Fae

by C. J. Abedi

  Maybe I was imagining it.

  Maybe I was still sleeping.

  I pinched myself to make sure. No, I was awake, alright.

  This was not a dream.

  I was not imagining any of these words.

  Even though they were words that I wasn’t expecting. Words that I never anticipated. But deep down, they were words that answered so much.

  “At some point we have to tell her, David,” my mother said as she poured my father another cup of coffee.

  “Why now?” He was running his hands through his thick blond hair.

  “Because she’s been asking me a lot of questions lately.” She was obviously distressed.

  I took a seat on the stairs, thankful that Famous had crawled into my lap. I didn’t dare move because I wanted to hear what they were about to say. I knew I shouldn’t eavesdrop, but something compelled me to stay where I was and listen. I wondered what was causing my parents such agony. I could only assume that we were in some deep financial trouble. I ran through the ramifications of that situation in my head. So we would sell the house, maybe the business. Move to a smaller place, maybe an apartment. Or perhaps we would be forced to move out of Roanoke.

  To a bigger city? With more jobs?

  I closed my eyes and envisioned my life somewhere else. I had always known that I would move, I just didn’t expect to leave my school or my life here this quickly. I had always assumed it would be for college. I shook my head, trying not to freak out, letting the possibilities all sink in. Whatever it was, and wherever it took us, we were a family and we would survive.

  Together.

  “She’s been working on a history project about her lineage, David. She keeps asking me about her background. About her family, her grandparents. What am I supposed to tell her?”

  Or maybe not.

  My heart stopped.

  Where was this conversation going?

  “Lie.”

  My mother’s voice rose and shook with anger, “I have never lied to her. And I will not start now.”

  “She’s going to be devastated.”

  “Why?” my mother pleaded. “Why would she be devastated? We are a family, and her background will not change that. Not now. Not ever.”

  “What are you talking about, Lisa,” my father was practically frantic. “Everything will change.” His voice shook with anguish.

  “You aren’t giving her any credit.”

  “She’ll want to find her real parents, she’ll want to know who they were and where they are,” he continued. “The questions without answers will never stop. And what will we do then?”

  I stood up suddenly, but I could barely stay upright. My legs were shaking so badly, I couldn’t move back up the stairs. Slowly, one-by-one, step by never-ending step I finally reached the top. I felt like I was having an out-of-body experience. This couldn’t be happening. When I finally made my way back to my room, I carefully grabbed the doorknob and shut my door quietly. Given the magnitude of what I had just learned I was relatively calm. But I was just overcome with shock.

  “I am adopted,” I said the words out loud. I wanted to feel them. Know exactly what it meant in every way. Adopted. A child whose biological parents didn’t want her. Or couldn’t keep her. Adopted.

  How could it be? Why?

  The tears started flowing down my face so quickly that I couldn’t make them stop, no matter how hard I tried. I didn’t want my parents to hear me sob, but I needed someone to console me. Everything about my life, about my identity, was a myth.

  Everything.

  How could they have lied to me for so long? I would have never lied to them. They could have told me. They had so many opportunities. So many chances to say, “Caroline, you are ours, but you once belonged to someone else.”

  It would have hurt, but I would have understood. It would have taken time, but I would have gotten over the questions. But to wait all this time. It just didn’t seem right. And to think the only reason they were even contemplating telling me now was because of this stupid history project?

  I couldn’t believe it.

  I crawled back into bed. Vowing to never get out. I no longer had my direction. I no longer had a real foundation. Everything about my life was a façade. Everyone in my life was there for the wrong reasons. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. I couldn’t believe my parents would do this to me. Why would they hide something like this from me? Why?

  From now on, I would walk down the street looking deep into the eyes of everyone I passed by and would wonder if they were part of my family. If my blood is similar to theirs. Is the person my brother, my sister, or my mom or dad? And if they were, then why had they given me up so easily? Was there something wrong with me? Something so unappealing that I would just be given away?

  Discarded.

  And never thought of again.

  I wiped the tears and stared down at Famous. The only real part of my life. I could tell he was distressed. I wish I could explain to him the things I had heard. I wished he would be able to understand. Be able to truly console me as I so needed someone to hold me and tell me that everything was going to be alright.

  A few moments later my cell phone rang. I looked at the number and immediately recognized it as Teddy’s. I was in no mood to talk to anyone. I don’t think I had anything left to say. I hit the ignore button and put my phone on vibrate. I didn’t want to talk to anyone.

  I closed my eyes and hoped that when I woke, everything I heard would just be part of a bad dream.

  It had to be just a dream.

  D

  Monday.

  Tuesday.

  Wednesday.

  And still no sign of her.

  I started the week simply worrying. Worry had turned into concern, and by Wednesday I was frantic. I knew that she was home. I had driven by so many times and had seen her parents come and go with no obvious sign of distress that she had to be there.

  There is no way they would have been so calm.

  Unless.

  I immediately rose from class and asked to be excused. I don’t even remember what I said, but I remember it had been convincing. Just as I had many powers, so did he. Perhaps he had worked his magik on her family, causing them to act calm and collected, even if their daughter had been taken.

  Perhaps.

  I practically ran to my car and started the ignition in a state of fury, driving unthinkable speeds down the small streets until I reached hers. She had to be home. She had to be safe. I wouldn’t rest until I saw her for myself.

  I tried to calm myself as I got out of the car. I would have known, I kept telling myself. I would have known if she was taken into the forest. Someone would have told me. Everyone was watching. Everyone was on the lookout.

  There would have been a sign.

  I would have felt it. Known it. Heard her cry for help. I would have felt something.

  Something.

  She had to be home.

  There was no other logical explanation.

  I ran up the stairs and took in a breath before I began ringing her doorbell.

  One ring became two, two became three, three became four and still no answer. I stepped back from the stairs and looked up at her room. Where could she be? Maybe she was in the shower and didn’t hear the doorbell ring. I walked up the stairs again and pressed my finger against the ringer and didn’t let go.

  If her mother answered, I was sure she’d think I was a lunatic. But it didn’t matter. None of it mattered. I knew that if someone didn’t open the door within five minutes I would break it down and search the house myself. I was past caring.

  And that’s when I began using the knocker on the door. One pounding sound after another after another, until finally, the door opened.

  And there she was.

  I reached out and touched her face.

  Was she real?

  Or was she planted here by Alderon to
fool me? Had he gained knowledge of some other great dark magical art?

  It had to be Caroline.

  I looked her over and couldn’t believe my eyes. Standing before me was not the girl I had left days earlier. She looked disheveled and distracted. Her big, beautiful eyes were swollen and puffy. Gone was her school attire, replaced with a large grey robe. She looked like she hadn’t slept in weeks. Like she was in great mourning over a loved one.

  Her fury and anger I could deal with.

  Her pain I could not handle.

  “What are you doing here?” she finally said, as she wiped her red nose with a napkin she pulled out of the pocket in her robe.

  “Where have you been?” I demanded. I could not control the trembling in my voice.

  “Home. Here.” And then the tears started flowing. She wiped at her face with the crumpled napkin.

  “What happened? What’s wrong?” I vowed I would destroy whatever had made her cry like this and given her so much pain.

  “Nothing.”

  “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the things I said to you,” I suddenly blurted out. What if I was the cause?

  “What things?”

  “At the diner. I didn’t mean any of it.”

  “You think I’m upset over that?”

  I shook my head. What else could it be?

  She laughed between her tears.

  “Look, Devilyn. I appreciate that you came here. I really do. But I’m honestly not in the mood to talk,” she told me softly. “I have some personal stuff going on, and I just need to be by myself.”

  Personal stuff?

  “Please let me come in,” I said stepping closer to her. “I’m not going to leave until you let me come in. I’m just going to stand out here and continue ringing your doorbell until you finally concede. So you might as well save yourself the trouble by letting me in now,” I pleaded with her. I was desperate.

  She took a few moments and just stared at me. I knew she was trying to decide what she was going to do, and I prayed that she would make the right decision.

  “You would, wouldn’t you?”

  “Haven’t you learned anything yet? I always get what I want.”

  She finally smiled and stepped aside and let me walk into her house.

  We walked into her family room and sat down on the couch. She hugged her arms around her waist and, if possible, closed her robe even tighter and closer around her tiny frame.

  “Can I get you anything?” she asked politely. I knew she was on the verge of a breakdown. All I wanted to do was ease her pain.

  “No, nothing. Thanks.” I moved closer to her on the couch and stopped myself from reaching out and pulling her into my arms.

  “Why do you look like your world has come to an end?”

  “I guess it’s because it practically has. At least the world I knew.”

  C

  When I opened the door and saw him, I just wanted him to hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay. I knew that if I told him everything I had gone through he would. He really did care.

  I could see it in his eyes.

  I could see it in his face. A face that looked like mine. One that hadn’t seen a good night’s sleep in a few days. One that was tired.

  Exhausted.

  Even though I had told him to leave, I silently prayed he wouldn’t. I wanted to tell him everything because for some reason I knew he would understand. He was so wise. Beyond his years.

  He would offer me sound advice. I knew that much. I felt like he was the only one I could turn to. On some level he could probably relate, especially given that he too had lost his parents and was raised by someone else. Perhaps he could explain how he survived.

  Our lives suddenly seemed so similar.

  The second we sat down, I put both my hands in my face and then it all spilled out. I told him that I hadn’t intended to hear their conversation. But I had. And now I wished that it was all some kind of sick joke.

  He sat in front of me, not saying much, but I could sense the tension leave his body as if he was relieved by what I had said. Maybe he was expecting me to say something much worse. I don’t know what he was thinking. I never knew what he was thinking. But I knew that the fear he had in his eyes vanished, and his breathing was suddenly calm.

  “Caroline, I know that what I’m about to say isn’t going to answer all of your questions, but it might help you understand,” he began. “People often make so many sacrifices, tough decisions. They have certain hardships in their lives that go above and beyond anyone’s true comprehension. People do things under strain or duress, things that they would never do given different circumstances.”

  “I know,” I said, nodding my head. “They were probably a young couple that was struggling, and then they had me, and they didn’t know what to do. Or at least that’s what I’m telling myself. I know that I’m lucky in a lot of ways. I guess I’m just disappointed that my parents, who I love and trust with so much, didn’t trust me enough to tell me the truth.”

  I looked away from Devilyn and wiped the tears from my eyes. It still hurt so much. I guessed it would for a while before the pain would turn into numbness, and then I’d be able to forgive.

  “I’m more disappointed in them than in my real parents.” There. I said the words out loud. There was a relief in that.

  “You shouldn’t be.” Devilyn grabbed my hand.

  Even in the state I was in, I couldn’t stop the fluttering in my heart as I met his gaze.

  “They love you. They didn’t want to hurt you, and I think it’s obvious that they didn’t want to lose you.” Devilyn smiled at me softly. “I mean, who would? Look at you. You’re so beautiful, you light up a room. And it shines from within. I don’t know anyone who would want to give that up.”

  My heart slammed against my chest. Those were the sweetest words anyone had ever said to me.

  The tears started flowing again. He was right about one thing. My father had said he was afraid of losing me so desperately that he asked my mother to lie to me. He was so afraid that I would leave them. That was love. The love of a parent for a child.

  I was behaving irrationally, like such a child, and I was suddenly so embarrassed.

  “Thank you.”

  He reached out and pulled me into his arms for a hug. “I didn’t do anything.”

  “You’ve done a lot. More than you know.”

  I pulled away and looked deep into his eyes and realized just how much I liked to do that. I felt so safe with him. Almost as if I had come home.

  He was someone I could count on. Someone I could rely on.

  Someone I wanted in my life.

  Forever.

  Even if that was only a dream.

  D

  I couldn’t help but pull her close to me. And when I did, the feeling made me whole.

  Complete.

  I took a deep breath in, and the emotion that washed over me unnerved me to my core. There was a possessiveness I felt with her. She belonged to me. She felt right with me, so good in my arms. As if we had been made for each other. I held her tightly and closed my eyes. I could feel her pain. I knew that this had been a difficult time for her. Beyond imagination.

  She knew her world was a lie, but she didn’t even know how bad it was. It was a moment in my life that I never wanted to forget. The first time that I really held her in my arms. She was so small and fragile compared to me. And yet, even through our differences it was as if we were made for each other.

  As the minutes went by I remembered everything acutely. The smell of her freshly washed hair. The silky touch of her skin as it grazed against my face. And the thunderous feeling of her heart beating against mine.

  We were wrapped in each other’s arms. Each of us reveling in the beauty of what we held. It was the single most intimate moment I had felt in all my life.

  I pulled her closer and couldn’t help but run my hands through her
thick hair. I didn’t want her to move an inch. I wanted to hold her forever. Just like this.

  As I continued brushing my fingers through her hair, the blood in my veins seemed to rush faster. I could literally feel it moving through my body. My fingertips tingled with energy. I opened my eyes and realized that our energy had practically lifted our bodies off the couch.

  I couldn’t risk her seeing this.

  Even though I didn’t want to let go, I had to. It was too much. Too soon.

  I needed a moment to get my emotions under control.

  I needed to get my thoughts together. Everything in the room, including my mind, was spinning. I couldn’t allow myself to spin when I had to protect her.

  “Can I get a glass of water?” I finally asked as I slowly moved away.

  “Of course.” Her eyes glanced at me for a moment, and I had to stop myself from pulling her back. They were bright. But more Fae then I had ever seen. I closed my eyes so that mine wouldn’t respond by doing the same.

  She immediately pulled farther away from me, and I knew that she was embarrassed. The blushing of her cheeks was always the best indicator of her emotions. She was so easy to read.

  She rose and immediately left the living room.

  The second she was gone I wanted her to return. What was I doing? Why was I behaving like such an insane person? She was everything I needed. So beautiful. So good in every way. Why did I keep pushing her away? Every moment of closeness we shared I treated with fear and apprehension. But deep down I knew what I was fearing, and I had every right to be scared.

  Surely anyone else in my position would behave the same way. Wouldn’t they?

  I ran my fingers through my hair. I had to stop this madness. It would stop.