Now or Never

by Jamie Canosa

  “What are you doing?” Jay’s innocent tone wasn’t fooling anyone.

  “I need to take a shower.”

  Before he could say anything more, she turned on the shower head, letting the sound of the water drown him out. The mirror hanging on the wall above the pedestal sink had dark spots of something coating the corners, but she could still see her reflection just fine. The girl who stared back at her was almost unrecognizable. Like someone she knew from another life.

  Her hair had grown long and—despite her food strike days—she’d actually put on some weight during her time with Ashlyn. But the most remarkable change was in her eyes. The dark circles she’d grown accustomed to seeing were gone, and they were bright and clear. The fear that had clouded them for so long was now only a dark spot lingering in their depths. It shrank a little more each day. Though today, her soured stomach warned her it was threatening to make a reappearance. To try to regain control of her. To change her mind.

  Em stood there studying her altered reflection until it grew too foggy to see. Steam wafted from the shower as she pulled back the curtain, but not even the scorching hot water could ease away the tension in her coiled muscles. Wet hair slapped against her bare back as she rinsed the soap from her body—a body she’d scrubbed brutally so many times in her life, often to the point of rawness, but it never helped. Never took away that dirty feeling that lived beneath her skin. It was time to try something else.

  Snapping off the spray with a flick of her wrist, Em reached behind the curtain, groping for the towel hanging on the back of the door. When her fingers met hard wood and nothing else, she groaned. Crap, she knew exactly how this was going to go.

  “Jay!” Water dripped all over the floor as Em leaned out of the shower to crack the door open before ducking back behind the curtain.

  It took a few minutes of calling before she heard him outside of the door. “You okay?”

  “Yeah. Can you just . . . get me a towel?”

  There was no response, but she could just see him eating it up. He’s was grinning like a loon. Even through the door, she knew it. “Babe, please?”

  “Not so funny when you’re the one who needs the towel, now is it?”

  “Jay.” Em sighed. She really had brought this on herself. “Come on. We’re gonna be late.”

  “It’s not like we have an appointment, ya know. I could just leave you in there for an hour or two. Or, you could come out and get your own towel. I like that idea.”

  “I’m all wet.”

  “And naked. The more I think about it, I really like that idea.”

  “Jay,” she whined, growing exasperated with the teasing. And standing there freezing her ass off.

  His chuckles grew louder as the door swung open and a soft brown towel looped over the top of the shower curtain.

  “Thank you.” Em sighed a she wrapped the cozy warmth around her body. He must have pulled it right out of the dryer.

  “You’re welcome. Maybe next time you won’t laugh at me.”

  “Maybe.” Not likely. Em liked to laugh and Jay liked it when she did. Even if it was at his expense.

  “Get out here, beautiful.” He tugged back the curtain and helped her step out of the tub. “We’re going to be late.”

  “It’s not like we have an appointment,” she parroted back in a fake deep voice that made Jay grin.

  “Even so, it’s a long drive and I don’t want to have to drive home in the dark. It’s going to be a long day.” His grin slipped away as the mood sobered. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

  Em took a deep breath. The truth was, she wasn’t. She didn’t think she ever would be, but she’d waited long enough. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

  Jay’s fingers combed through her wet hair. “So brave.”

  She smiled back at him. After today, maybe she’d really be able to believe that.

  ***

  They’d barely pulled out of the driveway when ‘Perfect’ by Pink started blaring from Em’s pocket. Smiling, she fished out her phone, already knowing who was calling. After all, the girl had insisted on setting her own ring tone and even if Em had wanted to change it—which, she didn’t—she had no clue how to.

  “Hey, Ash.”

  “Hey. How’s it going?”

  “Fine. We’re just getting on the road now.”

  “I just called to see how you’re doing.”

  Em tipped her head against the glass and watched the scenery blur by. “Fine, I guess. I’m trying not to think about it really.”

  “That’s good. Not worth stressing over.” Easy for her to say, Em’s stomach was in painful knots. “Oh, and to remind you about your test this weekend.”

  “I know, I know. Jeez, can I stress about one thing at a time, please?”

  “I just don’t want you to forget with everything else that’s going on. It was kind of expensive and you don’t want to have to reschedule. And don’t stress, you’ll do fine. You’ve been studying practically non-stop. You’ll be the proud owner of a GED in no time. Ow. Ow.”

  “Are you okay?” Em stiffened in her seat.

  “Yeah. Stupid friggin’ shoe stabbed me.”

  “Your shoe stabbed you?” She could imagine her friend hopping around, trying to put on some ridiculous heels while holding the phone at the same time.

  “Yes. Don’t get smart-assy on me. I can’t really talk now. Mason’s on his way over to pick me up.”

  “Where are you two going?”

  “The mall.”

  Em smirked. “You’re taking Mason shopping?”

  “What? I need to pick some things up and I needed a lift. I’m paying him in pizza.”

  “What happened to Harrison?”

  “He’s taken a turn for the worse.” Ashlyn’s voice was somber, as though she was talking about a loved one on their death bed, and Em had to stifle an inappropriate giggle.

  “Oh, I’m sorry.”

  “Yeah, well, I’m not ready to give up on him yet. I just have to find the time to take him to a mechanic. Anyway, let me go. But I expect a call later to let me know how everything went, okay?”

  “Of course.”

  “Good luck, Em. You’ll do fine.”

  “Thanks, Ash. Talk to ya later.” Em ended the call and slipped the phone back into her pocket.

  There was a faint smile playing on Jay’s lips, and with the sunlight shining over his waves of dark hair he looked undeniably beautiful. Not something she would have told him, but the truth, nonetheless. Leaning her back against the door, she settled in. It was going to be a long drive, she might as well enjoy the view.

  “So what happened to Harrison?” She knew Jay didn’t give a crap about Ashlyn’s car troubles, but he was trying to keep the conversation light for her sake and she appreciated it.

  “Not sure, but the thing’s been on its last legs for a while. With the amount of money she keeps sinking into repairs, I don’t know why she hasn’t just bought a new one already.”

  Jay shrugged and maintained his focus on the road. “We’re going to have to get this one looked at again soon. The last mechanic we took it to only did the bare minimum to keep it running, but inspection is coming up soon and I doubt it’ll pass without some work.”

  “Great.” If it wasn’t one thing, it was another. But keeping the truck in good running condition had to be a priority. If they couldn’t get to work, they’d be in serious trouble.

  Em’s spine bounced off the door handle as Jay made an unexpected right and the truck bumped into a parking lot. “What are we doing here?”

  “It’s payday. I’m picking up our checks so we can celebrate later.”

  “Jay, we don’t have to—“

  “Yes, Em.” His eyes warned her not to argue. “We do.”

  Icy air wafted into the cab threatening to turn her still damp hair to icicles as Jay climbed out of the truck. Em huddled in her seat, watching him streak across the lot and disappear inside the rundown building. Bar
t’s may have been a dive, but they were lucky to have it. Especially Jay, not that luck had much to do with his current employment status. When Mason quit, leaving Bart short-staffed, he hadn’t had much of a choice but to offer Jay his job back. It’s not like the applications were stacking up on his desk.

  Mason insisted he was leaving to concentrate on the college courses he’d enrolled in for the spring semester, but Em knew it was more than that. He knew they needed the money. He knew how much Jay needed the job. He knew pretty much everything from the investigation he’d been drawn into, and the rest Em had filled in. How could she not after everything he’d done for them? And he was a good guy, simple as that. Jay knew it, too. Not that he’d ever admit it.

  The police and prosecutors had questioned both Mason and Ashlyn a few times, but their part in the case was more or less over now. Em wished she could say the same for her and Jay. Painful memories. Endless exams. Questions, questions, and more questions. Jay had been through hell and she’d made the journey there and back with him. But, it wasn’t over yet.

  If his father didn’t accept a plea bargain, then they still had a trial to face. Testifying in open court. In front of his father. It would be a nightmare. But Sam’s lawyer friend Greg, who had once again come to their aid, felt confident he’d accept the plea for twenty-five years that the prosecution had offered. It was nearly half the time he’d be facing otherwise. They would know soon, one way or the other. But either way, they’d get through it. Together.

  “Shit, it’s cold out there.” Jay jumped back behind the wheel, slamming the door shut, and cranked the heater.

  It took a solid fifteen minutes of driving for the air rushing through the vents to turn warm. Even then, with it blowing hot and steady, Em continued to feel cold. Ice water moved like sludge through her veins and tiny shivers coursed through her body. Jay didn’t miss them. He didn’t miss anything. Without a word, his hand closed over hers. A warm and welcome reassurance that he was there and he wasn’t going anywhere. A reassurance that had been spoken between them so many times in the past few weeks that it no longer required words.

  The trip seemed to last forever, every mile fraying her raw nerves. Yet at the same time, they slipped away far too fast. The cowardly part of her was still there, silently wishing they wouldn’t reach their destination. That the truck would choose now to break down, that she would break down and demand to be taken home. Jay wouldn’t force her to go through with it. He’d never force her to do anything. Ever. But with his fingers threaded securely through hers, that part—that voice—remained small and quiet. Jay’s silent confidence in her overshadowed any self-doubt. She could do this. They could do this.

  Jay cut the engine and left her sitting in the passenger’s seat staring out at the daunting brick building as he came around the outside of the truck to open her door. She heard the creak of the hinges and felt the blast of cold air, but couldn’t bring herself to move a muscle. A steady drizzle had started up along the way, streaking down the windshield and blurring her view.

  “You’re beautiful. And brave.” Jay took her hand in his and waited patiently—paying no mind to the rain or the fact that he was getting soaked—as she forced her gaze to him. “And strong enough to do this.”

  Em’s legs gave out when she climbed down, but as always, Jay was there to catch her. With his help she was able to find steady footing and take a few deep breaths. She could do this.

  His eyes bore into hers with passion and conviction. “I’m so proud of you. I love you. Always. No matter what.”

  Straightening her shoulders, Em turned back to the building at the end of the pathway and once again felt her confidence waver. Moments shy of climbing back up into the truck to hide, Jay’s hand slid into hers and propelled her forward, through that first step she’d never have been able to make on her own.

  Each step was a feat. Every inch of ground covered, a struggle. Em’s heart beat wildly inside her chest and her feet felt like lead. But the warmth of his hand in hers gave her the strength to stand. To continue moving forward. One step at a time. Jay had been there for her since the day they’d met, and he was still there now, right by her side. Silently supporting her. Encouraging her to be all the things he believed her to be. And with him beside her, Em took that final step up to the elevated desk spanning the length of the lobby.

  Together they’d found love. They’d found a home, and friends. They’d found a family to call their own. But today they sought something more, something elusive, something eternal. Today they sought peace. And, Christ, they’d earned it.

  “What can I help you with?”

  Em’s jaw locked up in fear, but a gently squeeze of Jay’s hands set it free again. She took a deep breath, swallowed hard, and forced the words from her dry mouth. “I’d like to report a crime.”

  The End

  Acknowledgments

  As always my first thanks go to the hubs and the kiddos. I am truly blessed to have such an amazing family that I can disappear into my writing cave for hours at a time and not be disturbed. You guys are my heroes.

  A huge thank you goes out to Cindy Bennet who did a fantastic job editing this book (and correcting my serious comma issues). Your advice, as always, was invaluable and appreciated.

  Thanks to Sarah Hansen from Okay Creations for bringing Em and Jay to life with the amazing covers for both, Flight or Flight and Now or Never. You’re an incredibly talented lady!

  To all of the awesomesauce bloggers who jumped on board for the cover reveal and blog tour. I simply could not do what I love to do without dedicated people like you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

  And, last but definitely not least, to all you readers. I honestly, never in a million years, thought I’d write something that other people would actually want to read. I received so many emails, tweets, and messages asking when this book was coming out because you were actually excited to read it that I think I was in shock. The response to Fight or Flight was unbelievable. Thank you so, so much for giving my work a chance and I’m sooo glad you’ve enjoyed it. You guys rock!!!

  Jamie Canosa is a full time author of YA literature, which she absolutely loves. When she’s not writing or spending time with her family, she can usually be found with her nose in a book. She currently resides in Upstate NY with her husband, and their three crazy kids . . . plus the dog, the bird, and the rabbit.

  Learn more about Jamie at:

  http://jamiecanosa.blogspot.com/

  https://www.facebook.com/AuthorJamieCanosa

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