See Me

by Michelle Lee

  “I don’t see how that would be possible,” I started.

  “Because you don’t believe yet. When you believe, you will have no limit. At the very least, right now you make our abilities stronger, without you, they are just as they always are. With you, new levels are seen. It is your very nature to lift and help people soar on the winds that carry you. It starts with you. You’ve heard the saying, you can’t expect anyone else to love you if you don’t love yourself?”

  I nodded, suddenly feeling inadequate. “Yes, I know. I have issues.”

  “Everyone has issues. No one is immune to them. It’s how you deal with them and move on that matters. For you to see what we see in you, you must heal. No one on earth escapes suffering in some way or another. It’s just part of life,” he said, his tone matter of fact.

  “Once I begin healing, I’ll be able to use my powers better?”

  “I think that the way to use them will become clearer when there is no self-doubt in the way. You manifested lightning today in your desire to keep others safe from harm. It may have taken an extreme emotion to get you there, but you got there,” he gently said.

  “This is just a lot to take in,” I said haltingly.

  “It is,” Taklishim agreed. “If anyone can do it though, it will be you. I have no doubt about that. I will even give you my number so you can contact me with questions you may have, or for Tama or Onida for that matter. It’s against our rules as a council, but I think in this case it might be warranted to break with tradition. No one knows what your presence here means in the larger picture, but I fear it doesn’t mean anything good for us as a planet.”

  “Ha! No pressure or anything, right?”

  “I’m sorry Raven. I’ll do what I can to help along the way.”

  “I am extremely grateful already. I know more than I did when I came here, and I know what I have to do to get to where I need to be. I won’t run from it, but nor am I running into it. I’m scared, I won’t lie about that, but if there is one thing you should know about it, is that fear doesn’t stop me.”

  “You have my support,” he put his hand on my arm, “in however I can provide it. No journey is without pain, and some have more of it than any of us can anticipate. Here on this world, everything is temporary, even pain.”

  I took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly. “What happens now?”

  “We go back, meet with the shrink, and then tomorrow, all of us meet again with you to go over recommendations for the job you applied for. The extra part is, our recommendations will also have advice for how to continue to navigate this path that we all understand you are on. The shrink does not, he isn’t a part of this world we share. So while some things may not make sense to you for the job you will be working, it will for the larger picture.”

  I nodded. “All this info you all shared was for me for the larger picture? Not for the job I applied for?”

  “Exactly. We all knew within minutes you’d be able to handle that job without issues, even with no training. It’s the rest we all were gearing for with these talks and, well, let’s call them adventures.” He chuckled then got serious as he looked at me again, “I am going to recommend physical training in a fighting manner. You will need to learn skills to fight.”

  “Um, okay, if you think I need to,” I stammered, pushing back the fear that fighting triggered.

  “I’ll recommend Ronnie train you,” he suggested kindly.

  I silently nodded as we walked back up to the house where all the others were waiting. The helicopter ride back was solemn for me as I went through everything in my head, feeling overwhelmed. This was so much more than I bargained for, and I wondered not for the first time where Winnie was for all this.

  Chapter Twenty

  Smitty happened to be in the building when the helicopter came back, so he knew Airiella was back now. Jax and Ronnie were off trying to work things out so they could all be in the same room together and not be choked by tension.

  Aedan and Mags were off by themselves having alone time. Odd man out, he came to the work building to look over equipment they had, and new stuff that came in. Plus, he was feeling nosy and wanted to make sure that everything went well.

  He had talked with Asher to see what had happened with that situation, and then he talked with Father Roarke, but hadn’t gotten anywhere with the priest. So Smitty didn’t have a lot to work with on trying to figure out where to direct their attentions to regarding what they were dealing with. Which led him to the conclusion that no one really knew.

  He started putting things away and making his list of things to take with him for their next investigation. He’d have the guys here ship it to the next location. As he was finishing that up his phone chirped in his pocket and he pulled it out to see a text from Airiella.

  “I don’t really want to be alone right now, is anyone not busy that could hang with me?”

  Smitty glanced at his watch, noting that it was dinner time already and wrote back, “Jax and Ronnie are out trying to work out their issues, Aedan and Mags are on a date. I’m available if you aren’t uncomfortable with that?”

  “Of course I’m not. I’m waiting for the driver to bring me back to the hotel, where should I meet you?”

  “No need for the driver, give me three minutes and I’ll be down, I’m in the same place you are.”

  Smitty grabbed his notebooks, his coat and flew out the door, taking the steps instead of the elevator and couldn’t help grinning. Ronnie was going to be so jealous. It made him laugh, but he was also glad that he would have some time with her alone to try and see what it was she knew.

  He flew out the door and immediately saw Dr. Stone cornering Airiella and Smitty slowed, staying out of his sight line, but still eavesdropping.

  “How are you feeling Ms. Raven?” Dr. Stone was asking her.

  “I’m fine, just tired and hungry and needing a shower,” Airiella told him tightly. Smitty could see she was holding something back.

  “I see. Well we will meet a little bit later tomorrow, I will have the driver call for you at 10:00 AM to bring you here for the final part of the interview,” he told her coldly.

  Smitty cringed at his tone. Something had set the Dr.’s teeth on edge and he was taking it out on Airiella. Smitty fought his instinct to go to her and just continued to watch.

  “Thank you, Dr. Stone, I will be ready,” she responded with a small smile. “If that’s all, I’d like to get going.” He gave her a curt nod and spun around and stomped off.

  Smitty slid around the corner and rushed over to her, sliding an arm behind her back as he walked her out the door. “Sorry about him, he’s always been kind of an ass.” He felt her relax under his arm and he couldn’t fight the grin that popped on to his face.

  “I’m used to people like him, it’s just been a long day,” she told him easily.

  “You look a little tense, and a little dirty,” he mused, looking her over.

  “I was outside for a good portion of the day,” she smiled, “only a few mishaps. It was a beautiful location though.”

  “Somewhere out in the mountains?” he guessed.

  She nodded. “I’d hoped to get to spend time getting to explore there before I went home, so mission accomplished I guess.”

  “You have mountains where you live, right?” he prodded.

  “Yes, a lot of them. And the ocean, and desert. I have all the terrains. I love it,” she gushed.

  Smitty helped her out of the car as they got back to the hotel, “Want to eat?”

  “Can I shower first? Actually, can we hit that store across the street first, then can I shower?” she asked hopefully.

  “Sure,” he held out his arm to her and they walked across the street to the little boutique store. He watched as she picked out a few items of clothing and not bothering to try them on paid for them and they headed back to the hotel.

  “I really need to shower, I feel like I stink,” she said shyly.

  “You don’
t, but I’ll go change too. Give me your key card so I can get back in,” he held out his hand at her door.

  She handed it over without an argument and went straight to the bathroom. Smitty dashed to his room, changed his clothes and checked his appearance over. Presentable enough. He hoped she would be open to going out of the hotel to eat somewhere. He didn’t want to run into the guys.

  He went back to her room and waited for her to finish up. He paced for a few minutes trying to burn off some extra energy, then finally sat down and waited. She came out about fifteen minutes later; her skin had a freshly scrubbed glow to it, and she smelled fantastic. Her hair was still wet, and she was trying to shake some of the moisture out of it.

  “Here, let me help,” Smitty said, getting up and leading her back into the bathroom. He grabbed the dryer off the wall and put it on the cool setting and dried her hair. It was still cold outside, and he didn’t want her to catch a chill, especially in that dress she picked out from the store. Which he wasn’t going to complain about since she looked amazing.

  “This is completely decadent,” she purred, feeling like putty in his hands. When her hair was mostly dried, he fluffed the wild curls and buried his nose in her hair. He stepped back and noted the bruises showing, an erratic feeling surging in his blood.

  “How do you feel about Mexican food?” he asked her, trying to get himself under control.

  “I love it,” she said smiling.

  “Grab a coat then, let’s go out,” he told her, dropping a kiss on the top of her head.

  “No arguments from me!” she grabbed her coat, which was a thin little jacket and he decided they wouldn’t walk, they’d take the car, or she’d freeze.

  He’d asked the driver to be on stand by and was suddenly happy about that as they headed down and to the restaurant. He felt the connection to her he’d felt since the first time, and he was getting used to it, becoming comfortable with the pull he felt to her as if it was natural.

  She chatted about nothing of importance, places back where she lived that she liked to hang out, asked him questions about the show, the conversation light. He itched to ask her about the day but got the feeling she wasn’t ready to talk about it.

  They ate dinner, talked, laughed and the more they touched, the more Smitty felt like he was right where he was supposed to be. Bellies full, they walked back to the hotel Smitty putting his own jacket on her and held her hand. He could feel a shift in her as they walked, like she was looking for a way to bring something up.

  He didn’t say anything, it was up to her if she wanted to talk to him or not, all he could do was make sure she felt comfortable, so he lifted her hand up and kissed the back of her hand and smiling at her. “Do you feel a connection between us?” she finally asked him, her voice sensual and hesitant.

  “Sure do. Buzzes right along my skin,” Smitty told her.

  She looked up at him, her eyes unreadable but her voice giving away the nervousness she was feeling. “Will you stay with me tonight please?”

  Smitty swallowed and asked, “Are you sure you want me to and not someone else?”

  “Right now? Yes, I’m sure,” she said but her voice still held a bit of fear.

  “Airiella, are you scared of me?” Smitty stopped and turned her to look at him.

  Startled, she said with pure honesty, “No, not at all. Should I be?” She searched his face.

  “No. I just hear fear in your voice,” he said, pulling her closer.

  “It’s not fear of you,” she said softly, her voice taking on a husky breathless tone that undid him.

  “Are you going to tell me what the fear is for then?” Smitty asked, a growl in his voice responding to her tone.

  She nodded slowly, “I think I might.”

  “Good enough for me, let’s get inside where it’s warm,” he started walking again, a purpose to his step now. She scrambled to keep up with him, tugging on his hand to slow him down a bit.

  “My legs aren’t as long as yours,” she reminded him.

  “I’m sorry, baby girl,” Smitty’s voice was rough, but he slowed. “I was just anxious to get back in the room.”

  She giggled and blushed and didn’t say anything. Honestly Smitty hadn’t been thinking of sex until that moment. Her blush put him directly on that track though. He had just wanted to be alone with her and hear what she had to say, to get closer to her. But now, that connection they shared had a different buzz to it that went straight to his crotch.

  He briefly thought of Jillian, and the relationship they had. It was an open one, she slept with others and he was okay with it as long as he knew, and she was safe. He hadn’t slept with anyone else even though they both defined theirs as an open relationship, he hadn’t felt the urge to go that route, until now.

  They got up to Airiella’s room and Smitty slapped the Do Not Disturb sign on the door and took out his phone to shoot a text to Ronnie telling him he was out for the night, that Airiella asked him to stay with her. He was going to be honest and not lie.

  Ronnie responded immediately, “Lucky fucker.” Smiling, he set it to silent and put it on the table. Airiella had taken his jacket off and pulled off her shoes and stuffed her feet under the blanket that was on the little sofa she sat on. She watched him closely and he wondered if she was reading him.

  He sat down next to her and pulled her feet into his lap and started rubbing them. She moaned and dropped her head back. “That feels amazing,” she told him.

  “I need to be honest with you and I hope you are the same with me,” Smitty started. “I’m in a relationship, her name is Jillian. Though it is very important for you to know that what her and I have is an open relationship. She is a very free person, and she follows many of her urges which are typically sexual in nature. We are both free to sleep with whomever we want. While I have not done that since I have been with her, it’s mainly because I haven’t felt the need.” Smitty cleared his throat. “Until now.”

  Airiella stared at him, her eyes roving over his face and so deep he felt lost. “I understand,” she said slowly.

  “This connection between us, I know you feel it with the others too, and that doesn’t bother me. I mean, really, how could it if my girlfriend sleeps with others, right?” He chuckled a little. “What I feel with you is very different than what I feel for her. I don’t understand it, and I’m not talking with my dick here, but I feel like I am where I am supposed to be right now.”

  “Does your dick often talk for you?” she asked deadpan.

  Smitty let out a howl of laughter, “Baby girl, you fill me with some amazing feelings. No, my dick doesn’t talk for me.”

  She reached out to stop his hands that were still rubbing her feet. “I get it Smitty. I feel the same way and the fear you heard was because I am afraid of all this, of following where this wants me to go. I’m not afraid of any of you, just of what facing this all means to me, how it will change my beliefs and where to go. This is as unknown to me as it is to all of you.”

  “Is that all the fear was?” he asked carefully, feeling like he was on a slippery slope with that question.

  “No.” He watched her take a deep breath and saw the fear in her eyes. “When I was a teenager, I was raped by someone I knew and trusted. My next relationship after that was an abusive one, where sex was a weapon. After that I was married to someone who is an alcoholic and has trust issues. Ultimately, I paid the price for that in my own self confidence that never recovered from the two before that. My last relationship I thought was The One. He was the one person I let all the way in, I held nothing back. He used it against me, he broke me. My fear is a culmination of those relationships, the belief I hold within myself that I don’t deserve to feel the good things I feel with you or Ronnie, or even Mags. It’s emotional baggage that I need to clean up. The situation I find myself in scares me, not you. The things I learned today terrify me and challenge me in ways that make my brain just stop. This connection we share,” she pointed to a spot be
tween them, like she saw a tether, “this I can’t explain, and I don’t want to try. I just want to enjoy it. You are like the cool breeze that allows me to breathe when I feel suffocated.”

  Smitty had visible reaction to her story. “Baby girl,” his voice was thick with emotion, “I will never abuse you in any way. Rage boils in my blood to know you dealt with any of that. Happiness flows that you still aren’t living that life, sadness fills me that you still suffer from those scars. Beyond those emotions, a deep respect for you covers it all. I’m not an emotional or trusting person by nature, but around you that doesn’t seem to be true.”

  “I don’t want pity,” she said, her voice hard. “I enjoy sex, have a dirty mind, even filthier mouth and am curious about new things and experiences.”

  “I don’t have any pity,” his words ringing true. “I do feel love though.”

  She sighed. “If I’m honest with myself I do too, but I’m not there yet. Ronnie’s declaration of love scared me a bit. Let me tell you about the past couple of weeks of my life.” She told him everything, trusting the instinct she had inside. She talked for about an hour straight without interruption. Everything about the testing and what she learned coming out. She told him about the bonds and expressed her concerns and fears about it, and social stigma that made her pause.

  For the first time in his life, Smitty felt completely floored and unsure of what to say. Airiella had certainly been thrust into this life at a dizzying speed that he was sure would have stopped others in their tracks, including him. He resumed rubbing her feet, then suddenly stopped. He pushed her feet from his lap, ignoring the look of surprise on her face and he pulled her arms, pulling her forward until she was in his lap. He wrapped his arms around her and just held on to her like she was going to disappear.

  Her body relaxed into him once she realized he wasn’t rejecting her and molded herself to him. Jillian filled a spot in his heart, Airiella filled a gaping hole in his soul he didn’t even know he’d had until he met her. He was overcome with emotions and shocked silent when he felt tears slipping down his cheeks.