Buried Castles

by Monica Alexander

  “Ughh!” she said, stomping her foot in frustration. “I can’t even handle you right now, Zack Easton. I can’t handle you. Just get–”

  Before she could continue her rant, she stumbled forward and ended up right where I wanted her – in my arms.

  “Hey,” I said, looking down at her, my arms holding her up. She was looking right back at me, her full pink lips so close to mine.

  “God you’re beautiful,” she murmured just before she kissed me.

  It had been so long since I’d felt her lips against mine, but in an instant it was as if we hadn’t spent any time apart. It was like coming home again, and I hungrily kissed her back, pulling her body flush against mine wishing she’d let me have more, wanting her to do what she’d done that summer and pull me into her bedroom so we could shut out the world and just be together.

  It had been a shitty night. Derrick hadn’t played well due to a hangover, Andrew had screwed up Glimpse. And I’d been distracted knowing Lily was sick and I couldn’t be with her. Being with Emily just might be the thing to turn my night around.

  She’d run from me before, though, and she wasn’t happy to see me, so it stood to reason that she’d run again. I knew I’d screwed up, but all I wanted was to make it up to her. I wanted to make things right between us, and I was hoping she’d let me.

  But all too soon she pulled away.

  “I hate that you’re a good kisser,” she said to me as she stepped back out of my arms. Cold air rushed over the warmth her body had created when it had been pressed against mine. “I hate that you live here, and that you spend time at Jen’s, and that you’re in a stupid band that I love but can’t go see anymore, because I don’t want to run into you. I just – I think I just hate you.”

  With that she turned and stalked off, her tiny purse swinging at her side as she left me standing on the sidewalk wanting her more than I ever had and sick with the knowledge that what I’d done had made her hate me.

  Chapter Thirty

  Emily

  After throwing up most of the night, I slept most of the next day. My mind reeled, and images from the night before flashed in my brain, mixing with dreams. I relived what I’d learned about Ben, then I had a dream that I’d been yelling at Zack. Then I remembered seeing Ben and Brynn make-out across the ballroom. I recalled taking shot after shot of tequila at the hotel bar with Toby and sharing a cab home. Then I had an amazing dream that started with me kissing Zack outside of my apartment before I dragged him upstairs where things turned slightly erotic. It was a good dream, and despite my hung over state, I woke up smiling. Apparently my dreaming mind forgot that I sort of disliked him.

  I’d been up for a few hours replaying the events of the night before in my head since Rachel wasn’t home, and she wasn’t answering her cell phone. I’d have to wait until she got home from wherever she’d gone to sound off to her about all the things I’d learned about my sham of a relationship with Ben. But I was restless in the apartment alone, so I decided to take a walk, hoping the frigid cold would help bring some clarity.

  When I ended up at Starbucks, my head had cleared considerably, so I decided to sit inside and warm up for a few minutes. As I was ordering my drink, I looked over and saw Zack, of all people, sitting in one of the comfy armchairs in the corner writing in a notebook. My stomach flipped as memories from my dream came back to me in full force, and I felt my cheeks heat. I had to remind myself it had been two weeks since I’d seen him and not twelve hours. And it was just a dream.

  When I got my drink, I walked over to him, conjuring up as much confidence as I could. I felt bad about taking off on him with no explanation after we’d gotten coffee, so I figured the least I could do was be polite and say hello. My stomach twitched as I watched him, his hair falling into his eyes as he scribbled furiously in his notebook. I had to remind myself that I was the only one aware of the impure thoughts I’d had of him just hours earlier. He had no idea what I’d been doing to him in my mind. I had nothing to be worried about.

  “Writing some new lyrics?” I asked, smiling a warm smile at him as his head jerked up in surprise. He quickly flipped his notebook over on his lap, so I couldn’t see what he’d written.

  “Hey,” he said tentatively when he saw me standing over him.

  He laid his notebook on the arm of the chair and appraised me, as if waiting for me to make the first move. And I guess he had every right. I was the one who’d bolted on him over Thanksgiving. He’d tried to extend an olive branch, and I’d pushed him away.

  “I’m sorry about taking off on you,” I said.

  He looked at me quizzically. “Don’t worry about it,” he said, smiling a small smile, as if waiting for me to go on.

  I wasn’t sure what else he wanted me to say, so I just stared at him for a few seconds. His hair fell over his forehead in that perfect way it always did, just hitting the top of his eyebrows, and his eyebrow ring glinted in the light from the lamp on the table next to him. His light brown eyes looked both thoughtful and amused, and his full lips twitched as if he wanted to say something else.

  Finally he said, “I thought you hated me.”

  Okay, so that was a little dramatic, but maybe that was the vibe I’d given off when we’d parted ways a few weeks ago.

  I shook my head. “I don’t hate you, Zack. But you hurt me, and I’m not going to lie and say it was fun. It was just awkward seeing you, and having coffee, and then you showed me the picture of you and Lily, and I just needed to leave.”

  He nodded. “Do you want to sit?” he asked, and I knew it was his way of extending an olive branch yet again.

  So I sat, giving him the benefit of the doubt and telling myself I wouldn’t run this time.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, appraising me, and I knew he could tell I was upset.

  I sighed and settled back into the armchair next to his. “I just found out last night that Ben cheated on me a few times while we were together, with a sorority sister of mine, so I sort of drank myself into oblivion and am now super hung over, and I just feel kind of shitty overall.”

  Zack made a face. “That sucks.”

  “Have you ever cheated on someone?” I asked him.

  “No,” he said, shaking his head. “Of course Jen is the only person I’ve ever officially called my girlfriend, and I never cheated on her, but I don’t think it’s something I’d ever do. It’s why I didn’t date anyone seriously after her. I knew what I wanted, and it wasn’t a girlfriend.”

  I squinted my eyes and nodded, sort of amazed that we were having this conversation. It was incredibly different from the stilted conversation we’d had at the coffee shop in Charlotte. Now it was as if we were two old friends talking. He was speaking so frankly about his past. His guard was completely down, it seemed, and I knew then that all summer, even when I’d thought he was opening up to me, he’d always been very measured in what he’d shared. He’d been cautious about revealing too much because he’d been keeping two huge secrets. Now his secrets were out, so I guess he didn’t have to watch what he said.

  “I cheated,” I said, and he nodded. He knew that I’d cheated He was the guy I’d cheated with. “Am I a horrible person?”

  “No, you’re not,” he said sincerely, smiling just a little.

  “Am I bad in bed or something?” I asked, and he laughed out loud. “What? Am I?”

  I was suddenly panicked that I was and that was why Ben had cheated.

  “No,” Zack said then, no doubt sensing my worry. “Definitely not.”

  “And you’ve slept with a lot of girls, so you would know,” I said then, realizing too late that I probably shouldn’t have said that.

  A dark shadow crossed his face. “I guess I have,” was all he said, and I knew I should change the subject.

  “So how do you like living back in civilization?” I asked and achieved my goal. I watched his mood switch gears, the darkness disappearing.

  He chuckled lightly. “I like it,” he said ho
nestly, running a hand back through his dark hair. “But I miss my mom and the beach and Phil’s. The island was home for a really long time, and every place on it has a memory of her. I feel closer to her when I’m there, but living here, I get to be close Lily and see her all the time. I can’t beat that.”

  I wondered if he wanted me to ask him about Lily and that’s why he brought her up. I was tempted, but a part of me just wasn’t ready. I hadn’t expected to see him that day, so I hadn’t mentally prepared for what it would be like to hear his side of the story, if he even wanted to share it with me. Did I want to know why he’d hid her from me? Yeah, I did.

  “Zack, you said you were doing okay, but are you really?” I asked instead. “I mean, with your mom and everything?”

  He sighed. “My mom died. I’m doing as well as can be expected. I just miss her – every day, but I’m glad she’s not in pain anymore.”

  “She was in pain?” I asked, feeling dumb for saying it, but I felt like I had to say something, and that was all that came to me.

  “Yeah. It got really bad at the end. It was a struggle for her to just take a breath, and I hated seeing her like that, but sometimes I just wish I had one more day with her. Just one more good day, you know?”

  I nodded and wanted so badly to take his hand in mine, but we just weren’t in that place anymore.

  “She was an amazing woman, Zack, and she loved you so much. I know I didn’t know her well, but I could see that what made her happy was when you smiled. She was happy in her final days, and I know that, because you were there with her.”

  “I know,” he said quietly, his gaze set on a point in the distance. He wasn’t really focusing on anything in particular. I watched him, just as I’d done all summer, half expecting him to suddenly switch gears, smile at me and tell me he wanted ice cream. Of course, he didn’t.

  “Zack, do you maybe want to grab dinner or something?” I asked, surprising myself, but I so desperately wanted him to snap out of his trance that I’d taken a shot in the dark. I never should have asked about his mother.

  “I can’t,” he said, and he actually sounded regretful as he looked down at his watch.

  “Oh,” I said, feeling my stomach drop. I looked down at my lap, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw him turn to look at me.

  “We have band practice at seven.”

  I tried very hard not to keep my face from falling. I wanted to maintain my somewhat cool exterior around him.

  “Would you maybe want to come over later?” he asked, catching me by surprise. “We could hang out – watch a movie or something.”

  I looked up at him, searching his face for what that meant. His expression was neutral but friendly.

  “Okay,” I said, trying to keep my voice level, but all the time I was reading into his invitation. My heart was pounding in my chest.

  “Why don’t you come over at eight-thirty,” he said, getting up. “I’ll text you the address.”

  I nodded, unable to move from my chair. Before he turned to leave, he leaned down and hugged me, and the familiar scent of him caught me by surprise. The smell mixed with the feel of his arms around me put me into sensory overload and a rush of feelings came back all at once.

  “I’ve missed you, Em,” he said, as he squeezed me. “Thanks for being a good friend. I’ll see you later, okay.”

  I felt myself nodding, but not really reacting. It wasn’t until he was gone that I realized he’d called me his friend.

  His friend.

  He thanked me for being a good friend. When exactly had we become friends?

  Suddenly, all I could think was, But, I don’t want to be your friend.

  I knew I’d made a huge mistake in pushing him away. But could I let him back in knowing he’d lied to me twice? Did he even want back in? Things were suddenly so muddled. Maybe he did just want to be friends, but at the coffee shop over Thanksgiving, he’d seemed like he wanted more. When he talked about me kissing Vincent and dating Ben, he’d seemed jealous. Was he?

  Now I was more confused than ever.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Zack

  “Hey man,” Leo said, when I walked into his garage.

  He’d converted it into a studio when he’d bought the house two years earlier, back when we’d been a thriving band with the chance of a record deal. Now it felt like we were starting over, building our fan base and hoping for what we’d had in our back pocket not so long ago.

  I knew leaving the band had been the right decision at the time, but I’d also given up a lot by doing so. We’d had two labels circling us, wanting to sign us, and we would have had our choice when it came down to it, but then the accident happened and Lily happened and the labels only hung around for so long. Kristin had put in a few calls the week before to see if they’d come back out, but she hadn’t been able to do much more than leave a message.

  “Hey,” I said with more enthusiasm than I’d felt in a while, setting my guitar down.

  I’d been fiddling with it up in my room, putting music to the lyrics I’d written for a song called Hate that I’d penned earlier in the day before and after my encounter with Emily. The song had started out angry and disjointed, but then after seeing her again, the lyrics had clicked, and I thought I might have something good.

  “You okay, man?” Leo asked, as he tuned his bass. “What did you do with the angry guy I heard pounding out those sick chords this afternoon?”

  “I ran into Emily,” I said, a smirk creeping up on my face.

  “Oh yeah? Did she tell you she hates you again?”

  “Dude,” I said, perching on top of one of the speakers. “I don’t think she remembers last night. She actually came up to me at Starbucks, and from what I could gather, the last time she thinks we talked was over Thanksgiving. She was actually friendly to me.”

  Leo nodded. “That’s cool. So did you ask her out?”

  I grinned. “Get this. She asked me out.”

  He nodded again. “Are you going?”

  “Nah, I told her I had band practice, and the look on her face was awesome. So then I invited her over tonight to hang out. That’s cool with you, right?”

  “Yeah,” he said, strumming a few bars. “I’m heading to the bar after this, so feel free to have all the fun you want.”

  I opened my mouth to refute his statement when Derrick and Andrew walked in.

  “What’s up dudes?” Derrick said, as he peeled off his shirt. He always insisted on playing shirtless, even when we practiced.

  “Zack’s got a date with Emily tonight,” Leo said, strumming his bass to punctuate his announcement.

  “Nice,” Derrick said, pounding out a beat, and I considered writing a new song called Zack Finally Got It Right with Emily based on what they were playing.

  “It’s about time, man,” Andrew said, as he picked up his guitar and slung the strap over his shoulder. He added his guitar to the drums and Leo’s bass, and lyrics started forming in my head.

  I shook my head to clear it a few times, knowing how I played the precarious situation with Emily would determine how things would end for us. I had no delusions that she suddenly stopped hating me or that she would throw herself at me. I knew she still didn’t trust me, and before I made any sort of a grand gesture, I had to win back her trust. I was going to start by being her friend and go from there. She’d come back to me in time.

  “Zack’s gonna get some. It’s about time,” Andrew sung, solidifying that he was better at complimentary vocals than lead. “Our boy’s had a dry spell, and he’s finally gonna get laid.”

  “Hopefully Emily won’t go all psycho and chop off his baaalls,” Derrick added, punctuating his line with a reverberating bang to the cymbals. “Cause Zack really needs to get laaaid.”

  “Fuck you guys,” I said, picking up my guitar, but I was smiling.

  “Come on, let’s practice,” Leo said, bringing us all back to the reason we were there. Our Saturday night show hadn’t been stell
ar, and we had work to do. “We need to end on time so Zacky can get some.”

  He grinned at me, uncharacteristically playing into our humor, and I threw my pick at him. He threw it back, and I kicked us off with the opening chords to Glimpse. I stepped up to the microphone and started to sing, putting more feeling into my music than I had in a while. I’d let the guys think I was going to get laid that night, but I had far better plans than that.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Emily

  As I drove to Zack’s house later that night, I realized that at any point that I could have called and cancelled. Of course, I didn’t. I was a fool, and I was about to realize what a fool I was, and I knew that, but still I pressed on toward his house hoping for the best, hoping he would want the same thing as me and his invitation had been an indication of that.

  I pulled into the driveway, took a deep breath and got out. I waited thirty seconds before I tentatively rang the doorbell. It took a minute for Zack to answer, and when he did, the butterflies in my stomach started flying in faster circles. He was wearing a gray t-shirt that fit his chest so well that I could see the definition clearly. It made me want to run my hands up and over his pecs, so I put my hands behind my back and kept them there, so I wouldn’t be tempted to touch him – not yet at least.

  He led me into the living room of his townhouse that definitely had a bachelor pad feel to it. The couch and love seat were black leather. The coffee table and the entertainment center were glass and metal, and the wall behind the sofa showcased three framed band posters of The Rolling Stones, Simon and Garfunkel and The Beatles. Across from the sofa was a huge flat screen TV that hung over the entertainment center which sported the largest stereo system I’d ever seen, along with two video game consoles and a Blue Ray player. In the corner of the room there were four guitars – two acoustic, one electric and one bass. There was also an amp with what looked like sheet music piled on top of it. It was exactly the kind of place I’d imagined Zack living in.