Darcy's Passions

by Regina Jeffers

  “True; and nobody can ever be introduced in a ballroom,” Elizabeth retorted. Maybe in retrospect, the reason lacked soundness; Bingley offered Darcy an introduction, which Darcy refused. He owed her more of an explanation.

  “Perhaps,” said Darcy,“I should have judged better had I sought an introduction; but I am ill-qualified to recommend myself to strangers.” There—that should allay her objections and tell Elizabeth he felt sorrow for his impolitic behavior.

  Elizabeth enjoyed teasing Darcy’s usual reserve, and she spoke to his cousin once again.“Shall we ask him why a man of sense and education, and who has lived in the world, is ill-qualified to recommend himself to strangers?”

  “I can answer your question without applying to him,” Edward offered Darcy a cut. “It is because he will not give himself the trouble.” Darcy could not believe the colonel would say such provocative lies; he knew Darcy to operate as a gentleman; Edward, evidently, wanted to discredit him in Elizabeth’s eyes.

  Yet, those eyes still belonged to Darcy; they had not broken contact since this repartee began. He offered, “I certainly have not the talent which some people possess of conversing easily with those I have never seen before. I cannot catch their tone of conversation, or appear interested in their concerns, as I often see done.”

  That should allow Elizabeth an opportunity to see his cousin for the flatterer he is. Her eyebrow shot up, and Elizabeth’s amusement flittered across her face.With a smirk of a smile, she said,“My fingers do not move over this instrument in the masterly manner which I see so many women’s do. But then I have always supposed it to be my own fault—because I would not take the trouble of practicing.”

  At the moment, Darcy rationalized neither of them needed anyone else’s approval and offered a compliment saying, “You are perfectly right.You have employed your time much better. No one admitted to the privilege of hearing you can think anything wanting.We neither of us perform to strangers.”

  Lady Catherine interrupted his revelry by coming to the instrument and once again criticizing Elizabeth’s musical ability. Lady Catherine evidently did not appreciate his attentions to Elizabeth and planned to “remind” him of his duty to his cousin Anne by touting Anne’s presumed musical talent. Ashamed for his aunt’s behavior toward Elizabeth, Darcy assumed a haughty countenance. Elizabeth received Lady Catherine’s remarks with all the forbearance of civility and unknowingly received Darcy’s renewed regard.The colonel and Darcy took turns requesting her continued presence at the instrument until the carriage took her back to the Parsonage.

  Darcy lay under the counterpane, stretching his limbs to relieve the tension the evening entertained. He spent the last few months declaring his freedom from Elizabeth Bennet, but the evening persuaded him to reevaluate his feelings once more. It seemed since Elizabeth Bennet entered his life, Darcy spent numerous hours debating about succumbing to her charms. He knew he was lost to her; Elizabeth would be the mark by which he would judge all other women. He still could not justify pursuing Elizabeth, but Darcy could also not give her up. Unless he did something soon, the quandary in which he found himself would further rob him of his sleep and his waking sanity.

  If he could not rid himself of his obsession, then Darcy had to rationally plan how he could achieve Elizabeth’s regard and not associate with her family. Of course, that would be impossible. He could tolerate the company of Miss Bennet and probably her father he supposed. Would regularly seeing them be enough for Elizabeth? Pemberley was a good distance from Hertfordshire; it would not be easy for Elizabeth’s family to visit; he could arrange business in town when Mrs. Bennet and the younger sisters came to stay. He would have to guard against those connections having too much influence on Georgiana, however.The Bennets could be brought to Pemberley when others were not expected. It could be achieved; it would be worthwhile if Darcy could earn Elizabeth’s love; a few moments of intolerable disdain would be pale indeed to all the pleasures of Elizabeth’s company. Receiving Elizabeth’s love and devotion was a prayer he recited more than once these last few months. “The prayer the Devil answers,” he chuckled out loud as the darkness enveloped him. Images of Elizabeth at the pianoforte frequented his dreams, and her smile was all for his pleasure.

  Dawn came early for Fitzwilliam Darcy; he found himself wrapped in the bedclothes and turned askew; his battle with himself and sleep took its toll on his resolve, but he made a decision during those long waking hours. Pushing himself from the mattress, Darcy swung his legs over the side of the bed and reached for the bell cord to call his man.Today he would seek out Elizabeth’s company; today he would begin to win her heart; he knew Elizabeth to be at least aware of his interests although she probably was unsure of its depth; he gave her mixed signals up until this time. Now, Darcy would show Elizabeth despite his concerns with her family, he would apply himself to winning her love.

  CHAPTER 8

  “Proceed from the impulse of the moment . . .”

  Today would be the first day of the rest of his life. Following his morning ablutions, Darcy dressed carefully trying to create an appearance of a gentleman open to new possibilities. He set out through the parklands surrounding Rosings, but he knew unconsciously his destination was not to be the park itself; he was to make a call on the Parsonage.The little over a quarter mile path was well worn, and its passage was short lived, and before he knew it, he stood outside Hunsford. He could not alter his choice; his entrance into the gate at the Parsonage would be well known. So noted, Darcy rang the bell and was soon admitted to the inner room. He expected the Collinses to be about, but he found only Elizabeth in attendance. Having planned to engage the household’s occupants in conversation, his apprehension increased; although it was a pleasant surprise, he had to shift his emotional being to face Elizabeth one-on-one.

  “Mr. Darcy, what a surprise!” she began, sounding a bit uncertain.

  “Miss Bennet, I apologize for invading your privacy,” he stumbled along trying to sound uneventful, but feeling aroused by her closeness. “I understood the Collinses were within. I pray I have not interrupted your solitary pleasures.”

  “An interruption does not necessarily have to be unwelcome, Sir,” she curtsied.“I am afraid Mrs. Collins and her sister went into the village. I hope your appearance here does not mean your family at Rosings has taken ill. Are Lady Catherine, Miss de Bourgh, and your cousin, the colonel, all in health?”

  “Thank you, Madame, their health is well,” he returned her bow, while all the time thinking, She welcomes my company!

  “Then, please have a seat, Mr. Darcy,” she offered politely, while gesturing to a nearby chair.

  Darcy stared at her so fascinated by her beauty he nearly forgot the need for conversation. He realized Elizabeth stared at him; so he cleared his throat and asked of her family and of the weather and of the road conditions during her journey to Rosings. It was a very disjointed conversation, definitely lacking in transitions, but he did not freeze completely in her presence. There were a few more awkward pauses than he would have preferred, though.

  Eventually, that playful spark he so loved about her showed itself in her expression. He did not expect Elizabeth to bring up the subject of Bingley and Netherfield so quickly, but Darcy knew from her comment about her sister previously it would be a topic with which he would have to deal. Her inquiries dealt with the probability of Bingley’s returning to Netherfield. As casually as possible, he assured Elizabeth of the unlikeliness of that situation.“I have never heard him say so; but it is probable that he may spend very little of his time there in the future. He has many friends, and he is at a time of life when friends and engagements are continually increasing.” He hoped this explanation would temper her curiosity. Darcy changed the text of their conversation. “This seems a very comfortable house. Lady Catherine, I believe, did a great deal to it when Mr. Collins first came to Hunsford.”

  “I believe she did—and I am sure she could not have bestowed her kindness on a more
grateful object.”

  “My aunt is an excellent benefactor for Mr. Collins; such improvements are the exception rather than the rule.” Elizabeth simply nodded.Yet, it was not of the house he wished to speak; he wanted to know her thoughts on marriage. He began,“Mr. Collins appears to be very fortunate in his choice of a wife.”

  “Yes, indeed, his friends may well rejoice in his having met with one of the very few sensible women who would accept him, but in a prudential light, it is certainly a good match for her.” Elizabeth did not seem to favor the match despite her friend’s sensibility of marrying for monetary advantage. Darcy took her words to mean wealth was important, but Elizabeth wanted a loving relationship for herself.This was acceptable to him; he, too, wanted to replicate his parents’ partnership in his own life; he had the necessary wealth, and he would wholeheartedly love Elizabeth if she would allow him to do so.

  Darcy added, “It must be very agreeable to her to be settled within so easy a distance of her own family and friends.”

  A bit shocked, she replied,“An easy distance, do you call it? It is nearly fifty miles.”

  A challenge was before him; they would engage in their usual verbal swordplay.“And what is fifty miles of good road? Little more than half a day’s journey. Yes, I call it a very easy distance,” he remarked as he leaned forward in his chair.

  Elizabeth shifted her weight, straightened her shoulders, and leaned in as she retorted, “I should never have considered the distance as one of the advantages of the match. I should never have said Mrs. Collins was settled near her family.”

  Darcy could detect the lavender; it was all he could do not to caress her face. “It is a proof of your own attachment to Hertfordshire. Anything beyond the very neighborhood of Longbourn, I suppose, would appear far.” He smiled while thinking of her at Pemberley and realizing the additional distance between his home and her home and how it would give them relief from her connections.

  Elizabeth argued one would need more fortune than the Collinses possessed in order for the distance to be an easy one.“It is comfortable for you to consider distance from a different perspective, Mr. Darcy. Where there is fortune to make the expense of traveling unimportant, distance becomes no evil. But that is not the case here. Mr. and Mrs. Collins have a comfortable income, but not such a one as will allow of frequent journeys.”

  Darcy had the financial stability to make her travel wishes a matter of choosing in which carriage she wished to traverse the distance. He could offer her so much; obviously, Elizabeth would learn to love him. Darcy drew his chair a little toward her and said, “You cannot have a right to such very strong local attachment. You cannot have been always at Longbourn.” His feelings for Elizabeth caused his breath to be ragged and shallow; she locked eyes with him momentarily, and he saw an image of her uncertainty. He realized he must check himself; he moved too fast; he wanted to scoop her into his arms and carry her away to Pemberley, but, instead, he reluctantly moved his chair back.There was a newspaper lying on the table, and as he picked it up, he said coldly, “Are you pleased with Kent?”

  Elizabeth leaned back casually in her chair. The intensity between them subsided, and small talk remained. Even this interchange came soon to an end as Mrs. Collins and Miss Lucas returned. Darcy explained he believed all the ladies of the house were at home when he called. After a series of civilities, he begged their leave and headed back toward Rosings Park. It was a beginning. Elizabeth must recognize his intentions; now he must determine if she would willingly accept him as her husband.

  Over the next several days, Darcy continued to call at the Parsonage; sometimes he came with his cousin; other times he came alone. To his chagrin, his former reluctance to speak easily reappeared when others were about. He wished to find a way to engage Elizabeth privately again. Darcy noted Mrs. Collins’s interest in his appearances at Hunsford, and although he could never make himself stop drinking in the beauty that was Elizabeth Bennet, he schooled his stare into an ambiguous, earnest, steadfast gaze. Eventually, eavesdropping on her conversations with his cousin, Darcy lighted on an idea. Miss Bennet chose a particular path at Rosings to be her favorite; he could arrange a rencontre. They could walk together and become more thoroughly acquainted; tomorrow Darcy would embark upon the second stage of his pursuit of Elizabeth Bennet.

  He awoke early and left Rosings’s warmth to brave a chilly morning and to wait for her company. He thought he knew which path she described to Edward, but after a half hour’s stay, he questioned the information. To his relief, he spotted Elizabeth as she approached the roughly hewed clearing where he awaited her; he stepped back into the shadows, wishing the appearance of an accidental meeting.

  Not expecting to see anyone along the pathway, Elizabeth started when Darcy appeared before her.“Mr. Darcy,” she gasped,“I was not expecting to see you here.”

  “Miss Bennet,” he feigned surprise,“nor I you. I did not realize you too preferred solitary walks. They are most pleasant, are they not?”

  “You know me to be a person who is not afraid of a healthy walking distance,” she appeared a bit unnerved by the mischance of their meeting.

  “Are you nearing the end of your preamble?”

  “Yes, Sir,” she stammered.“I believe I will turn back.”

  “Then allow me, Madame,” he said, doffing his hat, “to escort you back to the Parsonage. I would be remiss in my duty if I allowed you to return alone.”

  Elizabeth flashed a questioning look in his direction, but she accepted his extended arm as her support. Darcy resisted reaching out and placing his own hand on hers; the warmth of her fingers tantalized his senses. They walked for a few minutes in what he considered to be companionable silence; yet, he did not want to waste his time with her so he forced himself to offer up observations about the beauty of Kent. Elizabeth’s response he barely heard, being so consumed by the moment, but he caught enough of the words to realize she found Kent to be very pleasant.

  “Would you consider returning for another visit?” he ventured.

  “Such would be a pleasurable sojourn,” she turned to look up at him unexpectedly. Darcy glowed with the hopes she would find it more pleasurable if he were in Kent, as well.

  “How do you find Rosings?” he questioned, engrossed in her closeness.

  “It has a pleasant prospect when one first takes in its beauty,” Elizabeth began. “Its many wings confuse me, however. Lady Catherine offered use of her library, but I must admit I found the billiard room instead. It is a bit amusing upon recollection.”

  Darcy caught the glint of a smile, and he joined in her ease. “I am sure if you were to return as a Rosings’s guest, the likelihood of making such a mistake would be greatly reduced.”The ambiguity of his words was not lost on Elizabeth. She glanced at Darcy briefly and shook her head. The movement of her bonnet caught his attention, and he partook of the flush of her cheeks and the thickness of her eyelashes.

  The walk was coming to an end, and they drifted into silence once more. Approaching the gate, he reached out with his free hand to loosen the latch; he hated to part her company and walked with her to the door of the Parsonage.“Thank you, Mr. Darcy,” her eyes rose to meet his.

  “It was my pleasure, Miss Elizabeth. Your presence made the walk more agreeable.” Before she could respond, he offered her a quick bow and strode away.Waiting until he was sure no one at the Parsonage could observe his reactions, Darcy finally gave himself permission to stop, lean against a tree, and replay the reflections of the last half hour.

  It was another beginning. Darcy would like to think this was another step in his winning Elizabeth’s regard when, in reality, most of his beginnings were faltering attempts.Accustomed to being the prey, not the pursuer, he knew what to do to sustain an interest once it began, but Darcy never met a woman such as Elizabeth Bennet and never initiated the relationship. Yet, he felt more hopeful; Bingley and especially his sisters thwarted his attempts at Netherfield; here at Rosings, his cousin fr
ustrated his designs. Darcy knew he needed privacy to secure Elizabeth’s affection; the solitary paths of Rosings permitted him the means and mode to win the lady’s heart.

  These were his thoughts as he sat in the high-backed chair in Rosings’s library. The library was one of the places at Rosings where Darcy knew he would not encounter interruptions; besides his reputation as a lover of books, Darcy knew the other occupants of the house had little use for the precious volumes. Like everything else at Rosings Park, the library provided a showplace where Lady Catherine could proclaim expertise in the written form, as she did recently about music. Edward’s military career left him little time for the improvement of his mind through pleasurable reading.

  The light tread of his cousin entering the sanctuary disturbed his solitary moment; Anne de Bourgh was the last person he expected to find in the library.“Anne!” he blurted out, as he rose to his feet to greet her.

  “Fitzwilliam,” she returned his astonishment.Then she curtsied as if to leave.

  Seeing her retreat from him so quickly, Darcy did the uncharacteristic thing, he gave “himself the trouble” of engaging his cousin. “Please join me, Anne.”

  “Fitzwilliam, I did not mean to disturb your solitude.”

  “You have no cause for censure, Anne,” he coaxed her toward a close chair and returned to his own seat.“It seems we see so little of each other.”

  Anne blushed briefly, but a sense of resolve permitted her the luxury of speaking openly to Darcy. “If I may speak candidly, Cousin,” she began; he nodded his assent, “I avoid your company because my mother would perceive her plans for our marital felicity as progressing.”

  “I see,” said Darcy slowly, unaccustomed to such honesty from his cousin.“I am ashamed I never realized you felt as such. Edward tried to counsel me as to your true feelings, but I fear I trusted him not.”