Oxford University

by Ed Nelson

  Seeing how all the fighting between institutions, which should be concentrating on educating children was an eye-opener. It was also very discouraging.

  She did know what I had to do to take the SAT exam. They were an authorized examination administration center. She would arrange for a proctor to be there on Monday. All I had to do was show up and take the exam. I felt no stress about taking it so soon. Boy, talk about having taken too many exams recently.

  Most kids worried about the SAT and took prep courses and practice exams. I only saw it as something minor to be addressed. Of course, my recent successes hadn’t given me a swollen head, at least not much.

  I spent the rest of the afternoon with my sister. She was home from her half-day at school. The boys were in class all day. Would you believe we had a tea party? There was Mr. Bunny, Mrs. Bear, and Bond, Jane Bond the Barbie doll.

  Everyone enjoyed their tea and crumpets, though I had to taste test Janes for poison before she would try them. I don’t know what was strangest, Mary having a spy Barbie doll or me thinking it made sense to taste test.

  I was getting very good about keeping my pinkie finger out while drinking tea. Well since my finger wouldn’t fit in the cup it was the only way I could use it. At least I didn’t spill any of my nonexistent tea on me.

  I had to get dressed for dinner. Since there were no guests I got away without a tie. After dinner we had a good game of Clue, this time it was Mr. Green in the Conservatory with a Candlestick. I was the murderous Mr. Green.

  Friday was a nice January day in California, mild enough to wear a light sport coat to my office for my business briefing. The way Mum acted at dinner when I got home I suspected something was up with my finances. I hope what I spent in England wasn’t going to cause any problems.

  There was something up with my finances. They were almost out of control. So much money was coming in that the accounts were having trouble in avoiding the highest tax rate of 91%. I agreed with Dad at this point Ike wanted too much!

  I was advised to spend money on as much property as I could as it could be deducted. My million and half a year salary had to go up to five million at once to keep corporate salaries in line. Anyone who worked for me was making more than the industry top rate for their position. There was a danger of my company causing national wage inflation. Also beside’s a salary I had to take corporate dividends of fifteen million dollars.

  This was all because the container industry had taken off like gangbusters. Plus the freight brokerage business we were putting together had filled an unforeseen need. As such we went from a zero dollar business to forty million a year in a matter of months. There was talk of it going over a hundred million a year.

  Then there was my beer can opener idea. The patent had gone through. Our first licensee was Mexicali Delight. After that Coors had bought in. Again a fortune was to be made. My only money problems were that I had to spend faster or give it to the taxman.

  I didn’t want to be stupid about it so I asked what charities we could support. There were several in the US. I also asked that Trinity College at Oxford be contacted to see if I could contribute to their endowment fund. Just like that, I had spent fifteen million dollars, ten to US charities and five to my new school. I hope I had something left over.

  A Ferrari was sounding closer and closer.

  It took all day Friday to go through the details of my businesses, not running them, just for me to understand what was going on. Detroit Faucet was the easiest to understand. There was a nice fifteen percent growth over last year and projections for next year were at eighteen percent.

  Mark Downing and Sharon Bronson were and obviously a couple in love. At one point I even laughingly told them to get a room. Sharon’s blush was Technicolor in its brightness. They were planning on a spring wedding and Mark had asked me to be the best man. I had no idea how I would make it happen but told him I would be most pleased and would he let me know the dates as soon as the ladies told him.

  The biggest problem the container business faced was to grow in an even manner. This meant we had to have the workforce and facilities to build cargo containers to fill the ships that had to be built to use the ports that were being converted. All had to be in balance.

  One choke point was the availability of steel. My team was looking at making a significant investment in South Korea so we would have steel available for our Asia expansion. We would become the majority owner of a large mill. As such the government wanted to meet me, the owner. That meant that I would be going back to England the long way.

  I asked about the possibility of doing my Asian parts of the documentary while I was there. That meant stops in Japan, Korea, Hong Kong, Australia, Taiwan, and New Zealand. That meant two days at each stop plus travel time. It would take me two weeks to return to England. It would be an exhausting trip.

  It could be done but would take a while to set up. Following a long discussion, we decided that everything could be in place in two weeks, so I would spend three weeks of February on this project. The leaders of the various countries would be contacted to revise their schedules to be available for our filming.

  That was mind-boggling, Prime Ministers and Presidents conforming to my schedule. This was more than a long way from Bellefontaine.

  It also played heck with my wardrobe requirements. Sharon Wallace who would be accompanying me suggested that I hire an assistant for the trip to see to these details. That sounded like a good idea, so since she had thought of it I gave her the assignment of recruiting someone.

  Since there would be a bunch of us it was decided to charter a jet. Besides Mum and Dad, Popeye and Sybil there would be Sam Wingate our corporate attorney and Todd Goodson President of Jackson Transportation. Todd had started out as in charge of container production but had proven that he could handle the larger job. There would be also several assistants and secretaries. Then there was the whole production crew for the film and their equipment. There would be at least fifty people on the flight.

  At the end of the day, it appeared that everything was under control. That is if control could be defined as being strapped to the front end of a freight train entering a dark tunnel with no light at the end.

  It was all exciting.

  At home that evening we watched some television. Mum and I discussed England. She was flying over next week to visit. Her Mum was okay but couldn’t get out and about very much. Mum wanted to spend some time with her. I made a note to see Grand mum when I got to England and also to catch up with The Cousins.

  Mum would also take a look in the Oxford area and see if she could find lodgings for me. I suspected it would be a small room with a landlady who kept a sharp eye on my comings and goings. She would also have a direct line to Mum. At least Mum’s telephone number and the ability to call collect.

  Sunday was the day of the telethon. My role would be to answer telephones. They had set it up in a studio at Warner Brothers which was convenient for me. There were a lot of movie actors involved but most of the telephone people would-be students who had been at the ‘sock hop.’

  TV cameras were there to show us at work and we would be interviewed. As normal the acts being put on while the charity pitches were being made were all in another studio across town.

  It didn’t start until early evening so I had the morning and most of the afternoon to myself. I went surfing as it would be my only opportunity for a long time. It was fun in a lazy way. It was work in the water but there was no hurry about it. There were good waves but not a lot of people out on the water.

  After a lunch of hotdogs from a beach cart I headed back to the water. It was fun, tiring but fun. A few more surfers showed up but not enough to crowd the area. I did this until about 4:00 and headed home for dinner and to get ready for the telethon.

  The telethon itself went as all those events do. For those at home, it was made to look busy as all get out. The reality was that they had overstaffed the phones so we were doing good to get a call eve
ry ten minutes. I played each call straight as far as getting the donation information such as name, address, and amount. I was told that a certain percentage of those would never come through.

  Of course, you had no way of telling which ones weren’t in good faith, you treated all with equal politeness. I wondered if those who kept me on the line with personal questions were the ones who would default.

  We did well against our announced goal. Of course, I have learned enough about the business to know the major studios would never allow the goal to be missed.

  When I was interviewed I was asked about my plans for eleventh grade. To me, that was an old, old issue. I explained that I had gone to England and taken all the exams there and passed them well enough that I could apply to any university in the world. I used the line about taking the GED after I had my Ph.D. Take that California.

  I found that being on the telephone all evening was very tiring so I headed home as soon as we were off the air. I was told later that the after-party got pretty wild and some reputations destroyed. Sometimes being tired is good besides I had the SAT in the morning.

  Chapter 9

  After a light workout and breakfast, I headed to the studio to take the SAT examination starting at 9:00. At the little one-room schoolhouse Mr. Dawson was waiting outside with a person I didn’t know. He proved to be a Mr. Knight who would be proctoring my examination.

  We shook hands politely but the nature of our interaction was professional.

  Miss Sperry was teaching a class of younger kids so I would be taking my test in one of the conference rooms at the main office. We made our way there and attended to our preparations. For me, that was one last bathroom trip.

  I hung up my sport coat. It was more to show that nothing was written on my arms than anything else, besides a polo shirt, was more comfortable in the office.

  Mr. Knight reviewed my file and told me that my six dollar fee had been taken care of. As directed I had brought half a dozen Number 2 soft lead pencils. They were sharpened. As a precaution, I laid my pocketknife out. I looked at Mr. Knight to see if it was okay and he nodded yes.

  The basic SAT test would take three hours. I would be allowed one hour for lunch but I had to stay in the conference room. Arrangements had been made for lunch to be delivered for Mr. Knight and me from the commissary.

  The afternoon would have three one hour sessions, the first on English Composition, second on Science and third on Math.

  The morning flew by, I went through the test answering those questions that I knew absolutely, and then I went back and slowly went over those that I had to think about. After that, I went over the entire test once more. I still finished up one-half hour early.

  I turned my test sheets over to Mr. Knight making certain that my name was correct and that I had filled out the test sheet completely. Plus double-checking that I didn’t pencil outside the lines or leave any smudges which would mess up the grading machine. Picky, Picky, Picky.

  After he had my paperwork put away he did ask me what it was like working at the studio. I told him that it was a lot of hurry up and wait, followed by doing the same thing over and over until you were sick of it. Then you find out that they had decided not to use the scene and it hit the cutting room floor. Other than that it was a ball.

  After that, I went on to tell him how great it was to see all the different people, actors, and trades doing their jobs. Then there was what went on behind the scenes. Most people on the set were normal but then there were the actors a high strung bunch if there ever was. They did nothing by half measures. It kept the gossip columnist busy.

  Mr. Knight commented he had seen my name in print several times and that I seemed to be normal. I reminded him not to judge a book by its cover. That got a laugh.

  About that time lunch showed up. As usual, it was good food. We continued our conversation in this manner never once referring to the examination.

  The afternoon was like the morning. The only difference being I took the whole hour on the Math exam. Still, I felt good about the whole experience. When we were done Mr. Knight asked me how I felt this compared to the English A-Levels.

  “Very close, different ways of asking the same question but the overall knowledge seemed the same to me.”

  “That debate goes back and forth in our office in New Jersey. I wondered what a person who had actually taken them would say.”

  At that, we shook hands and he departed after telling me that I would hear the results within two weeks. I didn’t feel washed out like I had some test days. I think stress had as much to do with that as anything. Since these tests were a formality there wasn’t as much stress.

  At home when asked how my day went I replied, “Fine.”

  Mum didn’t have to throw a pillow at me!

  During dinner I told everyone how the exam flow went, it may have something to do with the extra dinner rolls she had sitting next to her.

  Dad informed me that he had received a telephone call from the State Department.

  “You mean the United States Department of State?”

  “I don’t know any other.”

  “What do they want?”

  “They have heard about your trip and want to send a team with you.”

  I inquired, “What for?”

  “They apparently feel that putting a teenage boy across from world leaders without their supervision is not a good idea.”

  “I don’t care if they come along but they have to pay their own way.”

  “I already told them that. We have had to charter a 707 as it is, and they don’t come cheap.”

  “How can they help?

  “What is the title of the head of government of New Zealand and what is his name. Also, party affiliation and beliefs, what they hope to achieve, what support will they provide, oh and how will they pay for their share?”

  “Maybe we shouldn’t charge them for their seats.”

  “Nah, they’re the government they can afford it.”

  That night I read about Fort Repose. That was a scary story because it could happen.

  I now had the next two weeks to get ready for my February world tour as I thought of it. At breakfast Mum let me know that she would be flying directly to England to visit her Mum and start looking for a place for me to live. She then asked me if I had given any thoughts as to what gifts I would present to the world leaders. What gifts?

  She explained it was a tradition when visiting foreign heads of state to present a gift. I wanted to give them some passes to my movies but she thought that would be a little tacky. When I suggested copies of my records she almost had tea come out of her nose. That would be worth at least ten points in the, I got Mum contest I held with myself.

  Alas, she didn’t, and I admitted my songs weren’t gift-worthy. Then I had a thought she approved of. I would ask the studio to make up a plaque with a note of our meeting, dates and each Leaders name. On the plaque would be an arrow from ‘Bandits of Sherwood’. The plaque would be titled Forward Progress Together.

  So my next stop was to the studio to bum some of the arrows from the movie. Actually, the arrows were kept in the studio armory for the use in any movie. I was able to pick out twenty in good condition. The extras were for other country visits in the future.

  I stopped by Mr. Monroe’s office and he was available. I brought him up to date on my trip to England, exam results and the planned trip in two weeks. He asked if a studio photographer could join the entourage for publicity pictures of me. At that point in for a penny in for a pound so I said yes.

  Of course, it made my requests for the woodshop to make my plaques easier. He told us that they would do it as soon as they found out the names of the Leaders of each country to be visited. I would call the State Department and have them in return contact him with the information.

  I borrowed a phone in a conference room and called Dad at his office to get the number of the State Department gentleman who had called. Dad had it handy so I called the
third assistant to the second Undersecretary. I kid you not.

  I explained what information was needed and why he personally thought it was a good idea and would pass the information to Mr. Monroe to get the process started. However, he would have to brief the second Undersecretary who if he thought the idea had merit would create a study group who would decide if it was a good idea and if so, what should the actual gift be.

  It sounded like a bunch of nonsense to me, but it didn’t matter. If the information was given to Mr. Monroe he would have the gifts made and I would present them. I bet we would be done with the trip by the time this committee had a recommendation.

  After leaving Mr. Monroe’s office I headed to the stunt area. Since I had a lot of free time in the next two weeks I wanted to see if I could obtain the black belt level of instruction in unarmed combat. As normal Mr. Palmer was training boxers. I didn’t know the studio had such a need for boxers but apparently, they did.

  When he had a break I even asked about that. He explained that every movie with boxing in it had multiple boxers in the background as extras. It was actually cheaper for the studio to keep training the list of regularly working extras so they would be available when needed. I could see where that would also benefit the regular extras as it would keep them employed.

  He explained that worked to a point, after a while the extra would become a known face. The extra was either dropped or considered a bit actor. If they did well as a bit they might get a supporting role. The people who got beyond that were few and far between. Out of the millions of people in the world, less than a thousand were recognized movie actors, out of that thousand less than one hundred were considered names. It made me realize how lucky I had been.

  After that diversion, I explained why I had stopped by. He told me if I could give him four hours daily, Monday through Friday for the next two weeks he could get me there. I made the commitment to be available from 8:00 to 12:00 every weekday morning for the next two weeks.