The Merchant's Love

by Antonia Aquilante

  “Yes.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Maxen woke to sunlight shining in his eyes. Had he forgotten to close the curtains? The thought was a little slow and fuzzy, and followed by one telling him to close them and go back to sleep. He stretched out a hand, whacking it into something that shouldn’t have been there.

  Except he wasn’t in his bedchamber.

  Maxen scrambled to sit up, tangling himself in the blankets, and looked around, the surprise of it bringing him to alertness as little else could. He’d fallen asleep with Faelen half draped over him, his soft curls wild on the pillow, but Faelen was nowhere to be seen. There was a cup and a small silver chocolate pot on the nightstand, though. The thoughtfulness of it flooded him with warm sweetness, enough to almost sweep away the twinges of discomfort at waking up in the royal palace.

  Dinner the night before had been a casual family meal, or what passed for one among the royal family. Laughter and conversation had spilled over each other around the table, everyone obviously comfortable and happy to be together—so different from the awkward silences that often plagued his family meals. But he couldn’t quite forget where he was and that the prince was sitting among them. Prince Philip had been the least formal Maxen had ever seen him but just that little bit removed from everyone else. He’d done what he could to put Maxen at ease, though. All in all, it had been a good evening.

  The sound of the door opening quietly drew his attention outward again. He smoothed his frown away when Faelen entered, wearing a velvet dressing gown in a rich shade of plum and worn slippers on his feet.

  Faelen smiled. “Good morning. I’m not sure how awake you are yet.”

  “More than usual,” Maxen mumbled.

  Faelen’s smile widened and grew a bit softer around the edges too. He came to the side of the bed and poured Maxen a cup of thick, rich chocolate. “Take your time. It’s just us. Alexander is still in bed and likely to sleep for a while longer. I’ll be out in the sitting room reading.”

  He kissed Maxen’s cheek lightly and disappeared from the room again, footfalls silent on the thick rugs laid over the floor, leaving Maxen blinking. Perhaps he was still groggier than he’d thought. Best to be more alert before encountering anyone else. With that in mind, he leaned back against the pillows with his chocolate and let his mind drift.

  After two cups of chocolate and an indeterminate amount of time, he felt mostly ready to handle whatever was outside the door. He found his clothes neatly folded on a chair, which he had definitely not done last night. After washing up in the bathing room, he quickly dressed in just his shirt and pants. There was no excuse for not going out, but did he really want one? He wanted the time with Faelen. Surely it wouldn’t matter if someone else was there too?

  Luck was with him, though; Faelen was alone when Maxen left the bedchamber. Faelen was on the couch, feet tucked up under him, and a book in his hands. A fire crackled in the hearth. It was a homey, cozy scene, and Maxen wasn’t sure if he was intruding just by witnessing it. Then Faelen looked up and smiled, sweet and radiant, his whole face lighting up with a quiet happiness.

  “Good morning again. You seem a little more awake.”

  “I am. Thanks for being patient with me.”

  “Always.” Faelen lifted his face for a kiss, which Maxen happily gave him. “Anything I can do to help and make you feel more comfortable. I know you’d do the same for me.”

  “Still. Thank you.”

  Faelen ducked his head. “I sent for breakfast. It arrived a few moments ago. We can eat, but I thought maybe you’d like your present first?”

  “Who would ever turn down a gift?” Maxen joked, returning Faelen’s words from last night. He sat beside Faelen and accepted the package. It was bigger and heavier than what he’d given Faelen. And, somehow, in his sitting room, in the palace, he was almost uncomfortable accepting it.

  He untied the ribbon and removed the wrapping, set both aside, and lifted the lid on the box. Inside was a beautiful leather-bound journal and what proved to be a travel set of pens and ink, all exquisitely crafted with intricately detailed decoration.

  “I thought you might like to take something with you when you begin your travels, so you can record all your adventures. You should have a way of setting them all down, so you can remember them always. And use the pen and ink to write to everyone back here about them too.”

  Maxen looked up at Faelen’s explanation. He tried to read his expression, but Faelen was far too good at schooling his features. Maxen had thought that perhaps he’d been getting better at reading him, but maybe Faelen had just been letting him in. All he could see was a slight questioning, a hope perhaps that Maxen would like the gift. He liked the idea of it, but he felt a strange…sadness? No, that wasn’t quite right. But it was something besides pleasure at Faelen’s thoughtfulness.

  “These are beautiful. I’m sure I can put them to good use.” He leaned close and kissed Faelen, a soft, sweet press of lips that he could easily have sunk into. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” Faelen’s smile was tender, and perhaps a bit sad around the edges, but Maxen might have been imagining that, since it seemed to disappear almost immediately. “Breakfast?”

  “Yes, please.”

  Faelen stood and held a hand out to Maxen to give him a tug up from the couch and led him to a table near the window. Faelen was wearing the combs again. A warm, velvet dressing gown, old slippers, and messy hair held up by fancy new combs…there were so many facets to this beautiful man, so many things Maxen had yet to discover.

  Faelen sat and then looked up at Maxen, smiling but faintly quizzical. “Don’t you want to have breakfast?”

  “Oh, yes.” Maxen certainly wasn’t going to tell Faelen that he was trying to puzzle out everything about him; he didn’t think Faelen would take that very well. He took the chair beside Faelen. There was another place set, but it seemed they weren’t waiting for Alexander.

  “You could have slept longer.” Faelen poured them both chocolate.

  “So could you.”

  Faelen shrugged, a fluid motion under the velvet. Was the dressing gown all that he wore? “I haven’t been awake very long. I couldn’t fall back to sleep, and I didn’t want to wake you. So I got up to read.”

  “You wouldn’t have bothered me.” Maxen had little experience sharing a bed with anyone, other than falling asleep beside a friend or sibling. Wanting his lover next to him, being disappointed to discover Faelen wasn’t, was something new.

  Faelen smiled at him, almost shyly, but he didn’t get a chance to say anything before a door opened across the room. Alexander entered, also wearing a dressing gown, this one of green silk, with his hair pulled back in a tail. His stride hitched when his gaze landed on Maxen, but he kept walking until he dropped into the other chair at the table. “Good morning.”

  “Good morning,” Faelen said. “I didn’t expect you awake yet. Did you sleep well? Once you got to sleep, I mean.”

  “Fine, fine.” Alexander poured himself some chocolate and sipped it. “And you?”

  “Very well.”

  Alexander got an odd look in his eye and glanced at Maxen. Perhaps this was veering too close to what they’d done in Faelen’s bed before they’d gone to sleep.

  Maxen turned his attention to the food in the center of the table, serving himself as Faelen and Alexander exchanged idle chatter while they too filled their plates. It wasn’t so different from some breakfasts he’d shared with Tristan despite the difference in surroundings. If he’d felt out of place with Faelen’s family, it wasn’t because of anything they’d done—they’d gone out of their way to make him welcome. Perhaps he could learn to be comfortable among them. Maxen supposed he’d have to if he planned to remain with Faelen.

  He didn’t want to give Faelen up.

  But did Faelen want to end what was between them? Or did he assume it would end soon? He’d given Maxen something specifically to use when he traveled—and assum
ed travel would take him from Faelen.

  “Maxen?”

  “Hmm? Sorry. Woolgathering.” He smiled at Faelen and ignored Alexander’s slight frown.

  Faelen’s returned smile was gentle. “It’s all right. I was asking if you could stay a while, or if you need to get back.”

  “Unfortunately, I have to get back. I have to go by the office for a while.” And perhaps a little time away to think might be good.

  “Too bad.”

  “Can I see you tonight?” Still, he couldn’t refuse an opportunity to see Faelen.

  “I’d like that.” Faelen leaned over and gave him a brief kiss, not hesitating to show affection in front of his twin, though his cheeks had a faint flush to them when he pulled away. “I’ll go get dressed, so I can walk you out when you’re ready to leave.”

  “Chasing me out?”

  “Never. Drink more chocolate and finish your breakfast. Linger over it, even.” Faelen smiled as he stood, a smile that might have been too suggestive for the breakfast table when they weren’t alone, but Maxen wasn’t going to complain, especially not when Faelen rested a hand briefly on his shoulder as he passed him to walk back to the bedchamber. The door closed behind him.

  Leaving Maxen alone with Alexander. Who didn’t look as if he’d be tempering his words that morning.

  Alexander stared at him, his eyes—the same shade as Faelen’s—penetrating and harder than Faelen’s had ever been with him.

  Maxen straightened in his seat, just a little, and forced himself to casually pour more chocolate. He sipped it as if he weren’t being stared down by his lover’s twin brother. He’d prefer to wait Alexander out, to match him stare for stare, but he couldn’t draw this out too long. “Say what you need to say before Faelen comes back. I assume you don’t want him to hear or you’d have said something before.”

  “He shouldn’t have to hear this.”

  “I don’t know if I agree, but go ahead.”

  Alexander frowned. “I don’t need your permission to speak.”

  And Maxen didn’t have to listen to anything Alexander said, but he would because he knew what it was to care about a sibling. He stayed quiet and waited.

  Finally Alexander spoke. “Faelen is too kind for his own good sometimes, and he’s more innocent than I am. He’d never even looked at anyone this way before you.”

  “And?”

  “And I refuse to let you take advantage of that and him. If you hurt him, you won’t like what happens to you.” Alexander’s glare grew harder. “Don’t underestimate me. I know people do, but you shouldn’t, not in this.”

  “And you shouldn’t underestimate Faelen. He doesn’t need you doing this, and I don’t think he’d be very happy if he knew you had.”

  “Maybe he wouldn’t.” Alexander shrugged. “But it falls to me to look after him. He…cares about you. Very much. You have the power to hurt him, and I won’t stand for it happening.”

  “People hurt each other, Alexander. Even people who care about each other. You know that. They don’t mean to or want to most of the time, but it happens. Then they have to deal with it. Fix things if they can and want to.” As he and Faelen were doing already because it was important enough to try.

  “And when you leave? When you go off to travel the world? What will that do to Faelen?” Alexander’s words shot out, sharp and pointed, and each one found its mark on Maxen.

  Before he could find an answer, though, Faelen spoke. “What will what do to me?”

  Maxen turned. Faelen stood in the open doorway to his bedchamber, his clothing unusually simple for him. He stared hard at Alexander.

  “When he leaves, Faelen. You said he wants to travel, to leave Jumelle behind and see the world. What will it do to you when he goes?” Alexander’s voice had turned gentle, coaxing almost, as he talked to his twin. “It would hurt you.”

  “So instead you decide to hurt me now?” Faelen’s words lashed out, and Maxen was pathetically grateful they weren’t directed at him.

  “No! Of course not. I don’t want you hurt at all.”

  “Well, you have a funny way of showing it.” Faelen transferred his attention to Maxen. “I’m sure you need to get back. Let me walk you out before I finish this discussion with Alexander.”

  “I can stay,” Maxen offered tentatively. Normally, he wouldn’t want to get in the middle of an argument between brothers, but he hated to leave Faelen with no support. And Alexander’s accusations had him unsettled in a way he didn’t like.

  Faelen’s glare melted away as he looked at Maxen, his whole demeanor softening. “No, but thank you.”

  His first impulse was to argue, but he’d have to trust that Faelen knew what he needed. Maxen rose and went to gather his things before pulling on his coat and joining Faelen where he waited at the door.

  Faelen sent a look Alexander’s way. “I’ll be back shortly. You’ll be here.”

  “Of course,” Alexander said.

  Faelen said nothing as he walked at Maxen’s side through the corridors. An awkward silence stretched between them, leaving Maxen groping for what to say or do. He wanted to take Faelen’s hand, but he hesitated, unsure if Faelen would want him to, or how he felt toward him at the moment.

  The gift Faelen had given him was unaccountably heavy in his hand.

  A few moments later, Faelen stopped. “This door is just across the courtyard from the stables.”

  “Thank you for showing me the way.”

  “I wanted a few moments with you before you left.”

  Maxen smiled. “I’m glad. Though I almost wish we’d stayed in bed.”

  Faelen laughed a little. “Me too. But I suppose the conversation I’m about to have is overdue.”

  “I hate that you have to argue with your brother.” He lifted a hand to Faelen’s cheek and swept his thumb lightly over Faelen’s cheekbone.

  Faelen leaned into the touch. “It’s all right.”

  “Will I still see you later?”

  “Yes, I’d like that very much. I’ll come to you?”

  “Please.” He bent his head and drew Faelen into a kiss. He kept it gentle and sweet, even though he longed to pull Faelen close and devour.

  Despite his forced restraint, they were both breathing hard when they broke apart. Faelen smiled, and Maxen returned it, grateful for this much at least.

  “Don’t come outside. You didn’t bring a coat.”

  “All right.” Faelen held Maxen for a moment, snuggling into his embrace. Then he backed away. “I’ll see you later.”

  “Yes, later.” He opened the door and flinched as the chill hit. He tried to close it quickly, but Faelen caught it, and Maxen could feel his gaze as Faelen stood there watching until he ducked into the stable.

  He asked for his horse to be prepared and stood thinking about what had happened that morning while he waited. He had enough to consider just thinking about the gift and the look in Faelen’s eyes when he’d given it to him. Now, he was turning Alexander’s words over and over in his mind and beginning to second-guess everything he’d once planned. Or perhaps he’d been doing that before Alexander had taken him to task. All he knew was that he was confused and unsure what came next.

  The stable hand brought his horse quickly, and he mounted up, turning for the gate that led back into the city. Perhaps he would send a note to Valentin, ask him to come over later or tomorrow. Maxen was so mixed up, and his friend might be able to help him organize all these thoughts and feelings. Sort through them and make sense of them. Then he could make some decisions.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  “What do you think you’re doing?” Faelen asked as soon as he strode back into the sitting room. Maxen’s kiss had distracted him for a few moments, but his anger had bubbled up again. Faelen couldn’t excuse Alexander today.

  “I told you. I’m trying to keep you from getting hurt.” Alexander rose and faced Faelen.

  “That isn’t for you to do.”

  “Who else, the
n?” Alexander put his hands on his hips.

  “Me. I’m the one who might get hurt. Me, not you.” Faelen shook his head sharply, cutting off whatever Alexander might have said next. “No. I’m not feebleminded or weak or pathetic because I haven’t taken a lover before now. There isn’t anything wrong with me, and I don’t need you to stand between me and the world.”

  “I’m not trying to do that, Faelen. I’m not,” Alexander repeated, louder, likely seeing skepticism on Faelen’s face. “But I do worry. He wants to leave—you told me that. He wants to travel the world and see everything, and you want to build yourself a home and a life here. You want two different things. What will you do when he leaves?”

  “I don’t see how that’s any of your concern.” He let the words lash out, let the anger drown out thoughts of Maxen leaving.

  “It’s my concern because I’m your brother and I love you. Now, listen to me.” Alexander clenched his fists. “At some point, he’ll go, and have you thought about what you’ll do? What he’ll do? Will you stay here and pine for him? Will he leave you behind and you’ll be here shattered, trying to pick up the pieces?”

  “Alexander—”

  “You love him, and it’s going to kill you when he goes. You know it, but you haven’t faced it yet. You’re too happy now with him, drifting on this first blush of love, not to mention lust, which you’re not used to—”

  “Don’t you dare speak to me about that,” he snapped.

  “Fine. But you aren’t thinking clearly about the future, about where your relationship is going.”

  “And you would be expert there?”

  Hurt flashed across Alexander’s face. “Don’t bring me into this. Just because I haven’t been in love doesn’t mean I don’t understand the issues here.”

  Faelen regretted his words even through his irritation—irritation and a tilting sense of the world going off-balance because this wasn’t right. They shouldn’t be fighting this way. He should always be able to turn to Alexander, to talk and feel better. Not to yell and feel more alone than he ever had.