Oxford University

by Ed Nelson

  “Well, it was not thought through. I saw it topple and grabbed it.”

  About that time a group of museum authorities showed up and wanted to know what had happened. The guard who had witnessed the whole event described it in detail. The young lady who I swore had fair blonde hair became a brunet. She went from tall and fair to short and dark-skinned.

  I looked at the guard when he was done with his description. He winked at me and mouthed, “It was an accident.”

  It was so I let it go. Still, she should stop with the gestures.

  Of course, I had to give my name and they made a fuss about me being the man who saved the Queen. Just what I needed more publicity. A member of the press, The Times I think had a few questions. From the tone of the questions, it was what sort of gormless person would jump under a five hundred pound falling piece of marble.

  Actually, when I thought about it he was correct. Anyway, I called it a day. It was back to the hotel. My new digs weren’t ready yet so I was stuck in my small suite. Oh, woe is me. Well, I had survived the O and A Level exams so now had to get into a college at Oxford. I now had to wonder if any would accept a gormless American. After that, I should head back to America and see what was going on at home.

  Chapter 7

  I had a lot of things to do after my exercise and brekky on Tuesday. The first thing was to arrange a flight back to the US. Then I had to pack. That wasn’t hard to do. A trip to the concierge desk took care of the flight and asI left most of my clothes in place I would take a shaving kit, and reading material. There would be no checked baggage.

  Leaving clothes there made me think about what clothes I had in the US. It wouldn’t take much to have similar wardrobes in each country. That way I would never have to check bags again.

  Next was to call Mr. Norman at the Palace. I had to see him about my attending Oxford. My timing was fortuitous as he was about to call me. If possible I was to come to the Palace at 2:00 for a meeting about Oxford. It was possible.

  So after my hard work for the day, all forty-five minutes’ worth, I read until lunch and then caught a black cab to the Palace. It still seemed weird getting into a taxi and saying Buckingham Palac, please. It never startled the cabbies until I told them, the visitor’s entrance. They took many tourists there, but few who would visit.

  The guards at security were beginning to recognize me. They still required identification and checked me for weapons (after asking if I had anything to leave for safekeeping.) Still, they were pleasant and the checks perfunctory. I wonder what would happen if I brought my US Marshal ID and weapon. Some thoughts should remain thoughts.

  Mr. Norman was waiting with a Mr. Merton. He apparently knew everything there was to know about Oxford.

  There were several items of importance. First I was totally out of the normal registration scheme. That would not present a problem as I had a sponsor and exception would be made. That would be Her Majesty of course.

  Next, they would prefer it if I sat for the SAT examination as soon as possible. My strong Levels would get me in, but a high SAT score would be the icing on the cake. I could take the test in the UK or the US. I told them I was returning to California tomorrow so it would be best if I took it at home.

  I was to enroll with an Alias! How cool was that it would only give me a low level of security and it would only give some protection from outside sources such as Paparazzi. Any serious groups would be able to find me. Inside the University I could use my real name.

  As far as the college itself Mr. Merton recommended Trinity. It was large enough with 400 undergraduates and another 400 graduates I could remain in the background if I desired.

  It was too late in the year to obtain a room at the college so I would have to find a flat outside of the school. This shouldn’t be a problem other than the expense. I assured him that I could afford it.

  As far as degrees went after a long discussion on courses available I choose Engineering Sciences. This would give me a good foundation across the entire field. Mr. Merton was concerned if I had shown any inclination towards Engineering. I assured him that I did and as a matter of fact, held several patents.

  This led to a discussion on what I held.

  He then educated me about what would happen if I performed any work on my ideas at Oxford. They would own a majority in my work.

  They may think that but I knew some good lawyers. I would have to sign agreements with Oxford but would be certain to exclude any patentable ideas developed by Jackson Enterprises. Of course, any ideas I had would be developed through Jackson Enterprises.

  I was assured this shouldn’t be a problem as very few undergraduates ever had an idea worth any money. It was aimed at graduate and doctoral candidates who were doing serious work. I didn’t quite know how to take that.

  Mr. Merton would obtain the paperwork for me to apply to Trinity. He would also talk to the Master of the College to pave the way for the various irregularities in my admission. It appeared without the support of the Crown this would never happen.

  I brought up that I had committed to play in the US Open Golf tournament in June and that I would need several travel days. Mr. Merton didn’t think that would be a problem but was glad that I had brought it up now. It was best to have these details sorted upfront.

  This meeting took several hours so I was glad to leave and stretch my legs. When I got back to the hotel I checked on how my new suite redecoration was going. It would be available by the time I got back in two weeks.

  I made an early night of it as I had to be up at 4:00 am to catch my flight.

  At least I was able to get coffee in the morning. That is the nice thing about a hotel. The hotel also had a limo take me to the airport. It was easy to check-in with no bags to worry about. A simple hold all did the job.

  The flight boarded on time and the takeoff smooth. I would be home in time for dinner. The takeoff was smooth and so was most of the flight. The part that wasn’t smooth is called CAT, clear air turbulence. We hit it somewhere over the Atlantic. One moment we were cruising along nicely, the next we dropped several hundred feet.

  The drop wasn’t bad enough to hurt anyone but it did make a mess of the plane’s interior. It was in the middle of a meal and everyone’s food and drink stayed where they were while the plane dropped. This put the juice from a glass of grape juice I was drinking up in the air. It must have studied Newton when it was in a bunch on the vine, because it knew what goes up, comes down. Came down it did all over my tie and white shirt. Luckily the suit jacket and pants were spared.

  The flight went fast after that as everyone was involved in cleaning up the mess or their messy selves.

  I took off my shirt and tie. The only replacement I had was a white tee-shirt which went with my suit coat, or at least it didn’t clash too much. Once the mess was cleaned up and everyone settled back in I was approached by another first-class passenger.

  She was a fashion photographer. She thought my impromptu outfit looked pretty good. It was a juxtaposition of formal and informal that would show the wearer to have self-confidence in their position in life and not held back by artificial boundaries. Her words, not mine.

  I went along with it figuring the photos would never see the light of day. She was a true professional and had a set of releases for me to sign. She was very much aware of who I was and felt that this could influence the fashion of the affluent young. Would this make me a member of the Sloane set?

  I was proved wrong later when I was sent a copy of ‘Teen Fashion’ which predicted that this would be the ‘In Look’ next year. Fortunately, that prediction didn’t come true.

  I was so glad when I stepped off the plane at LAX. People had been staring at my clothes through every airport and plane change. They must have thought I was the dork of all dorks. If any of the airports had shops where I could have bought a new shirt I would have.

  Having complained about all of that I must say wearing a tee-shirt was more comfortable than a shirt w
ith a boiled egg collar and tie.

  A guard from Jackson House was waiting for me with one of our limos. I was glad to see someone I recognized. I was getting more conscious about my security all the time. Maybe I’m paranoid but there are people out to get me. They won’t leave me alone, so I take care of them. They started it. Gee, I sound like I’m five again.

  Anyway, it was good to be home. The guard asked me about my new fashion look. I told him it would be all the rage in six months or the twelfth of never, whichever took the longest. Hmm, twelfth of never, would that work in a song?

  The whole family was waiting for me. They were all ready for dinner and waiting for me before eating. I still got hugs from all. Mum told me I could sit down for dinner even though I wasn’t dressed properly. I tried to tell her it was the latest fashion in London but she didn’t buy it.

  I broke down and told them about the plane dropping down and spilling everyone’s meal and my grape juice. The kids all thought that was funny. Mary told me I would have to wear a bib when I flew from now on. She also gave me some grief about allowing someone else to beat her to a story. Brat, now I know I’m home, it feels great.

  During the meal, we kept the conversation light, mostly about my new suite at the Plaza on the Strand and all the tests I had to take. The kids thought that was horrible.

  After dinner, my parents and I withdrew to the Library for coffee and a serious discussion about my trip. I had called about the IRA gunman and Mum had talked to the MI6 people so they were up to speed on that.

  I told them about Oxford and Trinity College. Again Mum and Elizabeth had discussed that so she knew what was going on. Her only thought was since I had to get a room in Oxford why not buy a place. That way it would be nicer than those ratty old rentals she remembered. I asked how she remembered those but she deflected the conversation. Dad didn’t seem happy about the subject so I guess I would leave it alone if I knew what was good for me. Some cans of worms like your parents dating life you don’t open.

  I told her I didn’t know the area or would feel that comfortable buying a house. Dad thought that was funny after I spent a small fortune on a hotel penthouse suite that I probably would only use a dozen days a year.

  I thought it would be double that but again some arguments are to be avoided. Mum told me not to worry she wanted to go to England and visit her family again and she would pick me a place. I told her to remember I only made a million and a half a year so please price shop. She gave me and funny look and told me she would buy something appropriate.

  I updated them on the need for me to take the SAT tests while I was here. Plus the real reason I was home right now was for the telethon this Sunday evening.

  From their side I had to return a call from Mr. James the Director of ‘Over the Ohio’, I was surprised that the original name stuck, they usually were changed half a dozen times. They probably had a retake needed.

  Also, I had to have a business meeting and update while I was in-country.

  I had a question for them that had been bothering me for a while about Mrs. Hernandez.

  “I thought Mrs. Hernandez’s husband was in prison in Cuba, but she now seems to be dating.”

  “Oh, you weren’t here the day she got the news and we forgot to tell you. Her husband had died several years ago and the news never got out. He was probably executed by Castro. That happened about eight months ago. She was upset about his death of course but it didn’t come as a surprise and she had not seen him for over five years. She asked her priest how long she should morn. He told her under the circumstances six months would be appropriate.”

  “I wondered.”

  The next morning I returned the phone call to Mr. James. He asked if I had time to come to the studio as they had a question for me that was best asked in person. That sounded like trouble to me but I told him I would come right over.

  When I entered his office Mr. Monroe was with him so I knew it was trouble. They got down to business after the normal greetings.

  “Rick we have tested the scene where you appear as Death Wind. It tests out incredibly strong with audiences. We think it would make it even stronger if we had one scene with dialog.”

  “What do you have in mind?”

  “We think something simple, Wetzel talking to Simon Kenton. Kenton is telling him that there is a chance for true peace in the Ohio Valley and you reply not while you are alive. It is already set up that the family he kills in the last scene is the son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughter of the Chief that would have signed the treaty.”

  “The trick to it will too have you in your ‘good guy’ Lew Wetzel outfit, but your face that of the evil one.”

  “It will have to be tomorrow or Friday as I head back to England right after the telethon.”

  Mr. Monroe stated, “I forgot to ask, how your exams were?”

  “Very well, I passed enough A-levels that I can get accepted at any University in the world without a high school diploma.”

  “You can always take the GED after you get your Ph.D.”

  “Very funny but I might just do that to send a message to the State of California. I just remembered I have to take the SAT exam yet so I may be here into next week but I would still like to get this scene out of the way.”

  “Be here at 9:00 tomorrow and go right to make up.”

  “Yes sir, see you later.”

  Chapter 8

  Out of curiosity, I drove the Fairlane out to the Forest Service airport. That is what the new sign now said at the beginning of a paved road. The old Air Force sign had disappeared. Now the entrance had a landscaped look. New trees had been planted to flank the gate. There was an attended guardhouse at the entrance.

  When I showed my ID they directed me to the main office which now looked like an office. I was issued a parking permit for the Ford. If I got another car I would have to get a new one. They were nice about it. Maybe they knew who was paying for all this.

  A young ranger, still older than me gave me a tour of the operation. Everything was completed but the septic system and he thought it would be operational next week. The Jackson hanger was up and looked good. It was in the Jackson green with both Mums and my coat of arms on the door. Now it only needed an airplane.

  I asked about what happened to all the C-rations that had been in storage. He told me they were taken away one night. They were supposed to be taken to a dump but rumor had it they had been sent to US Department of the Interior locations as emergency supplies. I had heard of inter-service rivalries but that was just plain mean.

  I returned home and reviewed my wardrobe, not that I was going to take any of it to England but started a list of what I should buy to have over there. Most of it was western gear. Before dinner, I brought up my plan with Mrs. Hernandez and Mum. They volunteered to take care of everything all I had to do was give them money. Now, what could go wrong with that?

  Naturally, I jumped on it, let the women have fun shopping, it would be worth the money not to have to do it.

  I spent the evening playing Monopoly with the family. Once more Mary sweet-talked her way into Park Place and Boardwalk. Soon she had won it all. There appeared to be a trend going on here. Who cared, it was fun to be home with my family.

  I was at the studio on time Thursday and went directly to make up. I didn’t get out of there until lunchtime. I was told I couldn’t eat until after my scene. Fortunately, everyone was on set and ready to go. We did a few walkthroughs while the grips did lighting and sound checks.

  I said my lines and was asked to say them again with more passion. I did this six times in a row and was beginning to get a little upset. The seventh time I practically screamed into Simon Kenton’s face. I was getting frustrated and hungry. I really must have shown that in my presentation because the Director yelled cut, “Rick you have it, now once more for a safety shot.”

  I’ll safety shot him I thought as I went through it again. The intensity must have gone up because he demanded another shot.
I did it and must have sounded like a maniac. He loved it said that was the shot he would use. That would have to do because I don’t think I had it in me to do again.

  The actor who played Simon Kenton eye’s had gotten big and he started to back away from me on the last shot so I guess it reached the intensity level the Director wanted. I notice everyone on the set had become very quiet and were eying me as though I might start to scalp them.

  The Director came over to me.

  “Rick on that last shot you came through as a completely different person. The audience will understand that you are playing a complete psychopath. I don’t doubt that some people will think that is how you really are. Considering this was supposed to be a B-movie I think it will win some awards and earns a lot of money.”

  “A lot of money is good, I don’t know about the psycho bit.”

  “Don’t worry about it, you are just acting. When interviewed tell how hard it was to get you frustrated enough to deliver the lines.”

  “That sounds good, thanks for the advice.”

  “Rick I think you have it in you to be a real actor, as in the sense that you could convince people that you are many different characters, not just a character actor.”

  “I doubt if I will ever get in that deep or really care to.”

  “The stages loss, now I have to go have a late lunch.”

  “My missing lunch is why I sounded like a psycho.”

  “Rick, be sure to share that.”

  I had lunch at the studio canteen as it was the closest food. I wasn’t kidding about missing meals.

  After that, I went to the schoolhouse to see Miss Sperry. I wanted to share my O and A-Level exam results and had brought copies. I was proud of what we had accomplished together. She didn’t teach me, but she sure guided me in the right direction.

  She wanted to know all about England and my taking O-Levels there. When I shared those results plus the A-Levels she was thrilled to death. Well, she lived but she was excited. Using one of the new copying machines she copied all the results. They would go to her home office and be used in their continuing war with public education.