Seizing Control

by Kylie Hillman

  The worst part is my feelings of contamination and inadequacy. The way Brendan used my body to satisfy himself without my consent and to control me has scarred me for life. The way he spoke to me when he was doing it made me feel like I deserved it and that I wasn’t worthy of anyone, even him. I was damaged goods; his slut he called me. It took Mik months to get his voice out of my head so that we could build the wonderful relationship we have now.

  “Earth to Lainey!”

  He clicks his fingers in front of my face impatiently. My tendency to zone out annoys him.

  “I asked you how you got the scars all over your beautiful body. Did you finally crash that motorcycle I hated you riding? I told you that you should not ride solo.”

  My mouth drops open at his question. How can he be so deluded that he doesn’t know how I received my scars? Doesn't he understand what he was convicted of doing to me? I feel myself mentally snap and hurtle into temporary insanity. I can't stop myself from yelling at him, my rage overcoming my need for self-preservation.

  “I’ve never crashed my bike. Stop calling me Lainey. You really are a psycho, aren’t you? You know exactly how I got these scars. From you what you did to me on our last night together…”

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Lainey

  Four Years Earlier

  “Thank you so much!”

  Impulsively I reach to kiss Mik on the cheek but he moves his head at the last second and I kiss his lips instead. I blush, secretly thrilled to have kissed his soft lips once again.

  I haven’t been this close to him since the crazy night we made love four months ago and it has been killing me. I’m madly in love with him and just want to be able to tell him this because I know he feels the same way. I miss how close we used to be.

  It has been less than two weeks since Mik started talking to me again after our massive fight. It broke my heart when he assumed that I picked Brendan over him but I couldn't explain what was going on without someone getting hurt. I’m not sure what caused his change of heart but I’m thankful to have him in my life again.

  The situation with Brendan is driving insane. I don't know how to stop him from releasing the photos of Benji or going after my family if I leave him. I’m contemplating telling Benji what’s happening and that he needs to face the consequences himself. I’m paying a high price for a crime I didn’t commit. Brendan’s silence is being brought by his total dominion over me—physically, sexually and mentally—and it’s breaking me. I pride myself on being tough but I cannot tolerate Brendan’s abuse for much longer.

  This afternoon, Mik offered me a part time job at the motorcycle workshop that our Dad’s own. Finding a job that pays decent money and fits around my hours at university has been difficult. My dad is pretty well off but apart from providing a rent free house for Benji and I to live in, he’s made it clear that we need to support ourselves. Dad is all about teaching us to stand on our own two feet. A sentiment I can appreciate now I have a job to support myself.

  The best thing about the job offer is that he said I can work as many hours a week as I want and at times to suit me, as long as I met customer deadlines. This solves all of my problems and gives me a safe place to escape Brendan each day. He’s not going to be happy about me taking the job but I won’t let him browbeat me into rejecting it. I need this outlet for my own sanity.

  The fact that this job means I will be spending a lot of time with Mik is a double edged sword. Brendan will punish me for it constantly and I will be constantly reminded that I can't have the relationship I want with him until I nullify Brendan’s threats against my family.

  I say my goodbyes to the mechanics and walk towards the car park with a big smile on my face. I feel happier than I have in months. Pointing my key fob at my car, I disable the alarm.

  As I start to open the driver’s door, two big arms go around me and a wide chest pushes me against the car. My body immediately goes rigid in fear until I hear Mik growl in my ear.

  “Leaving so soon, Angel?”

  He gently turns me around so I’m facing him, placing one hand around my waist and the other one on my cheek. He settles his pelvis against mine. When he strokes my cheek, it takes all my effort not to flinch when he softly touches the bruise that my heavy makeup is hiding.

  Brendan backhanded me last night because I agreed to Benji’s invitation to go to dinner with Mik and himself tonight before he flies out to meet with a prospective AFL team. Spending time tonight with my twin was worth the punishment Brendan dished out last night in my opinion.

  “Yeah, Mik. I have stuff to do before we meet for dinner.”

  I look at him cautiously, trying to work out why he’s touching me like this. My mind is confused but my body is happy to be in his arms. My core is growing hot with arousal where it meets his, my nipples are hard enough to cut glass and my hands are tingling where they rest on his hips.

  “I have some ideas of stuff we can do before dinner, if you’re interested, Lainey?”

  He flexes his hips against mine as he says it and I feel his erection press against me. I gasp and push my hands against his bare chest. Mik always works without a shirt on which was why the workshop has such a high number of women accompanying their men to pick up their bikes, my Dad teases Mik regularly. I completely agree with him.

  “Let me go, this isn’t a good idea.” I plead with him and push harder against his chest.

  He doesn’t move an inch and my body hums with gratitude that he’s still touching me. There is nothing better in my world than Mik Kennedy’s big, hard, half naked body pressed up against mine. My God I miss him.

  “Angel, I know something’s going on with you and that arrogant fucker. I know you love me, you know I love you so there has to be a big fucking reason why we aren’t together like we should be.”

  I don't answer him—how can I? Even though he's right, it's doesn't change a thing.

  He leans forward and brushes his lips over mine, nipping my bottom lip with his teeth before he runs his tongue from the bottom of my ear to my collarbone. I try to stifle the moan his touch elicits from me but I don’t quite manage it.

  He grins against my shoulder before continuing, “Benji and I can get rid of him if you want us to, just say the word.”

  Mik doesn’t give me a chance to answer him because he mashes his lips to mine and picks me up. I wrap my legs around his waist, thanking the Lord I am wearing shorts and not one of the skirts Brendan demands. He marches us up the steps, through the showroom, and into the office he uses when he's home from his real job. He kicks the door shut behind us and locks it.

  Still kissing me frantically, he sweeps the paperwork off of his desk before sitting me down on it. He quickly pulls my sandals, shorts and panties off. Grabbing my hips, he pulls me to the edge of the desk and drops to his knees between my legs.

  “Mik, I can’t…”

  I try to tell him I can’t do this with him again as his tongue makes contact with my clit. Pleasure jolts me and I lie back on my elbows with my legs draped over his shoulders, all protests forgotten. He continues to lick my clit in a figure eight before pushing his tongue into me. He thrusts his tongue in and out of me as he works my clit with his fingers. My pussy swells in response.

  “Can’t believe I haven’t been able to touch you for four fucking months, Lainey. You broke my heart,” Mik murmurs as he shifts positions.

  My heart contracts painfully at his words. This situation didn’t just break his heart; mine broke as well. His thick finger slowly enters me and he begins to work my clit with his tongue again. His finger and tongue establish a rhythm that blows my mind.

  “Oh my God, Mik. Don’t stop…”

  I’m so close to coming that I can barely breathe. Just before my arousal peaks, he inserts another finger and picks up the pace with his tongue. The tension and stress that has gripped my body and mind during the last four horrible months builds to a crescendo and I shatter. My body lets go and takes my mind with it.
I come from his talented mouth and fingers harder than I’ve ever come before. I ride the waves of my orgasm for what feels like an eternity.

  Still shaking as the last of my orgasm leaves me, I burst into tears. My body hasn’t felt this satisfied since Mik made love to me the first time.

  “Fuck, Lainey. What’s wrong?”

  He quickly wraps his arms around me. I shake my head at his question. I can’t discuss my problems with him. He’ll lose his shit and go after Brendan. I don’t want to lose him to jail for hurting Brendan. I don't want Benji to have his career wrecked. I can't tell anyone what's happening. I want Brendan to go away but I don't know how to make him.

  I’m trapped.

  “Make love to me, Mik. I have missed you so much…please.”

  I beg him through my tears. He looks at me, concern and speculation clouding his gaze. I drop my eyes from his. I can’t stand looking at him knowing I’m going to break his heart again by going back to Brendan after this.

  “There’s something fucked up going on, isn’t there?” Mik asks quietly.

  I shake my head, unable to meet his gorgeous hazel eyes for fear that he’ll see the truth in them.

  “Not really. I just have something to sort out soon. Before I do it, I want to be with you again.”

  I tangle my fingers in his hair and pull his mouth to mine. He pulls his lips away before placing his forehead against mine and forcing me to look him in the eyes. He wipes the remaining tears from my face with his thumbs.

  “I’ll give you what you want because we both fucking know I want it just as bad.” I smile at his words, but it quickly fades when he continues. “But, we will be discussing what's going on with you when I get back from Melbourne with Benji. There’s no reason for us to be apart. Something’s not right and you need to tell me what it is. I can fix anything you need me to.”

  I try to pull my head away from his but he holds me close.

  “It’s not negotiable, Mo Ghrá,” he says firmly.

  I nod to placate him but I know that I’ll never tell him what’s really been going on. If he knew what I let Brendan do to me, he wouldn’t want me anymore. He definitely wouldn't be calling me his love if he knew how badly my body has been degraded. My greatest desire is to erase Brendan's threat and then start a proper relationship with Mik. I'll never tell him, or anyone, what I went through with Brendan though. I don't want how he looks at me to change.

  “Now where were we?” He chuckles before he starts to pull my top off.

  I stop him because if I don’t he’ll see the bruises on my breasts and the bite mark on my shoulder. I hop off of the desk, dropping to my knees in front of him. I undo his buckle and I’m pulling his zipper down when he stops me.

  “You don’t need to do that, Angel.”

  I tilt my head to look up at him, searching his face to gauge his sincerity. It’s written all over his face that he wants me to do it so I laugh at him and continue on my way.

  “I’ve never done it properly before but I want to try with you,” I say with conviction. “Tell me if I do something wrong.”

  Giving a blowjob has always intrigued me since it always features in the erotic novels I read. I enjoy imagining the sense of power the act gives my fictional heroines. I’ve never had the opportunity to do it willingly until now. Brendan tried to force me to blow him in the beginning but I managed to escape his clutches by ‘accidentally’ catching him with my teeth. It cost me a couple of blows to the head but now he rarely even bothers to try anymore.

  After I release Mik from his jeans, he kicks them away with his boots. His cock stands proud, almost reaching his navel and it jerks when I tentatively run my tongue around the head. He responds with a harsh intake of breath so I lick him again.

  “Fuck, Lainey.” He groans when I take the first third of his cock into my mouth.

  I bob my head and take him as far as I can. He’s thick and I need to open my jaw wider than anticipated, but I still manage to take most of him. Teeth firmly tucked behind my lips, I bob my head up and down his length, gaining speed as I begin to feel more confident.

  “Fuck yeah, that’s it, my Angel. Your mouth feels so good.”

  Mik is moaning loudly as I gather momentum. It's a struggle to fit all of him in my mouth. He regularly hits the back of my throat and it takes every ounce of control I possess not to gag. Maintaining my suction and rhythm, I stroke his balls with one of my hands and he bucks his hips in time with my movements.

  Just when I think I might have to stop or risk lock jaw, Mik pulls me up his body and lifts me onto the edge of the desk. Spreading my legs wide, he stands between my thighs before he ever so slowly slides into me. I throw my head back in pleasure as I feel myself stretch around him.

  “Fucking missed you, Lainey.”

  With deliberation, he slides himself slowly out of me before sliding back in again. He does this another half a dozen times before I wrap my legs around his muscled ass, digging my heels in to make him stay in me.

  “Don’t tease me, Mik. I can’t take it. I need you to own me right now.”

  He looks at me in bewilderment, confusion flashing over his rugged face. I need him to take me hard and fast and erase Brendan’s filthy, shaming touch from my mind and body, at least for a little while.

  “I can do that, Angel,” he replies, his voice soft and his love for me beaming from his eyes.

  My eyes fill with tears again at his expression. I keep my face turned from his so he can’t see them and I release my grip on him so he can start thrusting again.

  “Hold on,” he instructs before he picks me up and moves us towards the wall behind his desk. I wrap my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist as he leans me against the wall. He’s still hard and thick inside me and each movement causes little jolts of pleasure to surge to my core.

  Without warning, Mik pulls out and then thrusts into me with powerful intent and I throw my head back with pleasure, leaning my head on the wall. He feels better than I remember. Continuing to power into me, he growls when my walls grip him tighter as another orgasm builds. I know that Mik senses my mounting need because he slides his hand in between us and rubs my clit as he’s thrusts into me.

  “Oh my God, I need you so much.” The words fall from my mouth before I can stop them.

  I bring my head forward and crush my lips to his, kissing him as if my life depends upon it.

  “You feel so fucking good, Lainey. I can’t hold on much longer.”

  Mik rasps these words against my lips, surprising me when he manages to increase the intensity of his thrusts. I throw my head back again and let the sensations from his cock and fingers take me over the edge. I’m mid orgasm when I feel him start to lose his rhythm as he reaches his climax.

  After he comes, we both crumple to the office floor in an awkward heap. I'm still dazed from my intense release when I feel his ejaculation running down my inner thigh.

  “Holy hell, Mik, you didn’t use a condom.”

  I jump to my feet and run to grab some paper towels from the cupboard with the coffee machine on it. The sensation of his semen leaking from me is causing flashbacks of my eighteenth birthday. I’m furiously wiping myself when he walks over to me and wraps me up in his arms.

  “I’m sorry, Lainey. Never done that before. I didn’t even think.” He kisses the top of my head. “Are you on the pill or something?”

  I wordlessly nod in answer to his question. I went and organized contraception the day after Brendan raped me for the first time. I also got tested to make sure he never infected me with an STD. Since then, I’ve made sure that anytime he’s raped me he’s worn a condom. It’s a fight to get him to wear them sometimes but it’s a fight I never back down from. The last thing I need is to share a child or an STD with him.

  “I’m clean. I get tested every time I donate blood for Dad’s treatment and I have honestly never been inside a woman bareback before. Fuck, Angel, I haven’t fucked anyone since you anyway.”
>
  Ignoring the bolt of happiness that tries to break through my dark cloud at his words—since I don’t believe him—considering I've seen him with skanks at the Club, I wordlessly walk away from him and pull my clothes and sandals back on. I don’t know why this is upsetting me so much right now but I just can’t deal with it at the moment.

  “Are you alright?” he asks quietly.

  I don’t look at him as I nod. I bend over to pick up the paperwork he swept to the floor. Before I can start, Mik seizes me with strong arm and moves us both to sit on his office chair. He clasps me to his naked chest and starts stroking my hair. His gentleness makes me cry again.

  “Lainey, you’ve gotta tell me what’s wrong.”

  I cry uncontrollably for a few minutes before I find the strength to compose myself. The numbness that I have habitually worn for the last four months is starting to set back in so I embrace it.

  “I can’t tell you yet. You just need to stay away from me for a while. I’ll explain when it’s sorted,” I state this without emotion, like a robot. I need to shut down my feelings and get away from Mik. I shouldn't have done this.

  It’s much easier dealing with Brendan when Mik was ignoring me. I need to formulate an escape plan that keeps everyone safe and I need Mik to stay away so I can do it. He messes with my mind and emotions, and his presence makes Brendan harder to deal with. Brendan is much more jealous of Mik than the other men I know so my punishments for any supposed ‘indiscretions’ involving him are much worse. It's that dark thought that gives me the push I need to leave the safe haven his embrace provides.

  “I’ll see you at dinner tonight and I’ll drive you guys to the airport. After that you need to leave me alone until I can get my life sorted out. You have to promise you won't tell anyone what we did today, especially Brendan.”