Lust & Trust: She thought he was worth the risk... Her friends didn't.

by Amanda Cain

  We left for Chicago the next day. I dropped Melissa off at her mom's. Sitting alone in my apartment, my frustration with Em grew. I couldn't even fake it with Stacy's mom, and she was dating some over muscled monkey.

  I wanted Em so much, I needed to take her and make her mine again. She tried to call several times last week, but I couldn't talk to her. I finally put her number on auto reject, afraid of what she was going to tell me or what I would say. But she hadn't tried to call in days. I took her off auto reject and decided if she did call, I would at least listen to her.

  I needed to find something, anything to get her off my mind. I went to the gym, which I had been doing more often. Jenna was leaving, and we almost bumped into each other walking through the door.

  She looked up from her phone. "I'm sorry … oh hey, it's you! I thought you didn't work out here?"

  "Occasionally, I like a change of scenery. Jenna, I'm sorry for my behavior a few weeks ago."

  "I understand. Is there someone else?"

  "No … I mean yes. I'm sorry." I sounded like an idiot.

  Jenna smiled and shook her head. "Listen, Ryan, no complications, no strings, but if you ever just feel like being with someone, call me." She turned and walked away, swaying her hips, knowing I was watching. How the fuck did Em move on so quickly? I had no desire to be with anyone else.

  Unless I had to travel for work, I stayed in Chicago, so Melissa and I were together as much as possible. My daughter acted more and more like an adult, and it concerned me. We were giving her too much emotional responsibility for someone so young. I feared sometimes she thought she was the parent and Lindsey and I were the kids.

  "Dad, you seem unhappy," she said, one night as we were watching TV.

  "What do you mean? I'm always happy when I'm with you."

  "What about you? Don't you want someone in your life?"

  "I have you. You are all I need."

  "No, Dad. You know … a woman, someone to love."

  "This sounds like a lot for a girl your age to be troubling herself with. Your dad is doing fine. I will find someone someday when the time is right."

  "You mean when I'm older?"

  "Honey, where is this coming from?"

  "I just want you to be happy, Dad."

  "As long I have you, I'm happy. Now off to bed with you."

  After she had gone to bed, I thought about calling Emma and picked up my phone. How could I have been so far off? I had believed she had real feelings for me. And all that time she was with another man? I put the phone back down.

  I couldn't have her, and I couldn't forget her.

  I dropped off Melissa at her mom's for a few days and decided to take a short trip to Evergreen. It was still my house, and I still loved it there despite Emma.

  Chapter 21

  Emma

  "Emma?" a young girl's voice inquired.

  "Yes, this is Emma. How can I help you?"

  "I wonder … never mind, I'm sorry to have bothered you." She hung up.

  I opened my list of recent calls, planning to call the young girl back. I noticed the call came from a Chicago area code, and my heart began racing. I started pacing the floor. Could that have been one of Ryan's daughters? Why would she call me?

  I called Char. "What are you doing?"

  "Laundry…" she laughed "…why, you wanna help?"

  "Can you come over, now? I need you!"

  She was at my door in ten minutes.

  "What's going on? You sounded awful over the phone," she said, rushing through the door.

  I poured wine for both of us. Charlotte checked her watch. "It's a little early, but hey I'm in."

  She sat down on the kitchen stool. "Now, what's wrong? I haven't seen you this upset since Ryan. Oh crap! It’s Ryan. What now? You're trembling!"

  "I'm not sure. I got this phone call from a young girl. It came from a number with a Chicago area code."

  She held my hand. "Are you thinking it was one of Ryan's girls? What did she say?"

  "Nothing. She asked if my name was Emma. I said yes. She started to say something but hung up instead. I went to call her back but noticed the Chicago area code. Should I call her? I’m not even sure where Ryan lives—Chicago, Evergreen, or wherever—but his number has a Chicago area code."

  Char pursed her lips. "I hate to say this, but you should call Ryan. I think you need to tell him that one of his daughters might have called you."

  I sat at the kitchen island, looking at my friend, when my eyes drifted to the kitchen wall—the wall where Ryan first seduced me. I started crying.

  Char put her arm around me. "I'm sorry. It sucks, but he needs to know."

  She was right. I dialed his number.

  He didn't answer.

  I left a message. "Ryan, this isn't easy, but I think you need to call me. It's about your daughter."

  I couldn't believe it had been an hour and no call back from Ryan. What was wrong with that asshole?

  Char stayed with me as we made our way through a bottle of Moscato.

  There was a knock on the door. We stared at each other. "No way, no way that could be Ryan."

  Charlotte went to the door. I sat frozen in my seat.

  "Emma? I knew it! You were the woman I saw when I was with Dad in Evergreen!"

  I came to the door and stood next to Char. Standing in the doorway was a beautiful young girl with wavy brown hair and brilliant green eyes, who was, beyond a doubt, Ryan's daughter.

  "Please come in," I said.

  "Who are you?" she asked.

  “I’m Emma. What’s your name?"

  "You're Emma?" She turned to Charlotte. “Then who are you?"

  "I'm Charlotte, Emma's friend," Char said, regaining her composure. "Why, don't you come in and explain what's going on?"

  "My name is Melissa. I think you know my Dad, Ryan."

  I poured her a glass of lemonade and gave it to her with shaking hands. "Melissa, what is going on? Why are you here?"

  "Does your dad know where you are?" Char added.

  Melissa shook her head. "Please don't tell him. At least let me explain first."

  She watched my trembling hand as she took the glass from me.

  "I was right," Melissa said, a satisfied look on her face.

  "Right about what?" Char asked.

  She pointed to me. "Emma … she loves my Dad."

  Had this poor girl traveled from Chicago or Evergreen? For what? To confront me, to tell me to leave her dad alone?

  I felt like throwing up.

  "Melissa, what makes you think I know your dad?"

  She rolled eyes, and I recognized the same flicker in her eyes that Ryan often exhibited when he was excited or upset. "Do you love my Dad?"

  "Melissa, where does he think you are?"

  "At Mom's. It's her weekend."

  Mom's weekend! Those words resonated in my soul. They were divorced! I began to relax a little. If she didn't come here to accuse me of wrecking her home, why was she here? And why hadn't Ryan told me about her?

  "Where is your sister?" Charlotte asked.

  "Sister? I don't have a sister."

  "Who was that other girl you and your dad were with?"

  "Melony? Oh, she's my Aunt Myla's daughter. Myla and Melony stayed with us at Dad's for the week."

  Charlotte and I exchanged glances.

  "Do you live there?" I asked.

  "I wish, but no, we live in Chicago."

  "You never answered me …" Melissa continued, observing me. "Do you love my Dad?"

  "Melissa, I care about him. He is a good man, but it is complicated."

  "Because of me?"

  "Oh, sweetie, no, not because of you!"

  "He's been unhappy. I've never seen dad so sad. It is my fault. Because I'm not eighteen and he can't be with you!" She started crying, and my heart ached for her.

  "Melissa, what are you talking about?"

  The phone rang. It was Ryan. About time! I grabbed my cell and walked out to t
he backyard.

  "What's going on? What does my daughter have to do with anything?" he yelled.

  "Ryan, calm down! When I left you a message, two hours ago, it was because Melissa had called me. But now—"

  "I was on a plane," he cut me off. "She called you? How did she get your number? My cell! Dammit, I bet she went through my phone!"

  Something I now wish I had done.

  "Emma, I'm … I'm sorry. I will make sure she doesn't bother you anymore."

  "Well, I don't see how you are going to do that since she is here."

  "At your house?"

  "Yes," I replied curtly.

  "I'm on my way."

  So he had been on his way to Denver, apparently not to see me. Randy and I were standing in the front yard when Ryan arrived.

  "Ryan this is Ra—"

  "Where is Melissa?" Ryan interrupted.

  "Inside with Charlotte."

  He walked past me and into my house.

  What was his problem? He acted like I did something wrong. Randy turned toward me and mouthed, "Asshole."

  I turned around and followed Ryan into my house.

  He hugged Melissa pulling her close. "How did you get here?"

  "Dad, I'm sorry. I took a plane and then a cab straight here. I used the credit card you gave me for emergencies."

  "Where was your mom? Never mind, I am just happy you're okay. We will talk about this later. Did you bring anything with you?"

  "Yes, my bag is in the living room."

  Char hopped up. "Come on, Melissa, I will help you get it." Leaving Ryan and me alone in the kitchen.

  Ryan was so cold, I didn't understand.

  "Don't you think you owe me some kind of explanation?" I asked.

  "Wow, Em!" He scowled. "I owe you? Hell, maybe I do. Yeah, I lied. But you knew I lied. You made the rules, and we agreed to them! At least I kept my end of our deal."

  "What are you talking about?"

  "Melissa, we need to go!" Ryan hollered.

  Melissa came into the kitchen. "Thank you, Emma. I enjoyed meeting you," she said politely.

  He took Melissa's hand and glared at me. "Sorry, we bothered you. It won't happen again." And they were out the door.

  "He is so angry and distant. What’s his problem?"

  Char stood there hugging me, trying to comfort me. "Who knows, Em, but it will be alright. Give it time."

  "If he's divorced, why didn't he tell me about Melissa? I don't understand any of this." I felt lost and exhausted.

  Chapter 22

  Ryan

  I didn't say a word to Melissa on the drive. I needed to calm down first. What if she'd been harmed or abducted? How long would it have been before someone knew she was missing? I didn't want to scare her, but I needed to make her understand how dangerous what she just did was.

  I couldn't believe Emma, offering to introduce me to her new boyfriend? What the fuck? I wanted to punch the dude. I owed her? She told me she wanted to be monogamous and then started dating this buffoon. That's cold!

  Standing in Emma's kitchen reminded me of our first night together. I wanted to back her against our wall and press my mouth against her lips, push her hair away from her beautiful face, and run my hand between her legs. I wanted to tell her how much I missed hearing her laugh, but I couldn't. She wasn't mine. I had to get out of there fast.

  "Fuck!" I screamed. Forgetting Melissa was with me.

  "I'm sorry," she cried. "Please don't be mad! I wanted to help. I thought if you made up with Emma you would be happy again."

  "Honey, don't cry. We will figure this out." I reached over and took her hand.

  Back at the house, I fixed Melissa something to eat and tried to decide how to keep Lindsey from finding out about Melissa's independent trip to Denver.

  "Now, young lady, let's talk. Do you have any idea how dangerous flying here by yourself and not telling anyone was? What if something happened to you? Your mother and I would have no idea where you were."

  "Stacy knew. But I understand, Daddy. I'm so sorry," she said through her tears.

  "It hurts me just to think about something bad happening to you. Promise me you will never do anything like this again."

  "I promise, Daddy. I'm sorry."

  “Where does your mom think you are?"

  "At Stacy's."

  "We need to get you home before your Mom finds out you're gone. She is going to think I planned this. She might try to stop me from seeing you."

  "No! I will tell her it was all me. She will believe me."

  "So, you're going to tell your mom that you lied to her, got on a plane, using a credit card I gave you, and came to see my girlfriend … ex-girlfriend," I corrected. "You think she is going to be alright with that?" I was agitated but didn't mean to be so harsh.

  "Dad, I'm so sorry. Would Mom really keep me from seeing you?" She started sobbing again, breaking my heart.

  I rocked her in my arms. "No, honey, I don't think your mom would do that, but let's not take any chances. Let's keep this as our secret." God, I hated asking my daughter to keep secrets, but I knew full well Lindsey would use this against me, and yes, she would probably keep Melissa away from me, at least for a while.

  Melissa nodded her head. "Okay."

  "Sweetheart, I'm not sure why you thought going to Emma's was a good idea, but I'm an adult, and I don't want my little girl worrying about my love life."

  "I'm not a little girl, Dad. I may not know what's going on between you two, but I know you and Emma have feelings for each other, and you were happy when you were together. You were different, Dad, not sad inside."

  "Time for you to go to bed," I said, sighing. "I'll arrange tickets back to Chicago. And, Melissa, no more interfering in my love life, understood? "

  "Understood," she said and hopped into bed.

  "Dad, can you bring me Pooka?"

  I went through Melissa's bag. "Pooka isn't here. You must've forgotten him at home."

  "No, I had him at Emma's. Oh! I must have left him there." She winced.

  "Crap, are you sure?"

  She nodded her head.

  "Well, you will need to do without him until I can buy you another."

  "Daddy!" she coiled in horror.

  "Fine, I will get Pooka for you. Aren't you a little old for toys?"

  "Which is it, Dad? Am I a little girl or a grown-up? Besides, you bought him for me a long time ago. He's special!"

  "I remember." She was so excited when I gave her that silly panda. "Get some rest."

  I booked us both morning flights back to Chicago and said a silent prayer that she would arrive back at her mom's before Lindsey found out she hadn’t stayed at Stacey's.

  I dropped Melissa off a few houses down from Lindsey’s so she wouldn't see my car. I hated to do it, but I told Melissa if her mom asked to please tell her that Stacy's mom had dropped her off. I had called Jenna, and Lindsey had not called her nor had she called Melissa's phone, so we should be okay.

  I would rather ask my child to lie then risk losing her. The shit we put our daughter through was ridiculous!

  Back at my apartment, I dialed Emma. I might as well get this over.

  She picked up on the first ring. "Ryan."

  "Do you have Pooka?"

  "What?"

  "Pooka. He’s Melissa's stuffed panda. It was a present from me. Did she leave it at your house?"

  "That's it? The only reason you called is to ask me if I have your daughter's stuffed panda." Her voice became increasingly louder as she talked. "A daughter, by the way, I didn't know existed until yesterday."

  "Emma you are being irrational!"

  "Irrational?"

  "Yes, irrational! Would you please answer me? Is my daughter's stuffed panda at your house?" I reiterated, pronouncing each word like I was talking to a child.

  "Yes. Yes, Mr. Smith, it is," she said and hung up.

  "What the bloody hell?" I placed the phone down and ran my fingers through my hair. Why is she
acting so crazy? She broke our agreement. She is the one who moved on! I called her again.

  She answered on the first ring again.

  "Yes, Mr. Smith, can I help you?"

  "Yes, you can. Would you mind mailing Pooka back to me? You can ship him to …"

  "Yes, Ryan, I would mind."

  "You won't send me my daughter's stuffed toy?" I asked incredulously.

  "That is correct, Mr. Smith. If you want Pooka back, you will need to come get it personally." Her voice was flat and emotionless.

  What the fuck? Why would she want me to pick it up?

  "Emma …"

  "Mr. Smith, this is not …"

  "Stop calling me Mr. Smith!" I said, my frustration growing.

  "That is your name, right?"

  "Please," I began again.

  "Mr. Smith, this is not up for negotiation. If you want your daughter's panda back, you will need to come get him."

  "Fine! I will come get the damn panda! But only because I love my daughter! When do you want me to come by?"

  "Now, now is a good time." And she hung up again.

  "Now?" I replied, having a conversation with myself. "Now? You know what, now it is!"

  Let's do this! I will hop on another plane, go to Denver and pick up Pooka. Then I will return to Chicago, call Jenna, and take her up on her offer of fucking my brains out!

  Yes, that was the plan. I called the airlines.

  Chapter 23

  Emma

  I was shocked at my own behavior. Did I just hold his daughter's panda for ransom? Well, I guess I did!

  Char told me that when she and Melissa had gone to retrieve her stuff, Melissa had taken Pooka out of her bag and hid him behind the couch. If his daughter went through all that trouble, and she thought it was important Ryan and I talked, then dammit we were going to talk!

  Thirty minutes later, Char called.

  "Oh my God, Em!"

  "What is it? Are you okay? How is Bob?" I asked, my voice rising in alarm.

  "Yes, yes, we're fine. Well, he won't be once I figure out what is going on."

  "What are you talking about?"