by Pinson, K.
Honestly, if every single thing changed about Daxton and he had to be taken care of for the rest of his life, I’d do it. I’d devote my life to taking care of him. I think, deep down, I’m preparing myself to do just that.
This was definitely one of the worst moments throughout Daxton’s hospital stay, but it certainly wasn’t the last.
Chapter 7:
An exciting moment gone astray
***Avalynn***
It’s been five months and twenty-six days since the accident. Daxton is doing much better since the scare and all of his tests have resumed back to what’s normal for him now. He’s still not awake, but the Doctors have high hopes that he will return to normal before no time. They have to continue shaving his head and draining the excess fluid; I figure that’s a small price to pay for his life, though.
I’ve returned to teaching and the everyday tasks of my boring life. I visit Daxton in the evenings, but I’m exhausted by the time I get up to the hospital and usually take a nap by his bedside. The nurses wake me when visiting hours are over and I head to Faith’s house to sleep. I wake up in the morning and repeat the same tasks as the previous day. My life has become one big routine. I gave up my apartment - I was really behind on rent after the accident and, truthfully, I could hardly stomach being there alone. I liked having the company of Faith and she didn’t mind us being there. I was so blessed when she came into my life that I know for sure. She steps in and takes care of Abby when I’m having a bad day. It’s extremely helpful considering I’m starting to learn how to function again. Daxton has had a few setbacks and scares, but at least he is still with us all. For that, I am thankful.
I go up to the hospital, no different than any other day. I start reading one of my favorite romance novels, trying to escape from the sadness that I feel on a daily basis. It works and I appreciate the short term journey from reality. I pull the chair close to Daxton’s bed, just like I usually do, and snuggle up to him as best as I can in it. I pull my knees to my chest and get comfortable. It doesn’t take long before I fall asleep with a content sigh. It’s been really hard for me to sleep at night by myself. I’m not sure how long I’m asleep, but I’ll never forget how I woke up.
I feel a small brushstroke of a thumb over my hand, quickly escalating to rough nudges. I try to open my eyes, but they feel so heavy, and I mumble for the thumb to stop in its relentless nudge to try and wake me. This is the best sleep I’ve gotten in a while. The torture does not stop, so I make work of opening my eyes. The harsh light forces me to squint. By the time I get them all the way open, I almost fall out of my chair at the sight before me.
Daxton, awake, his eyes open. He’s looking right at me and I can’t stop my irises from taking in his beautiful face. Tears immediately fill my eyes and forcefully begin to flow down my cheeks. I find words, but struggle to get my voice to work.
“You’re awake…oh my god…are you ok? Do you want me to call the nurse?” There is so much that I want to say, but I’m careful with my speech. I don’t want to overwhelm him upon first waking up. His face holds an unfamiliar expression that I have never witnessed before - one of confusion and discontentment. I can also see hints of pain. I grab his call button and press it, fumbling with it to keep my fingers steady. The nurses really need to come in and look him over. I can’t will myself to move from the room just yet, though. So the call button will have to suffice.
“Was I sleeping? Where am I?” Questions begin to come out, his voice hoarse and unrecognizable. I laugh, more of a nervous noise than anything else. It’s weird that I don’t know what to say. It’s just been so long. I’ve been waiting on pins and needles for this moment and nothing feels like the right thing to say.
“Yeah, something like that.” I respond briefly, “But you’re awake now…that’s all that matters. You’re in the hospital. There was an accident, but I think everything will be okay now. The nurses and doctors have been taking amazing care of you. Are you in pain?” I ask seriously. I’m sure he is. My body aches from oversleeping for a couple of hours; I cannot imagine lying in bed for months.
“It’s manageable… I’ll be okay,” he forces out. He studies my face with intense, scrutinizing eyes. I can’t help it; I throw myself around him and love the comfortable feel of his body melding with mine. I attempt to be gentle in my assault, but it’s been too long since I’ve felt the warmth of his body while he was present fully.
“I’m so glad you’re okay, Dax. I’ve been so worried. I love you so much!” I exclaim. I reach over to kiss him, but he turns his head away slowly and I get his cheek instead of mouth. I’m not sure how to react. I’m assuming that I must have hurt him when I leaned over.
“An accident…” he whispers to himself. I’m not sure if he even intended for me to hear it at all. I begin to speak again, but I’m quickly cut off by a rush of words strung together almost incoherently.
“I don’t know how well you know me or if you even know me at all and I’m really sorry if any of this hurts your feelings. The last thing I remember is getting wasted with my dudes and fighting with my girl. I'm sure you're probably real pissed off right now and I don't blame you. I probably lead you on - feel free to slap me. I’m not in the best place right now, been going through a rough patch, but this is a wakeup call for me; I’m ready to overcome this shit I‘m dealing with and move on. Life is too fucking short. I know that this isn't going to make anything better. I have no excuse for my actions, I just feel like you need to know the truth. If my girlfriend Krissi happens to come in here...we are both dead meat. You look far too sweet of a girl to stand on the opposing side of a Krissi beat down, trust me.”
***Daxton***
I hate to come off so blunt and harsh to a complete stranger, but this chick doesn't deserve any verbal lashings from the queen of mean herself. Not to mention that I feel oddly comfortable talking to her. In a different time or place, I’d definitely be into her. Krissi and I have been together so long now, that I can’t even imagine myself being with anyone else. I’ll totally take the blame if shit goes down. I’m sure it’s my fault we are in this mess in the first place. This girl looks like a real life angel and if she doesn’t leave soon, I might beg her to stay. She’s far too fucking beautiful for her own good. I secretly hope that some guy worth her time will make her feel like that every single day of her life. My head is telling me that it's more important to make things better with Krissi, we have been together for too many years now to throw it all away. My heart, however, is telling me a completely different story. My head begins to throb incessantly as these thoughts roll around inside.
The blonde angel doesn’t say a word, the hurt very evident behind her watery eyes. She begins to twist a beautiful pink ring around her finger. It matches her perfectly. I don’t think any other ring would look as good on her finger. Tears begin to rush down her face and I badly want to to wipe them away. She tries to hide her hurt by looking away, but I can just tell; somehow, I can just tell. She turns around quickly and rushes out of the room. My arm consequently whips back at the sudden movement. I didn't even realize that I was holding her hand. An immediate sense of dread washes over me and suddenly I would give almost anything to make it go away. My conscious is yelling that I've just made the biggest mistake of my life in letting her walk away, but I can’t for the life of me figure out why.
The nurses come rushing in to check me out shortly after her departure. The doctor comes in after the nurses leave to tell me about my injuries and how long I’ve been in a coma. He asks me simple questions like my name, date of birth, etc. He asks me what year it is and who I remember in my life. I tell him the best I can and he gives me a sad look. I can feel his pity thick in the air and I don’t like it. He explains that my short term memory is currently at a loss. That it is not in fact that year that I stated, but several years after. He doesn’t tell me anything about my personal life. I’m assuming he doesn’t really know shit about me. I can feel the rage boil inside of me; I’m p
issed off about this accident. I’m mad at myself for not being strong enough to remember. I feel empty, like I’m missing something important. I start to get overwhelmed and the doctor has to sedate me. I’m passed out cold within a few minutes. I welcome the dreams that come, full of beautiful blue eyes glimmering hope.
Chapter 8:
Memory Loss and Devastation
Avalynn’s POV
The emotions I’m feeling can’t even be described with simple everyday words. It’s more of a feeling that one can only ever know if they have experienced it themselves. He doesn't know who I am? Daxton doesn't know me? My fiancé doesn't recognize me? What in the actual fuck is going on and who is Krissi? The questions swirl around aimlessly in my mind. A tension headache hits me in waves and I feel my knees give out, the impact with the cold hard tile of the hospital floor making me cry out in pain. Everything feels cold to me in this place and I want to run away, but I won’t, no matter what. Daxton needs me and I need him. I can only hope that his memory will return soon because I’m slowly dying, bit by bit.
I can hear my name, but I can’t see a face - I can’t focus on anything. The headache is searing. My vision is blurred by the tears pouring shamelessly from my cool blue eyes.
“What happened, Ava?” the voices questioned and I didn’t know how to answer them. My tongue was tied into a million knots, much like my stomach. I finally managed to get out words, broken and hardly recognizable, but words none the less.
“Memory...no...Me…fiancé...Krissi?” and, with that, someone’s arms wrapped firmly around me.
“We’ll figure out what’s going on, Ava. Don’t worry. Gram went to go get the doctor.”
This was Gabe, my fiancé’s brother’s voice, at least I knew that. I wasn’t dreaming after all, as much as I wished that to be true. Daxton really doesn’t know me, my Daxton. Gabe let me pour everything I was feeling out and comforted me with no complaints. I feel completely broken and Daxton is the only one that can put me together again. What will I do if he can’t?
I never thought that I’d turn in to the type of girl that would rely on a man to make her feel whole, but I am that girl now and I wouldn’t take it back if I could. I tried to push him away. I tried so hard that it nearly broke me in half, but I’m glad I didn’t succeed. I wasn’t whole until him. Now Daxton has the entirety of my heart.
My tears have finally stopped and I begin to pull myself together, standing shakily and grabbing Gabe for extra support. My knees are throbbing from where they had gracefully collided with the floor. But honestly, it doesn’t hold a candle to the other pain I’m currently feeling - it’s mainly just a nuisance.
Gabe leads me to a small room, just outside the double doors that lead to the emergency room. He makes a pot of coffee and brings me a steaming cup which I force down my throat, relishing the burn. I’ve never been a huge coffee drinker, but my tastes buds welcome the bitter taste on my tongue. Twenty agonizingly long minutes pass by with Gabe and me sitting in total silence before Gram enters the room. Her frail voice shatters the awkward silence and time no longer stands still.
“Daxton is up, Gabe. Go on in and see him while I talk to Ava.” Gabe gives my hand a small squeeze and heads out the door with haste.
“Ava, what I’m about to tell you is probably going to be painful for you to hear. The only thing I can say to make it any better is that we need to be thankful he is even alive at all. He shouldn’t have made it through this. He was hit with such impact by that car, not to mention all of the complications he’s had since. We are still not completely in the clear according to the doctor, but it is a positive change. He is awake and that is a definite plus. We will get over this hurdle, Ava. This is just another bump in the road, that’s all.” I want to tell her not to make promises that she can’t keep, but I bite my tongue. I know that she is hurting just as bad as I am and I need to not be selfish or push away the only people that care about Abby and I. It would not be a smart move on my behalf if I started to turn into someone I’m not. Especially not out of fear and anger.
“Go on...” I calmly whisper.
Gram doesn’t even hesitate. She rarely does. The woman is blunt which is a huge part of her appeal.
“The doctor told me that Dax is healing at a remarkable pace. His head is healing great from the surgery. He will not sustain any permanent, lifelong injuries that will prevent him from doing the things he loves. Daxton is awake and chatting up a storm, just like his normal self.” She gives me a small laugh, followed by a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes.
“The only thing that they’re concerned about now is his memory loss.” The mention of that phrase causes my heart rate to increase. I grip the arm rests of the cold, plastic chair I’m sitting in so hard that my knuckles turn a ghostly white. I remain silent and urge her to continue with a slight nod of my head. That’s the best that I can do right now. Grin and bear it.
“He remembers who I am and who he is and, frankly, pretty much everything about his life up until his Dad passed away. Well, his father’s death is fresh in his mind - he actually cried while I was in the room. The doctor thinks that it will only be temporary short term loss, but there is no way for us to know that for sure. Daxton will be in the hospital for a couple more weeks for physical therapy and some other tests. The doctor wants us to keep it very simple with Daxton and not to push him too hard. He wants Daxton’s memory to come back on its own.” My heart felt like it was going to burst and not in a good way. Gram wrapped her arm around my shoulder and pulled me tightly to her petite frame.
"He'll remember, Ava. I have faith in your love being strong enough to force the cloud hovering over away. He loves you and Abby more than anything in the world. I know this process is not going to be easy, especially for you, but it’s important we do this and follow the doctor's orders. I can't chance pushing him too hard and losing him for good. I know that you don't want that, either."
The numbness descends over me yet again. I decide that I need to be strong and I roll my shoulders back, sitting up straighter in my chair.
"Okay. So what do I do Gram?" I ask her. I can tell by the look on her face that she is just as lost as I am.
"Love him, Ava and please...please wait for him. I know it is selfish of me to ask and I'm praying that it doesn't take very long. Regardless, I love you and Abby like my own blood and I always will, no matter what happens. I can't envision my Daxton with anyone else."
Bile rises up and burns the back of my throat before I force it down. The thought of him with anyone else makes me sick to my stomach.
"Who is Krissi, Gram? Daxton mentioned his ‘girlfriend’ Krissi." Relief fills me as the question tumbles out. All of my current unanswered questions are threatening to strangle the life from me; I need some answers.
Gram gulps hard and I can sense her apprehension.
"I really don't want to be the one to tell you this. I figured Daxton would have already shared his past with you at some point. Krissi is Daxton's ex, my dear. His ex-fiancé'."
Her words steal my breath and the relief I had felt was now gone.
I walk away, I walk down the hallway and find a corner to sit down in and collect myself. I don’t want to make Gram worry any more than she already is. I want everyone to focus their attention on Daxton. I ball my knees up into my chest and dig my hands into my legs. My fingernails are digging deep into my skin, probably breaking the skin, but I don’t even register the pain. All I can think about is the possibility of Daxton not being able to ever remember who I am; forgetting all about us and the life we are supposed to have. I may be naïve in many aspects, but not when it comes to him and me. We are soul mates and there is no doubt in my mind about that.
My mind quickly goes to thoughts of Abby and not knowing how to explain to her what’s going on - especially when we are dealing with her injuries as well as the emotional trauma of my Mother coming back. I have not heard a thing from my Mother since that day and I hope that I don’t because
honestly I can’t face her right now. I don’t want her around and I wish that things could just return to normal. I am glad that Abby didn’t see her and isn’t asking who was at the door that day. I hope that she doesn’t, but I know the time will eventually come. I’d like to just block that entire day from my memory. I’m tired of being the punch line of a bad joke; the blonde running away from the murderer in the horror movie and she never quite gets away. She trips and falls, crashes her car into trees, and runs up the stairs instead of out the front door. I’m tired of it all. If I could just run away and hide, I’d do it in a heartbeat but I know I can’t. I’ve never been able to just give up that way. I have a responsibility to Abby. I have a responsibility to stay as sane as possible and care for her - she doesn’t deserve a piece of shit Mother. I won’t let my mother take her away from me either. This little girl is mine - I fought for her. I’ve been making it work to the best of my ability since day one and I’ll be damned if someone is going to swoop in and ruin all the progress I’ve made. My Mother would really have to prove to me that she’s fit. Until then, I’m going to continue to fight; fight to make this world the best for Abby, fight to live.