50 Ways to Hex Your Lover

by Linda Wisdom

  All three ran to the front where they saw heavy smoke and pieces of metal flying through the air in the spot where Jazz had parked. Dwarves swarmed out of the garage, running around the parking lot with fire extinguishers in hand to put out the tiny fires scattered throughout the lot. Mindy ran to the back and silenced the alarm.

  Jazz’s mouth dropped in shock just before she felt all the air leave her lungs. Her ears still rang from the shrieking alarm, but it was the sight before her that left her stunned.

  “My car! That was my car!” she wheezed, gripping the doorjamb. She staggered backward and grabbed hold of Dweezil’s shirtfront in a grip that tore the fabric. “Your crystal blew up my car!” She shook him like a rag doll.

  “Hey! Watch the threads!” He tried to free himself, but she wasn’t letting go. “’Sides, how can you blame the crystal? Maybe you had a gas leak or somethin’. And look at my office! It’s a mess! With my luck, insurance won’t pay for it!”

  Jazz shook him so hard his teeth clacked together. Considering they were an even darker yellow than usual, it wasn’t a pretty sight.

  “That shouldn’t have happened! There should have been no backlash, especially on me! It was your crystal!” She looked back outside at the smoke that was still as dense as when the explosion first happened. Her hands dropped and she realized she couldn’t breathe. She clutched her throat and looked wildly around. For what, she didn’t know.

  Mindy took her arm and steered her quickly toward a chair. “Here.” She snatched up a sheet of paper, turned it into a cone and pressed it over Jazz’s nose and mouth. “Breathe into this.”

  “My car is gone! Irma’s gone! So’s my fifty thousand in cash!” Okay, probably should have listed Irma first, but I did think of her before I thought of the money! And she is already dead, unlike my car.

  Jazz closed her eyes and breathed in and out until she felt the buzzing leave her ears and she no longer felt dizzy. Even then, she felt so nauseous she feared she was going to be sick. She pushed the paper cone away and lowered her head to her knees.

  She loved that car. Loved how the snazzy little roadster made her feel as she drove it around. And while Irma was a complete pain in the ass, she was also sort of comforting in a weird, nagging kind of way. Irma, who only wanted a pet to keep her company and a new dress because her asshole husband had bought an ugly funeral outfit she was stuck in for eternity.

  Irma, who constantly told her she drove too fast or complained she never took her any place special. Egads! When had she come to develop a fondness for the recalcitrant ghost? When had she started thinking about her as a friend?

  What would Jazz do without Irma?

  “Hey, wait a minute.” Dweezil plucked at her shoulder. “Look.” He pointed out the window.

  Jazz turned her head, wincing at the sight of all the smoke that was now slowly thinning. A familiar outline appeared first, and then as the smoke cleared even more, she saw her car, smudged a bit but intact. Irma sat in the passenger seat, coughing and waving at the smoke.

  “What happened?” she called out.

  Jazz pushed herself out of the chair. Broken glass crunched under her boots as she headed for the doorway and strode outside.

  Irma waved her handbag in front of her face. “I told you this was a dangerous place!” she groused. “A body can’t sit quietly without something happening. Police swarming all over. Getting blown up.”

  Jazz realized she was about to make the biggest mistake of her life. She was rushing over there with the express purpose of hugging Irma and telling her she was glad she was all right.

  She braked so hard, she skidded back on her heels. She was so not ready for a change in their relationship.

  She took several deep breaths and centered herself. “Just tell me the money survived too.”

  “Money? All you care about is the money? I could have died out here!” Irma yelled, her rouge standing out on her cheeks.

  “Not an option since you’re already dead!” She turned away to hide her smile even as she muttered, “I will never be able to get rid of that woman.”

  Oh yeah, things were back to normal.

  Almost.

  Because now a few things were clicking into place and Jazz intended to get some answers.

  She returned to the office, ignored Dweezil’s ear-splitting howls about the destroyed reception area, his precious crystal dildo, chunks of asphalt now missing from the parking lot, and that was just the beginning.

  Instead, Jazz focused on Mindy.

  The blonde elf took one step back.

  “Do not move,” Jazz ordered, advancing on her like a witchy freight train.

  “What good luck! Your car doesn’t look harmed,” Mindy chirped, but Jazz’s hand slicing through the air stopped any more conversation. The elf stood still, her hands clasped lightly in front of her, looking so damn sweet and innocent Jazz seriously thought about dumping mud all over her Barbie-blonde hair. She imagined lots of dark gooey smelly mud that would be impossible for the always immaculate Mindy to wash off.

  “Mindy, where did you get the crystal?”

  Her Dresden blue eyes didn’t veer from Jazz’s face. “Dweezil got it.”

  Jazz kept her gaze on Mindy the way she’d watch a cobra. “Dweezil got that piece because you originally found it and set up the eBay auction in such a way he’d make sure to win it. Embedding a curse in a crystal is a complicated process and smacks of Miranda. Is that who you hired to do it?”

  Dweezil paused in his stomping around. “This was some kind of set-up?” Even with the shattered windows and door and smell of smoke and dust, the area was flooded with the smell of burnt almond. “Is that right, Mindy? Did you do this?”

  “She just wants to blame someone else since she broke the crystal and it hurt her car.”

  “One more lie and I will turn your nose into something that will make Pinocchio look like a Pug,” Jazz threatened. Steam practically poured from her ears. “You used magick to bring humans in where they do not belong. You used magick to destroy a dwelling.”

  “It’s a business!”

  “A dwelling,” she repeated. “Yes, humans know about us, but we still do not draw unwanted attention to our kind. We do not use magick against each other and we do not blow up my fucking car!”

  Mindy winced at the level of Jazz’s voice that in her fury could have shattered what glass was left intact. To an elf’s delicate hearing, it was like an ear-splitting screech. Jazz didn’t care.

  “Why did you do it, Mindy?” Jazz asked. She put up a hand to stop Dweezil, who looked ready to pounce on the elf.

  “Why shouldn’t I?” She tipped her chin up, but her sweet baby-doll looks couldn’t carry off any form of menace. “Dweezil’s a disgusting creature who doesn’t deserve to run this business. My family said if I could find the right business I could have it. Well,” she propped her hands on her hips, “this is it. I could run it a lot more successfully than he can. All he does is spend the profits on disgusting things like that crystal!”

  “You fuckin’ bi—.” Dweezil stopped just in time to avoid Jazz’s ire aimed at him when she was doing such an excellent job with Mindy. “The office is ruined!” He stared at the now destroyed computer that was covered in glass fragments, papers flying everywhere and the dwarves still swarming the parking lot to stamp out tiny fires that popped up in the asphalt. “And my beautiful crystal! How could it get worse?”

  Jazz cocked her head to one side. The piercing sound of sirens rent the air and it could only mean one thing.

  “It just did.”

  Two hours later, Jazz decided her new best friend, Detective Larkin, would have preferred if she were anywhere but there.

  The blinding colors on his tie resembled a Rorschach test and prompted Jazz to slip on her sunglasses.

  “So you were just hanging around here, helping them put away their files.” He gazed at the scraps of paper that made the carpet look like the aftermath of a wild New Year’s Eve par
ty.

  “That’s me, helpful to a fault.” If she had acted any perkier she would have been Mindy without the pointed ears. The moment the sheriff’s car rolled into the parking lot along with a fire truck, Jazz grabbed the green scarf so that Mindy’s hair fell down around her ears.

  “Yeah, a real Girl Scout.” He shook his head. “And you have no idea what happened?”

  She shook her head. “At first we thought it was a sonic boom or an earthquake. Then Dweezil said maybe a gas main blew.”

  He looked out at the parking lot that looked like a war zone. Then he looked to the left at a pristine looking 1956 T-Bird.

  “Amazing a sweet ride like that escaped any damage.”

  “It was in the garage when it happened,” Jazz lied without batting an eye.

  “Uh-huh.” He turned to Mindy. “What did you see?”

  “She doesn’t work here anymore. She only stopped by to pick up her final check,” Dweezil said in a flat voice.

  Mindy glared at him, but wisely said nothing with Jazz standing next to her.

  “Something witchy didn’t cause that?” Detective Larkin asked Jazz before he walked back to his vehicle.

  “My work never includes explosions,” she assured him. “Too messy.”

  Sixteen

  Don’t hang up, Jazz.” She was about to do just that when she heard Nick’s voice. She remained silent and waited. “Flavius is missing.”

  “Did you check Rodeo Drive? Maybe he went shopping.” She regretted her bitchy witch remark the moment she said it. She couldn’t miss the stress in Nick’s voice. She didn’t think he even knew what that emotion comprised. “He was at the club with you. Maybe he got lucky.”

  “He left a voicemail last night saying that he learned something and would meet me at the Howling Moon Café tonight. He didn’t show up.”

  Jazz winced at the idea of two vampires meeting up at a Café geared for the werewolf clientele, but it was also a good place to go when a low profile was necessary because the weres left them alone and vice versa.

  She’d returned home the previous night in such a state of sexual frustration she seriously thought about digging out her handy dandy vibrator, but she knew it wouldn’t accomplish what Nick could. Plus, she hated any kind of substitution. Especially when it came to sex.

  “Where are you now?”

  “My office. I plan to go back to Klub Konfuzion and see if I can find his trail and track him.”

  “You won’t be successful,” she said. “The owner employs a very powerful witch to keep not only very strong wards around the entire area but also a barrier even around the perimeter so any creature can’t be tracked from the club back to its lair. It’s one of the reasons why it’s so popular. The patrons feel safe when they leave.”

  His growl of frustration tugged at her. She had always liked the debonair vampire and didn’t want to think the worst.

  “What do you feel?” She knew that since Flavius was Nick’s sire, the two could easily communicate without having to worry about looking for a cell phone signal.

  It was a few moments before Nick replied. “I can’t feel anything. I’ve tried several times contacting him telepathically, but there’s nothing there.” He paused. “It’s as if he’s been totally cut off.”

  Jazz closed her eyes. She knew her senses wouldn’t be able to find Flavius, but she knew what would help.

  “I’ll call you right back.” She hung up and dialed another number. When the line on the other end was picked up, she took a deep breath. She so did not want to do this! “D, if Master Foulshadow needs a driver this week I am available.” She listened to his excited chatter. “Call it my good deed for the year, but don’t expect anything this generous ever again. Since your insurance won’t pay for the damage to the office, just charge Foulshadow whatever fee you think you can get out of him.”

  She hung up knowing she had just offered Tyge Foulshadow a deal he couldn’t resist.

  She called Nick back next. “Meet me on the pier,” she said without preamble then hung up.

  She looked down at the sound of animated squeaks and squeals. “Be good and you can come along.” She picked up Fluff and Puff and carefully stuck them in her large leather tote bag before leaving the house for the pier.

  She stopped for a funnel cake for the slippers to snack on then walked on to the pier.

  Nick stood at the end, looking out over the ocean. Jazz knew he was aware of her presence, but he remained standing with his back to her. Trust like that in a vampire was rare and she treasured it. Treasured him.

  Too bad witches and vampires didn’t mix.

  Try telling that to their bodies though.

  She stood there a moment, looking at his bowed figure, sensing the sorrow and frustration he felt. Below that she sensed the anger that he was experiencing because he felt helpless in finding his friend and sire.

  She ignored the slippers’ happy babbling as they consumed their treat. She hated to think what the inside of her bag would look like once they were finished. They weren’t exactly the neatest eaters around. She had purposely taken out her lipstick and blush before putting Fluff and Puff in the tote. When they got peckish, they pretty much ate anything and anyone. She walked down the weathered boards. Once she reached the end, she stood next to Nick, bumping his shoulder with her own.

  “I gather he hasn’t contacted you to say that he’s shacked up with some bimbo at a 5-star hotel and forgot about meeting you?” she asked.

  Nick shook his head. “Any time I try to contact him…” he paused. “Normally, there is no problem in sensing his thoughts. Now, it’s as if there’s a wall there.” He straightened up, bracing his hands on the railing.

  “It’s never happened before?” She hoped he would say yes. That Flavius would turn out to be in the mountains of Nepal or something, even though she couldn’t imagine him hiring a sherpa and lugging a designer wardrobe up a mountain. Flavius was born and bred a Roman highborn soldier who enjoyed his creature comforts and thousands of years hadn’t changed that mindset.

  He shook his head, still looking out over the dark sea. “Never. No matter what is going on with our lives we have always responded to each other’s call or at least let the other know we were safe.” His jaw tightened. “It has to do with Reeves. I know it. I feel it.” He closed his eyes in thought. “Some brunette was giving him the eye and he was going to ask her to dance. I lost track of him after that.”

  Jazz knew exactly what caused Nick to lose track of Flavius. She ducked her head. There was that damn blush again. She absently reached inside her tote and ruffled a pair of soft ears. She wanted to hug Nick, but she wasn’t sure he would accept her touch. A hug meant sympathy and Nick didn’t do sympathy well.

  Before she could come up with anything to say, her cell phone rang.

  Nick cocked an eyebrow. “Ding Dong the Witch Is Dead?”

  She shrugged. “It seemed like a good idea at the time. She dug her cell out, glanced at the caller ID and flipped it open. “Hey, D.” Nick turned to face her, openly listening. “Fine, I’ll be there.” She flipped the phone closed and looked up. She still didn’t know what to say, but there was something she could offer him.

  “I found a way for us to get onto the estate. No guarantee we’ll leave there in one piece. With our luck, we could literally end up in pieces, but along the way we might be able to find out for ourselves what happened to all those missing vampires.”

  A glimmer of a smile lit up Nick’s dark features. “It’s more fun when the odds are stacked against us.”

  Jazz grinned back at Nick. “Ready for a fight, are we?”

  “I’m a vampire. It’s part of my nature.” He returned her grin. “Yours, too, as I recall.” He looked down at her hands and looked up with a cocked eyebrow.

  Jazz jerked with surprise as the image of a fireball appeared inside her mind.

  “None of that!” she ordered, but not with her usual heat. The last thing she wanted to do was fi
ght with him. They’d done that so much over the centuries that she knew she didn’t want any anger lingering between them before they faced off against Clive Reeves. And considering what little they still knew about him, they were pretty much going in blind. But it wouldn’t stop her since she didn’t like bullies and Reeves was a bully of the worst kind.

  So she’d forgive Nick for showing up inside her head. This time.

  Jazz turned around to rest her elbows back on the pier railing. The bright lights from the Ferris wheel and carousel provided a festive picture that belied the dark and fearful thoughts running through their heads.

  “In a few days we could be in the midst of the battle of our lives. We could even lose them. Not that I’m planning on it, of course,” she said dryly. “I’d like to at least crawl out of there in as close to one piece as possible.”

  Nick mimicked her posture. “Won’t be the first time. Won’t be the last.”

  “Thank you for assuming we’ll at least survive.” She took a deep breath, inhaling mingled scents of salt air and fish with the sweeter scents of sugary cotton candy and funnel cake. Growing up in a seaside village she had always gravitated to beach towns. She felt the breeze lift up the ends of her hair and then felt a light touch move across her skin under her hair.

  “We’ll survive. We’re the good guys.” His fingertips stroked the back of her neck in a slow seductive trail that sent waves of sensation through her body.

  She closed her eyes. She wanted to give in to the burn Nick’s touch ignited. Except instead of imagining the two of them on a bed somewhere, anywhere, she saw the past unfurl before her eyes. Fear and pain threatened to overtake the lust that simmered deep within her belly. She ruthlessly pushed away the former before Nick could sense what went through her mind and concentrated on the latter. She knew what she needed in order to forget.

  “Hide us from the outside world. Let the magick be unfurled,” Jazz whispered, holding her hands out in front of her. “Because I say so, damn it!”

  The air just beyond them thickened to a silvery mass, turning the boardwalk into a blur of colors and sound. Behind them the ocean suffered the same fate, enclosing them in a magickal bubble.