Space Tales (Seven For Space)

by William F. Nolan

  "I don't know, Sam shrugs. "But I'll bet it's next on his menu. The big question now is: where does he have his Doomsday Device?"

  "When he left me to die in that room on Jupiter, says Samantha, "F. mentioned an urgent appointment on Uranus. Maybe that's where it is."

  "You're right, Samantha, that's where it is, says a soft voice from the doorway.

  Susan.

  They all glare at her … with Charlie angrily ruffling his feathers … as Samantha says, "Where's your gun? Surely you mean to kill us!"

  "I'd never hurt you, Sis, Susan tells her. "The Susan who tricked you into coming to F.'s castle … and the Susan who left you to die on Jupiter … she wasn't me!"

  "Huh?" Samantha looks bewildered.

  "That other Susan was a humanoid duplicate of me … a robot. F. constructed her. He knew that you'd trust your own sister, so he used a robot of me to trap you and Mr. Space. When I found out, I forced the robot to tell me the truth before I destroyed it."

  "The Susan I saw dragged in chains," says Sam. "That was you?"

  "Yes! I told Sir Henry I was leaving him. He had me imprisoned. I had to swear to be true to him before he would release me. Of course, when I made the promise, I knew nothing about my robot duplicate."

  "She sounds quite sincere, says Oliver.

  "Yeah, she really does, nods Charlie.

  Sam is still not convinced. "So how do we know you're not a robot? Sent here by F. to finish the job he started on Jupiter."

  "I'm flesh, not metal, she says. Turns to Samantha: "Go ahead, examine me."

  Samantha quickly checks her sister's breasts. Smiles at Sam. "She's for real."

  And the two sisters embrace emotionally.

  "Does F. know you've left him?" asks Sam.

  "No, she says, "and that's our advantage. If I can take you to him, you can destroy his Doomsday Device before any more planets are sacrificed."

  "I'd better stay here with Sherlock, says Charlie. "When he wakes up, he'll need somebody to send him back to Hubin."

  "Makes sense, nods Sam. "Let's go."

  * * *

  Uranus. The seventh planet from the Sun, and the third largest. A pale green giant floating in a sea of stars.

  The Express Warper touches down and Sam, Samantha, Nate, and Susan transfer to a Jumper for their trip to F.'s headquarters.

  On the way, Sam asks Susan about the Doomsday Device. "I've never seen it, she says, "but I've heard him talk about it. I know it has the power to force planets out of their orbits and into the Sun."

  Sam wants to know what part the robot testicle plays in the operation of the Device. Susan has no idea, but she agrees that it must indeed be vital.

  "How are we to penetrate F.'s stronghold?" Oliver asks Susan. "Do you have a plan?"

  "I'll take you in under gunpoint, she says. "F. still doesn't know that things are over between us. He'll think that I've captured you and will welcome the opportunity to arrange your deaths. Again."

  "What happens once we're inside the place?" asks Samantha.

  "I'll see that we're alone with him, then I'll turn my weapon on Sir Henry and force him to take us to the Doomsday Device so it can be destroyed."

  "Sounds good, nods Samantha.

  From Sam: "Do you have any info on the old boy's schedule for putting Earth out of business?"

  "Just before I left, I heard him talking about getting rid of Earth 'at the eclipse.' Do you know what that means?"

  Sam nods grimly. "So that's why it's taken him so long. He's been waiting for the eclipse! The robocasters have been talking about an upcoming solar eclipse involving Earth and the Moon. Supposed to happen with the next few hours."

  "Which means that by tomorrow morning, says Oliver sadly, "our beloved planet will be no more than baked ash. Billions will die."

  "We'll stop him, vows Sam. "We have to stop him."

  * * *

  At first, things go according to Susan's plan. She herds her "prisoners" into F.'s den, waits until his guards have left, then turns her gun on Sir Henry. But, suddenly, a beamblast from the doorway cuts down Fasterfaster.

  Facing them: Gilbert Gascoyne Geever, a beamblaster in his hands, flanked by two of his armed goons. Susan is forced to drop her gun.

  "F. was a bungler and a fool, says Geever, no longer playing the jovial good guy; he is now pure evil. "It was his carelessness that allowed Mzz Nightbird to steal my testicle in the first place. She had a twisted view of morality, and seemed quite upset when I sent Mercury into the Sun. At least F. had the good sense to have her strangled … yet he failed to restore my property. I used you, Mr. Space, to relocate it for me, suspecting that Mzz Nightbird might have secreted a clue to its whereabouts somewhere on her body."

  "Yeah, nods Sam. "Your guess about the tooth was spot on."

  "Sir Henry then dispatched two of his lizards to recover it from you. Then, on Jupiter, he bumbled the deaths of yourself and Mzz Sunbright. And finally, he falls victim to his own bedmate. Sir Henry was simply too stupid to go on living."

  "So F. was working for you all along, Sam states. "It wasn't his Doomsday Device that destroyed Mercury and Venus, it was yours. Right?"

  "I'm proud to say that you are correct, sir, nods Geever. "And may I assure you that this is only a humble beginning. Earth is next, then Mars, then the rest of the other miserable planets in this miserable System."

  "Why all the mass destruction?" Sam asks.

  "Why?" Geever reddens with passion. "Because I hate the Solar System is why. I hate it, hate it, hate it! Oh, you just cannot believe how much fun it was sending Mercury and Venus into the Sun! Ah, such sweet revenge!"

  "For what?" asks Samantha. "What did the Solar System ever do to you?" she asks.

  "It ruined my love life, declares Geever, looking pained. "I have been jilted by nine women, nine times, on nine planets. My libido has been quashed on Mercury, on Venus, on Earth, on Mars, on Jupiter, on Saturn, on Uranus, on Neptune, and on Pluto. They all wanted a lover with at least two penises … and I have only one."

  "But one is fine!" nods Samantha. "I think you just haven't found the right woman."

  Geever looks at her with renewed interest … until Nate breaks into his sexual reverie.

  "I'd like to see this Device of yours, says Oliver. "Being an inventor myself, I'm quite curious about it."

  "Of course, I'll be happy to show it off. In fact, Mr. Oliver, to honor your presence here, I shall alter my schedule for Earth and send your home planet on its trip to the Sun at once. Thus, all of you may witness my genius." His voice takes on a shy note. "I was in gifted children's class in school, you know."

  "So what happens after we watch Earth take the big plunge?" Sam asks.

  "Oh, Geever smiles, "Why, then, of course, I'll kill all of you." He bows. "Now, if you'll be so kind as to follow me."

  He leads them outside, with his two goons close behind, weapons cocked and ready.

  Just ahead of them, looming like a skyscraper, is a structure tall enough to house the Statue of Liberty. "I call this my Love Building, says Geever, placing his right palm against a huge metal door. It slides back with a hiss.

  "Enter … and behold my creation! … The one and only Totally Original G.G. Geever Doomsday Device!" He gestures to a goon and the alum covering slides away from a great mass filling the center floor of the building.

  They stare up in stunned awe at two gigantic nude robots, a male and a female, their shining chrome skins reflecting the overhead lights as they hold each other in frozen embrace.

  "Are they not magnificent?" asks Geever. "Poised on the brink of passion. All I need do to activate them for the third time is to plug this into its proper place." And he holds up the shiny metal testicle. "It contains pipium. Incredibly rare. In fact, this testicle holds the last of it known to exist in the galaxy. It acts in the same manner as plutonium did on the atomic bomb back in your twentieth century."

  "You've created a super bomb!" Nate murmurs.

  "
Not exactly, says Geever. "I think, as a fellow inventor, Mr. Oliver, you will see that what I have created is far more sophisticated and, one could say, inspired."

  He walks to a large wall screen which lights up to reveal Earth floating in its normal orbit around the Sun.

  "When my two metal friends are activated, they move into erotic motion, making heated love. When they reach climax, their mutual orgasm releases a cosmic energy beam powerful enough to drive any planet headlong into the Sun. Its force cannot be resisted. Observe."

  A lift takes Geever up to the male robot. Leaning forward, he plugs in the testicle, but we see only his action, from behind. (Never are robot genitals shown onscreen.)

  Then he moves to a control panel at the foot of the two robots and throws a switch. Immediately, the huge chrome figures begin to glow.

  Writhing together, they fill the screen in a dazzling light-and color show. The entire building begins to shake under the increasing vibrations.

  "Soon now, croons Geever. "Very soon now." He turns to the group, his eyes intense. "Ironic, is it not? Love destroyed me, and now I use love to destroy others."

  Bingo! A double robotic orgasm rocks the metal giants … and we see a beam of crackling, sparking energy flash out.

  "Sam! Do something!" cries Samantha.

  Too late! On the wall screen they see the beam strike Earth. The planet wobbles, then begins heading straight for the Sun.

  "Bon voyage!" shouts Geever, his eyes locked to the screen. His inattention gives Space the opportunity he's been waiting for. He throws himself at the entranced Geever, while Oliver tackles one of the two goons. Samantha and Susan go for the other.

  Geever fights back; he's no pushover. His hands close on Sam's throat and begin to crush the life from him. Space is in big trouble; he can't seem to break the hold and he's bug-eyed, on the verge of blacking out. His scrabbling fingers reach out toward one of the goons' fallen blasters.

  The two burly guards are making short work of Nate, Susan, and Samantha … who are no match for trained warriors. Things are looking grim when …

  Sam grasps the weapon, using the butt to slam Geever across the skull, clubbing him senseless. Then Space swings the weapon around to blast down the two goons.

  "I must save Earth!" shouts Oliver.

  "Too late!" declares Samantha. "There's no chance now. It's already halfway to the Sun."

  Oliver refuses to give up. He rushes over to the control panel, scanning it desperately. Then he says, "Ha!" and throws a switch.

  "What have you done?" asks Sam.

  "You'll see!" crows Nate. "Watch the screen!"

  And slowly, inexorably, Earth slows, then majestically changes direction … heading back for its normal orbit.

  "I reversed the beam, declares Oliver. "Instead of pushing, it's pulling!"

  "Nate, you are a bloody marvel!" cries Samantha, giving him a bear hug.

  "Am I not?" he says happily. "Indeed, am I not?"

  * * *

  We play our final scene on Mars, at Homicide headquarters in Bubble City. Sam is in the process of handing over a bruised and battered Gilbert Gascoyne Geever to Lt. O'Malloy.

  "So this is the boyo who's been causing all the mischief!" says O'Malloy.

  "Yep, and he's all yours, Lieutenant, declares Sam. Just don't send him to Pluto to collect Zubu eggs. He deserves a lot worse."

  "And he'll get a lot worse. That I can guarantee."

  "Fine. Well, good luck, O'Malloy."

  "It's O'Malley, damn ye!" He reddens, realizing his error.

  Chuckling, Sam leaves the office. Outside, Samantha is waiting for him in his vehicle. He slides in next to her and they embrace passionately.

  "Hey, none of that stuff in here!" growls the car.

  "Awww … shut up!" says Sam … closing his lips over Samantha's.

  FICTION

  By William F. Nolan

  NOVELS

  Logan's Run (1967); Death Is For Losers (1968); The White Cad Cross-up (1969); Space For Hire (1971); Logan's World (1977); Logan's Search (1980); Look Out For Space (1985); Rio Renegades (1989); Helltracks (1991); The Black Mask Murders (1994); The Marble Orchard (1996); Sharks Never Sleep (1998); The Winchester Horror (1998); Demon! (2006); Logan's Quest (in progress)

  COLLECTIONS

  Impact-20 (1963); Alien Horizons (1974); Wonderworlds (1977); Things Beyond Midnight (1984); Logan: A Trilogy (1986); 3 For Space (1992); Night Shapes (1995); The Brothers Challis (1996); Down The Long Night (2000); William F. Nolan's Dark Universe (2001); The Logan Chronicles (2003); Have You Seen The Wind? (2003); Nightworlds (2004); Ships In The Night (2005); Far Out (2005); Ill Met By Moonlight (2005); Wild Galaxy (2005); Nightshadows (2007); Seven For Space (2007)

  CHAPBOOKS

  The Dandelion Chronicles (1984); Blood Sky (1991); Helle On Wheels (1992); Simply An Ending (2002); With Marlowe In L.A. (2003)