Seizing Control

by Kylie Hillman

  Mik jumps to his feet, his chair hitting the wall behind him.

  “What the fuck are you playing at Lainey? You can’t come in here and swing off my fucking cock like it’s your only source of oxygen, have a breakdown and then tell me to fucking leave you alone to go back to your psycho boyfriend. Benji and I know he has something over you. We can’t help you if you don’t tell us what it is!”

  He stalks towards me when I ignore him. He’s still naked, but I refuse to let my eyes drop lower than his face. I don't need the distraction. I back away from him, stopping only when I hit the opposite wall. Mik cages me in with both of his arms and his chest.

  “You got something to say, little girl?” he asks me, sarcasm dripping from his words.

  I slap at his bare chest and try to push him away. It’s like trying to move a brick wall with my bare hands. Impossible!

  “You aren’t doing this to me again without a fucking good explanation. I love you and I know you’re hurting over something. Tell me. What the fuck is wrong?”

  “There is nothing to tell you, Mik. I’m not leaving Brendan for you,” I snap this at him with as much ice in my voice as I can gather. I need to kill his feelings for me. It's the only way to keep him away until I can sort this out. He's going to get himself hurt otherwise.

  At the end of the day my brother’s safety is more important to me than my own feelings and needs. I have to put him first no matter how much it hurts me. I promised to always look after my brothers. I know Benji would do the same for me if the situation was reversed.

  “Look, I’ve tried to avoid hurting your feelings but you need to get this through your head right now. I don't love you. You’re good for a roll in the sack every now and then but I’m not going to have a relationship with a dumbass biker. And I'm definitely not leaving someone like Brendan for someone like you.”

  I throw his words from four months ago back at him. It's the only way. I know he’s never going to forgive me for this but I have to make him leave me alone somehow.

  He falls still in shock at my venomous words so I duck under his arm and head for the locked door. My heart is hurting from my harshness and all I want to do is run back and tell him I didn't mean it and I’m sorry. I force myself to keep walking.

  I unlock the door and pull it open. Hard as I try, I can’t stop myself from taking one last look at him. Mik has turned to face me and instead of seeing hatred or hurt in his eyes, I see pure rage and a dangerous resolve.

  “I know what you’re trying to do, Lainey. I’m gonna find out what the fuck he’s up to and then I’m going to kill him. You belong with this fucking biker and you know it!”

  I gasp at his words, equal parts ecstatic and petrified, and run for my car.

  Dinner is worse than I expected it to be, even in light of this afternoon’s events.

  Benji is monopolizing the conversation, and my attention, with footy and girl of the moment talk while Mik is ignoring me, engaging with Brendan in a silent staring competition across the table.

  Brendan is upset with what I'm wearing since I never had enough time to change for dinner after my run-in with Mik. Apparently it’s unacceptable to wear shorts to dinner at a restaurant and I'm not suitable to be seen on his arm tonight. I didn't roll my eyes at him when he was yelling at me— another unacceptable habit of mine—but it was a close call.

  Neither of Mik or Brendan seem to be paying the slightest attention to what Benji and I are discussing or what they are eating. Ultimately it's just a typical dinner between the four of us.

  Awkward.

  Tense.

  Nerve wracking.

  “When do you start work?” Benji asks me. I stare at him wide eyed with surprise. I didn’t realize he knew about the job offer. Quickly, I regain my senses and kick him under the table to make him shut up. He raises an eyebrow, wanting to know what my problem is.

  “Did you get a job, Lainey?” Brendan interjects with malice in his voice.

  Obviously he was paying more attention than I thought. Damn him.

  “I thought I told you that you don't need a job. I told you I’ll take care of you.”

  All night, he has had our fingers intertwined under the table forcing us to eat with one hand and his grasp goes from firm to unbearably painful as he is speaking.

  “I’m, um, going to work at one of the MC’s, um, workshops. It’s really good money and I can do it during hours that suit me.” I smile at him tentatively, hoping that he will keep his cool in public. “I don’t want to burden you with my stuff, especially now your father is sick and will need you at home more often.”

  I know it makes me a horrible person, but when Brendan told me on the way to dinner that his Dad is ill and that he will need to spend at least half of each week at home until he recovers, my heart leapt in excitement at escaping his vileness during that time. I knew he would be worse when he got back and that he would try to force me to go with him but with a job and study I should be able to avoid it most of the time.

  “That’s not your problem, darling. I think you should defer and come home with me until Dad finishes his treatment. I really don’t want to be separated from you,” he says this in a tone that leaves me little room for argument so I just give him a small smile and let it go for now.

  “Why the fuck would she defer her degree to hang around your fucking farm?” Unfortunately Mik decides that he’s not going to let it go.

  “Why would she choose to hang around a dirty biker workshop with a group of ill-bred criminals instead of with her boyfriend at his award winning farm, should be your so eloquently put question.” Brendan turns his nose up at Mik. “You wouldn’t understand how a real relationship works since you only associate with women with loose morals. Lainey goes where I go. I go where Lainey goes. End of discussion.”

  Brendan let’s go of my hand and throws his napkin down on his half eaten dinner. He stands and gestures for me to stand with him. I scramble from my seat.

  “I’m done with this. If you two would still like a lift to the airport, we will drop you there now. Otherwise, feel free to enjoy your dinner and then call a taxi.”

  He walks away, not bothering to see if I am following, and I’m left facing my brother and Mik who are still sitting at the table. Benji's mouth is open in disbelief at Brendan’s behaviour and Mik is furious. He moves to leave his chair to follow Brendan, his violent intentions obvious on his face, but Benji stills him with a strong hand to his shoulder, effectively pinning him in his seat.

  “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with him tonight.” All of my usual excuses start automatically flowing from my mouth. “He’s just stressed about his Dad.”

  “Don’t you make excuses for his shit, Mads!” Benji tells me vehemently. “Mad Dog and I aren’t stupid and if we didn’t need to leave tonight we’d be getting to the fucking bottom of this right now. It’s been going on for too long.”

  He walks around the table and slings his arm over my shoulder, pulling me into his chest.

  “You need to tell me what’s going on when I get back. I’m going to fix this for you, no matter what it takes,” he continues, murmuring into my hair. “I love you, Maddi. You don’t need to put up with his shit for any reason.”

  Nodding into his chest, I feel like the light at the end of the tunnel is finally coming into view.

  “I love you too, Benji.”

  Pulling away from him slightly, I run my eyes over my super talented and wonderful brother whose life is going to fall apart when the truth comes out and sympathy overcomes me. No matter how stupid he’s been by taking drugs, he doesn’t deserve what’s about to come. I feel like I've failed him. I swore to my Mom as she was dying that I would look after my brothers through anything, but this situation is more than I can bear.

  “I definitely need to talk to you both when you get back. I need help.”

  I finally say the words I've needed to say for months.

  “Good to hear, Angel.”
/>   I swivel my head when Mik speaks to find that he’s left his seat and is listening to our exchange.

  “We’re going to fix whatever you need. Don’t you worry about a thing from now on.”

  I send up a prayer that he is right. Brendan needs to be stopped.

  “You know that I do want to be with you, Mik? I didn’t mean what I said this afternoon.” He nods before clasping my free hand in his.

  “I didn’t believe you for a second, Lainey.”

  We share a short laugh at his blatant lie. My words definitely rocked him for a moment. He raises my hand to his lips and kisses the back of it.

  “I love you, Mo Ghrá.”

  "I love you too, Mik.”

  Benji looks between us in surprise and we both laugh at his dumbfounded expression. Someone will need to be brought up to speed in more ways than one when he gets back.

  “Come on, let’s get both of you boys to the airport before Prince Charming blows a gasket!”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Lainey

  Four Years Earlier

  As Brendan pulls my car into the driveway of the house that Benji and I share, a shiver of fear runs down my spine. Brendan hasn’t spoken since we left the restaurant and I can feel proverbial icicles dripping from his demeanour.

  The confidence that Mik and Benji instilled in me wore off about five minutes after we left them at the airport. I still have to get through the next two nights alone with Brendon before they return and I can come clean with them. Now that I've asked for help, I’m certain it's only way out of this. I can't deal with Brendan—I've tried my hardest—and the only thing I’ve achieved is getting myself hurt.

  The driver’s door slams as Brendan stalks to my front door. I exit my car in a hurry and follow him. He motions for me to walk inside my house first. I don't look at him as I pass, afraid I'll set him off.

  Entering behind me and closing the door with a resounding bang, I take it as my cue to escape and disappear into the living room to hang up my handbag. Dropping my head to my chest, I brace myself for the explosion that I know is coming. He's been too quiet and it worries me.

  I'm oblivious to his stealthy approach, too lost in my worry, until he swings me around by my arm and grabs me tightly around the throat. Fear engulfs me when I see his unbalanced expression. Tonight's going to be a bad one.

  “You made a fool of me tonight, Lainey.”

  He spits his words at me from between clenched teeth. His hold on my throat is too tight for me to breathe, let alone speak up in my own defense. I will myself to stay calm but my body begins panicking uncontrollably from my lack of oxygen. He lifts me until my toes are barely touching the ground and I claw at his hand. He pays my actions no attention until I kick him in the shin, after which he backhands me across the face, reigniting the pain in my already bruised cheek. His grip on my throat loosens when he hits me and I gulp in as much air as I can.

  Brendan regains his crushing hold on my throat and uses it to direct me backwards down the hallway to my room. My mind is telling me to scream but I don’t have enough oxygen to do so. After we cross the threshold to my room, Brendan slams me onto my bed. I hit the bed with so much force that I bounce in the air, landing hard on my side on the foot of the heavy wooden bed frame. I feel at least one of my ribs crack. The pain is excruciating.

  Screaming loudly and with tears running down my face from the onslaught of pain, I struggle to draw in a full breath. It hurts too much.

  Brendan locks my bedroom door and then calmly sits down on my rocking chair to remove his boots. He hangs his jacket on the back of the door and then slowly and deliberately takes off all of his clothes. I can see his erection jutting from his hips and the sight of it puts a sour taste in my mouth.

  “Would you shut up,” he barks at me. “You deserve everything you get tonight so stop crying about it.”

  Gulping air and trying to breathe shallowly, I try to be quiet so I don't antagonize him any further. Staying still reduces the agony radiating from my rib injury so when he grabs me and pulls me towards him, I have no option but to scream from the pain. I am normally good at zoning myself out to the pain he inflicts but this is too much for me to handle.

  Once I'm splayed on my back sideways across my bed, seriously injured and totally defenseless, he lets go of my ankles and stands there staring at me with furious intent.

  “Please, Brendan. Don’t. Not tonight. I think my ribs are broken,” I plead with him between shallow pants.

  He’s never hurt me this badly before and it scares the hell out of me. He doesn’t acknowledge my pleading, he simply starts undressing me like a rag doll, his expression falling blank. At this stage of our relationship I am used to this treatment so I don’t even bother fighting him. However, when he spits on his hand and starts rubbing it on my ass, I begin kicking at him and screaming for him to stop, in spite of the pain it causes me. I don’t care how much he hurts me but he’s not taking me there.

  “You need to learn that I'm in charge, Lainey. When I say no job, I mean it. When I say you are deferring and coming home with me, I mean it. When I tell you to stay away from that dirty biker, I mean it! Why do you constantly feel the need to defy me? It would take one phone call to my father to get your pathetic motorcycle gang locked up.”

  I gasp at his new threat. Surely he can't do that?

  “Do you want me to send the pictures of your druggie brother into every news outlet in Australia right now? You do realize it's draft week, you dumb, useless slut? Not the best week to piss me off, you would think?”

  He berates me as he tries to push his cock into my ass while I fight him with all of my remaining strength. His efforts are proving futile thankfully, my body will not allow him entry no matter how hard he tries.

  “For fucks sake!” he yells at me, his frustration boiling over. “You're totally useless.”

  His weight lifts from me and I drag in some much needed air before he straddles my waist and punches me three times in the face. Stars burst through my visions and the urge to vomit rises within me. My mouth fills with blood. My cheek bone and eye socket feel as if they are about to explode.

  “I’m starting to believe that you’re never going to learn how to behave. You’re such a slut. It's obviously in your worthless DNA. I don’t know why I bother with you.”

  He degrades me verbally, his hand closing around my throat again. Between the pain in my ribs and my face as well as my continuing lack of oxygen, I’m fighting to stay conscious. It’s hard when the beckoning blackness offers me sweet relief from the pain he’s inflicting.

  Roughly, he picks me up from the bed with the hand that is clenched around my throat and drags me over to my cluttered desk under the window. He twists me until my back is facing his chest and then slams me face down by the back of my neck, bending me over the edge of my desk. I feel my nose break as it hits the desk. Something gives in my chest and my ribs shatter further. A sharp, unbearable pain shoots through my pelvis when I land on something hard and solid.

  The blood pooling in my mouth chokes me and I cough it all over my desk as I scream. In the midst of my pain, a senseless rush of gratitude flows through me at finally being able to breathe now he has let go of my throat. Brendan spreads my thighs with his and without further ado, slams his bare cock into me. He keeps me pushed hard against the desk with an elbow in the middle of my back as he lays over me. He thrusts savagely as I rest my forehead on the desk and try to ride out the pain each movement sends through my battered body.

  “Oh baby you’re so wet for me,” he mutters against the back of my head, still moving in and out of me as hard as he can. “You’re all mine. No one else's. Just mine.

  A crazy cackle bubbles to the surface when I realize that what he thinks is me being wet for him, is actually the remnants of making love with Mik a few hours ago. I never found time to have a shower before we left for dinner. It's feels poetic albeit sick and twisted to me that he is raping me in the release of th
e man I love.

  The man he hates with a passion.

  The man who he still doesn’t know took my virginity before him.

  “You’re a dirty bitch, you love it when I’m rough with you. Your wet pussy can’t hide the truth. You're my slut, aren't you?”

  He chuckles in my ear as he tries to debase me with his words. He really believes his own sordid delusions. This thought has me cackling harder and Brendan’s breathing gets quicker as my response excites him further.

  Spitting a mouthful of blood onto my desk, I turn my head to the side and grin at him manically.

  “You’d better make it count, you psycho.” My voice breaks. More blood wells up my throat into my mouth and I cough it onto my desk. I think he’s caused me some serious internal damage.

  “This is going to be the last time your filthy body ever touches mine.”

  His thrusting comes to an abrupt halt at my words.

  “Is that right, little Lainey?”

  He unsheathes himself from my damaged body. I have no idea what possessed me to say that to him except that I think he has finally broken me—mind, body and spirit. I honestly don’t care if I live or die anymore. I just need this torture to stop.

  Grasping me by the hair at my crown, he pulls me off the desk and yanks me around to face him. Being suddenly vertical makes my head spin and my sight fade, my legs wobble unsteadily underneath me and the only thing that keeps me upright is Brendan’s grip on me. Chunks of hair pull from my head with the weight of my body, my scalp stinging and burning. He pulls me tight against his chest and I unwillingly sag against it, needing to rest my body weight on him.

  “You really don’t understand the situation you’re in, do you, my beautiful slut? The last time I touch you is when I decide it’s the last time. And that day will never come. You're mine.”

  With his fingers still tangled in my hair, he wrenches me from his chest before he grabs me by both of my arms and pushes me backwards over the sturdy bed frame and onto the mattress. He follows me heavily onto the bed. His movement catches me by surprise and I hit my thigh hard and awkwardly on the solid corner of the frame before his weight lands on top of me. The bone in my thigh gives under his body weight and I shriek with pure anguish. There is no question. He has just broken my leg.