Ma, He Sold Me for a Few Cigarettes

by Martha Long

  The blonde put the nightdress up te herself again, then looked at the slip an matchin knickers. ‘Yeah! Go on, then. I’ll take them. Here’s a half-crown, an if ye get anythin else I’d like, let me know.’ She rushed in te the sittin room an said, ‘Wait there!’ an came back wit a slice of bread an lovely good butter on it. ‘Here! Enjoy tha.’

  Me heart leapt! The crust was black an crunchy, an the bread was thick an snow white an soft. An the butter was lathered on an was a lovely goldie colour. I was so happy – a half-crown in one hand, tha would put Jackser in a good mood, an a lovely lump of bread an butter in the other. I sat down on the stairs te eat it very slowly, tryin te make it last. An enjoyin the taste like I was in Heaven.

  The new babby is called Harry, after Jackser’s brother who went te England an never came back. I take him out everywhere in his pram, an Teddy sits at the bottom, holdin onta the handlebars. An Charlie runs beside me, holdin on, too. Harry is very good, he’s very quiet. An he’s content te lie wit his little head on the pilla while I bounce him along in his pram, takin in all the goins on aroun him. His eyes goes from left te right, missin nothin. The mammies stop te admire him an say he’s a gorgeous-lookin babby, God bless him! An Harry jerks his little body an waves his fists an makes an O sound wit his little mouth when anyone leans in te tickle his chin. Teddy smiles, too, an points te the babby, shoutin, ‘Babba! Babba!’ not wantin te miss out on all the attention.

  ‘An how’s yer mammy? Is she on her feet yet?’

  ‘Yeah! She’s grand, Mrs, thanks,’ I said.

  An another mammy joined in te get a look at Harry. ‘Ah, look at him! He’s lovely, Mrs, isn’t he? God bless him an keep him from all harm! Ye’re a great little mother, tha’s all I can say. Yer mammy would be lost without ye!’ I smiled, happy wit meself. Then she looked in her purse an gave us all a penny each.

  ‘Have ye enough there, Mrs?’ the other mammy said. ‘Don’t leave yerself short.’

  ‘Ah, sure it’s only a few coppers. It won’t break me.’

  ‘Well, if ye’re sure then,’ an they moved off together, their heads bent close together, tellin each other a bit of scandal.

  I rushed down te the shops te buy sweets. ‘Charlie! Don’t say we got money. Don’t tell me ma or Jackser, or they’ll kill us fer not givin it te them. We’ll spend the money on sweets an say nothin, all right?’

  ‘Yeah!’ Charlie said. ‘I’ll buy meself loads a sweets.’

  21

  Jackser was walkin up an down the room wit the letter in his hand. He was ragin. ‘Can ye beat tha, Sally? They’re goin te evict us!’

  Me ma was sittin in the chair, starin inta the empty grate, workin her lip up an down, chewin her lip. ‘I don’t know,’ she was mutterin te herself. ‘Ye’d be better off dead. The sooner the better I’m six foot under, it won’t be quick enough fer me.’

  The babby was cranky, cos he was gettin his teeth, an I was kneelin by the cot, strokin an rubbin him, an givin him his soother, tryin te get him te sleep. But I was feelin a bit exposed now. Jackser could have one of his fits any minute wit the mood he was in an turn on me, sendin me flyin wit a kick of his boot.

  ‘Isn’t tha wha the letter says, Mrs? Are ye payin any fuckin heed te what I’m sayin? We’ll be all out on the street!’ Jackser roared at me ma.

  Me ma turned on him. ‘It’s not my fuckin fault ye drank the money instead of payin the rent!’

  ‘Shush, Ma! Shush,’ I whispered.

  Jackser glared at me. ‘You an her, an the rest of ye’s, will be all back in the Regina Ceoli hostel walkin the streets again. An I’ll have te go next door te the Mornin Star!’

  Me heart lifted! No more Jackser! Oh, dear God, let tha come true!

  ‘Mrs! Get up off yer arse an start thinkin. They can’t put us out on the street wit the childre. I don’t care what anyone says. Wha we’ll do is ... go after Frank Sherwin, he looks after the poor man, an get him te do somethin fer us. An if tha fails, we’ll take the childre inta the Corporation an stay there. Not move until they house us. Wha do ye think of tha, Sally? Do ye think we’re on the right track?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ me ma said slowly, runnin her fingers through her hair, lookin fer lice. ‘Ye’d be askin fer trouble. They’d take the childre away, sayin they were neglected, an put them inta a home.’

  Jackser clenched his fists an rolled his eyes te the ceilin. ‘Holy Jaysus, Mrs! Then have ye any better suggestions?’ he roared at me ma.

  ‘I don’t know! Wha can I do?’ me ma shouted back. ‘We’re in arrears. The fuckin rent wasn’t paid in a long time, an now ye’re complainin when it’s too late!’

  Jackser was thinkin. ‘If all else fails, we can take the childre an wait until them red-neck bastardin priests are up on the altar givin out the Mass. An wit the church crowded, we march up onta the altar an expose them all – the priests, the TDs – an show the people wha holy Catholic Ireland are doin te the poor. Puttin innocent women an childre out on the streets te die! That’ll make them sit up an take notice of us! Wha do ye think, Sally?’

  I gorra terrible picture of the childre from school all gapin up at us. The neighbours would say we’re a holy disgrace an we’re stone mad! No! I’m runnin away. I’ll hide somewhere. I’ll find tha young one who lives in Summerhill an ask her te let me come an live wit her an the granny. Right! Tha’s what I’ll do!

  ‘Do ye think tha would work, Sally?’

  Me ma turned her head te the wall. ‘Yeah! If ye want te get us all arrested!’

  Jackser thought about this fer a minute an said, ‘Pity! I’ll give tha a miss. But there’s nothin I’d like better than te expose them bastards fer wha they did te me an me brother Eddie fer nine long years in Artane. I was only seven years old, an me brother was eight when me poor mother put us in. She’d no way of lookin after us!’ Jackser shook his head an got lost in his own thoughts. He doesn’t say much about it, but occasionally, when he’s gone too far an can’t stop himself from givin me an awful batterin, he’ll say tha’s the way he was trained in Artane. Tha it will be good fer me, a soft life never did anyone any good.

  Jackser started snufflin an shook himself. ‘Right! I’ll have a shave. Here, you! There’s tuppence. Get down te tha shop an get me a Silver Gillette blade. An don’t be there till ye’re back. Run! I’m goin te see tha Frank Sherwin!’

  I shot outa the flats an whipped left, headin like the wind down te the shops. An suddenly, outa nowhere, an aul fella in a brown gaberdine coat an bicycle clips on his ankles te keep his trousers from catchin in the wheels slammed onta the footpath in front of me. He was in such a hurry te stop, he overbalanced the bike an was dancin his leg up an down te try an steady himself. ‘Hey, you!’ he shouted at me, an grabbed out his arm te hold me. He grabbed the hem of me frock, but I turned so suddenly he lost his grip an fell flat on the pavement.

  I ran back, headin fer the flats, screamin in fright. ‘Ah, help! Mammy! It’s the school inspector, he’s goin te catch me!’ Me legs an arms was like propellers as I flew. Me heart was burstin in me chest from the shock. Don’t let him catch me! I looked ahead te our flat an thought better of goin there. Jackser would murder me fer drawin the inspector there. I looked back, an he was turnin inta the flats, his knees pushin down hard on the pedals an his neck stuck out, tryin te pedal as fast as he could. I headed fer the stairs an tore up them, haulin meself up holdin onta the banisters.

  When I reached the top, I crept along the balcony an waited, tryin te ease me poundin heart an quieten me breathin. I had te listen in case he crept up on me. Then I heard the bangin on the door an rattlin like mad on the letter box. Jackser wouldn’t open the door. When someone bangs like tha on the door, Jackser knows it’s trouble an won’t open.

  ‘Open up! I know you’re in there. I saw you!’ The inspector was bendin down an shoutin in the letter box. ‘I’m warning you! This is your last warning. If you don’t get that child to school, you will be brought to court, and she’ll be taken away and put
into an industrial school!’

  I watched him, peepin over the balcony, an then he stood up an was writin down somethin in a book. What am I goin te do? I need te get the blade fer Jackser. He’ll go mad I’m takin so long, especially after tha aul fella callin. I lashed down the stairs an stopped, peepin aroun te see if he was lookin. He was busy fixin his bicycle clips. I shot off an flew fer all I was worth, lookin back when I hit the corner. No sign of him. Good! I’ll make it inta the shops before he comes down, then I’ll have te hide an watch until he passes. There he goes! He turned right at the church, an I waited till I was sure he was gone. Then I took off, runnin as fast as I could te get back wit the blade.

  Me ma went off wit Jackser, an I was mindin the childre. ‘Here! Get them ready an get outside an let them get an airin!’ Jackser said. I was delighted. I could get te watch all the childre playin. It was better than bein stuck in the house.

  I put the babby in his pram, an he was squealin wit excitement. He knew he was goin out. Teddy was shoutin, tryin te get his shoe on the wrong foot an worried I might leave without him. ‘Where’s yer other shoe?’ I asked him. He was lookin aroun, an I said, ‘Charlie, get under the bed an see if it’s there.’ I got Teddy ready an told Charlie te put his shoes on the right feet or the childre will be laughin at him. We were out the door, an I banged it shut behind me.

  It was still too early fer the childre te be home from school, so I headed outa the flats, wit Teddy hangin on te the handlebars. He was seventeen months now an was walkin. Charlie was hangin onta the other side. I could hear the childre playin an shoutin in the school yard. They were on their dinner break. We headed towards the bridge an stopped at the canal. But there was nobody there. Sometimes ye see the childre playin here when they’re mitchin from school. The young fellas build a raft an try te paddle it along the bank. Tha’s very dangerous! Cos a few of them have been drownded, but it doesn’t stop them fer long, an then they’re at it again, hidin their schoolbags in the bushes an fightin over who’s goin te be Davy Crockett, King of the Wild Frontier!

  I sat meself down, an Charlie started te look fer somethin te throw in the water. Teddy sat down on his hunkers beside me an was pokin at a long worm wrigglin in the grass. I was rockin Harry in the pram, who was sittin up contentedly suckin on his soother an watchin Teddy pokin the worm an squealin wit fright an then delight, when I heard a shufflin noise behind me in the bushes. I looked aroun an saw two young fellas crawlin in the grass. An then they jumped up an threw a stone at us. Then they laughed an ran inta the bushes. I stood up an shouted, ‘Come out, ye cowards! I saw ye!’ But they didn’t move.

  ‘Come over here, Charlie. Stay beside me where I can keep an eye on ye.’ An I sat down again, watchin out fer them young fellas. Then one of them stood up, an I saw they were the Kelly brothers from me flats. They were big young fellas, tha one was eleven an his brother was ten.

  ‘Keep away from me or ye’ll be sorry!’ I shouted. Then he threw another stone, missin Teddy’s head by an inch. I stood up te grab Teddy an get goin as fast as I could. But another stone hit the babby on the forehead, an he screamed. I grabbed his head te rub it an looked te see if he was all right. A big lump was comin out, an the young fellas started laughin.

  ‘Ye bastards!’ I screamed, an tore at them, catchin the big fella by surprise. I lunged at his hair just as he turned te run, an knocked him off balance. He fell forward, an I pressed me knees inta his back, grabbin his hair an shakin his head, pressin his face inta the ground. ‘Ah, ye bastard!’ I screamed. ‘I’m goin te fuckin kill ye!’

  The other young fella came back, shoutin, ‘Get up, Lasher! Don’t let her mill ye. She’s only a young one. They can’t fight.’ He kept comin closer, dancin aroun me wit his fists closed, tryin te get an openin.

  ‘Help me, Wacker! The cow is killin me!’ Lasher screamed.

  ‘Come near me an I’ll tear ye apart,’ I screamed at Wacker. The childre were screamin in fright behind me.

  ‘Let me up an I’ll give ye a penny.’

  ‘No!’ I shouted. ‘Ye hurt me babby brother. Ye’re a fuckin coward, an I’m goin te teach ye not te pick on little kids.’

  I slapped an dragged his head, feelin the rage roar up in me, an, usin what I got from Jackser, I tore inta him. The other young fella lashed out wit his foot, kickin me in the side. I let go a Lasher an whipped a hold a Wacker. ‘Ah, no. I’m sorry!’ he shouted, tryin te peel me hands offa his hair.

  Lasher dragged himself up an shouted, ‘OK, OK! You win. Let him go an we’ll give ye a penny each!’

  ‘Are ye sorry, then?’ I shouted.

  ‘Yeah! Yeah! We are.’

  ‘Say it, then!’ an I shook Wacker’s head.

  ‘We’re sorry, we shouldn’t a thrown stones at the babby. We didn’t mean it.’

  I let go an Lasher ran off wit me penny. I grabbed hold of Wacker again. ‘Ah, give her the money! Let me go!’

  Lasher came back slowly an threw the penny on the grass.

  ‘Now your turn, show me yer penny,’ I said te Wacker.

  ‘Let me go, then!’

  I grabbed hold of his jumper. ‘Show me the penny!’ I shouted.

  ‘All right! Take it easy, I’m givin it te ye!’

  I got the penny from him, an Lasher came closer. His nose was red from the bashin he got. ‘Lookit, if ye don’t say anythin te anybody about us, tha ye milled us, then we won’t get our gang after ye! Is tha a deal?’

  ‘I’m not afraid of yer gang,’ I snorted.

  ‘Yeah! All right, we know. But ye’d still get kilt. So will ye say nothin?’

  I thought about it. ‘Well, if I get inta any trouble wit anybody, will youse help me?’

  ‘Yeah! Course we will.’

  ‘All right, then,’ I said, an they went off happy.

  I rushed back te Harry, who was sittin there keenin. He had a big red lump on his forehead. I gave him a kiss an rubbed his head, an looked at Charlie, who was squattin down beside Teddy. He was white. I said, ‘Come on. We’ll go down an buy sweets.’

  Teddy jumped up, puttin his arse in the air first an then pushin his hands te get himself standin. An Charlie rubbed his hands together, laughin wit excitement. We went off slowly, headin down fer the shops, but me heart was heavy, all the enjoyment gone from me. I was frettin about wha Jackser was goin te do te me when he sees the babby’s head. He’ll blame me fer not lookin after the babby properly. I went te the end of Sheriff Street an parked the pram outside, puttin on the brake an makin sure I could still see the babby.

  I went down the steps an inta the shop. It was dark inside, cos the sun doesn’t shine down this far an the door is too narra. I lifted Teddy onta the counter an hauled meself up te get a look over at the sweets in their boxes. Teddy started shoutin an wringin his hands wit impatience. ‘Yeah! Yeah! We’re gettin them,’ I laughed at him. ‘Wha do ye want, Charlie?’

  ‘Sweets! Gimme sweets!’ He was jumpin up an down, holdin on te the counter, cos he couldn’t see anythin.

  ‘Wha do ye’s want?’ the aul one behind the counter asked.

  ‘Eh, I’ll have ...’ I couldn’t make up me mind.

  ‘How much have ye got?’ the aul one asked me, gettin impatient.

  ‘Tuppence, Mrs! But I mightn’t be spendin it all here!’

  ‘Oh, the Lord be! So I’d better not be thinkin of shuttin up shop fer the day, then.’

  ‘Right! Me mind’s made up! I’ll have three black jacks, tha’s a ha’penny. Tha’s fer Charlie. I’ll have three jelly babies. Tha’s fer Teddy.’ He screamed wit impatience when I mentioned his name.

  ‘Hurry up!’ the aul one roared. ‘I haven’t all day.’

  ‘Right! I’m gettin there, Mrs. Give me time, I’m a payin customer!’

  ‘I’ll have none of yer cheek or ye can take yer custom elsewhere!’

  ‘Right, an gimme a mouse fer the babby. It’s soft an he won’t choke, cos he only has six teeth!’

  She slammed the sweets on the counter
. ‘Tha will be one penny!’

  ‘Have ye a bag fer them, Mrs?’

  ‘It’s a pity about ye! Take the sweets an get out!’

  ‘I only asked ye. A bit of politeness goes a long way,’ I said.

  ‘Ye’s are barred,’ she roared at me.

  I snorted an let go of the counter. An slid down, grabbin hold of Teddy an slidin him down, catchin him wit me belly pressed against the counter an puttin him on his feet.

  I walked up the steps, countin the sweets te make sure they were all there. An Charlie an Teddy roared after me, wantin their sweets. I stepped out inta the sunshine an took the brake off. ‘Charlie! Help Teddy up the steps, take his hand.’ But Teddy shook away Charlie’s hand an came up the steps on his hands an knees in an awful hurry. I pushed the pram back up the road an sat down on the steps of an old house. The roars outa them! Even the babby was screamin an wavin his hands. He’d seen the sweets an threw his soother inta the pram, his eyes glued te the sweets.

  ‘Here’s yer jelly babies, Teddy! Sit down beside me an put yer two hands out!’ I put the jelly babies inta his hands an closed his fingers. He was quiet while he had a good look at them, before puttin them in his mouth.

  ‘Me! Me!’ Charlie was shoutin.

  ‘Here ye are! Hold yer horses, there’s yer black jacks.’ An then I gave the babby his marshmallow mouse. An he looked at it, wit the tail an the eyes, an then looked up at me. ‘Yes! Eat it! It’s lovely.’ An he put it in his mouth an started suckin it. He was delighted wit the taste an took it back out te give me a big smile wit his six teeth. An me heart turned over cos of the big lump on his poor forehead. I gave him a squeeze, an he roared, cos he thought I was tryin te take his mouse.

  I sat down an was enjoyin the heat from the sunshine. Teddy was happy, climbin up an down on the wide steps, an Charlie was lookin in the shop windas at the cakes. His mind was always on grub. It would be great if I didn’t have te worry about Jackser goin mad cos the babby got hurt.

  People were passin up an down, stoppin te talk te each other. One woman stopped wit a big fat purse in her hand an a shoppin bag in the other. ‘There ye are!’ she said te another woman, who had hair rollers in her head an was tryin te hide them wit a scarf tied aroun her head. ‘Are ye gettin yerself ready?’ she laughed, lookin at the hair rollers.