Ma, He Sold Me for a Few Cigarettes

by Martha Long

  ‘Yeah!’ Hair Rollers said. ‘I’m nearly all done. This daughter’s weddin will be the death a me yet! The fella she’s marryin has relations comin back from England. Well, as I said, Mrs, he needn’t think I’m puttin them up! I’ve enough of me own crowd te be worryin about.’

  ‘Go way! Ye’re right there. Ye’d only be a fool te yerself! They won’t thank ye if ye’re dead an buried in the mornin from all yer exertations!’

  ‘No, indeed they won’t, Mrs!’ Hair Rollers was enjoyin herself no end. She was enjoyin all the glamour of it all, wit people comin all the way from England. ‘I got the new wallpaper!’

  The woman wit the purse checked te see if she still had it an shook herself, pulled wit the excitement of hearin it all an jealous cos it wasn’t happenin te her. ‘Go on! Tell us more.’

  ‘It’s only gorgeous, Mrs!’ an she slapped the other woman’s hand.

  ‘Go way!’ Purse said.

  ‘Yeah, it’s heavy red flock wit big white roses. I gorrit on Capel Street. Now tha it’s up, I can’t stop lookin at it. Even me neighbours think it’s lovely. They’ve been in an outa the house, havin cups of tea an askin if there’s anythin I want help wit. They’re lendin me chairs, an old Granny Egan is lendin me her china teacups an saucers an matchin plates from her china cabinet. I’m nearly there. Me sisters are cookin the big lump a bacon an a leg a lamb I got. An the neighbours are makin a ton a sambidges. An he has a man tha works fer Guinness’s, so the barrel a porter is sorted.’

  ‘Ah, it will be lovely!’ Purse said. ‘I’m delighted fer ye!’

  ‘Right then, I’d better run. I’ll catch up wit ye again,’ Hair Rollers said. An off they went about their business. I watched them go, takin the excitement wit them.

  Fer a few minutes, I lost the run of meself. Thinkin I was part of it all. Now I felt empty. Teddy was fed up an tired. He was leanin in me lap an slappin me. He wanted te climb inta the pram an get a sleep. Harry was sleepin, so I stood up an fixed his pilla, pullin him down te stretch out an get more comfortable. I pulled up the hood te keep out the sun an said te Teddy, ‘Come on, we’ll see wha’s in the shop winda! Charlie, you sit there an rest, an keep an eye on the babby.’

  We walked slowly down te the shop an stopped te look in the winda. I looked at the lovely little dolls. They cost sixpence. If I could get the money te buy one of them, I’d be so happy. I’ve never had a doll. I’d get meself a shoebox an make a bed fer it. I could put holes in the arms of old rags an dress the doll. I’d never stop playin wit it. Tha would be heaven. Teddy started roarin his head off an pullin me hand. He wanted te go back an sleep in the pram. ‘Come on, then, off we go,’ I said te him. He wanted me te carry him, but he was too heavy fer me. I started te pretend te run wit him, te make him laugh, but he was rubbin his eyes exhausted. ‘All right! Martha will put ye te sleep. Let’s go.’

  I started te walk home wit the pram, wonderin if maybe they might be back now. An I didn’t see them passin me, so I started te hurry. I put Teddy sittin in the bottom of the pram an told him not te lie down on the babby’s feet. I looked at Charlie runnin beside the pram. ‘Are ye all right, Charlie? Maybe me ma’s home.’

  ‘Yeah!’ Charlie said, his spirits liftin at the thoughts of gettin in fer a rest an maybe somethin te eat.

  ‘Come on, Mrs! Hurry yerself. We want te get down te tha Corporation Office while them fuckers are still awake!’

  ‘Ah, will ye leave me? I’m goin as fast as I can. Here, you,’ me ma turned te me. ‘Wheel the babby outside.’

  ‘OK, Ma. I’ll just put Teddy’s coat on, then I’ll do it.’

  ‘Will ye get the pram outa me way!’ me ma roared at me. ‘I can’t move meself in this kip!’

  ‘Wha the fuck is goin on in there?’ Jackser came rushin in an stared at me. I ran fer the pram an made te open the door, an Jackser grabbed me by me neck an lifted me offa me feet. ‘Do as ye’re told!’ He shook me up an down. I was chokin an red in the face. Then he dropped me. I was coughin an picked meself off the floor an ran fer the pram.

  ‘Yeah, Jackser,’ I croaked, coughin an tryin te get me breath.

  I stood holdin the pram, waitin. ‘Don’t be told te do anythin twice,’ he said, pointin his finger in me face.

  ‘No, Jackser!’

  ‘An another thing! Ye won’t be sleepin in tha bed tonight. Ye can sleep on the concrete floor in the scullery. Tha should put a stop te yer pissin the bed.’

  Me heart sank, an I wheeled the pram outside. Every night now I’ve been dragged outa the bed from me sleep. I’ve been tryin te stop wettin the bed, but I dream I’m on the tilet, an then I just let go. An then Jackser yanks me outa the bed an spins me aroun the floor, an I don’t know wha’s happenin. He’s standin over me shoutin, an I look at him not knowin wha’s wrong until I get me senses, an he’s screamin, ‘Ye wet the bed! Look!’ An I get down on me hands an knees, an he pushes me head under the bed te see the pool of piss on the floor.

  I came rushin back in. ‘Right, Ma! Are ye ready?’ I whispered. Me ma gave me tha look, lookin inta me eyes te see if I’m all right. She was sorry she got me inta trouble.

  ‘Don’t mind him,’ she muttered te me.

  I looked at her without sayin anythin, but she knew I was desperate fer her te leave him. She looked away, an me heart went cold against her. I’m on me own, an I don’t belong te her. She has Jackser te mind her now.

  ‘Right, Sally. Let’s go! Now, let me do all the talkin, we have te make these fuckers sit up an take notice. Ye never know, we could turn this inta our advantage an maybe even get a nice house outa them if we play our cards right. Ye have everythin?’

  ‘Yes! Yes!’ me ma said.

  ‘Have ye the letter from the hospital? An the one from the doctor, sayin ye’re under his care?’

  ‘Yes, I told ye!’

  Jackser snuffled an shook himself. ‘Right, you! Stay here an mind the house. We don’t want ye earwiggin an listenin te everythin tha’s goin on an maybe givin the game away.’

  I look at me ma an whispered when he was gone out the door, ‘Ma! Ask him te let me go out an play. Will ye, Ma? Please!’

  She looked at me an chewed her lip, an then gave a little cough. ‘Eh, let her out on the street. She’d be better off runnin aroun.’

  He looked at me, an me ma shouted, ‘Go on, then, if ye’re goin.’ I hesimitated fer a split second, watchin Jackser, an when he said nothin, I rushed out the door. He slammed it shut behind him, an I stood there watchin them go.

  When they were outa sight, I let me breath go an felt meself go lovely an light. I wandered over te the waste ground an sat at the railins. The gates were always kept locked. Nobody was aroun yet. It was too early in the mornin. The childre were gone te school, an it was very quiet. I didn’t mind. I was enjoyin sittin here havin nothin te worry about an no one te bother me. I looked through the bars an spotted a roller skate someone had thrown away. It was broken, but the two halves were there. I climbed up on top of the gate. It was very high up, an the spokes on the top were treacherous. I climbed over them, takin me time, an then slid down on the inside, lettin go of the bars an jumpin on te the grass. I picked me way over the broken glass, not wantin te cut me bare feet. The roller skate was grand. If I tie the two ends together wit twine, I could skate aroun te me heart’s content. I looked aroun, searchin fer a bit of twine or somethin te tie it wit, but I had no luck.

  I climbed back over the gate, an a bolt of lightnin went through me from the pain of hurtin meself on the spikes. When the pain eased, I lowered meself down slowly an limped off wit me two-half roller skate, an rubbed me belly te ease the pain.

  I was wanderin aroun tryin te find somethin, an then I gorra great idea! I’ll try the shops. They always have plenty of twine, an I might be able te get some. The butcher gave me a big bit of twine an told me not te play on the road, te go back inta the flats. An I said, ‘Thanks, Mister.’ I was lookin back at him an wasn’t mindin where I was goin, an I walked on a mangy dog sit
tin at the door waitin fer a bone. It snapped its jaws at me leg, an I leapt inta the air wit fright. But the dog missed me an didn’t get a bite of me leg. I walked off slowly, watchin him te see if he’d come at me again, but he threw himself back on the ground te wait. I ran off, an when I looked back, the dog gave a big screech an was sent flyin out the door wit a kick from the butcher. ‘Get outa there, ye mangy bag a bones!’ the butcher roared. An I ran on laughin. Serves ye right, tryin te bite me! I thought.

  I tied the two halves of me roller skate together, an it held. Then I put the twine through the two holes at the back te tie it on me foot. It was grand. But then the twine cut inta me bare foot, an I had te take it off. I have te find somethin te cover me foot. I found an old woolly hat along the side of the road. It was a bit smelly an dirty. I looked at it, but I couldn’t find anythin else. This’ll do! It worked great, an I’m havin the time of me life runnin up an down, get goin, an lift me other foot, an I’m flyin. I had a great time all day on the roller skate. But then it kept gettin loose, an I kept tryin te fix it. But now I’d had enough.

  I was sittin down wit me back against the pram sheds, watchin the other childre runnin up an down, playin chasin, an piggybeds, when a young one passed by me. I looked at her, cos she seems te be very upset. She just walks very fast an stares straight ahead. I know her te see, but I never played wit her, cos she lives in the next flats just beside mine. Her name is Nora, the same name as the song everyone is singing. I watched her walk on, not stoppin te look left or right, an wondered wha happened te her. It wasn’t long after tha I heard screams an saw people runnin inta the next flats. I got up, an then I heard shouts. ‘She’s fallen over the balcony!’ I ran in, an there was Nora lyin on the ground at the pram sheds. She was very still, not movin. I looked from her te the balcony, an I wondered how she fell so far across te the pram sheds. She was lyin on her stomach wit her left arm under her. There was no one aroun her. ‘Don’t touch her!’ a woman screamed, an she came runnin across. She ran aroun Nora, not gettin too close, wit her arms out, wantin te keep everyone away.

  We just stood starin across at Nora lyin there not movin, too shocked te take it in. ‘She fell from the second balcony!’ one of the childre whispered. ‘I sawed her standin on the top of it.’

  ‘She’s my size,’ another one said. ‘She’s nine, like me.’

  A woman came rushin over an put a coat over Nora. Then an ambulance arrived, an a man came te put us all outa the way.

  I ran up the road te the back shops. Didn’t know where I was goin, but then I stopped just before I got there an ran inta the open waste ground an sat down. Why was Nora so upset? Wha happened? Me heart was bleedin fer her. Poor Nora, lyin there so still. I was afraid an I cried fer Nora, an it was as if I knew her. Could somethin like tha happen te me, too? I felt as if I was all by meself in the world an it would always be like this. But I never found out wha happened te Nora, cos we moved house.

  22

  The Corporation evicted us te the Corporation Buildins. Some people call it the Cage! They laugh an say the police used te have te come in crowds, cos they were afraid of their life te come on their own. It’s beside Foley Street an just off Talbot Street. Ye step inta a little hallway, an there’s four doors. We’re on the ground floor, an there’s balconies overhead. Our door is first on the left of the hallway, an we have a winda lookin onta the front. The room is very small, an we all have te sleep in one bed, cos tha’s all we can fit in. The table fer eatin off sits at the end of the bed, an we have one chair beside the fireplace. An a little scullery wit a sink an a gas cooker – tha’s it. We put the babby’s pram under the winda, an there’s very little room te move. A woman wit long grey hair, an two childre, a boy an a girl – the boy is about ten years old an the girl is about eleven – live across the hall from us. An old man lives in the other room, an the fourth room is empty. Some of the people manage te get two an three rooms as they become empty in their hallway, an pay the extra money fer each of the rooms.

  Jackser’s goin mad, cos the room’s too cramped. We’re all fallin over each other. He can’t walk up an down when he’s restless, an he keeps clenchin his fists an punchin his hands against each other. ‘Ah, fuck this, I’m gettin outa here!’ an he runs out the door. ‘I’m goin te see a fella I know,’ he says, an he disappears.

  Me ma goes mad. ‘Where are ye goin te?’ she shouts, but he’s gone. ‘Get after him!’ she shouts at me. ‘See wha he’s up te.’

  ‘No, Ma! Let him go.’

  ‘But he’s up te no good!’ me ma says.

  ‘How do ye know, Ma? He’ll be back,’ I said.

  ‘Yeah! When he gets wha he wants from some dyed blonde.’

  Me heart sinks te see me ma worryin. But I’m annoyed, too. Now we have a bit of peace. ‘Yeah! An there’s fuck all te eat!’ she says.

  ‘Can I go out te play, Ma?’

  ‘Ah, don’t be annoyin me. Here, get the pillacase an get up te the convent an get the bread!’

  I take the tuppence fer the bus fare there an back, an walk up an get the number twenty-four bus te Marino. I get off an walk up Griffith Avenue wit all the big houses an gardens an trees, an then arrive at the gates of the Cross an Passion convent an walk up the avenue an past the big front door wit the steps up te it. An go aroun the side te the back door an ring the bell only once. An then I wait fer the nun te come an open the door. If ye ring twice, they give ye nothin.

  The door opens after a while, an the nun just looks at me an says nothin an closes the door again. I can be up te an hour waitin here, an it’s very quiet. I sit meself down on the step an look at the green grass an admire the huge conifers – tha’s what a young nun told me they were called. She came out wit a load of other young nuns. They all had black lace hankies on their heads, an they still had their lovely shiny hair, so they weren’t real nuns yet. The ground was covered in snow at the time, an they came runnin out te throw snowballs at each other. I watched them havin a great time, pickin the snow up an beltin each other, an roarin an laughin, an sayin, ‘Oh, blast!’ Tha was supposed te be a curse! I thought they were real grand. They looked so shiny an clean wit lovely red cheeks an a Gibbs toothpaste smile full of white teeth. They thought the snow was lovely, an it did look lovely an white here. But I hated it, cos I was always freezin wit the cold, an me bare feet an hands was killin me wit the pain. I admired them no end an wanted te come an live here an be just like them, eatin an prayin, an sleepin in a bed wit white sheets. An bein shiny an clean, an have shoes an warm knickers. An rush aroun in the snow, an say ‘Oh, blast!’ an be very grand altogether.

  I came outa me daze when I suddenly heard a noise. I looked up an saw a tramp come shufflin over. He was wearin about six coats an had a bit of twine wrapped aroun his waist. I turned away an ignored him. After a few minutes, he crept over beside me. ‘Did ye ring the bell?’ he whispered inta me face.

  The smell of him was terrible. I moved away an didn’t look at him. ‘Yeah!’ I muttered.

  A few minutes later, I heard hissin noises. I looked over te see what it was, an the tramp nodded over te the trees. ‘Come over there wit me, an I’ll give ye sixpence!’ He showed me the sixpence in his hand, an he was wearin black gloves wit no fingers in them. I looked at his face. It was red, an his eyes was dancin in his head. I didn’t like the look of them eyes.

  Me mind flew. I can’t run off without me bread, an, anyway, I was here first! I jumped up an rang the doorbell. ‘I’m gettin the nun fer you. An I’m tellin her wha ye said te me.’

  ‘No! No! Don’t do tha!’ he said. ‘Oh, Holy Mother of God!’ an he rushed off, tryin te shuffle fast, hangin on te his coats.

  The nun didn’t come out fer a long while. ‘Did you ring this bell?’ She stared at me wit her lips pressed together.

  I looked aroun me te see if he was still gone an satisfied meself he was not comin back. I said, ‘No, Sister! A man did, but he’s gone now!’

  ‘You’ll have to wait,’ she said. ‘I’
m busy.’

  ‘Ah, Sister, would ye have a drink of water? I’m parched, Sister.’

  A while later, the door opened, an the nun handed me a tin mug wit hot water. I was disgusted! She took it from the hot tap! I drank half an handed the mug back. She had a smirk on her face an a glint in her eye. She’s bad, I thought te meself. Nuns are supposed te be holy.

  I took the leftover bits of bread she gave me thrown together in greasepaper. An put it in me pillacase tha was black wit the dirt an covered in blood spots from all the bites we get from the fleas. Pity I didn’t get a nice nun. Once in a while, I can strike lucky an get bread an drippin, an even roast meat. The nun who gives me the bit of bacon, an maybe even a leg a lamb, doesn’t seem te be there any more. Me ma will go mad an start givin out. ‘Why did the nun not give ye anythin? Did ye ask her? Wha did ye say? Did ye not tell her this, why didn’t ye tell her tha?’ An me ma will keep at me until the next time I bring home somethin good. I always like te see me ma’s face light up when she’s happy, an have maybe five Woodbines fer Jackser, te put him in good form. But I’ve nothin te bring home, an nobody will be laughin.

  I hurry over te the other convent, High Park, an pass the shops. I get an idea an rush inta the butchers. ‘Eh, excuse me, Sir, but would ye ever have any bones fer the dog?’

  The butcher is very respectable, an he stands back an looks at me. He picks up a chunk of lap a lamb, an wraps it an hands it te me.

  ‘Eh, I didn’t mean fer te buy.’

  ‘Yes! Yes! That’s all right,’ an he waves his hand at me.

  I’m delighted an put it in me pillacase. ‘Thanks very much, Mister!’ an I rush off.

  I ring the bell at the convent, an Hairy comes out, looks at me an smirks, closes the door an I wait, hoppin up an down on the pebble stones on the ground, makin a crunchin noise under me feet. I got inta terrible trouble wit the nun once. I was dyin te go te the tilet but was afraid te go in the bushes in case she came out an I missed her. So I squatted on the ground in front of the hall door an was pissin away when the door opened an the nun’s eyes met mine. We were both shocked, but I had te continue me pissin. She told me I had te send me mother, an she didn’t want te see me face again. So far, I’ve been lucky. She hasn’t opened the door fer me.