See Me

by Michelle Lee

  “It’s like a soap opera,” Airy quipped with a little smile, trying to lighten the mood.

  Winnie laughed, “It is. In my heart I felt like Jax and I were over, and I wanted Ronnie. I wanted to be with him before I died. I went to his house after I left Jax’s and found him outside leaning against his car talking on the phone. Of course, he was talking to Jax and I was somewhat hopeful Jax and told he we were over and that he was okay with us, but I knew Jax wouldn’t do that. I told Ronnie about my conversation with Jax and how I felt like we were over, but for some reason I never told him that Jax knew I had feelings Ronnie. It was a distinct line in the sand that Ronnie would never cross without expressed consent from Jax. I was so angry with the situation that I cried, a big, fat, ugly cry, all over Ronnie. He held me, just like he did before, and even dropped kisses on my head,” Winnie’s voice got quiet then. “I still remember the feel of his arms around me, tight like a vise grip, but so gentle. So warm, so safe. He felt like home to me.”

  Airy sniffled next to Winnie, and quickly wiped her eyes, pretending she hadn’t just cried for Winnie.

  Winnie reached her hand out and cupped Airy’s cheek. “You feel like home to me too, Airy.” Winnie took in another deep breath, closed her eyes like she was in pain, and continued. “While he was holding me and I was dripping snot and tears all over him, my anger just grew. I eventually pulled away from him, and tried to kiss him, but he wouldn’t let me. I snapped, and stormed off, getting in my car and peeling off out of there, the sight of Ronnie standing there alone in his driveway getting smaller in my rearview mirror. That was my last sight of him while I was alive. When he was out of sight, I grabbed my cell phone, which, I knew better, but my anger had a hold of me. I called Jax and went off on him like I never had before. I’m pretty sure I said some hateful things, which I do regret, because I didn’t mean them. I had told him he was ruining what was left of my life and depriving his best friend of an opportunity for love, a bunch of stuff along those lines. Then it happened, it wasn’t even my fault, though I was the one the phone. A pickup truck ran a red light, slamming into me on the driver’s side, crushing my car door in on me and flipped my car over several times. On the other side of me was an embankment, maybe a ten foot drop down the city made for overflow when it rained and flooded. My car flipped over the guard rail and rolled to land upside down in the little creek. Jax heard everything. My phone had bounced around the inside of the car, but it never lost signal.”

  Airy gasped next to me, tears falling and soaking her pink nightgown and she stared at Winnie in horror. “He heard you die?” she choked out.

  “No,” Winnie said carefully trying to keep her emotions in check, but she knew she couldn’t. This was the first time she had gotten to share her story. “He had grabbed the landline in his house and called 911 to report I had been hit and that the signal was open on his cell phone. He knew the route I was on because he knew I had left Ronnie’s. The ambulance found me quick, but my car was so damaged and twisted they couldn’t get me out very fast. Plus, the pickup was half hanging over the embankment and they were trying to keep that from falling over too. I had seen it all already, I knew what this meant. I just hadn’t known it would be that day, or I would have worked harder to have a memory of Ronnie to last me. I would have not said the hateful things I had said to Jax,” Winnie whispered. “Anyway, they got me out eventually and I was rushed to the hospital, where Jax was already waiting. He lied and told them he was my fiancée, so they let him in while they checked me over. They were going to prep for surgery because they saw the signs of internal bleeding, and they knew my time was limited. I remember shaking my head at the doctors telling them that it was too late, to not bother, but Jax was yelling then, telling me not to leave him, that I couldn’t go. He was yelling that he would search for me forever until he found me again. Something in the words he was yelling bound me here, I don’t know what it was. Maybe it’s the guilt we both felt, well, still feel,” Winnie admitted, ghostly blue glowing tears rolling down her cheeks. “But I told him I loved him, and I died. Not only did he have to hear the accident happen, which I hadn’t seen in my vision, he had to be there when I died. The pain I felt was horrific, watching you after you drank that holy water today brought back those memories fast. They had given me a shot of something to numb the pain while they prepped me, but I still felt everything. Curse of having empath abilities.”

  “A few seconds after I died, I don’t remember anything but feeling numb, and I was able to watch my soul pull out of my body. I was hovering there, above myself, watching the aftermath unfold around me with Jax, and then Ronnie was there too,” Winnie choked then. “I saw him kiss his fingers and place it over the sheet they covered me with. Even though I was stuck, I couldn’t move on, it was too painful for me to stay around them. So, for twelve years, I’ve been wandering. From people to people who had some sort of ability I could try to use to get them to see me or communicate with me. The closest I got was one weird machine where my words came out in a weird jumbled mess and the ghost hunters completely got the message wrong.” Winnie shrugged. “What’s a girl to do?”

  “Oh my God, Winnie, that’s awful,” Airy rasped out through her sobs.

  “I popped in on Aedan a couple of times,” Winnie went on, “I saw that they themselves had formed a paranormal investigative team. Jax was holding on to his promise to seek me out, which is also what I think is keeping me here. It’s also why I tried to keep getting through to someone in hopes that he would let me go. It never worked, until you.”

  Airy stilled, her eyes filled with understanding. “Are you telling me these guys are a part of a ghost show?” Her eyes got wide as she whispered, “Shit. Jax, Aedan, Ronnie and Smitty… oh my God!” Airy had put the pieces together. She jumped out of bed, “No!”

  “Airy, calm down,” Winnie tried to console her.

  “You are asking me to join them as an empath so you can talk to them?” the words tore out of her mouth in a tragically funny way to Winnie. She nodded at Airy.

  “But…wait. Jax has been an asshole lately,” she said aloud as she paced along her bed. She looked up at Winnie, “Is he possessed?”

  “I don’t know, I think it’s a good possibility,” Winnie quietly admitted.

  “That dark energy I pulled from you comes from him? You want me to pull that from him? And do what? Drink more holy water?” Airy was shouting now, her eyes wide in fright.

  “I don’t have all the answers yet Airy, the first step is to get you hired, and get you introduced to them. Ronnie will help you,” Winnie pleaded.

  Airy sunk down on the bed and buried her face in her hands, the nightmare of the situation growing by the second. “I’m going to need more than holy water for this,” she muttered darkly. “And a life insurance policy.”

  Winnie smiled remorsefully knowing it was true. She purposefully left out the vision of her being the one for Jax, she felt that was something that would send her straight over the edge. For now, she needed Airy to sleep so she could learn about Airy. “You need to sleep, so I can do my part that you don’t want me to do.”

  Airy laughed harshly, “You think I’m going to sleep after that bombshell? This day went from a shit hole to a full-blown fucking hurricane of shit.”

  All Winnie could do was nod, she wasn’t wrong. Airy leaned back into bed, straightened out her pillows and closed her eyes. “If you’ve still got magic, you better use it to put me to sleep,” Airy told her dryly.

  “Just relax, it will happen,” Winnie said softly, stroking Airy’s hair slowly. She felt the tension start to bleed out of her. Winnie kept stroking until Airy fell asleep, then braced herself and dove into Airy’s head.

  Chapter Nine

  Ronnie woke up feeling disappointed and sore as hell. Every move he made his body ached. He didn’t even want to think about how much of a nightmare yesterday was, and how down he felt after getting that strange text of a message relayed from Winnie. He needed a sho
wer and then caffeine.

  After showering and getting dressed, he grabbed his phone and opened his door to head to the kitchen and almost tripped over Jax, who asleep on the floor outside his door. Ronnie rolled his eyes and shook his head, fighting the urge to kick him, as he was still pissed at him. Then he had a better idea. He turned back into his room quietly and grabbed his water bottle off the nightstand. Walked back over to where Jax was asleep and upended the bottle on him, watching in satisfaction and glee as Jax bolted awake and in an impressive move was on his feet in the blink of an eye.

  Not wanting Jax to see him laugh, he pushed past him and made his way to the kitchen, snickering under his breath as Jax spluttered behind him. It didn’t take long for him to hear Jax thudding down the hall after him. Ronnie sighed, it was going to be a hard morning, he could just feel it. He opened the cupboard, grabbed a bottle ibuprofen, dumped out four and swallowed them dry as he looked around the kitchen.

  The guys had done a good job of cleanup, but he would need to figure out how to fix the Jax sized hole in the wall. He shook his head wondering again how things had gotten this bad. He heard Jax clear his throat, and oh yeah, that’s how they got that bad, he thought as he swallowed the rising anger he felt, and gently rubbed his face.

  “God, I’m so sorry Ronnie,” Jax choked out as he saw him rub his face.

  Ronnie shook his head, “I don’t really want to do this now, Jax.”

  “We have to talk, man,” Jax pleaded. “I promised.”

  Ronnie didn’t answer as he pulled open the fridge and grabbed an energy drink and bottle of water, then rooted around in the cupboard until he found a protein bar. He peeled the wrapper off and bit into it as we walked over to the table and sat down. “Go ahead then. I want this over with.”

  Ronnie saw something flicker behind Jax’s eyes and it looked like he was struggling for a second. Ronnie braced himself, not knowing what to expect after yesterday’s performance, but it looked like Jax had regained control. Jax grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and sat down on the opposite side of the table from Ronnie, which was probably a calculated move on Jax’s part, but a smart one considering Ronnie’s mood.

  “There aren’t enough ways for me to say I’m sorry for what I did,” Jax started, “and I know it feels and sounds like an excuse, but it wasn’t me. I wasn’t in control. It’s happening more and more often, and I don’t even feel like I know who I am anymore. Based off what Aedan and Smitty told me, you all think the same thing. Is that true for you too?”

  “Yeah. You aren’t the same at all. It started with Winnie’s death, but in the past five or so years, you are becoming someone else,” Ronnie said, his voice hard. “Change is good, but not this change. In twenty-eight years, you never once raised a hand to me. Now in the past month, you’ve gone after Smitty, and hit me. You tell me, is that good?”

  Jax choked on the shame flooding him. “Help me. I need to find me again. I’m so lost Ronnie. When this shit takes over, I feel like I’m having an out of body experience, like my life is on a movie reel playing and I can’t do anything. I’m starting to think it’s killing me. Last night, when I saw you on the floor and bloody, the first thing that happened was memories were triggered, of you know, back then. Then the scent of the blood hit me, and I became someone else. I wanted more blood, it was like it was feeding me or some shit. I swear I felt like a vampire, but I didn’t want to drink it.” Jax shook his head.

  “What do you mean?” Ronnie asked him, watching his face carefully.

  “The blood?” Ronnie nodded in answer to Jax’s question. “It was like I needed to see more of it spilled. The blood is what triggered whatever happened last night. The memories hit me, and I felt like I was battling over my own body. Part of me wanted to give in to the rage to try and forget the memories, and the other part of me felt like I needed to hold on to the memories to stay human. It’s dark shit, man. I don’t know how to explain it. It just fucking festers inside me like an infection. An infection that has emotions of its own.”

  “Somewhere along the line in one of our investigations, you brought something home with you. It’s happened before, you’ve had exorcisms within the past five years. Don’t you think that would have taken care of it?” Ronnie prodded, his curiosity winning out over the anger. Also, he was more than a little concerned by what Jax had admitted.

  “I talked with the exorcist about it, and he thinks maybe it’s not a demon, maybe it’s something else. I don’t know. I’ve seen doctors, had more scans done that I care to admit, I even talked with a shrink, which, I am not doing that again.” Jax’s face was filled with anguish, his voice desperate. “I’m scared. I’m scared to even talk about it, like if I acknowledge it, it will take over more, or it gives it power or something.” He pulled at his hair, making it stand up in weird tufts.

  “Maybe the producers are right to bring in someone that can calm situations down then. Maybe even you are right to suggest it be an empath. Have you done research on any of this?” Ronnie queried, drinking half the energy drink in one swallow.

  “Too scared. It’s in my mind, man. I don’t want to give power to the thoughts,” Jax argued.

  “Well you can’t keep on the path you are on!” Ronnie shouted in frustration. “Look where that has gotten you.” He stood up and paced behind his chair, his mind racing. “I’ll do some research, but I need a list of things you think and feel, symptoms, anything to go off of.”

  “I’ll get it to you,” Jax said forlornly. “But that’s not all I want to talk to you about. Sit back down please.”

  Ronnie gazed across the table, trying to get a read on what was coming, but Jax had a poker face on, his eyes guarded. His phone chirped in his pocket, and he was tempted to look at it, but kept still. “What?”

  “Please. Sit. I know you don’t owe me any favors, I’m just asking you to hear me out,” Jax replied, his voice even, but quiet.

  Ronnie had a bad feeling about it, but he sat, crossed his arms over his chest and slouched down in the chair. He wasn’t as good with his poker face as Jax was, but he tried. He also opened his senses to try and get an emotional read, but there was nothing. He was walled off. Not good. “Should the guys be here for this?”

  “No, this is between us,” Jax said as he shifted uncomfortably. “Really, it’s on me. All of it. Everything. The past twelve years, hell, even longer. It’s me. You were right last night,” Jax admitted.

  Ronnie was the one uncomfortable now with where he was heading. “Jax, no amount of guilt over anything, will change the past. Nothing will. It’s in the past. No amount of fear, or panic, or anxiety, whatever you want to call it, will alter the future. All it does is ruin the present. Let go of this shit,” Ronnie said, exasperated.

  “Talking to you is a start, if you’ll let me,” Jax responded. Ronnie rolled his eyes but nodded for him to go on. “Out of everyone, I’ve been the biggest dick to you. I own that. I’ve been petty, childish, and held a grudge you didn’t even know I had. I carried it with me and stroked it in any way I could. By letting you bear the brunt of everything. I let you take care of me, I didn’t put any effort into anything because somewhere I felt like you owed me for what happened.”

  Ronnie flinched, an idea of what was coming hitting him and sucking the oxygen out of his lungs. He couldn’t do this. He needed to take his own advice about the guilt. Hell, he needed to fess up to his part in this, but the train wreck he was on was barreling too fast down the track.

  “It wasn’t you, man. None of this was your fault,” Jax shook under the weight of his words. “I was too much of a coward and told myself whatever I could to just not face that fact.” He looked Ronnie straight in the eye, “I knew.”

  Everything in Ronnie froze in place, his heart racing, his breathing ragged. “Knew what?” he asked even though he didn’t want the answer.

  “I knew about you and Winnie,” he said, his voice tight. “It’s hard for me to even say her name,” he confessed.
“She told me. She told me everything. She told me before the accident.” Ronnie started shaking just as much as Jax was. “I don’t know, I guess I was waiting to hear it from you, but you never said anything. I saw signs, but you didn’t cross that line. If I were to put myself under a microscope, I’d probably see that you didn’t because of me, our relationship, and you wouldn’t do anything without my consent,” Jax laughed darkly. “But it was so much easier than examining myself to just blame you.”

  Ronnie felt like there was ice running through his veins, and he briefly wondered if Winnie was here listening, but he didn’t smell anything, so he dismissed that thought. Jax was right, this was between the two of them right now. Ronnie was too tense to say anything, unsure of what would come out of his mouth, so he remained silent, instead watching Jax struggle with himself to get this out.

  “After our first time, we decided to cool things off with each other, it was a mutual decision because both of us felt the distance between us had grown too big to really fix. I still loved her, she still loved me, that was never the issue. I think we had fallen out of love with each other though. It wasn’t the same as it used to be. We were okay with that too, because we both knew people grew apart and changed,” Jax shifted and leaned over the table putting his hands in front of him and stared down at them.