Asylum

by Lily White

  “I’m not sure I can go through therapy today, Doc.” Still cradling my head, I peeked up at him from behind half-closed eyes. “Can you turn off the light, please? It’s killing me.”

  “Interesting choice in words,” He mumbled while reaching over to flick off the lamp.

  With only the light filtering in from behind the black curtain, I was able to open my eyes fully to notice that he wasn’t dressed in his usual clothes. His fit body was drowning in a large t-shirt over a baggy pair of jeans. His hair stuck out like he’d not brushed it since he crawled out of bed that morning.

  But then…

  “Hey Doc?” Flashing images tore through my thoughts. A distant memory of chaos ending in warm arms wrapped protectively around my body. “Did something happen last night? I swear I can remember…”

  His finger was pressed against my lips to silence me as he sat down on the edge of the mattress. When he was satisfied that I wouldn’t continue the thought, he said, “There was an…upset…in the ward last night. However, I’m not sure what happened or how it happened. I intend to find out as much as I can this morning. For now, you are under my constant protection and watch. When I can’t be with you, Terrie will be. I know you trust her. For that reason, I trust her as well.”

  I nodded in response. He was right in believing that the only other person in this place that I could tolerate, besides the patients, was Terrie.

  “I have to go. Terrie should be waiting outside the door to take you about your day. Your brother will be arriving this afternoon. We’ll discuss last night’s events then, together with some other relevant information I think your brother and you should know.”

  . . .

  Terrie had been waiting in the hall like Jeremy assumed and she was as pleasant as ever when she walked me through my morning routine. I’ll admit I was shocked when Jeremy had first held up the chains I would be wearing while outside of the therapy room. He’d given me some cryptic explanation, telling me that due to the events of the previous night, it was protocol to keep me restrained. I felt like an animal, every step jingling with the movement of my leash.

  Not a leash really, more like cuffs over my wrists and ankles, held together by chains. A belt was wrapped around my center and the chains were slipped through a ring in that belt securing the entire system to my body. I wanted to complain, but considering my other option was a straight jacket, I had to be thankful for the small amounts of movement I would be allowed by the chains.

  I’d only picked at my breakfast and had a stomachache from my medications as a result. We’d entered the rec room to find the normal gang waiting with anticipation written clearly in their expressions. I wasn’t sure I could trust whatever they had to tell me, but I was hopeful that they could explain to me the things that Jeremy had earlier refused.

  “Run along and socialize with your friends, Alex. I’ll be waiting at the front of the room.”

  I passed the nursing tables and noticed how Lisa and Lara looked at me. Their expressions were wary and scared. Neither of them made a move to talk to me. Shrugging off the caustic feeling the looks on their faces gave me, I approached the group of patients. The typical crowd greeted me warmly and I found it odd that they weren’t fighting amongst themselves. It was typical for a group of mentally disturbed women.

  “Hey sugar! Glad to see they let you out of your cage.” Lesley stepped away from the group to wrap her arm around mine and lead me the few feet to the table where the rest of them were sitting. Pulling out my chair, Lesley plopped me down in the seat and took one beside me. “So…tell us what happened.”

  “With what?” Looking around at their faces, I noticed how each one had eyes as wide as saucers. Excitement thrummed through each woman at the table.

  Sally smiled. “You killed Emerson! You can’t tell us you don’t remember it. We’ve been waiting all night to find out what happened.”

  “I didn’t kill anyone.” Her question disturbed me, but I couldn’t put any weight on what she’d said. I liked each one of these women, but knew better than to believe what they had to say. We were all locked in this place for one reason or another, but we each had to claim the title of ‘crazy.’

  Regardless of whether I believed her or not, my stomach tightened with the dread her words elicited. I tried to think back, but like everything else, my head felt cloudy and unable to recall anything with clarity. One thing that I could remember was the argument in Ali’s session and my stomach clenched for another reason entirely.

  “Where’s Dawn?”

  All of them froze except for their eyes. Exchanging concerned glances, it appeared as if they were communicating without anybody uttering a single word.

  “Well…” Michelle bravely started, “…She didn’t turn out as well as you.” Each one glanced over by the windows and my heart sank when I followed their eyes. In a wheelchair, backlit by the bright light of the sun pouring in through the caged glass was a lump of a person, hunched over and bound to the chair to keep her from falling out entirely.

  “Oh no.” My hands hit the table, the chains rattling with my movement and I started to push up and out of my chair to run to her. Julianne grabbed me before I could leave the seat.

  “Won’t do any good for you to go over there. I’m just glad they were able to stop the bleeding.”

  I didn’t need to ask the question for them to see it in my eyes.

  “When they brought her back last night, she’d been zapped.” Julianne shrugged. “She was drooling all over herself and there was a bandage in her mouth where she’d bit her tongue. We weren’t surprised about that. It happens all the time when someone is brought back from that room, but when we looked in her seat…” She cringed, not able to talk about what she’d seen.

  Lesley spoke up to finish the tale. “She was bleeding heavily from her ass. At least, that’s what it looked like. Her pants were soaked in it, and luckily, Terrie was on the floor. Dawn was taken away pretty quick. When Nurse Lisa brought her back this morning and we cornered the bitch for answers, she claimed that the bleeding was a side effect of her treatment.”

  Elaine laughed. “Fucking liars. I’ve been zapped once or twice now and I never bled out of my ass. If I can get in touch with Lillian Wesley…”

  “Shut up, Elaine!” A chorus of annoyed voices interrupted. Tears welled in Elaine’s eyes and I couldn’t understand what any of them were upset about.

  “Who’s Lillian?”

  Lesley snorted. “Elaine’s author. She swears that if she can get in touch with Lillian, then the author will kill off whomever we want in a book. The problem is that Lillian…” She said the name with a singsong voice while casting a contemptuous glare in Elaine’s direction. “…currently has a restraining order against Elaine for kidnapping her and breaking her arms.”

  Michelle reached for the book in Elaine’s hands. Elaine shrieked in response and held it closer to her chest.

  “Ladies!!” Nurse Lisa’s warning echoed through the room.

  “I’m not even sure how killing Joe off in a book will help us anyway, Elaine,” Sally commented.

  We were slowly veering off on a tangent and I brought the conversation back to Dawn. “So, Joe hurt her?”

  Michelle stopped reaching for the book and her expression fell. “Yeah, we think it has something to do with what you did to Emerson.”

  Annoyance rushed through me like a tidal wave. “Why does everyone keep saying that?”

  “Because you were the only person left standing in that hallway. When we heard the screams and the staff took off running, we followed them. You looked insane, waving around a wrench and screaming your fucking head off. Emerson’s head looked like a busted watermelon, his brains spread on the floor and the blood….” She whistled. “It was amazing. Seriously.”

  My jaw dropped and disbelief washed up behind the annoyance, removing any trace of the first emotion. Shaking my head, I silently refused to believe what they were telling me.

  “I d
idn’t kill anybody.”

  “Say what you want, babe, but the man is dead and there was no one else there who could have done it.” Patting me on the back, Lesley made a poor attempt at consoling me.

  “Alex! It’s time to go. Your brother is here.” Terrie called for me from across the room and I wondered where the time had gone. Waving goodbye to the girls, I marched across the room and ignored the scathing look that Nurse Lisa was casting in my direction.

  Terrie wrapped her arms around my shoulder as we left the room and I asked the question that wouldn’t leave my thoughts.

  “Is Emerson dead?”

  Too afraid to know her response, I’d barely whispered the question.

  She squeezed my shoulder with her hand, and in true Terrie style, blew the question off with one of her polite responses that answered absolutely nothing.

  “I’ll leave you to ask those types of questions of your doctor, dear. As far as I’m concerned, I think you’re a beautiful person inside and out.”

  . . .

  Stepping into the white room, I stumbled over my feet to find Dain waiting with Jeremy. I hadn’t expected both men and I wondered if I’d be receiving bad news because both of them were in attendance.

  “Ms. Sutton. Please take a seat.” Jeremy remained sitting as I approached, but Dain stood up to greet me with a warm hug. It felt so good to be pressed up against him, the fleeting feeling of safety washing over me when his arms were wrapped tightly around my body.

  “Hey Kid.” His voice was strained and when he pulled away, I looked up to notice his tired skin. After glancing at the dark circles beneath his eyes, I blinked away the tears that threatened mine.

  “You look so tired.”

  He smiled and warmth radiated free of the expression. Behind it, I could still sense his hesitation, an urgency and sadness inside him that I assumed was a result of me. “You look like shit yourself, Kid.”

  A short burst of laughter flew from my mouth and it hurt to smile. Once we’d both taken our seats, Jeremy frowned and stood up from the table. “I’m sorry to have to do this, Ms. Sutton, but it’s protocol. I’d been able to ignore the rule before, but given last night’s events, I have to restrain you further while we’re in this room.”

  He approached my chair and I locked my eyes to Dain. Holding his stare, I tried to ignore the flame of embarrassment I knew had covered my cheeks. It’s enough for him to hear that I’m crazy, but to see the way I was caged? It felt like the final straw, the horrific reality seeping out to destroy the illusion of normalcy that had once been between us.

  After fastening the padded restraints of my wrists to the chair, Jeremy retook his seat beside Dain. Flashing me a sympathetic smile, he said, “I’ve had an opportunity to speak with your brother before you arrived in the room. We’ve come to a mutual decision to provide you with more information about this situation than I’d normally be comfortable discussing with a patient.”

  I nodded my understanding and attempted to disregard the waves of anxiety rushing through my body. Forcing my lungs to breathe slower and deeper, I plastered on a blank expression, not sure I would be able to handle whatever it was that he needed to tell me.

  Dain looked down at his hands on the table. He was upset and I knew that when he looked away, he was attempting to hide whatever it was he was feeling.

  “We should begin with the events of last night. However, before I say anything, I’d like to ask you what you remember, Ms. Sutton.”

  “I was told that I killed Emerson.”

  Annoyance flashed across his features, quickly replaced with the clinical and cold expression of a scientist. “I’d known that would occur once you spoke with the other patients. Do you remember killing Emerson?”

  “No.”

  I didn’t. Ever since the women told me what I’d supposedly done, I’d been racking my brain trying to remember something. As far as I could recall, I’d been in Ali’s session, I’d been dragged away, and I woke up in the therapy room with Jeremy standing over me.

  “Interesting,” he mused.

  “Aren’t there security cameras in this place? For fucks sake! It’s a mental institution for criminals! Why isn’t there any footage of what happened?”

  Dain’s anger surprised me, my attention snapping to him as soon as he barked out his question.

  “Mr. Sutton. Please calm down while your sister is in the room.” Unruffled and placid, Jeremy spoke carefully so as to avoid aggravating Dain further.

  Dain grimaced, his face twisting in a painful way until he looked at me again and remembered to pretend that everything was okay. “Sorry, Alex. I’m just…” Forcing his hand through his hair, he blew out a frustrated breath. “…I can’t believe this is going on. You’re not a killer.” His voice trembled on the last word and a tear fell from my eye.

  “Mr. Sutton…” Reaching up, Jeremy placed a comforting hand on Dain’s shoulder. “The entire facility is recorded. Unfortunately, the hallway where the incident occurred was being renovated. The painters had disconnected the wires to that particular section when they were painting and had failed to replace them. As to why it wasn’t caught by the security team, I’m not sure. I’m determined to find out who is responsible and inform them that they are no longer employed with the institution.”

  “Losing their job isn’t enough. My sister’s life hangs on the line and whatever bastard failed to notice that the camera was out should face criminal charges!”

  Jeremy didn’t blink an eye to Dain’s rage. “You’re the detective. You tell me what charge I should bring against the responsible party.”

  Nothing more than a grumble escaped Dain’s lips and he brought his fist down on the table so hard that it shook the bolts pinning the table to the floor. Jeremy said nothing and I assumed he was giving my brother a chance to calm down before continuing.

  Once silence had fallen over us again, Jeremy continued. “I have a theory about your condition, Ms. Sutton and I’m willing to divulge a small portion of my thoughts. For one, I don’t think you were diagnosed correctly, or if you were, your condition isn’t as severe as the previous doctors claimed. Following your accident, you suffered some brain damage, which both you and your brother know, and I agree that it led to anterograde amnesia. Although, I think that condition has resolved, or at the minimum, the severity of the condition has lessened…”

  “Then why can’t I remember anything, Doc?” Contempt was obvious in my voice, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was accusing me of lying. “Do you think I know about all of this and that I’m making everything up? Because if that’s what you think…”

  “I’m not accusing you of anything, Ms. Sutton.” The lack of expression in his voice was pissing me off. I just wanted him to get to the point, but as usual, he had to speak in circles. “I believe you’re having periods of disassociation. That combined with the amnesiac effects that resulted from your injury has led to a tricky, if not impossible, diagnosis.”

  “Get to the point, please.” Anger simmered inside me with no definite cause or source. It seemed with every day that passed, this entire situation became more bizarre and unconscionable. By the look on Dain’s face, he was feeling the same bitter frustration as me.

  Jeremy sighed. “Unfortunately, without a full diagnosis, I have no point. Only more questions. Until those are answered, what I’m thinking is going on is nothing more than a theory. I’m not willing to give your condition a label until I’m absolutely sure.”

  I tried to stand up, tried to move so that I could exhaust the nervous energy inside me. My body jerked up but down again when the restraints on my wrists prevented me from moving away from the chair bolted to the floor. Both men sat still, watching me struggle to free myself before finally giving up. My tears dropped to the table and I stared at the liquid evidence that pooled on the surface.

  “Ms. Sutton, you mentioned something in your first session that, at the time, I didn’t believe held any merit to what’s going on.
However, if my theory is correct, then not only is the memory significant, it’s the most important piece in this entire puzzle.”

  I glanced up and noticed the look exchanged between Jeremy and Dain. Both appeared cautious to bring up the subject.

  Swallowing down his trepidation, Jeremy asked, “Do you remember an incident that occurred when you were five years old?”

  The car accident came into my thoughts, the lie my parents had revealed to me without realizing I’d been within hearing distance. “I don’t remember it. I only remember hearing my parents talk about it. I’ve already told you that.”

  I must have still sounded angry because Dain reached across the table. Unable to grab my hand, he clenched his into a fist before pulling away and saying, “I’ve done some digging, Alex. You might not remember the incident, but I do. After Dr. Hutchins brought it up to me yesterday, I looked into it more. What I found is concerning and I have some questions of my own.”

  “So ask the question.” I couldn’t look at them and I refused to see the caution that was so apparent in their features.

  Dain spoke slowly, revealing the truth of a childhood trauma that I couldn’t remember. “When you were five and I was fifteen, I had a friend whose name was Jay. He…I was watching you for mom and dad one day while they were out shopping and I wanted to go see my girlfriend at the time. It was stupid of me, but I paid Jay to stay and watch you for an hour while I ran over to her house.” His voice was apologetic and ripped apart by the emotion he was struggling to contain. “Mom and dad got home before I did and when they found you both in the house…”

  He broke down, no longer able to contain the anger and guilt he felt. “I’m so sorry, Kid. Until I recently looked at the police reports, I didn’t understand how bad it had been. I didn’t realize he…”

  “Spare her the details, Dain.” A whispered suggestion from Jeremy was enough to stop Dain in his tracks.

  Shifting back to the point to his story, he said, “I looked into what happened to Jay. He served some time, but not much because he was a minor. His family moved away as soon as he was out of jail and they were able to transfer his probation to where they lived. The thing that bothers me is that, after mom and dad died, his family came back, but his trail…it’s like he went off the fucking grid…”