Myself (Selfish Series, #2)

by Shantel Tessier

  “Just wait till we get down there,” I say with a smile, looking down over the glowing city and water. We’re almost there ... “There’s nothing like it,” I say, and then we’re landing.

  Thirty minutes later, we’re waiting for our luggage at the baggage claim when I turn around to see my brother walk in through the revolving glass doors. I can see his SUV parked curbside through the glass and his driver standing by it.

  “Welcome home, B,” he says before wrapping his arms around me. I close mine tightly as I hug him back. God, I’ve missed him so much. The best part about being back in New York is getting to be close to him again.

  He gives me a kiss on the cheek and then lets me go. He walks on to greet Ashlyn, and I smile as he pulls her in for a long kiss. I look away as I hear her moan. Too personal for me.

  “Hello, Becca.”

  I spin around to see Jaycent standing a few feet from me. His hands are in the pockets of his dark gray dress slacks, and my knees weaken. I used to remember loving this look on him. The man looks good in anything, but when he’s dressed up, my mouth waters. “Jaycent,” I say in surprise. “I didn’t know you were coming,” I say stupidly.

  He takes a step toward me. “Was it wrong of me to come and see you?”

  To see me? He wanted to see me? My breathing picks up as he looks down at me. His light brown eyes search mine before they drop and trace my lips. “No,” I whisper, feeling my body break out in goose bumps.

  I haven’t spoken to him since Panama. Not one text or call. I didn’t know what to say to him. I cried like a little bitch for Conner, and part of me was embarrassed by how I reacted. But I have thought about Jaycent nonstop. I’ve been wondering when I was going to see him next. And now, here he is. Looking at me like he feels the same way.

  He looks away from me and at Ryder and Ashlyn behind me. I can hear them talking over the others around us, so I know they’re not paying attention to us. I wish he’d kiss me like my brother did her. Pick me up in his arms and take my breath away.

  “How are you doing?” he asks softly.

  I look at the ground, once again embarrassed. “Good,” I answer as I look back up and around the packed JFK. Afraid to meet his eyes.

  “Good,” he replies, and my eyes find his again.

  We stand there for an awkward second, and I hold my breath. Finally, his eyes drop to my luggage down by my feet, and without a word, he leans down and picks them up. I let out a long breath and watch him walk out of the airport with my bags in tow.

  Jaycent and I sit in the front row silently while Ashlyn and my brother sit behind us. The guys make small talk as Ashlyn tunes them out, and I sit back and wonder about me and Jaycent. Does he miss me? Is he excited that I’m back? Him coming to the airport has to mean something, right? Something seems off, though. He seemed distant in a way. Like maybe he had started second-guessing his decision to come to the airport. In Panama, he looked genuinely excited to see me. He had hugged me, and now, it’s like he’s afraid of me.

  We make our way to the place I’m going to call home for who knows how long. I’ve been here before. Ryder lives here. My father has owned the building for quite some time.

  I hate it. It reminds me of a prison. I know; I’ve never been in prison, and everyone in Manhattan would kill to live here at the Q’s, but not me. I want a house I can drive up to. I want a yard where my kids can someday play. I want a dog and trees and a garden where I can spend my weekends. I don’t want to be high up in a metal box. But my father bought it for me, so I had no choice.

  We make our way into the apartment, and I turn to see a look of pure terror on Ashlyn’s face. “Something wrong?” I ask her.

  “Yes.” She nods slowly, and I know what it is. I lied to her. I didn’t tell her where we’d be living or ever show her pics. She figured it would be nice, but this? She would have never imagined this. I should be sorry, but I’m not. I need her now more than ever. And if I had told her the truth, then she would have run.

  “Which room is yours?” Jaycent asks, adjusting my LV bag over his shoulder.

  “Down the hallway to the right.”

  He heads toward the hallway, and I follow him, leaving Ryder and Ashlyn talking in the entryway. We enter my room, and I close the door behind me, pressing my back against it.

  Letting my eyes fall shut, I let out a long breath. When I open them, Jaycent is standing in front of me, looking down at me. His light brown eyes searching my face. “Are you mad at me?” I ask softly.

  His brows pull together. “Why would you ask that?”

  I lick my lips nervously. “You’re being ... not like you were in Panama.”

  He reaches out, placing his hand on my face, and my heart picks up. He takes a step closer, pushing his body into mine. His hard chest presses against mine, and his legs pin mine to the door. All the breath in my lungs leaves in a rush. “How did I act in Panama?” he asks.

  “Like ... you were happy to see me,” I answer breathlessly.

  He smiles down at me. The smile I remember seeing so many times before. It was the thing I liked about him the most. He had this smile that would make me wet and my skin tingle. “I was happy to see you.”

  “But you’re not now?” I ask, trying to ignore the feeling in my stomach. The one that he was always able to stir with just a look.

  JAYCENT

  A week she has been on my mind. A week I have had to wonder what ended up happening between her and Conner. I would ask Ryder a question here and there, but I had to make sure I didn’t come off too nosy.

  I knew he had moved out by the time she got back to Seattle, and I was thankful he took my warning seriously. I’d hate to have to chase his ass down.

  “I am,” I tell her as I look into her green eyes. I hate how much she has been lied to. How much she has been taken advantage of. If she knew, it would crush her. Becca is a good-hearted person and cares for others. She doesn’t understand why others don’t feel the same as she does.

  “You don’t look like it,” she argues.

  I smile. “Will this help?” I lean down and press my lips to hers, needing them on mine. But unlike four years ago, she doesn’t kiss me back.

  Her hand comes up to my chest. “Jaycent ...”

  I pull away and sigh. “I’m sorry.” Placing my forehead against hers, I close my eyes and my heart pounds in my chest. “Ever since I saw you in Panama ... I’ve wanted ...” I pause and take a deep breath. My cock is now hard, and my lips taste of hers. Like the sweetest tasting peach there is. I groan in frustration.

  “You’ve what?” she asks softly.

  I pull away and look down at her. I run the pad of my thumb over her bottom lip, and it quivers. “I’ve wanted to kiss you.” God, how I’ve wanted that for so long now.

  Her eyes grow heavy, and her body shivers against mine. “Kiss me again,” she says, wrapping her arms around my waist.

  I cup her face and press my lips to hers once again. Her lips part for me and her tongue meets mine. It’s a soft kiss. Just her lips on mine. Gentle yet earth-shattering all at once. She tilts her head to the side, and her fingers dig into my back. I open my mouth as her tongue touches mine. She moans into my mouth, and my hands slide from her face to her hair. I grip it tightly as my kiss grows heated and needy. My cock hardens, and that feeling I had four years ago comes over me—pure need.

  She pulls away quickly and untucks my button up from my slacks. “Becca...” I say, pulling her away from her shaking off my suit jacket. My hands are back in her hair, and I shove her into the door once more. My cock aches for her, and my heart races as if I just ran a marathon.

  “Jayce ...” She breathes my name like the wind through the trees. And just like those trees, I bend to her will. I’ve belonged to her for four years; this is what we both want. “Oh, Jayce, I need you,” she says as her hands grow frantic. They undo my belt, and she rips it from the loops before tossing it to the floor by my jacket. The sound of my zipper sliding down make
s me groan. Fuck, I’m so hard for her.

  She grabs my face and pulls my lips back to hers. I grab her wrists and pin them against her bedroom door. Our lips pull apart at the rattling sound her door makes.

  We breathe heavily as we stare at one another. When we don’t hear Ashlyn or Ryder yelling for us, I lean back down to kiss her again, but she yanks her hands from my hold and pushes me away.

  She grabs my hand and pulls me into her adjoining bathroom. “Start the shower,” she orders.

  “What?” I ask, watching her remove her shirt. I look at her tits in her nude colored bra, and I lick my lips. I can’t wait to have them back in my mouth ...

  “Just do it,” she orders.

  I open the glass shower door and turn the water on. “Are we taking a shower?” I ask, turning back to face her. She’s removed her bra, and her shorts are on the ground. A pair of baby pink underwear covers her pussy from me, and I’ve never hated clothing more than I do at this moment.

  She takes a step toward me and shakes her head. “Do you want them to hear us?” she asks.

  “No,” I say softly as my eyes sweep over her perky tits. Her nipples are already hard and begging to be touched. “But I ...” So many memories flood my mind of her and me in the back seat of my car. Can we do this again?

  “I want more than a kiss,” she states. “Is a kiss enough for you?”

  “No, but I think we need to take it slow,” I say, not knowing where she is at right now. Is this because of Conner leaving? Or is this because she truly wants me?

  “Are you seeing someone?” she asks as her eyes widen that that may be a possibility.

  “No,” I say quickly, shaking my head.

  The corners of her perfect lips lift as she smiles up at me. “Then why would we take it slow? We’ve had sex before, Jaycent.”

  “Yes. And look how that turned out.” The next day, she told me to leave her alone. And even though it was hard, I did.

  “And just what was that?”

  I narrow my eyes on her. Why are we even talking? I should shove her into the wall, rip these panties off, and spread her legs. But this is Becca standing in front of me. She’s not some one-night stand. This is the woman who I love. The one who got away. “You called it a mistake,” I remind her.

  “I cheated on Conner,” she snaps.

  I grind my teeth together. I wish I could tell her the truth, what he did to her, but it’s saving her a lot of heartache. And it will bring a lot of questions I can’t answer. “So what?” I growl.

  She gasps, and her chest moves at the intake of breath. She throws me a look of hatred before she goes to walk past me. I reach out and grab her, pushing her up against the wall. No longer able to take it, my lips are on hers in an instant, and her hands go to my hair.

  I hike up her right leg over my hip, and my hand slides down the front of her underwear. I cup her shaved pussy as I nibble on her lip before she pulls away, knocking her head into the wall as I slide a finger into her. She’s so wet. So fucking wet. Just like she was before.

  “Jayce, fuck ... Jayce.” She pants.

  My lips go to her neck, and her hands go to my hips to pull me to her. I pull my finger out and replace it with two this time. She gasps as she grinds against my hand.

  “Fuck, baby ...”

  A bang comes on her bedroom door, and we both pause. Neither one of us moves; we don’t even breathe.

  The bang comes again. “Jaycent, let’s go,” Ryder hollers. “Becca, why is your door locked?”

  She pushes me away so fast that I stumble backward. She hurriedly gets dressed and runs out of her bathroom. I turn off the water to her shower and tuck my shirt back in. As I enter her bedroom, she throws my belt at me along with my jacket. She smooths her hair down and makes sure her clothes are on correctly while I replace my belt and shrug on my jacket.

  Then she swings the door open. “Sorry,” she says cheerfully. “I must have pressed the lock in when I shut it.” She giggles.

  I stand, breathing heavy and eyes wide at my friend as he looks down at her as if he fucking believes that. He walks in and picks her up swinging her around. “I’m so glad to have you home, sis,” he says.

  I take a moment to let out a nervous breath and try to talk down my hard-on. It doesn’t help. The fact that I know her pussy is wet has my cock twitching.

  He then looks at me. “You ready?” I nod once. “We have to be there in fifteen,” he reminds me.

  “Where are you guys going?” she asks. “It’s late.”

  “We are having drinks tonight with some friends from high school.”

  She looks over at me, and if she’s hurt that we didn’t invite them, she doesn’t show it. We didn’t figure they’d want to go after spending most of their day traveling. It was pretty much given that they’d be exhausted.

  I look over at her king-size bed in the middle of the room, and all of a sudden, I don’t wanna go. I’d much rather be here, in bed, with her. But instead, I say, “I’m ready,” and walk out without another word.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  BECCA

  I fall onto my bed, my heart racing and my hands shaking. That was close. How I was able to keep it together without Ryder noticing is beyond me. I don’t know what happened or what he was thinking, but I’m not gonna question it. A part of me, the part that has always wanted Jaycent, needed him once again. When he kissed me, I froze like a deer in headlights. I wasn’t expecting it because we’re so hot and cold with one another. But then I felt a rush of need for him. All of him. I was never that way with Conner. But with Jaycent, I’ve always felt this pull to him.

  I roll over onto my stomach and let out a scream of frustration into my bed. Now, I’m wet and unsatisfied. Rolling back onto my back, I close my eyes and listen to the silence.

  I sit up and open my eyes, frowning. It is awfully quiet. I figured Ashlyn would run in here and demand an answer as to why she didn’t know this is where we would be living. I get out of bed and make my way down to her room, but as I come up to her door, I hear her talking to her mother on her phone, so I back away and go back to my room.

  I lean my back against my door like I did earlier and look over my room. I hate it. It looks like sunflowers threw up in here. My mom decorated the apartment for me, and she chose yellow for my room. I hate yellow!

  The king-size bed draped in yellow sheets and duvet sets back against a wall of windows overlooking Manhattan. A white dresser matching the bed sits in the far right corner. The bed sits high off the ground with two rows of drawers under it as well.

  I spot my luggage tossed on the dark hardwood floor and fall in front of it. I open it up and start to take things out of it to try to take my mind off Jaycent. The desire to text him is strong, but I don’t wanna bother him. He’s out with my brother, and I don’t want him to accidentally see me texting him. Because what I really want to say is hey, come over after you’re done at the bar and finish what you started. Yeah, that wouldn’t go over well if Ry saw it.

  **

  The following morning went as well as I had expected—Ashlyn was mad at me. I was in the kitchen when she came in wanting to know why I didn’t tell her about the expensive apartment, and I had to reveal to her that people treat me different when they find out just how much money my parents have. I never thought she would, but the fact is still true. And I knew she wouldn’t be able to afford a place like this, but that wasn’t going to keep me from letting her live here with me. When I told my father I would only move in if she could live with me, he didn’t hesitate. My mother, on the other hand, didn’t like it. But there’s not much about my life that she does like. She thought it was time for me and Conner to start a life together. I’m so glad I don’t listen to her.

  After Ashlyn had got ready, she left for her job interview, and now, I sit here on the couch. Staring out the windows of our apartment and looking over Manhattan, I wonder what I’m going to do today. I had a busy life in Seattle. I had a full-time job, and
I went to school full time. I was constantly going to Seattle, but now, my life is at a stand-still. I don’t like it. I could call up old friends, but I didn’t have many of those when I lived here before. The ones I used to have, I still follow on social media. They have either moved away, now have five children that their nannies raise, or are already divorced and partying their life away. I just don’t want to get involved in that kind of stuff. High school was full of drama, and I see their adult life as pretty much the same.

  I look down at my phone as I hear it ring. Jaycent lights up my screen. I smile and hit answer. “Hello?”

  “Good morning.”

  My smile grows as I lean back on the couch. “Good morning.”

  “I was wondering what you have planned for tonight?” he asks, cutting right to the chase. I’ve always liked that about him.

  I bite my bottom lip. “Nothing that I know of.” I’m not sure what Ashlyn has planned, but I’m sure whatever it is, it will be with my brother.

  “I was wondering if you would like to have dinner with me?”

  I move to lie down on the sofa my feet thrown over the back. “What do you have in mind?” I try to sound like I have a choice in the matter when I don’t. I’d do anything he wants. He’s more of a threat to me than Conner ever was. I liked Conner—hell, I loved Conner—but Jaycent was my first love. The first guy I ever looked at and got weak in the knees. If he gave me a second chance, I wouldn’t let him go. But it also helps that he’s a better guy than Conner ever was.

  Jaycent had a serious girlfriend for as long as I can remember, and I was so jealous of her. And it wasn’t because she was a blonde who could have passed for a model. It was the way he would pull her close and whisper in her ear. She would laugh and slap him playfully on the chest. I remember one time walking into the living room at my parents’ house, and she was straddling him. His hands were on her ass, his lips on hers.

  Her head fell back, and she moaned as his lips trailed down her neck, but then she opened her eyes and screamed when she saw me watching them. I was fifteen, and they were twenty-two. I had never wanted something so badly like I had him.