~*~
This happiness continued that night when Matt returned home, bringing pizzas and a wide smile. Apparently he and Tommo had had a great couple of days back home, despite their initial misgivings, and Matt was in a stellar mood.
When he marched in Jack and I were sitting on the couch, textbooks littering the floor around us, as innocent as innocent could be. Jack had tried to talk to me when he'd returned that afternoon but I was having none of it. I knew he would just want to be serious and I didn't want to think of the consequences of the night before just yet. So I had distracted him with the alluring prospect of yet more studying and, although he gave me a look which said 'I know exactly what you're doing', he didn't push the issue.
"God!" Matt exclaimed as he caught sight of us. "Do you two ever do anything else but study?"
I let out a short peal of laughter at this and both Matt and Jack looked at me strangely, although for two very different reasons. I covered up the moment by reaching for the pizza boxes and beginning to stuff my face.
And the rest of the evening passed uneventfully. I can't really describe the strange, inner contentment that that evening gave me. It was a subdued happiness, (and I know that sounds totally contradictory) one that hummed away just beneath my skin.
I couldn't believe that, despite the momentous stuff which had happened, the three of us still worked so well together. Jack and Matt were still able to concoct a disgusting mixture of pizza and ice cream and agree it was their best invention yet. I was still able to throw my crust at Matt when he got in the way of the TV. And, perhaps the best sign, I was able to doze off late in the evening listening to Matt and Jack talking quietly about football with no hint of weirdness between them whatsoever.
The next couple of days passed fairly uneventfully. I remembered to ask Matt and Jack about our plans for the mid-semester break and we decided that we would go home for the week. Strangely, even though Jack had agreed without hassle to take the trip back up to Bridunna, he exchanged a weird look with Matt at the end of the conversation which seemed to hold meaning simply for the two of them. Matt had sighed and said, somewhat cryptically I thought, "Well, we'll see." And nothing more was said about it.
Anyway, apart from doing some more studying, Jack and I had no real interaction over the Tuesday and Wednesday. Matt always seemed to be around and so no opportunity arose where I could put my new found confidence in my body and in his to use. Basically I experienced my first real case of sexual frustration and let me tell you, it isn't pretty! I would find myself looking over at Jack constantly and feeling almost predatory. Each second that I spent in his company meant I had to make an extreme effort not to jump him.
By Thursday I was at breaking point and I knew that something had to give. Luckily, on Thursday there was a two hour window where Jack and I finished our uni classes before Matt, and Jack and I both had a night off from our respective works. Jackpot!
And so it was that on Thursday afternoon Jack barely made it through the flat door before I flew at him and flattened myself against him. Stepping up onto my tippy-toes I kissed him ferociously, gripping his shoulders tightly and rejoicing in the feel of him after what felt like an eon without it.
Judging by the way he buried one hand into my hair and wrapped the arm of the other tightly around my waist I'm guessing that Jack had missed physical contact with me as well. Which, all things considered, was very gratifying.
After some of my immediate need for Jack had been sated, but my long term need had been heightened, I pulled away and grabbed onto his arm, drawing him towards his bedroom.
"Tally…" he tried to say but I whirled around and put a finger over his lips.
"Nuh-uh," I said sternly, "No, I'm not ready to talk yet and, besides, we don't have time. So shut up and keep moving!" He grinned at this and I took this as agreement to my plan.
Once in his bedroom, we tumbled straight onto the bed and, in between urgent, toe curling kisses, divested ourselves of most of our clothing. There was minimum foreplay as neither of us was willing to waste the precious time we had on build up, we pretty much cut to the main event.
Hugging each other tightly, we rocked together, Jack covering one side of my neck and shoulders with kisses, me simply tucking my head underneath his jaw and closing my eyes as I let a beautiful wave of desire, contentment and bliss all rolled into one wash over me.
Time, I discovered, kind of melts away while you're joined with another person. The only measure of time passing is the different levels of intimacy, desire and satisfaction. By the time we were reaching our peak we could have been together for hours or just a few minutes, I really couldn't tell.
Our pace picked up, the feeling of frenzy increased and I lifted my head free from against Jack's neck, worried that in my ecstasy I would jerk up and break his jaw. At the very moment of release I found myself biting hard into Jack's shoulder so that my howl of pleasure wouldn't float downstairs and be heard by nosey Haley and her bingo-obsessed aunt. Jack's reaction was to squeeze me as tightly as possible against him and go very still. We stayed like this, frozen in the moment, for a little while and then eventually we both relaxed and I looked in horror at the damage I had done to his shoulder.
"I'm so sorry," I panted, eying the red patch with clear imprints of my teeth.
Tipping his head down to look at it Jack simply smiled and said, "That'll be one hell of a hickey come tomorrow morning." Then kissing me lightly on the mouth he got off the bed and held out a hand to me. "Come on then," he said, "we both need a shower."
And, although, it was still light outside and Jack was able to see me completely, I took his hand and followed him out into the bathroom without any qualms. I think I was too content for qualms.
We took turns having showers because, romantic as showering together would no doubt have been, our shower simply wasn't big enough for the both of us, and then returned to our separate rooms to get dressed and, in Jack's case, put bedclothes into the wash.
As we both settled down on the couch to begin yet more studying there was the sound of three cars entering the car park down below in quick succession. One was quite obviously Matt's and the other two were familiar as well so it was no surprise when, a few minutes later, there was a great trudging noise coming from the stairwell outside the flat door and the next moment Matt, Tommo, Samsa, Micky, Haley and Simone entered.
Matt stopped dead in his tracks when he saw that I had a textbook open on my lap and then threw his arms out to stop the others coming any further into the room.
"Hold it!" He called out. "They're studying so we're going to have to go somewhere else."
Micky let out a loud groan at this and Jack shook his head. "Nah, come on in," he said easily, "I've still got two and a half weeks before the test and, the way things are going, I should be alright."
"You sure?" Matt asked, still not lowering his arms.
Jack nodded and our friends pushed past Matt to go and throw themselves on the various pieces of furniture littered around our lounge room.
I scooted over so that Simone could come and sit next to me and Haley sat down next to her and Jack so that the couch was squashed with the four of us. Jack and I were on either ends and for once I was grateful that Haley was between us because I wasn't tempted to look over as much as I would have otherwise. In fact I turned my head resolutely away and talked to Simone, knowing that with all our friends present someone was bound to notice if I spent all evening staring at Jack with my tongue hanging out.
Simone didn't seem to be totally her bouncy self, but she was certainly improved from the Sunday and I'd seen her plenty of times during the week to reaffirm that she was still my best friend regardless of the fact that she was clearly keeping something from me.
As had happened numerous times before, the TV was soon switched on, the fridge was raided and the battle over chair possession soon began. However, unlike other gatherings of the eight of us, there was a strange undercurrent running through the
conversation. My blood ran cold as I realised that something was very wrong in the way we were all interacting with one another. I couldn't pinpoint what it was exactly, but there was a certain weirdness flowing between us. I caught Jack's eye and knew that he was feeling it too and was as surprised and alarmed as I was.
'How could they know?' I asked myself over and over again and the answer I kept coming up with was, 'They don't.' And my subconscious was right, the weirdness wasn't centred around Jack and I, it originated from Simone, Micky and Samsa.
They weren't looking at each other and when they had to speak to one another it was in clipped, hard tones which, at least for Sam and Simone, were really out of character. Even Matt and Tom who can usually be counted on to be supremely oblivious looked at me throughout the evening, eyebrows raised and I could only give an imperceptible little shrug back in return as I was as much in the dark as they were.
As the evening wore on and the conversation became more and more strained I knew the likelihood that we would be able to get away from this gathering without a blow up was extremely slim, there was too much emotion flying around for everybody to get out unscathed. I didn't, however, realise that I would be the catalyst for the explosion. I thought that when I turned to Tommo and asked, in a way that I’d done countless times before, if he would look at my car sometime when he had a free moment because I could hear a strange rattling when I was driving, that I was on a safe subject.
But barely had the words left my mouth when Micky suddenly spoke up, "Don't bother Tommo," he snarled, "the stupid bitch has probably just dropped a packet of tic-tacs under the seat or something."
There was a moment of stunned silence.
Then Tommo, the first to recover, looked over at Micky in disgust. "Watch your mouth," he said before looking at me and nodding, "No problem, how's tomorrow afternoon?"
"That's great, I'll bring it over at about 1? Is that-?" I said as I tried to follow Tommo's lead and steer the conversation back on track after Micky's odd interjection. It seemed that Micky was not to be deterred, however, as he spoke up again, over the top of my reply to Tommo, his tone fairly dripping with poisonous hatred of me.
"Sure, check her car and fix the rattling noise, but do use all a favour mate and let out the brake fluid while you're there. Lord knows the world can only improve if she's not in it."
The aftershock from this statement reverberated around the room leaving in its wake a row of faces frozen in disbelief. Sure Micky didn't like me, we all knew that, but to go so far as to say, even as a joke, that he wished me dead? And in front of my brother, his friends and my best friend? Well, that is just plain suicidal!
I sat still on the couch hating Micky with every fibre of my being for messing up our friendship group. Because, without a doubt, that was what he was doing. The irony of being cross at him for changing the dynamics between my friends was, naturally, lost on me at the time because I was too busy being self-righteous. Ah the joys of being obliviously hypocritical!
It was only a matter of time before someone exploded and my money was on Jack. I braced myself for the fury and inevitable violence which was going to ensue and was just beginning to argue with myself whether I would try and stop Jack and the other boys pummelling Micky into pancake or just let them go for it when Simone suddenly leapt off the couch.
Before anyone could stop her she had strode over to Micky's chair and slapped him so hard his head snapped to the side and her ring left a nasty graze down the side of his cheek.
"You bastard!" She hissed, sounding nothing like the sweet, caring Simone I knew and loved. "You absolute bastard. I hate you! Everybody hates you. You know it's not Talia's fault, you know it, but you just can't stop yourself, can you? You misogynistic, egotistical prick! "
I looked to see how Micky was taking this barrage, but he wasn't even looking at Simone, he was glaring to the side as if he could pretend that she wasn't there. But I knew he wasn't succeeding in blocking her out, his chest rose and fell irregularly and his cheek must have been smarting like nothing else.
"Well that's it, I'm through with even being in the same room as you. Go to hell!" And with this last screech of fury Simone whirled around and ran from the flat, slamming the door loudly behind her.
There was a moment when we were all frozen in tableau, then Micky slowly stood up and stalked across the room, his back and shoulders stiff, his gait restrained as if he was trying to stop himself running hysterically out like Simone had. Reaching the door he turned back as if he was going to say something and, for the briefest moment I thought he looked almost apologetically at me. Then he turned away and exited the flat.
As the door closed behind him I got to my feet and looked round at my shocked friends. "Uh," I said uncertainly, "I guess I'd better go and fulfil my best friend duties." Moving round one of the armchairs I grabbed my jacket off the table and headed for the door, hoping that I wouldn't meet Micky outside as I would probably do a lot more than just slap him.
"No!" Sam's voice was a shout as he jumped up from his chair and grabbed my arm. I jerked round in surprise and was alarmed by the look of urgency on his face. He was pale beneath his spiked hair and I wondered if he was ill. Obviously realising I was startled by his shout he lowered his voice and reiterated, "No, I'll go," in a slightly quieter tone.
Not understanding why he of all people was so desperate to go to Simone's aid I shook my head and tried to pull my arm free from his tight hold. "No, I'll go," I insisted. "She's my best friend and she's obviously upset, I have to go and find her."
"I said no." Sam spoke sternly as if he was a parent lecturing a child and my mouth dropped open in shock. Sam had always been the joker of the group, I'd only heard him use that serious voice on the footy oval and I certainly wasn't one of his players. Before I could protest further, however, he spoke again in that hard voice. "You stay here, it's better if I go, trust me." And, so saying he released my arm with a little push which had me fighting to keep my balance, crossed the room and was out the door before I could voice another objection.
Feeling as if the world as I had known it had just come crashing down on my head I looked back round at Matt, Tommo, Jack and Haley and saw that the four of them were just as perplexed as I was about what had just happened. Dithering for a moment over whether I should ignore Sam's commands and go and find Simone anyway I saw Jack shake his head slightly and knew that he was right. Clearly this had something to do with whatever it was that Simone didn't want me to know and, for now, I was going to respect her wishes. If things got worse however…well I wasn't making any promises.
Rejoining Haley and Jack on the couch I grabbed a cushion and, hugging it tightly against myself, murmured, "Geez, do you think there's something they're not telling us?"
And in the next second a voice, so quiet for a moment I wasn't even sure I had heard it, said, "Pot calling kettle, wouldn't you say?"
I jerked my head up and wondered for a moment if my subconscious had got so cocky it was going freelance outside my brain, before I saw Haley's expression and knew she was the one who had said it.
OK so I had been wrong earlier. At least one our friends (if you could call her that) did know about Jack and me. Or at least that’s the only thing I could imagine she was talking about with her pot and kettle nonsense. Looking around quickly I saw that none of the boys had heard her so I looked at Haley hard, waiting for her to play her hand. She pretended she didn't notice me staring at her, but I was extremely determined and, after a time, she relented and looked at me. As our eyes met she blushed a deep scarlet in a way I had never seen her do before and then suddenly stood up.
"I'm not feeling well," she said in a high-pitched voice, "so I think I'll go home. Thanks for inviting me up, Matt."
My brother was involved in a detailed conversation with Tommo over whether Sam and Michael's obvious crack-up was going to affect the game on Saturday and so simply waved to acknowledge her thanks. Jack, however, was looking between Haley and me and
, when Haley skedaddled out of the flat without so much as saying goodbye, he looked at me and frowned.
Oh come on! I thought angrily, I didn't say anything rude to her, I was just wanting to see whether she was going to clarify her statement at all. I honestly hadn't intended to scare her off, I can't help that she's as weak and water when it comes to me. I couldn't say all that to Jack with Matt and Tom in the room, however, so I satisfied myself with shooting him a dirty look and starting to pull apart one of the tassels on the cushion I was holding.
"Well," Matt said, stopping talking to Tommo and looking round at Jack and I as we all heard Haley's door close downstairs, "that was fun. Anybody got any ideas what that was all about?"
We all shook our heads and when Matt looked at me sceptically I shook my head even harder.
"Honestly, I haven't even seen Micky over the last couple of weeks, let alone done something to make him wish me dead," I said honestly. "And maybe Haley really was feeling ill." OK so that last bit wasn't quite so honest but there was really nothing else I could say.
Oh God, I thought, it's starting already. The lying and the having to build a bigger web of lies to contain the initial lies. My head buzzed with all the uncomfortable strangeness of the evening which had started out so well and I just wanted to escape. "I'm not really in the mood to hang out." I said abruptly, standing up again. "I think I'll just go to bed."
"You alright?" Jack asked, his expression worried but I smiled and nodded.
"Yeah fine, just tired. Night guys."
And I crossed over to my room and shut the door firmly behind me. I knew that sometime soon I would have to do some serious thinking but, for now, I just wanted to ignore it and go to sleep.
So Much to Learn Page 34