went to the door. “Goodbye, Charlie,” I whispered as I stepped out into the wet, snowy weather.
THE WINDS howled down by my pond, sloshing water over the shore. The sleet lashed at my face and eyes, even through my scarf. It was nearly impossible to see, and there was no way I could fish in this weather. But I didn’t want to return to the scene of my humiliation. I sat on a rock and stared into the water, wondering how I could have been so foolish. I’d actually been ready to tell Charlie I loved him, to let him into my life fully. Yeah, that was stupid on my part. Apparently the only way someone would want to be with me was when they were trying to get me out of my home.
According to my watch, an hour had passed since I left Charlie and Clay. Should have been plenty of time for them to have gotten the hell out. I drew my jacket tighter and headed through the woods toward home. The sun was just dipping below the horizon, which made the walk extra shitty. I slid more than once, nearly took a tumble that would have sent me back down the hill I’d just climbed, and found it really hard to care. I wasn’t self-destructive, but then again, I didn’t need to be. I had enough people in my life who were willing to hurt me, so I pushed on.
The house was dark as I approached. Clay’s truck was gone, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I really didn’t feel like getting into it with him again. I couldn’t believe he could do something like this. All his words about loving me, helping me. All lies. And Charlie was worse. He’d made me trust him, believe in him. Hell, he’d made me believe in myself. I’d actually thought that I might be worth loving and that what Mr. Jackson had done to me didn’t make me tainted.
The sleet and rain began to change to snow. Big, sloppy, wet flakes hit the ground and joined others of their kind. The white blanket that came every year had once again started to cover my home. I pushed the door open and stepped inside. It was almost as cold and dark as outside, with all the warmth I’d associated with the place having been sucked out. Yet, there was still that sense of urgency that Charlie wasn’t here that left me off-kilter. He’d become so engrained in the place, I couldn’t accept the fact that he wasn’t there.
I went around the room, touching all my items. When I got to the shelf with Charlie’s books, my hand trembled. I couldn’t be sure I’d come back from this betrayal, but at the same time, I hurt that he was gone. Even more than what he’d done to me, his loss had left me bereft.
I made several passes through the house, handling everything, trying to ground myself again. I no longer had a center, and felt as though I was falling. If this was what love meant, I was glad I’d never said the words. But Charlie was still in my mind and my heart. Everything in me ached.
The fire I’d started earlier had long burned down and now was nothing more than cold gray ash. I added new kindling and a few logs, then ignited it. It wasn’t as strong as the earlier fire, but it didn’t matter. Charlie needed the heat. I didn’t. Me? I was tired and needed sleep. I looked toward the bedroom, but I couldn’t be in there tonight. Maybe never again. I curled up on the couch, the firelight casting shadows around the room. It was almost nine, and if I could, I think I would have just slept forever. But by ten I still hadn’t fallen asleep. I got up, made some decaf, and sat staring into the fire.
The sound of an approaching vehicle had me out of my seat and rushing for the window. It could only be Clay, and I didn’t want to see him. Imagine my surprise when a truck I’d never seen before came to a jerky stop and the door swung open. I couldn’t call Clay and wasn’t sure what to do. Then I breathed a sigh of relief as Charlie slid from the cab, barely able to catch himself on the seat before he fell to the ground.
I rushed outside and found him struggling to keep his footing. “What the hell’s wrong with you?” I shouted over the wind that whipped through the area.
He looked up at me with sad eyes, but he grinned. “Aren’t you going to invite me in?”
“Hell no. I told you I didn’t want to see you anymore.”
He gestured toward himself. “And yet, here I am. I drove all this way to talk to you, so the least you can do is let me sit down.”
I put my hands on my hips. “No. Go away.”
Charlie shrugged. “Okay, if you really want me driving back down that ice- and snow-covered road, then I guess I’ll go.”
Memories of the last time flooded my mind. I’d said goodbye, and he’d had an accident. The thought that I would never see him again had me running for the house. I needed something to tether me, because right now I was falling apart. I didn’t know how much time passed, but I heard the door close and Charlie hobbling up behind me.
His arms, so strong, wrapped around my waist. I couldn’t help myself. I turned and clung to him, because right now, he was the only thing that was real. The only thing I could hold on to. Even though I hated how weak I was, I needed Charlie to give me strength, to help return my life.
“Don’t leave me,” I whispered as I buried my face into his chest.
“I won’t,” he promised as he encircled me in his arms.
CHAPTER TWELVE
THE WINDS were the first thing I noticed as I came awake. The second was being in bed, with the comforter around me and a weight across my chest. I turned my head to the side and my stomach clenched when I realized I was in bed with Charlie. I pushed his arm off me and bolted from the bed.
He blinked open his eyes and smiled at me. “Good morning. Coffee ready?”
“Get out,” I snarled.
The memories came back slowly. Last night I’d needed him so much. When he led me to the bedroom, I thought it was a dream. He laid me down and covered me, then crawled in beside me. He spooned me, and his warmth allowed me to sleep. But today the anger surged back.
“Have you looked outside?” he asked. “I did about two hours ago when I got up to use the bathroom. The snowdrifts almost cover the truck. So I’m kind of stuck here. I mean, unless you want me to hobble back
down to town. Which should only take until I freeze to death.”
He was trying to play on my sympathies, and the bastard knew I wouldn’t send him out.
“Why are you here? No, wait. How did you even get here?”
He shrugged one shoulder. “Your brother drove me back to town. Suffice it to say he wasn’t happy about the situation. He didn’t say a word to me until he got to my place. That’s when he let me have it. He told me I’d turned you against him, how I’d messed you up even more, and that I should, quote, ‘get the fuck out of Fall Harbor.’ Then he pretty much kicked me and my stuff to the curb. When I got to the door, Teresa was pissed off. She yelled at me and called me quite a few colorful names, but I think a lot of that had to do with the weather. She always gets cranky when it snows.” He rolled over on his side and leveled his gaze at me. “As soon as I got into the house, I grabbed her keys and told her I was coming back here. She took them from me and refused to let me leave the house. So I waited until she fell asleep, took them from her purse, and here I am. Driving was a pain. You never notice how much you depend on your right foot until you can’t use it. But I was determined to get back here, because I couldn’t let things end. Not like that.”
“Why did you come back? You should have just stayed in town. It would have been better for both of us.”
He pushed himself up until he was leaning against the headboard. “For you, maybe. It wouldn’t have been better for me. You might want to sit down for this, because it’s going to be a long story. Actually, we might want to eat first, because I’m famished.”
I narrowed my gaze at him. “Get on with it.”
A much put-upon sigh was my reply. The bastard was milking this.
“At least come back to bed. It’s cold, and you generate a lot of body heat.”
My stomach roiled at his statement. He wasn’t wrong. My teeth were already chattering. I opened the closet and pulled out another comforter, which I wrapped around myself. The heavy down immediately began to warm me. I sat on the chair from the desk and stared at him.
“You may not believe me, but I did try to tell you before Clay showed up. I don’t want to lie to you about anything.”
“No, the two of you would rather just plot behind my back,” I snapped.
“It’s not like that,” Charlie assured me. “Maybe after I explain, you’ll understand.” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes briefly. When he opened them again, he leveled his gaze at me, holding my complete attention. “About a year and a half ago, not long after I arrived, Clay came into the library. Like I said. I was pretty new here, and I was looking up town facts—weather, precipitation, and things like that. Clay struck up a conversation, and I found him to be funny and friendly. We started meeting for coffee at the Clover a couple times a week. Anyway, after about a month or so, he mentioned he’s got a brother who lives far out of town. When I asked him why, he said you had your reasons and they weren’t for him to tell me.”
I leaned forward because I wanted to hear more. Yesterday I was angry at Clay, but it had simmered into a deep hurt. I knew Clay loved me, and sometimes he did stupid things, but he was my brother. Charlie was another matter entirely. How well did I really know him? Months of jogging by my house, and a few times with a bit of conversation? Did that really let me understand him at all?
“Every time we talked, he would mention you. How proud he was that you’d made a life for yourself, how incredible you were, and so forth. I admit, I was intrigued. The more we met, the more I learned. The more I found out, the more I wanted to know. Finally Clay tells me where you live, but he also mentions you’re shy around people you don’t know, and that if I wanted to meet you, I had to let you come to me.”
The bastard made me sound like a wounded animal? Yet it worked, didn’t it? He got me to talk to Charlie, and he got my guard down.
“So I asked him how he thought I should go about it. He knew I liked to run. I would do it every day in town, and more than once, he saw me as he was driving by. So he suggested I start running down this road. He said your nature would win out eventually. So I figured, why not? He was very specific that if I was going to do it, it would need to be at the same time every day, and that if I deviated from my schedule, you would panic.”
Okay, how had I not known that Clay knew me so well? A chill went through me. I wrapped myself tighter in the comforter, but that only dulled it.
Charlie reached out a hand, and I took it. “Come back to bed, Matt.”
My mind fuzzed out. I got up, threw the comforter on the bed, and then crawled in beside Charlie. Though I worried he would try to kiss me again, he merely reached down and laced his fingers with mine.
“I started coming up here, mostly out of curiosity. But then I noticed you watching me from your window, and I… I don’t know. I was drawn to the shy man who needed to be the one to approach me. One day, I figured I’d let you know I wasn’t here to hurt you, so I waved. Your eyes went wide and you ducked down. You were so freaking adorable. I had a smile on my face the rest of my run.”
Adorable? I squeezed his hand hard, so he could see how adorable I was. The smug bastard smiled and squeezed back, though not hard enough to hurt.
“When I talked to Clay that afternoon, I told him what had happened. Now this is where the story might get uncomfortable for you, but please, try to keep in mind that Clay and your mom love you very, very much.”
My mom? Shit. What did she have to do with this?
“I got invited to dinner that night. When I met your mom, she hugged me and welcomed me into her home. When Clay explained to her who I was, she flashed me a smile and told me she’d read one of my books. That made me feel ten feet tall. As she was putting the food together, Clay told me the reason why he wanted me to get you out. He said he worried about you, out here alone. He said he hoped that if you got comfortable with me, you’d come back to town. I was angry because I felt like he was using me, and I told him so. But then your mom came back into the room, and she said she hasn’t spoken to you for years. I didn’t understand that, but when Clay tried to explain, I told him I didn’t want to hear it from him. I only wanted to hear your story from you. And to do that, I needed to keep coming back.”
I cleared my throat and looked away from him. If I expected to get to know Charlie, then I had to let him know the real me, warts and all.
“I love my mom,” I started. “After the incident, she got overbearing. She insisted I go to see a doctor, and when that didn’t work, she tried to make me go into a hospital. I tried to tell her there was nothing wrong with me, but she wouldn’t listen. One day we got into an argument about it. She said I could get help, that I could be normal again. When she realized what she’d said, she tried to apologize, but…. The damage was done. I knew then she didn’t see me as Matt anymore, but as someone broken. I started to notice things. Clay looked at me with pity in his eyes. He stopped bringing people over, which was good for me, but I felt like he was resentful toward me. As soon as I hit eighteen and the settlement came through, I contacted my lawyer and authorized him to make the purchase for this land.”
I turned to Charlie, desperate for someone to finally understand.
“I know she loves me, and I love her, but it was like… I don’t know, we were all trapped in these roles, and there wasn’t a way to get out of them. It got to the point where every time I looked at them, I could see pity in both their eyes, and I couldn’t take it anymore. Clay gets mad because I don’t call, but every time I do, the conversation goes the same: ‘When are you going back to the doctor?’ or ‘I don’t understand why you can’t live in town.’”
“They worry, Matt. They care about you, and they want you back in their lives.”
I opened my mouth to protest, because he didn’t get it, and he held a hand up.
“But I understand why you moved out here. It’s beautiful. Peaceful. Even in a small town, there’s going to be a lot of hustle and bustle. Out here? You can be alone with yo
ur thoughts.”
Yes! That was exactly how I felt. The solitude was calming to me. But more than once, I’d found myself wondering what it would be like if I lived closer to town. I’d actually had a dream where Charlie came over and picked me up to take me to a nearby town with a movie theater. We’d sit and watch something inane, each have a soda and popcorn, and he’d hold my hand. No one would give us a second look, and when we walked out of the theater, he’d put his arm around me and hold me close.
“I’m going to tell you something, and I want you to know that this is the God’s honest truth. Yes, Clay and your mother were hoping that I would be able to talk you into coming back to town. I didn’t know about the therapy until you told me. But here’s the thing. Once I got out here, ran the roads, met you, and saw what you’ve accomplished here? I don’t want you to come back to town.”
I gasped and tried to draw away, but Charlie held me tight.
“Listen to me. I don’t want you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. If this is where you’re happiest, then you need to be here, but—and Matt, this is important—if you’ll have me, I want to be here with you. I love it out here. The times I ran, I felt freer than I ever had. It’s why, when I met you, I was hoping you’d see me. And so you know, it’s not just the land that makes me feel free.”
He leaned closer and kissed my forehead.
“I love you, Matt.”
My chest constricted and I could scarcely breathe. What would I do if I woke up and realized it was a dream? I’d known how I felt about Charlie since he was in the hospital. It was what got my ass out of the house and into town to see him. The thought caused my stomach to flutter. Charlie had been all over the United States doing book tours. He had wanted his ex to go with him, but his ex wouldn’t. That had caused problems in their relationship. And while I would never cheat on Charlie, would he be disappointed that I couldn’t go?
I looked up into his eyes, and they twinkled in the light.
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