Space Tales (Seven For Space)

by William F. Nolan

  * * *

  Sam arrives at F.s castle on Saturn inside a large wooden paccrate, one of several carried past the roboguards into the castle's central courtyard.

  A Froggie WORKMOM is there to inspect the shipment. The "work mother" is lime green with stalk eyes, a spotted stomach, and big, flat wet flippers.

  The robots are standing before her as she moves down the line. When she gets to Sam she presses a stud on his chestplate to "activate" him. "Name, origin, and work specialty."

  Sam's voice is altered by metalspeak as he replies, "I am Alessandro. My origin is the Earthcoast of Sicily where I was assembled. I am a fax-cab refurbisher."

  "All of our fax cabinets are in the South Tower, she says. "You can refurbish there."

  As they talk, Sam sees two robot guards dragging a woman he recognizes as SUSAN SUNBRIGHT (as attractive as Samantha, but somewhat older). She is being pulled down a long corridor; her wrists and ankles are chained, and her clothes are ripped and dirty.

  "I shall perform my services with distinction, Sam declares.

  "See that you do, nods the workmom. "You will be escorted to your work area."

  A guard robot leads Sam away.

  * * *

  Now we see Sam at work on a fax-cab. Refitting a vented slidedrawer. He looks around, makes sure no one is watching him, and climbs a flight of stone steps to the top of the Tower. Knocks on a thick iron door.

  A slot in the center of the door slides open: "Who's there?"

  "I am Alessandro — a durasteel J-4 Utility Robot, Number 55822, with a castle work clearance."

  "Drop your pants."

  Sam lowers his steel pants to display the work number stamped into his buttplate. At this, the door hisses back, allowing him to enter the stone chamber.

  Two huge ROBOGUARDS face him. Both carry power weapons.

  "State your business, says Robot One.

  "You have a young Earthwoman named Sunbright held here as a prisoner in the tower?"

  "That is none of your concern, says Robot Two.

  Over the robot's shoulder, through a barred doorway, Sam sees a female (from the back) chained to the wall. She has been stripped to the waist.

  "I'm making it my concern, Sam snaps, pulling his Colt Quickfire from his chestplate and blasting down both guards. They lie on the stone floor, smoke and oil seeping from their ruptured innards.

  Sam takes a key from one of the robots and opens the barred door, rushing over to the chained woman. Surprise! It's not Susan; it's Samantha.

  He removes his headplate. "It's me … Sam! Where's your sister?"

  "Who the crap cares where my sister is?" growls Samantha. "Just get these damn chains off me."

  He unchains her, saying: "They really are nice. You have every right to be proud of them."

  "Proud of what?"

  "Your perm-erect nipples."

  "Forget my nipples! We've got to get out of this place."

  "But where is your sister?"

  "Behind you, says a voice from the doorway. Sam turns to face Susan Sunbright, fully dressed. She holds an angle thrust trigweapon in her hands. And it's cocked.

  "As you can see, says Samantha, "you need not have concerned yourself about sweet Susan. She's the one who lured me here."

  "Wait a minute!" Sam says. "When I arrived here earlier today two robo guards had her in chains. What's going on?"

  Susan advances on him, raising her trigweapon. "Just do as I say. I'm taking you both for a little ride." She smiles at Sam. "You wanted to see F. Well, peeper, you're going to get your chance."

  And she laughs nastily.

  * * *

  The view from deep space, coming toward Jupiter, is truly awesome. The largest planet in the System … 25 billion square miles … is a giant marble floating in a sea of black ink.

  Their ship touches down on the planet's surface and Susan herds her two prisoners into a "Jumper" which will take them to F.

  Samantha is fully dressed once again and, although Sam is out of his cumbersome robot disguise, he is now wearing one of Susan's gowns, which barely covers his knees. Embarrassing. (When he complains about this, Susan insists there were no men's outfits at the castle.)

  On the way to F.'s Jupe-home, their craft passes over what Susan identifies as the "Lake of Desire."

  She explains: "This area radiates erotic vibrations which particularly affect human beings. Until we clear it, you will feel intense genital excitation."

  Indeed, Sam and Samantha instantly turn animalistic, clawing at each other's clothing (as Samantha gropes Sam beneath his gown), moaning and gasping in a sexual frenzy … until, suddenly, the lake drops away behind them. Embarrassed, they move apart, rearranging their rumpled attire as they reach their destination, descending to a landing pad near F.'s plush jungle estate.

  "I just can't believe that you're doing this to us … to me, Samantha says to Susan. "We've always been so close. Why have you turned against me?"

  "I don't have to tell you a damn thing, growls Susan. She prods her sister with the barrel of her gun. "Just keep moving. F.'s waiting for us."

  At last they face F. himself, the infamous SIR HENRY FASTERFASTER. He looks regal wearing a fur-trimmed bodysuit which sparkles with insewn jewels. A high, domed forehead crowned by a mane of silver hair. Patrician nose. Thin, cunning lips and dark, deep-socket eyes. He speaks in a soft, Southern drawl, and his smile is angelic.

  "Welcome to my humble abode, dear ones." He nods to Samantha. "Beauty is always so refreshing." And to Sam: "As I understand it sir, you have been looking for me on several planets."

  "What I've really been looking for is that robot's nut your two lizards snatched back in Chi Town."

  "Ah, yes, the testicle. But it was never yours, Mr. Space. Amanda Nightbird had stolen it."

  "And you iced her, trying to get it back."

  "Not I, personally, but I admit I was responsible for her demise." He lifts a regal eyebrow. "But was she not a common thief?"

  "Why did she cop the nut … and where is it now?"

  "I'm sure you don't really expect me to tell you."

  "The testicle's part of your Doomsday Device, isn't it?"

  "You're beginning to annoy me, Mr. Space, and I'm not going to waste more time in idle chatter." He turns to Samantha: "Do you enjoy watching people die?"

  "Not particularly, she says.

  "Well, dear one, you shall soon have the opportunity to witness this cheap private detective's final moments. Susan, take your sister into the Viewchamber. I'll join you presently."

  At gunpoint, Sir Henry escorts Sam to a large, open field fronting the main house. "I shall leave you here. After I have gone, a panel will open in the ground. You will find several deadly weapons with which to defend yourself against my attack robots. I will be observing the action from the view-window, in the charming company of the sisters Sunbright. The spectacle should prove quite entertaining."

  "And what if I decide to shoot out your window?"

  "Impossible. It is totally impervious to impact. Oh, one other thing. I have a rather special machine in the Viewchamber and its beam will be centered on you. The effect, I guarantee, will be extraordinary. Ta-ta, Mr. Space. Have a very pleasant death."

  And F. exits the field.

  Just as F. had promised, the ground opens at Sam's feet. He reaches in to extract three very potent weapons, all fully functional, with enough firepower to destroy an army.

  Which is exactly what he's going to have to do.

  He glances toward the view-window behind him, but it is opaque. A blast of sound from a loudspeaker above the window: F.'s voice. "Heads up, Mr. Space. Here they come!"

  The first wave of armed attack robots (tall and imposing) advance on Sam from the far end of the field. He blasts them down with ease, using a doublestock jetflare. A second wave also goes down under his accurate, withering fire.

  "Congratulations! You're doing splendidly. Keep it up, old fellow."

  But something is
slowing Sam. Something is causing him to falter, to miss several shots. He manages to dispose of the third wave, but with great difficulty.

  He looks at his shaking hands. They are wrinkled and spotted. His face is rapidly becoming seamed and papery.

  Space is turning into an old man.

  Inside the Viewchamber, F. is chuckling. "Your Sam seems to be slowing down. He's getting shaky."

  "It's an age machine!" Samantha cries out in shock. "You're using an age machine on him!"

  "Correct, Mzz Sunbright. And he's getting older by the minute!" F. sighs deeply. "I do wish I could stay until my robots kill him, but Susan and I have a rather urgent appointment on Uranus and we must be off. We'll leave you here to enjoy the show."

  "I'll escape!"

  "You'll be locked in. A lethal pink mist will fill this room in the next ten minutes. Mr. Space will be dead by then and you shall quickly join him. Farewell!"

  And from Susan: "So long, Sis."

  Sir Henry and Susan exit the chamber.

  * * *

  Out on the field, Sam is now about ninety, frail and trembling. He's missing far more robots than he's hitting. The last wave is closing in fast.

  Suddenly he begins to feel stronger … and younger … the years are falling away from him. Now his shots are counting again and the robots go down.

  Samantha's speaker-voice booms over the field: "Sam, they've gone … F. and Susan. They used an age machine on you, but I've been able to reverse the beam. Stay there. I'll come out."

  Back in the chamber we see Samantha unscrew a vent plate and crawl to safety just as the room is filling with deadly pink mist. She runs out to Sam on the field … but can't find him, only his puddled gown on the ground.

  She hears a baby crying and looks under the gown. It's Sam, maybe a year old … and getting younger by the second!

  Using one of Sam's field weapons, Samantha blasts out a wall of the Viewchamber. When the deadly mist has cleared, she grabs the age machine (about the size of a lap computer) and shuts it off.

  Then she returns to little Sammy. "I didn't realize that by reversing the beam I almost reduced you to atoms!"

  Sammy gurgles.

  "Poor baby! You can't understand a thing I'm saying."

  Another gurgle.

  "Well, it's okay. I've got the machine. I'll just reverse the beam again and bring you back to your proper age."

  "Oh, no, you won't sister! C'mon, hand it over!" Stanley is there, with Abner behind him, both with guns on her. "Do it, now!"

  She gives him the age machine.

  "F. short-sticked us, says Stanley. "Didn't pay us enough for what we done for him, so we're taking this little item to make up the difference. Oughta fetch a good price in Bubble City." He pats the machine. "I know a pawner there that'll shell out plenty for this."

  "Yeh, yeh, plenty … Ol' Willie, he'll pay us plenty, babbles Abner. "Yeh, yeh!"

  Stanley backhands him. "Can't you keep your gob shut? C'mon, let's cut."

  And they're gone.

  Samantha stares miserably down at little Sammy. Then, to herself, she mutters, "I know where to go!"

  * * *

  Old Chicago. Oliver's lab. Nate and Charlie the Zubu are there. Samantha is rocking Baby Sam in her arms, telling them everything.

  " … and that's the whole story. I booked an express Warper here because I didn't know where else to go. I hoped that, somehow, we could figure a way to get the machine back."

  "I'm no hero, laments the inventor. "I can't fight armed lizards! You need Sam."

  "But just look at him." She holds up the baby. "This is Sam!"

  "No, I mean another Sam. From a parallel universe."

  "But I don't …"

  "There are dozens of parallel universes out there, with a Sam Space in each of them. All you have to do is enter one and bring Sam back here. Sam will be able to recover the machine so we can restore our Sam to his normal age. You can use a Trans-hat. New invention of mine. Wait, I'll fetch one." And he returns with a very odd piece of headgear (Like a football helmet, with lights, wires, and buttons.)

  "But I can't go jumping off to another universe, Samantha protests. "Someone has to take care of the baby."

  "He could certainly use a diaper change, nods Oliver.

  "I'll go, says Charlie. "I can bring Sam back."

  "It's worth a try, says Nate.

  He fits the Trans-hat on the bird's head. "This will transport you to a parallel Mars, Oliver says, telling Charlie exactly how to use

  it. "But remember, it's only good for one universe, so I hope everything works out. I can't send you anywhere else."

  "Of course, you'll need an extra for Sam." Hands Charlie a second hat. "I'll dial you directly into his office in Bubble City."

  "This is crazy, says Samantha.

  Oliver shrugs. "Trust me." And he presses a small green button on the side of Charlie's hat.

  A puff of smoke … and the bird is gone.

  * * *

  Mars. A parallel world. Sam's office in Bubble City.

  Wearing his Trans-hat, Charlie suddenly appears in front of Edna at Sam's inner office. (She is all in black, with a black lace veil folded back from her face. The desk drawers all stand open, and there are half-filled cartons on the floor.)

  "Where did you come from?" Edna asks the Zubu.

  "A parallel universe, says the bird. "But I have no time to convince you. Suffice to say that my name is Charlie and I need, most urgently, to see Mr. Space."

  "That's impossible, says Edna.

  "Why?"

  "Because he's dead. An angry Freeb from the QuadStar Cluster shot him down earlier this week. Happened right here in his office. I just got back from Sam's funeral … and as you can see, I'm in the midst of closing down the office." She sighs. "Guess I'll be sent back to the factory."

  "Oh, this is terrible, moans the distraught bird. "In my universe a very evil man has turned Sam into a squalling infant with an age machine. The machine has been stolen and I came here to fetch Mr. Space so he could recover it." The bird flops down in Sam's swivel chair, burying its beak in its chest feathers. "Now whatever am I going to do?"

  "You can go hire Sherlock Holmes, says Edna. "At Hu Albin's robo joint. I'll give you the address. You can have Elmore take you over there."

  Sam's car, Elmore, is moving along a street in Bubble City, with Charlie riding inside, as they head for Albin's place.

  "You say you're from another universe, right?"

  "Right, says the bird.

  "I don't know why anybody would want to live in another universe. What's wrong with this one?"

  "Nothing. I just don't belong here. You do; I don't."

  "Makes me queasy, says the car, "driving around somebody from another universe."

  "That's a silly attitude, says Charlie. "I'm just like any other Zubu."

  "You want me to shut up, right?"

  "Right."

  "Sam was always telling me to shut up. Shoot, I'm gonna miss that crazy galoot."

  And Elmore stifles a sob.

  * * *

  We come into the scene at Albin's just as Hu is turning Holmes over to the impatient bird. The Great Detective stands quietly beside them, puffing his pipe.

  "Now lemme make sure I've got everything straight, says Albin. "You take Sherlock here into another universe where he goes after an age machine. He brings it to you, and then you pop him back to me. Is that it?"

  "That's it, nods Charlie, handing Albin his fee. "May we leave now?"

  Albin nods … and Charlie slips the second Trans-hat on Holmes. "Ready, Sherlock?"

  "Indeed I am, Watson, says the robot detective.

  "He called me Watson, protests Charlie. "Are you sure he's in proper working order?"

  "Absolutely. I guarantee it."

  "Well, then …" And the green hat buttons are pressed.

  Poof. They're gone.

  They reappear in Nate's lab.

  "Where's Sam?" asks Samantha,
rocking the baby in her arms.

  "Dead, says Charlie. "Some nutso Freeb killed him."

  Samantha is shocked. "That's horrible!"

  Holmes suddenly snatches a heavy black pistol from his greatcoat, pointing it at Nate. "Ah, and so we meet again, Professor Moriarty! Despite your vaunted brilliance, your nefarious career as a master criminal is over."

  "Hey, Charlie protests, "he's no master criminal, he's Nate Oliver. You've got your wires crossed."

  "Stand back, Watson, orders the tall robot. "I'm taking this archfiend directly to Scotland Yard."

  Samantha is now behind Holmes. "Oh, no you're not, she says, having placed Baby Sam on a sofa. She holds a wooden stool in her hands. As the robot detective swings toward her, she whacks him over the head with the stool. He drops the pistol and crumples to the floor.

  "This has gone far enough, she says. "I'll go fetch the damn age machine. You guys look after the baby. This shouldn't take too long." She picks up Sherlock's pistol and exits.

  * * *

  TIME LAPSE. We stay with Charlie and Nate as they wait in the lab for Samantha's return.

  "I'm worried about her, mutters Charlie. "Where is she?"

  Oliver shakes his head. "Maybe the lizards …"

  "Here it is, guys!" and Samantha comes through the door, carrying the age machine. "Had a bit of trouble with Willie, she says, "and I had to ice those two lizards, but I got it."

  With a certain awe, they watch her place Baby Sam in front of the age beam, switching on the machine. He begins to grow … mature … through childhood … to boyhood … to young adult … and, finally into his mid-30s. Samantha shuts down the machine and hugs him. She's radiant.

  TIME LAPSE. Sam is now wearing one of Nate's lab smocks, sitting on the sofa, discussing the bizarre chain of recent events. Nate and Charlie listen intently, while Holmes is still out cold on the floor.

  " … and I'm more than ever convinced that everything comes back to the testicle. First, Mercury takes a dive into ol' Sol. Right afterwards, Amanda Nightbird cops the testicle. F. gets it back … and then Venus goes kablooey. Of the nine planets in our Solar System, Mercury was closest to the Sun. Then it was Venus. Earth is third from the Sun. It's next!"

  Nate shakes his head. "But if your testicle theory is correct, why hasn't Fasterfaster destroyed Earth by now? When he got the testicle back he didn't waste any time getting rid of Venus. Why the delay with Earth?"