Buried Castles

by Monica Alexander

  “Who’s the guy?”

  I took a deep breath, steeling myself for the backlash that would ensue when I told him, and then I chickened out. “I’m sorry I did it. Really, I am,” I said instead.

  “Who’s the guy?” Ben asked again, this time through gritted teeth.

  I swallowed. “Zack.”

  Ben threw his hands up in the air. “The guy from the beach. Great. That’s just great. What the hell is he doing here? I thought he lived somewhere else. What are you doing talking to him, huh? After everything he put you through, why does he deserve to talk to you again?”

  “I can’t help the way I feel about him!” I said, louder than I intended. “I’m sorry that I fell in love with him, Ben. I’m sorry that I never really got over him, but I can’t help any of it. I feel the way I feel, but it doesn’t matter.”

  “Yes, it does,” Ben said then, not getting it.

  “No, it doesn’t,” I said sadly, wishing things were different. “It’s over between us.”

  I expected Ben to hug me and tell me that I was a great girl and Zack was a fool for not wanting me, but that was a stupid thing to assume. Ben was hurt. He wasn’t going to console me over another guy.

  “Get over yourself, Emily. He hurt you once. He left you. What made you think he wasn’t going to do it again.”

  I sucked in a breath at the harshness of his words. “He didn’t leave me. I walked out on him this time,” I said, regretting the words as soon as they were out of my mouth.

  Ben laughed. “Then you’re on your own, sweetie,” he said bitterly. “Good luck to you. Wow, I can’t believe how stupid I was to think I had a fighting chance with you. I can’t believe I let this drag on this long. You never loved me did you?”

  I felt my face fall. “Ben, no, please don’t think that. You were my first serious boyfriend. Of course I loved you,” I said, hoping he believed me, because I wasn’t lying. I just wasn’t in love with him anymore.

  He shook his head. “Emily, I’m sorry, but I’m not going to be your crutch anymore. You broke up with me a long time ago, and I was an idiot to think that we could ever get back to who we were. I was going to tell you the next time we saw each other, but you’ve been avoiding me, so I guess I can just tell you now. I’m seeing someone else, and I think I just want to see her.”

  It took me a minute to remember where we were, and that since we were at my sorority formal, he was obviously seeing one of my sisters. Great.

  I didn’t say anything, but the look on my face told him I was waiting for him to explain. My blood started to run cold when Brynn walked up to us and tucked her arm around Ben’s elbow.

  “There you are,” she said, smiling her snake-like smile at him.

  Her long brown hair was pulled into a low ponytail that cascaded over her right shoulder in waves, just hitting the top of her ice blue strapless, floor-length dress. She looked gorgeous and perfect and sophisticated, just like someone who would make great arm candy standing next to a future CEO.

  Ben pulled away and looked at her, then at me, and Brynn finally made eye contact with me. “Oh, Emily. You look really pretty tonight,” she said, fingering the pearls she wore around her neck, and I knew she was patronizing me.

  I was wearing a short black satin dress and silver spiked heels. I thought I looked hot, but my outfit was definitely more appropriate for a red carpet than it was for a sorority formal, especially when your sorority was known for sweet girls in pearls. If I had a rock star on my arm, I might not look so out of place, but alas, Zack wasn’t here.

  No, I admonished myself. I would not think of Zack.

  “Um, hey babe?” Ben said then, and both Brynn and I answered him. When he looked over at me, shifting his gaze from her, I knew his address had not been meant for me. He turned back to her. “Can you give us a few minutes?”

  “Can we take a picture first?” she asked, batting her eyelashes at him. “The photographer is leaving soon.”

  Ben glanced at me hesitantly and then back at her. “Sure,” he sighed.

  “I’ll be here,” I said flatly, turning to the bartender. “Dirty Martini, please.”

  I shifted to lean on the bar, facing the room and watched as Ben guided Brynn, his hand on her lower back, to the photographer in the corner.

  Dylan Pierce smiled at me as she ordered a glass of chardonnay from the bartender. When he handed it to her, she turned and leaned on the bar next to me, facing the same direction, so she too could survey the room. I was already halfway done with my drink. My eyes hadn’t left Ben and Brynn.

  “So I guess you finally know,” Dylan said to me.

  “Excuse me?” I asked, turning toward her.

  She gestured with her wine glass. “Ben and Brynn.”

  “Know what?”

  “They’re together,” Dylan said pointedly, as she gestured again. This time Ben was smiling as he kissed Brynn, and she giggled.

  Yup, they were together, and I’m not going to lie. It made me a little jealous. I felt a tight knot form in my stomach. I hadn’t seen Ben and Ashleigh together, except for the one kiss, but this was different. He wasn’t just hooking up with Brynn. He liked her. I knew the look he was giving her all too well.

  “How long have they been seeing each other?” I asked, knowing that as one of Brynn’s best friends, Dylan would have the inside scoop.

  Up until a few days before, Ben had been focused on begging me back, but somewhere in the time since we’d last slept together and now, he’d found himself a new girlfriend.

  “Off and on since you guys broke up,” Dylan said, and that surprised me.

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. He came back to school for football and they hung out a few times. It was just casual, but I think she was hoping for something more after all this time.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked, and Dylan’s mouth twitched, as if she’d revealed something she shouldn’t have.

  “I, um, I just mean that Ben was finally single. I don’t know if you know this, but Brynn’s sort of had a crush on him for a while,” she said quickly, and I fought the urge to pummel her with questions and accusations. I’d save those for Ben.

  “Really?” I asked, acting floored by this knowledge.

  Dylan nodded. “Yeah, it’s sort of why she’s always hated you.”

  Yeah, that made total sense.

  “Awesome,” I said flatly, so glad that my ex-boyfriend had decide to smack me in the face with his new girlfriend at my Winter Formal.

  I wondered if Brynn knew that Ben and I had been sleeping together for the past month. She probably did which is why she was gloating now. If they’d made it official and were together, she knew Ben was done with me. Well, I guess I was better off anyway. I hadn’t wanted anything serious with him, and it was good that he finally realized it. Now I didn’t have to feel guilty every time he told me he loved me and I couldn’t reciprocate, but something still didn’t sit right with me. And I suddenly knew why that was.

  Next to me Dylan drained her wine glass and waved at Jordan Nash who was across the room. “Have fun,” she told me before she left to join Jordan on the dance floor.

  “One more, please?” I said, turning to the bartender.

  I suddenly felt like numbing my pain, and there was one surefire way to do that. By the time Ben came back over to me, I had a big fake smile plastered on my face and a fresh drink in my hand, having downed the second one the bartender made for me as soon as I had it in my hand. I had a nice buzz going.

  “Do you want to go somewhere to talk?” Ben asked.

  I shrugged. “Here’s fine,” I said with false cheer. “Tom here has been looking out for me, and I sort of want to stay close to him.”

  “Okay,” Ben said, eyeing Tom warily.

  “So you and Brynn,” I said, and Ben just stared at his shoes. “Come on Ben, we’re adults here. You have a new girlfriend. That’s great.”

  “Yeah, well. You know.”

  “Sure, su
re,” I said, really laying it on thick. “Dylan told me all about you guys, and frankly, I’m happy for you.”

  “You are?” Ben asked, his head snapping up.

  “Oh yeah. Absolutely. She’s a great girl. So sweet. You guys will be great together.”

  “I guess,” Ben said hesitantly, eyeing me like he wasn’t sure what angle I was playing at.

  “Hey, and now I don’t have to feel so guilty,” I said, hoping he would play right into my hand.

  “Yeah,” he said, laughing a non-humorous laugh. “You can let yourself off the hook. You don’t have to pretend like you want to be with me. I’ll leave you alone.” He shook his head.

  “Oh, but Ben, that’s not what I’m talking about,” I said, draining my drink. Tom had another one ready for me on the bar, so I picked it up and took a big sip.

  “What are you talking about?” he asked slowly, and I think he finally caught on to what I’d learned.

  “Now I don’t have to feel guilty for cheating on you,” I said. “Because you cheated on me first.”

  All the color drained from Ben’s face, but he tried to cover up the truth. He should have known I’d be able to read him after five years.

  “No, I didn’t,” he said, doing that fake laugh he did whenever he lied.

  “Oh, but you did. Dylan told me all about it,” I lied, knowing I’d caught him. Now I just needed him to confirm the truth.

  “Em, I’m sorry,” he said in a rush. “I didn’t mean for it to happen. She just attacked me at a party, and nothing else happened. I swear.”

  I laughed out loud. “Raise your hand if that story sounds all too familiar. Nice try, Ben. You already used that excuse when you were making out with Ashleigh last summer.”

  “Hey, that was the truth,” he said, pointing his finger as if to punctuate his point.

  “And what you just told me wasn’t the truth?” Oh, I so had him.

  “No, no. Seriously, I was drunk and had been partying kind of hard because we’d won that night, and Brynn was there, and she kissed me. Then things sort of got out of hand, but it was just that one time, and we didn’t have sex.”

  “What are you talking about?” I asked, picking up on the time of year he was referring to.

  Ben started. “Wait, what are you talking about?”

  “This summer,” I said pointedly. Dylan had mentioned Ben and Brynn had hooked up when he’d come back to school, but we’d been together for the first two weeks he’d been back, so I knew there was a good chance he’d cheated on me with her.

  “Oh,” Ben said, his face falling, and I suddenly realized that I was right. “You know about that?”

  “I do now,” I said through gritted teeth, even though I didn’t know shit. “But I’d like to hear it from you. I think you owe me that much after everything we’ve been through.”

  Ben sighed. “Em, this isn’t the time or place. Can’t we just admit that we both cheated and move on?”

  I narrowed my eyes and shoved him hard against his chest. “You fucking bastard,” I hissed. “I cheated on you, yes, and that was really crappy, but I at least had the courtesy to break up with you the next morning, and then I even stayed on the phone with you for two hours so we could talk about what I’d done while you called me a whore and a slut. But you apparently had an ongoing affair with one of my sorority sisters and have the nerve to ask if we can just move on?! Are you joking?”

  “No,” Ben said, looking away.

  “So, just tell me,” I said, hands on my hips. “How many times did you and Brynn actually sleep together behind my back? Twice?”

  Ben eyebrows knitted together. “It was just once, this summer, and you broke up with me the following week. It was stupid, but it was the only time. I didn’t have an ongoing affair with her.”

  “Come on, Ben. Don’t lie to me. That couldn’t have been the only time. You said something about partying after a football game. I’m not stupid.”

  Ben kept shrinking away from me as I stepped toward him, backing him up against the wall of the ballroom. “It was the only time, and it didn’t mean anything. I didn’t love her. I loved you.”

  “Ben, don’t forget about Spring Break,” Brynn said coyly, having come up behind me.

  I spun around to face her.

  “Shut up, Brynn,” Ben said from behind me, but we both ignored him.

  “You were out of town, and he was frustrated, so I helped him out,” she said, smirking widely. “That was a great week. Thanks for taking that trip.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” I asked her, and she shook her head.

  “No, I’m not,” she said, her voice full of false remorse.

  “We did not sleep together over Spring Break,” Ben said, stepping between us. “Brynn, tell her we didn’t sleep together.” He was pleading with her.

  “We didn’t technically sleep together over Spring Break or last fall,” Brynn said, “but I’d consider what we did as sex.”

  “It was not,” Ben protested, and his voice got really high-pitched.

  ““Was any part of you inside her at any point?” I asked, turning to Ben. He just looked at his shoes.

  I stared at him for a few seconds, but he wouldn’t make eye contact with me. I took that as my answer.

  “I thought so,” I said, shaking my head a few times.

  It was just like over the summer when I’d gone up against Ashleigh. He was shirking away from the situation, and I was fighting for us. But I didn’t really feel like fighting anymore. He’d cheated on me for months, whether he thought it was cheating or not, and then had the audacity to get mad at me for doing it once. Granted, there was something fundamentally wrong with our relationship if both of us ended up cheating, but he was a giant hypocrite. And I was just done.

  I felt betrayed, and even though I’d fallen out of love with him a long time ago, I’d respected him up until a few minutes ago. I could have lived with him wanting to date Brynn. It wasn’t cool, but I didn’t care that much. But the fact that he’d betrayed me over and over again made me feel sick. I’d had it so ingrained in my brain that he’d never cheat on me that I hated myself for what I’d done with Zack. Now I knew that what I’d done had been nothing. At least I’d had the decency to end things with him as soon as I could. Ben was an asshole.

  “Brynn, you’re pathetic, and if you think he’s not going to cheat on you down the road, you’re delusional. Ben, screw you. Just screw you,” I said, turning on my heel. I had no other words for either of them at that point.

  I didn’t give either of them another glance or a chance to respond before I stormed out of the ballroom and headed to the hotel bar. Toby, having witnessed the tail-end of my encounter with Ben and Brynn, sidled up next to me as I was placing my order for two tequila shots.

  “Make that four,” he said to the bartender as he sat down beside me.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Zack

  I was letting myself out of Jen’s apartment when a cab pulled up in front of the building. I stopped short as Emily stumbled out in a pair of the sexiest heels I’ve ever seen. She giggled once, turned back to whoever was in the cab and said “Goodnight.” Then she blew a kiss, and I knew it was another guy.

  My shoulders slumped involuntarily, and I wished again that Jen didn’t live downstairs from her. I didn’t want to know she was seeing other guys.

  “Well, well, well,” she said, having spotted me. “If it isn’t Zack Easton, lead singer of Liar’s Edge and the guy who lies about everything! How ironic!”

  I didn’t say anything as she approached me, teetering on heels that made her inches taller. Her legs looked amazing, and I couldn’t stop wondering what they would feel like wrapped around me again. My mind flitted back to the time she’d worn that incredibly sexy leather skirt and we’d ended up having sex in the ocean, her legs wrapped around my waist. I almost had to shake my head to bring myself back to the present where a very angry version of the same girl was glaring at me.r />
  “Where have you been tonight, Zack? Huh? Been spending some time with your daughter?” she asked, sneering at me. “I thought you had a show tonight? Did you bail? You like to do that too.”

  “Lily’s sick,” I said, pacifying her with a response, even though I despised her tone. “I came over to check on her after the show.”

  “Yeah, you did,” Emily said haughtily, as she swayed back and forth. “That’s really nice of you. I can actually tell you played tonight. Do you know how I can tell? Do you? Because you look all hot and sexy and rock star-ish like you do every time you play. And your hair is disheveled and sexy, and that’s how you look after you play, because it always falls sexily over your forehead when you look at your guitar, and it is hot!”

  I couldn’t hide the smile that crept onto my face. She thought I looked hot. She thought I was sexy. She was drunk and probably not in her right mind, but she was being honest. That much I knew.

  “Oh, no,” she said, stepping closer to me and putting her finger up to my face. “No, you do not get to smile at that, mister. I will not allow it.”

  “Had a little to drink tonight, princess?” I asked, knowing that would really set her off.

  She was really hot when she was mad. I’d never seen her like this before. It was actually turning me on, especially because she looked like a hot rocker chick. Part of me wanted to pull her into my arms and have my way with her, but she kept her distance, so I knew I couldn’t do that.

  Her eyes narrowed to slits. “You do not get to call me that anymore!” she declared, her finger, still inches from my nose, emphasizing her point. “I am not a princess. It’s just like they say in that Maroon 5 song – ‘fairy tales are full of shit’ – and they are stupid, and so are you. I am not your princess. I’m not anyone’s princess!”

  “That’s where you’re wrong,” I said, knowing she’d never hear me out. She was too drunk, and she probably wouldn’t even remember what I was telling her, but I had to say it. “Emily, you have been my princess since the moment I met you. I just didn’t realize it at the time.”