Ma, He Sold Me for a Few Cigarettes

by Martha Long

  I ran up the stairs an rattled the doorknob an banged the door. ‘Ma! Ma!’ I shouted. ‘Open the door.’

  Jackser shouted, ‘Wha do ye want? Get out an play.’

  ‘I have money, I got money, Jackser! I have two shillins!’

  I heard Jackser laugh, an then me ma laughed an said, ‘Jaysus, I wonder where she got tha!’ Then I heard the bedsprings creak, an Jackser got up an opened the door. He was holdin his hand over the front of his shirt, an his legs was bare. I dashed inta the room an flew over te me ma in the bed. An I handed her the money.

  Jackser was strugglin wit the leg of his trousers, an he started snufflin. His arm shot up in the air a few times, an his head went down te the ground, an he lost his trousers, exposin his hairy arse. ‘Oh, fuck me,’ he said, an pulled them up an started snufflin again. When he was finished, he said, ‘Sally! Send the young one down an get me five Woodbines. I’m dyin fer a smoke!’

  ‘Right,’ she said. ‘An get me a bottle of milk. An make sure ye bring back the right change.’

  ‘OK, Ma. An can I have a penny fer meself?’

  ‘Yeah, go on, then.’

  On me way out the door, I knocked on me friend te ask her if she wanted any messages doin. ‘Come on in, Martha, she said. ‘How are ye?’

  ‘Do ye want anythin at the shop, Maizie?’ I asked.

  ‘Ah, no. Paddy’s bringin me back fish an chips on his way back from the pub later. How’s yer mammy?’

  ‘She’s grand, Maizie.’

  ‘An how’s the babby? I haven’t seen him out recently. The pram’s gone outa the hall. I suppose tha Jackser fella pawned it, did he?’

  I said nothin, an I went over te play wit Chrissie. She’s gorgeous. She’s nearly three, an she has fat cheeks an her mammy dresses her lovely. She always has standy-out frilly frocks an lovely big bows in her hair. Her mammy makes ringlets when she washes her hair, an they curl down her back. She showed me her new doll her granny Kelly bought her. I wanted te sit down on the floor in front of the fire an help Chrissie te dress the doll, but Jackser will kill me. I have te go an get his Woodbines.

  ‘Listen, Martha. Do ye want te come te the zoo wit us on Sunday? Go an ask yer mammy.’

  Me heart leapt. ‘Is tha where they have all the animals from the jungle, Maizie?’

  ‘Yeah,’ she laughed. ‘Let me know wha she says, OK, Martha?’

  ‘Yeah, OK, Maizie.’ I shot out the door an down the street an galloped as fast as I could. The aul one behind the counter wasn’t in a hurry te serve me. She was leanin on her elbows wit her face in her hands, close te the other aul one who was stretched out on the counter wit her big milkers spread over her arms. An they were whisperin te each other. The shopkeeper threw her head back an roared, ‘Tha’s a terrible carry on!’

  An the customer said, ‘I’m not tellin ye a word of a lie! As true as I’m standin here. Stark naked, he was!’

  ‘No!’ the shopkeeper said, an her eyes was bulgin. ‘Go on, tell us more!’ An they pressed their heads together.

  ‘Mrs,’ I said. ‘I’m te get five Woodbines an a bottle of milk.’

  ‘Hold yer horses!’ the shopkeeper roared at me. ‘Bloody kids.’ An she shook herself te get more comfortable an said, ‘Go on, Nelly, keep goin. I’m listenin!’

  But the customer looked down at me, an her jaw was hangin. ‘Tha young one is listenin te everythin.’

  ‘I want me messages, Mrs,’ I said. ‘Me ma is waitin.’

  ‘Ah, serve her then an get rid of her. We’ve no comfort wit big ears here.’

  When I got me Woodbines an milk, I checked me change. ‘It’s all there!’ the shopkeeper roared. ‘Nobody’s robbin ye!’ An the two of them watched me.

  ‘Thanks, Mrs,’ I said, an ran like the wind.

  When I got back, they were waitin fer me. ‘Wha kept ye?’ Jackser roared.

  ‘The shop was crowded, Jackser,’ I said, an handed him his Woodbines. He snatched them an whipped open the packet an started snufflin. I let out me breath an let go of me shoulders. I put the milk on the table an gave me ma the change.

  ‘Where’d ye get the money?’ she asked. An I told them the story, leavin out wha the man said te me.

  ‘Tha’s the stuff!’ roared Jackser. ‘Never let them get the better of ye!’

  I looked at Charlie, who was sittin on the floor eatin the cinders. ‘Them’s hot,’ I said, snatchin the cinders from his mouth. The babby’s mouth dropped open, an he started te cry. I picked him up te give him a kiss, an he gave me a wallop on the nose. I laughed.

  ‘Put him down!’ Jackser roared. ‘He was quiet until you came in.’

  ‘He’ll get burnt, Jackser!’ I said. ‘He’s eatin the hot cinders!’

  ‘No, he’s not, he got them from the bucket.’

  I felt his arse an it was cold. So I carried him over te me ma an put him beside her in the bed. ‘Put him in the cot,’ she said. I looked over te the cot, an I could see she hadn’t aired his blankets. I went over an lifted his blankets, an they were soppin wet.

  ‘Ma, the babby’s blankets are all wet,’ I said.

  ‘Leave them! Just put him in,’ she said.

  ‘But they’re wet.’

  ‘Do as ye’re fuckin told,’ Jackser said te me. Then he went te the cot an whipped out the blankets. ‘Holy Jaysus, Mrs, she’s right, the young fella’s bed is soppin wet!’

  ‘Ah, he’ll be all right,’ me ma said.

  Jackser started te put more coal on the fire te dry the blankets. An me ma said, ‘What are we goin te do fer more coal fer tomorrow? Tha’s the last of it.’

  I looked at me ma an whispered, ‘Don’t start him off, Ma! Don’t say anythin.’

  But she glared at me an roared, ‘This is all yer fault! Ye’re always causin trouble.’

  I took the babby an went over te me own corner where me mattress was. It was a cot mattress, an it was lyin on the floor. An I sat down wit the babby in case Jackser went fer me ma, then we could dive under the bed outa harm’s way.

  On Sunday, Jackser let me go te the zoo. ‘Go on, then,’ he said. ‘Yer mammy needs the rest anyway.’ An he winked at her an laughed. An she laughed back. I didn’t know wha was funny, but I was glad they were happy.

  I clattered off down the stairs, cos me shoes were too big fer me an I kept leavin them behind. I couldn’t believe me luck! I was goin somewhere! An te the zoo. The only animals I’d seen were dogs an cats an horses an cows up in the convent.

  I waited on the steps fer them te come out, cos when I’d rattled the knob an shouted in, ‘It’s me! I’m here!’ Maizie said they were gettin ready an would be out in a minute. When they came down, they looked lovely. All done up. Paddy was wearin a blue suit an a red shirt wit a white tie an Elvis Presley blue suede shoes. An his black wavy hair was combed back wit Brylcreem. He looked lovely an handsome. Maizie had her blonde hair curled an parted at the side an fallin over one eye in waves. An she had lipstick on an powder, an black pencil on her eyes. Her frock was white wit little red roses, an it had a belt at the waist, an then it stood out. She was wearin black high heels an stockins, an carried a white cardigan an handbag. They were holdin Chrissie’s hand. When I looked down at Chrissie, she was like a fairy ye’d see on top of a Christmas tree down on Henry Street. They put her in a pink satin frock wit pink lace an tiny ribbons, an it stood out so ye could see the layers of underskirts. An she had a wide ribbon, white satin it is, tied aroun her stomach, an a big bow hangin down at the back. Her jet-black shiny ringlets were tied up at the front wit a big white ribbon.

  I was tongue-tied, an I couldn’t say anythin. Paddy looked at me an then looked at Maizie, an I could see she was disappointed. I was in me rags. I felt very ashamed when I looked down at meself. Me frock was too small fer me, an it was torn an filthy. An me shoes weren’t modern, I think someone left them behind in the famine! An they were huge. I was thinkin how I coulda made meself look better. I’d washed me face an flattened me hair down wit water. But I forgot te w
ash me knees, they were black. An me feet were all red an dirty from carryin me shoes when I got fed up runnin back te pick them up when they fell off. I’d no cardigan, an me arms were a holy show, dirty an skinny. I wouldn’t win a beauty contest, tha’s fer sure.

  Maizie said, ‘Are we ready?’ An I said, ‘Yeah!’ an off we went. I could hear Paddy mutterin te Maizie, an I was sure he was ragin wit her fer bringin me. Poor Maizie, I pitied her. I was makin a holy show of her. An I’m sure she was worried people would think I belonged te her.

  I decided te keep well back from them. When we got on the bus, I sat in a seat opposite them. But I didn’t pretend I was wit them until the conductor came up an rattled his money bag in me face. ‘Fares now, please!’

  I didn’t know wha te say, an Maizie tapped him on the shoulder an said quietly, ‘I’ll get this.’

  The conductor whirled aroun an shouted fer everyone, pointin at me, ‘Is this child wit youse?’

  ‘I told ye she was, didn’t I?’ Maizie roared, very annoyed. An everyone was gapin. They were all lookin at me, an then at the style of them, an tryin te figure this out.

  ‘Right, ye’s are grand. I didn’t think, tha’s all!’ an he gave Maizie the tickets an went off, hummin a tune. Paddy looked after the conductor an said te Maizie, ‘I’ll give tha fuckin red-necked culchie a dig in a minute if he doesn’t watch his step.’

  Maizie said, ‘Don’t mind him, we’ll be gettin off in a minute.’

  When we got te the Phoenix Park, there was crowds of people strollin in the gate. They were all dressed up in their Sunday clothes, an I didn’t see anyone like meself. I was lookin at the ducks in the pond an forgot te keep me eye on Maizie, an then I started te panic. I couldn’t see them in the crowd. I’m lost! Then I picked them out, turnin the corner, an I ran like hell.

  We got inta the zoo, an I couldn’t believe me eyes. There were big birds on long legs struttin aroun like they owned the place. I pushed me way through the crowd at the gorillas, an when people looked down at me, they all moved away an gave me plenty of room. Maizie followed me, holdin Chrissie, an laughed. I looked at a gorilla scratchin his arse an thinkin, an I said te Maizie, ‘Tha’s like Jackser when he has no smokes.’

  Paddy an Maizie laughed, an Maizie said, ‘Yeah, but tha gorilla has more sense, an he’s better lookin!’

  On the way home, Paddy tickled me on me ribs an said, ‘Come on! Let’s go in an get fish an chips, an ye can have a big knickerbocker glory. It’ll put meat on yer bones.’ An we went inta Cafolla’s in O’Connell Street. Me belly was burstin from the food, an I was tryin te get all me ice cream down me, cos I knew this was me only chance. I wouldn’t see the like of this again fer many a day te come. An I was thinkin how I could get Maizie an Paddy te let me come an live wit them. I’d have te bring Charlie, too, of course. Me ma could stay wit Jackser. But I knew they wouldn’t let me do that. They need me te look after things, an I knew they wouldn’t look after everythin themselves.

  I was outside playin when I spotted the two Legion of Mary women comin down the street. There was a gang a kids trailin them. Then I saw the young one who ate all the sambidges at the club. She was linkin arms wit another one. ‘Where ye’s goin?’ I asked, but she ignored me, an they went up the steps of the house next door.

  ‘We’re goin te Matt Talbot’s room te pray,’ roared one of the young ones at me.

  ‘Can I come, too?’ I shouted te the women.

  ‘No!’ the sambidge one roared. ‘Ye have te be holy te get in there, an you said fuck off te me.’

  ‘Well!’ I roared back. ‘Ye’re not holy either, ye just said fuck off te me!’

  ‘Children! Children! No fighting. You can all come up but two of you at one time. We don’t want you to wreck the place.’ An they all charged in the door an up the stairs, knockin the women outa the way. There was terrible fightin over who was goin te be first, an the women couldn’t get near the door te open the room, cos they were all squashed against it, tryin te get in first.

  I didn’t bother me head. Ah, let them have it, I thought. An I went back out onta the street. I saw Mr Wills from the house a coupla doors down standin on the step talkin te a man. I dashed down an waited till he was ready. Mr Wills is not married an has no childre, an if ye catch him after work he’ll give ye money fer doin his messages. I was waitin an waitin an hoppin up an down from one foot te me other, waitin. Then another young one saw him an came rushin over. ‘I’m here first,’ I screamed at her. ‘Ye’re not gettin him! I saw him first.’

  ‘Ye don’t own him!’ tha one screamed back at me.

  Mr Wills stopped talkin an looked at us. ‘Take it easy, childre. Wha’s wrong wit ye’s?’

  ‘Do ye want any messages, Mr Wills? I was here first, an I’ll get them fer ye,’ I said.

  The other one roared, ‘No, Mr Wills, she’ll take all day! I’m faster!’

  ‘No, ye’re not!’ I roared. ‘I’m faster than you!’

  ‘OK,’ Mr Wills said. ‘If ye don’t stop fightin, none of ye’s will go. I’ll go meself!’

  So we both shut up an just stood there watchin him quietly. He turned aroun an leaned on the railins. ‘Ah, look!’ I said. ‘He has a big tear in the arse of his trousers.’ An the two of us stood starin at his arse an wonderin if he knew his trousers was torn an everybody could see up his arse. I felt sorry fer him, cos he didn’t have much money after all.

  He gave me thruppence fer doin his messages, an I bought meself a Flash bar – tha’s toffee covered in chocolate, an it’s very dear. It cost me tuppence, an I bought a hapeworth of black jacks an the jelly babies fer me brother.

  I was comin along the street lickin me Flash bar when I saw them young ones comin outa Matt Talbot’s. ‘Where’d ye get that?’ they asked, starin at me Flash bar.

  ‘Give us a lick, will ya?’ Sambidge asked.

  ‘Fuck off!’ I said, lickin me Flash bar.

  ‘I’m tellin! Ye won’t get inta the club again. The sisters will bar ye!’ Sambidge roared.

  ‘I don’t care, cos I’m not let go anyway,’ I said.

  ‘Listen, I’ll be yer friend if ye give us a bite!’

  ‘No!’ I said. ‘Ye’re too mean. I don’t want te know ye.’

  Then the woman came down. ‘Sister! Sister! Can I see Matt Talbot’s Room?’ I asked. They brought me up, an I knelt at the side of the bed, but I forgot me prayers, cos I didn’t go back te school after the nice nun put the lovely clothes on me. Jackser got me ma te pawn the lot. I was lookin at how clean the room was an wondered if Matt Talbot kept it this clean or did the Legion women clean it themselves after he died.

  I was talkin te Annie, me friend from the next house. She’s bigger than me, she’s eight. She wears lovely clothes. She was wearin a wool pleated skirt an long socks, an brown leather shoes wit straps, an a jumper wit animals on it. An she has lovely long hair. Anyway, I asked Annie where she got her doll from, an she let me hold it fer a minute. ‘I got it from Santa Claus,’ she said.

  ‘Who’s tha?’ I asked.

  ‘It’s a man. He has a long white beard, an he wears a red suit an wellington boots. He comes down the chimney at Christmas.’

  ‘I never heard of him,’ I said, wonderin. ‘How do you get him te come te ye?’

  ‘Well,’ she said, ‘ye leave a letter out on the mantelpiece, an if ye’re good, he’ll give ye toys.’

  ‘Will he come te me if I write a letter fer him?’ I asked.

  ‘Yeah, course he will, just write him a letter!’

  ‘OK, I will,’ I said, eyein her doll. But I had a feelin Santa would never find me. Some things just don’t happen. Like the doll in the dustbin. They were makin a fool of me. They’d gone te the pictures. They were only liars!

  We were still standin against her hall door, an it was beginnin te get dark an very cold, when a man stopped on a bicycle an asked us fer directions. He asked me te come over, cos he couldn’t hear us. I went over te him an was pointin in the direction he should go wh
en he put his hand under me frock, an I had no knickers on. I looked at his face in shock. An I was very afraid. He was tryin te get a hold of me an lift me up on te the bike, an tryin te pedal off at the same time. ‘Let me go! I want te get down! Mammy!’ I shouted.

  ‘Keep quiet! I only want you te show me where the place is. Then I’ll bring you back,’ he said.

  ‘Annie! Help me!’

  He had one arm aroun me waist an was tryin te stop me gettin off the bike, wit his other arm holdin the handlebars. I hit him in the face wit the back of me head, an his glasses flew off. Then I stretched meself rigid an dropped te the ground. He landed on top of me an was lashin out, hurtin me. He was tryin te keep a hold of me an find his glasses. I was not even screamin, I was too intent on tryin te loosen his grip on me. I scrambled off as he was gettin up, an he grabbed me foot, holdin me by me ankle as he looked aroun fer his glasses. ‘I’ll snap yer fuckin neck if ye move again,’ he said.

  I immediately went quiet. ‘There’s yer glasses, Mister,’ I said. His nose was bleedin a little.

  ‘Where?’

  ‘There, over there!’ I pointed.

  He let go of me fer a minute, an I rolled away an was up an runnin. Annie hadn’t moved from the door; she was watchin everythin. ‘Help me! Help, Annie!’ I yelled.

  Annie dashed in her front door an banged on the door of her room, screamin fer her mammy te let her in. She said te me, ‘Tha’s the Bogeyman,’ as I raced in the hall door, then she slammed the door of her room. I stood lookin at the closed door, not knowin wha te do. I was afraid te say anythin, an I was nearly suffocatin from the poundin in me chest. I looked out the door, an the man was pedallin back slowly. What’ll I do? I can’t run te me ma, Jackser would kill me. He’d say it was my fault fer talkin te the man, but I didn’t know he was the Bogeyman come te take me away an kill me! I sat wit me back against Annie’s door. It was dark, an nobody’d see me here if I’m quiet. If the Bogeyman comes in here, I’ll kick at Annie’s door an scream me head off. I won’t give him a chance te get a hold of me, an Annie’s mammy will save me. She’s a nice woman. Tha’s what I’ll do so.