by Jillian Keep
It felt so empty and alone to have him leave her, the fiend she craved pulling his clothing off the floor to get dressed.
She nodded in agreement even as a part of her burned with need. She didn’t want to play it safe. She wanted to be reckless and revel in what she’d finally found…
But she knew that it couldn’t be. It shouldn’t be.
She shouldn’t want him.
Pulling down her top she hunted for her pants, finding them discarded near the bed and quickly tugging them on. She felt as if she’d aged a decade in the last few hours and suddenly nothing else seemed so important as sex. As him.
But she shoved those thoughts aside. Rationally she knew that, to her, staying at this Academy was her priority.
Yet to see that feral man, his still-turgid cock tenting his pants as he stood topless, it was hard to acknowledge it.
He looked to her from the corner of his view, and she saw him grin, his eyes giving a light twinkle as he pulled his robe from the floor. “Don’t worry,” he said, pulling it over his shoulders then placing a hand upon her pert rear as he leaned in and nibbled her earlobe. “There shall be so much more time for us,” he husked in a whisper to her, squeezing her ass.
Excitement and dread combated within her and she nodded before pushing him away. “Please don’t let anyone see you, Varuj.”
With a smug smile he tied his robe closed then said, “Don’t worry, I shall be as quiet as the mouse.” Though the final look he gave her before he left spoke of such smoldering desire still lingering in him. Lingering in him for her.
She felt horrible. Dirty and sullied and like a void had opened up within her.
As soon as he was gone she had to grapple with the concerns that his presence had quelled, and as she went to the bath, her stomach was like a lead pit.
Mae’lin loved her. And she loved him, didn’t she? That affection, that adoration she felt for him couldn’t be faked. The way he smiled at her, the covert brushes of his hand against hers, the glee in his eyes when she kissed him…
This would break his heart in two. She’d seen what happened when he thought Bran and her were together. He’d withdrawn.
Sure he’d said it was out of respect, but she knew it was something more, and as the warm water caressed her sore muscles she felt the tears begin to flow.
She really did love him.
So what was this thing with Varuj? Why was she so inexplicably drawn to him? Even though he’d battered her body, her fingers still grazed against those tender areas, and it brought about a pleasant feeling. It brought reminders of him, just as he’d promised.
Firia let out a sound of annoyance in the empty room, and it echoed back to her.
The frustration was palpable.
Chapter 38
Going about her normal routine was arduous, for she saw Mae’lin without delay. The tall, lanky elf greeting her as they made their way to class.
“Good morning,” he said cheerfully to her, not a shred of understanding or suspicion in him for what she had done. How could he? The poor man reached out and let his fingers brush against hers as they walked.
Her heart fluttered and her stomach constricted. She touched him back, just a fleeting, exploratory thing. Could she have the same passion with Mae’lin? Would it always be this quiet, calm, sure thing?
She thought of what her first time could have been like with him. Gentle. Cautious. Enjoyable and tepid.
How cruel was she to compare the two? They were different and both spoke to different parts of her soul. Mae’lin was her rock, her comfort, her confidence. Varuj… he was her passion, her fire, her drive.
How could she be without either one of them?
“You okay?” he asked at her silence as they walked along, the reassuring yet concerned smile he gave heart-warming. And heart-breaking. “You seem to be miles away this morning,” he remarked. “Oh, I bet you’re already worrying about the next exam, huh?”
“There’s always one right around the corner,” she agreed. It made as good of an excuse as any. “Hey, have you spoken to Ala lately? She was a bit off when I saw her the other day.”
It occurred to her then how odd it was not to run into her on the way out. She lived in a room so close to hers, after all, and they walked out together most every day.
Mae’lin shrugged, however, his warm fingers grazing hers as they approached the class building. “I saw her yesterday, but she seemed fine to me.”
“Well, she always seems fine. I mean… she’s brave. Strong. I think something’s going on but she won’t tell me.” It felt so insignificant, but worrying about her friend distracted her from her crippling guilt. For the time being, anyway.
Chapter 39
When lunch came, Firia wound her way to the dining hall, and as she joined a smiling Mae’lin at the table, she saw Ala’nase at last. The tall, shapely elf was on the lookout for someone before she wound her way over to them.
Taking that time to study her, Firia realized the other woman looked different, then realized why. Her blonde hair was more studiously cared for, her clothes obviously freshly cleaned and pressed. In fact, the usual robes she wore were exchanged for an outfit Firia rarely saw her in. A pair of tight pants with high boots, and a tunic worn beneath a cloak that hung from her shoulders, the neck undone low so that it gave a peek of décolletage.
Firia’s brows rose, then her face fell.
Surely. Surely no.
She couldn’t be dressed like that to impress him, could she?
Firia shook her head free of the thought, but she couldn’t stop glancing at Ala’nase whenever she got a chance, watching her astutely. It must be a coincidence. Maybe she found someone else. Maybe whoever she was talking to in that hidden clearing…
Mae’lin took hold of her hand beneath the table, squeezing it. “You looking for someone, Ala?” he asked their mutual friend, making idle chitchat as they all sat to eat. Only Ala’nase hadn’t even bothered to fetch a lunch for herself.
“You could say that,” she muttered, her bright blue eyes still scanning the room.
“You… going somewhere?” Firia probed.
“Only if I’m lucky,” she responded, her gaze locked on the crowd.
Then it happened. Firia watched as Varuj entered into the hall, and not only did Ala’nase’s eyes lock on him, but so many more, too. The seductive demon drew so much attention as he strolled on through so casually.
“Wait,” said Mae’lin, “you’re not obsessed with the new guy too, Ala, are you?”
Their friend didn’t seem to hear, as she was watching Firia’s dusky demon walk with rapt attention.
Damn it all to the void.
It was bad enough breaking Mae’lin’s heart. To have to break Ala’s as well? To alienate the two people she actually liked?
It was that simple. She just had to… not see Varuj anymore.
“You still with us, Ala?” came Mae’lin’s voice, snapping their friend out of her stupor.
“Huh?” she looked back to them, wide-eyed and confused.
“You’re hung up on that new guy too, aren’t you?” he asked.
“Who? That dreamy hunk of a luscious foreigner?” she retorted. “No, why would anyone care about that stud?” Her sarcasm dryer than ever. “I’m just gonna head on off to get some food,” the timing impeccable as Firia noticed Varuj headed in that same direction.
Firia let out a soft sigh. “She knows what she wants, doesn’t she?” Her friend had always been so blunt before, but now that Firia knew she was hiding something from her she wasn’t certain any longer.
It wasn’t fair, of course. Firia had more than a few secrets from Ala. From Mae’lin. From everyone.
Secrets that could destroy her.
Still, knowing that Ala was hiding something made her uncomfortable.
Watching her walk up to Varuj in the lunch line and feign bumping into him was more uncomfortable still. Ala laughed, though she was too far away for Firia to hear, tho
ugh she could see with crystal clarity. The way she smiled, stroked her hand along Varuj’s bicep as she apologized.
The ways – both subtle and not – that her elvish friend set about seducing the demon she had summoned. Her demon. The one whom not but a few hours ago she’d coupled with. Twice.
She felt her body begin to burn with possessive anger, and her hand squeezed Mae’lin’s under the table. She’d barely touched her food but still she forced a smile at him. “Hey, let’s get out of here, okay?”
Always accommodating, Mae’lin smiled and set aside his as yet unfinished meal. “Sure,” he said, squeezing her hand back as they pushed out of the booth and made their way towards the door. Though in her effort to watch Ala’nase, she saw the demon turn his gaze towards her just before she left. And saw her holding hands with Mae’lin.
“I didn’t figure Ala would like his type,” Firia admitted, though she didn’t know why. She just felt so hateful towards both of them for that moment, the jealousy and rage completely irrational. It would be better if they did get together! Then she could be left alone to her simple, busy life.
“Him?” Mae’lin remarked, glancing back even though the doors were already shut behind them by that point. “He looks to be exactly her type, if you ask me,” he remarked. “I think she has a taste for the different.”
“I guess.” Of course he was right. That just made it worse.
“Hey Mae’lin, did you want to just… go study somewhere today?”
“The whole day?” he asked, brow raised curiously. “You mean skip classes?”
“It’s as good of time as any, and I think we’d get a lot more done.” Truly she just couldn’t stand to be around anyone else. She wanted to be alone with him, which is the last thing in the world she figured she’d want that day. Maybe it was her guilt or her jealousy, but she just wanted to see…
To see if what they had was real? If she could feel that passion with him? She wasn’t certain.
Ever agreeable, Mae’lin smiled and nodded. “Sure. Your place or mine?” he asked, giving her hand a squeeze as the midday sun lit up his fair skin and wheat coloured hair. He was handsome in his own way, peculiar for an elf, different. Nothing like Varuj, yet he had a charm all his own. Just more subtle.
“Yours.” Hers was a wreck. Even more than usual.
She was surprised by how easily he agreed, though not really. Mae’lin had always been happy-go-lucky. She was the reason they never skipped class or did anything daring. Even then her stomach clenched with fear at what she might miss, but she simply couldn’t take it anymore.
So why did she want to be alone with the one person she should be trying to avoid?
Mae’lin’s place was immaculate, as always, and he welcomed her in familiarly before shutting the door and resting down his satchel. “I think we’re doing pretty good with the syllabary now. It’s probably time to move onto more advanced stuff,” he remarked, the two of them alone and away from the outside world at last.
How could she exist without him?
She moved to his bed and sat down, resting her bag to her side. She hadn’t realized how little she knew about him, personally, as when she tried to speak about something other than work. Other than the Academy.
He knew next to nothing about her as well, but then, for the past year she’d thought of almost nothing but magic.
“Sure. I think we can handle it.”
The two of them had grown up in the same quiet farming area, had both attended classes together most of their lives. But knew so little of each other.
How was that? The answered dawned on her as they worked away: because there was so little to their lives other than their aspirations to become mages. Their yearning to master magic and get away from their humdrum lives consumed them both.
When he wasn’t studying, he had been tending to his family’s farm. She knew that. She remembered him telling her, she remembered… she had dreamt of him before. Of the two of them, back home, her coming to meet him at his farm. Seeing him working, engaged in that physical labour, bereft of shirt.
He wasn’t blessed with as impressive a physique as Varuj, even in her dreams, but he was striking then, nonetheless.
She remembered, too, how the dream ended. How just as Mae’lin told her he was going to propose, just as they began to kiss, his form had shifted. How he was no longer Mae’lin.
Varuj had taken over her dream, begging her not to forget about him.
It wasn’t fair.
Now he was doing the same thing in her waking hours.
Shut off from the outside world, it was only when supper approached, and their hunger disturbed their studying, that they had to face reality again.
“I wish we could’ve started studying together like this years ago,” remarked Mae’lin with a smile. “I think we’d be far more prepared today if we had.”
Who knew the path she’d be on if that were true. She might never have gotten in to Gaul’di-mere, if not for Varuj.
“I wish we had,” she finally admitted. “Mae’lin… You know I really like you, right?”
He looked to her, his elven eyes alight with tenderness. That unmistakable twinkle of affection in his gaze. “I know,” he said gently, bending to his knee and taking both her hands in his. “And I really like you, Firia. I’ve…” he hesitated, but continued, “I’ve liked you long before I ever met you. I watched you from afar and somehow felt from a young age you were so very special. The one for me, if I was ever so lucky to be with you one day.”
She felt the tears begin to build up and she forced her gaze away. “I never want to hurt you, Mae’lin.” But I will went unsaid.
Gently he stroked his thumbs over the back of her hands and leaned in, kissing her cheek tenderly. “Don’t worry,” he said softly. “I’m tough. Remember the last time you nearly burned me alive?” he said with gentle humour.
“Yea, next time I try to kill you publicly I’ll have to try harder,” she teased back, but her heart wasn’t in it. “Just… There’s some things that I’ve done. That I’m not proud of. But that’s all in the past, and I’m going to try to be… better, okay?”
The starry-eyed Mae’lin didn’t quite know what to make of what she said, but he nodded tentatively. “We did what we had to to get here. All that matters now is getting through the Academy. Together. So we can start our lives together. Free.”
Her lips pressed to his but it was chaste, and her smile was tight when she pulled away. “I’ll be better, Mae’lin. For you.”
“We’ll head out and get some supper together, don’t worry about anything else for now but getting through this,” he reassured, tugging her up to her feet with his hold on her hands. Giving her a sweet kiss in return, his whole face lit up.
She was a horrible person.
How could she do something to such a sweet and honest elf? An elf that adored her and had faith in her?
“Lead the way,” she breathed out.
Chapter 40
It wasn’t until they had finished their meal and Mae’lin excused himself to the washroom that Firia saw Varuj again. The suave demon slid into the booth across from her with a smile. “There you are,” he said in his charming accent. “I was on the lookout for the most beautiful girl in all the academy, and thought I might never track her down.”
“Cute,” she murmured, sighing audibly and looking around the room cautiously before she leaned into the table. Her voice was quiet as she stared at him, “I don’t think we should be seen together.”
The dashing devil leaned forward onto one elbow, cupping his chin in his palm as he murmured back to her. “What’s wrong with the new student trying to make a new friend, hmm?” He gave a wry smile and a waggle of his brows as he let his eyes dip over her momentarily. “Nothing suspicious about that.”
“It’s not about you and this… new student thing. This is about you making my life so complicated. I know you saw me with Mae’lin. If he sees you here…”
Var
uj’s dark eyes narrowed just slightly, and she swore she saw a flicker of flame, as if his true nature coming through. “So it is true. You and him…” He didn’t say it, he just seemed to fume in silence as he watched her.
“You and I aren’t meant to be.” Firia was trying to stay strong, to be confident about her decision, but she hated it. Every second that she spent looking at him, telling him the truth, it killed her.
But Varuj could take it. Mae’lin said he was tough, but she knew the truth.
Varuj, on the other hand… he’d find someone else instantly. Someone to replace her.
It made her lip tremble and her gaze fall.
“Meant to be?” he repeated derisively. “We make our meaning from life, you and I,” he ground out with some anger. “When I helped you get into the academy, we made our own fate. When I saved your father and brought him to safety, we did it again.” She could see his free hand was clenched into a fist. “When we mated we made our own fate, intertwined,” he said, his voice raising almost dangerously high.
Her eyes went wide with fear as her face burned with embarrassment and anger.
It spilled out, before she could stop it. The truth. The utter, whole, absolute truth. “I can’t hurt him, Varuj.”
“And what about me?!” he said angrily, jabbing his thumb into his chest as he drew attention to them. To make matters worse, Firia saw Mae’lin returning, walking down the aisle back towards their booth.
“You have… others. Other options. Other people. Please, you’re powerful and charming and you will have no problems… no problems with anything. You have the world. He…” She shook her head, glancing frantically towards Mae’lin. “Please.”
“I have you.” He leaned over the table towards her, his eyes burning. “You are mine,” he stated firmly, and Mae’lin was so close. She knew she could say no more without him overhearing.