Asylum

by Lily White

  Thinking back, I realized that it wasn’t unusual that CJ and I had found our way back to each other. Although I didn’t hate the idea of not being able to remember his death, I did feel a loss at not being able to remember anything about the last days or months that we’d had together.

  “You know the drill, Alex. Lie down on the bed and I’ll take the seat beside you. After a momentary prick, you’ll be fast on your way to finding the answers to what happened on the night of Mr. Wallace’s death.”

  Doing as I was told, I crossed the small space and cringed when I felt the rough texture of the comforter on the bed. Jeremy gave me a sheepish look of apology and took his seat beside me. His notepad and pen were sitting at the ready on the bedside table and I groaned when he pulled the syringe from his jacket pocket. Extending my arm, I looked away as he rubbed at the vein with his thumb and pinched the skin with the tip of the needle.

  The same type of euphoria I’d felt during all our previous sessions started to overpower me and I listened to his calming words as he led me back to a night I wasn’t sure I wanted to remember. My arms and legs felt like mush, my head floating in a mist of intoxication, and the light Southern drawl of his voice helped me close my eyes and return to the distant memories I held from the past.

  Once I was comfortably relaxed on the bed, he reminded me, “Don’t forget that I’m always beside you. What you may see or experience isn’t a threat to you anymore. It can’t hurt you physically and it has no weight in your present life. They are only memories, Alex. They can hurt your heart having to remember them, but they won’t hurt your body.” I felt the warmth of his hand slip into mine.

  “Once you dig up the pieces I need to heal you, I promise you I’ll help you mend the heartache that comes with having to remember what happened.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living.

  - Marcus Tullius Cicero

  “Are you sure we’re old enough to get a room? I thought we had to be at least twenty-one?”

  Squeezing his arm around my waist, CJ growled in my ear, pulling a small laminated card from his pocket and holding it up for me to see. “This is the new age of technology, Alex. Fake IDs are not hard to come by. You just have to know what you’re doing.”

  Looking down at the card, my eyes widened to see the almost flawless driver’s license in his hand. I laughed at the name and age on the card. “Nobody is going to believe you’re twenty-five. And why didn’t you use your real name?”

  “And take the risk of dropping it for somebody to find? Hell no. I’m not that stupid.”

  “Ben Dover? You used the name Ben Dover? Don’t you think somebody is going to realize it’s a fake name?” I could barely speak through my laughter and he gave me a crooked boyish grin in response.

  “Like it, huh? It can be a real name.”

  “Yeah, but only parents who hate their kid would give them a name like that. I’ll just call you Ben for the rest of the night.”

  “Okay, Mrs. Dover.” He winked and shoved the ID back in his pocket. “You ready for this? I can’t believe we have the entire night together. I’ve been looking forward to this for the last couple months.”

  He opened the driver’s side door to the car and stepped out into the cold night. The parking lot of the cheap roadside motel was barely visible beneath the lights that struggled to illuminate the ground due to the heavy snowfall that came on as suddenly as CJ’s idea that we sneak out of our houses and get a room outside of town.

  My friend, Catherine, had called me while I was helping CJ study for a math exam he had the following week asking me to spend the night. I told her I could and my aunt had agreed, ecstatic to see that I was getting out with friends again after a year of being home schooled. I’d become a recluse since my aunt pulled me out of high school and CJ was the only friend who I’d seen regularly since that time. Of course, Catherine understood when CJ and I only stayed for a short time before heading out on our own.

  Our friendship, which had always been platonic in the past, blossomed during the summer months that we spent together. My aunt loved him and remembered him well from the days when I was child and we lived on the same street. She wasn’t opposed to our being inseparable, believing that it would remind me of a time before my parents had died.

  In a sense, she’d been right. Even though CJ and I hadn’t spoken for years, our friendship was the type that would last the ages. We shared an easygoing relationship that eventually turned into a love story between best friends. I didn’t realize how much I’d missed him and I promised myself that I would never let him leave my life again.

  He opened my door and offered his hand to pull me out of my seat in the car. We quickly ran across the lot, shaking off the snow from our jackets as we entered the small dirty lobby of a less than desirable hotel that was located twenty minutes from where we lived. The shabby furnishings and smoke hazed room disgusted me, but I ignored it because I knew any other hotel would require a credit card for a room.

  Approaching the counter, CJ pulled his wallet from his pocket and asked, “How much for a room for the night?”

  The disgusting man behind the counter flicked the ash from his cigarette towards the ashtray. I watched as the failed attempt landed on the counter instead. The man noticed as well, quickly brushing it to the floor before turning to us in his stained white t-shirt that had small holes in the armpits when he reached to shove a torn information sheet in our direction.

  “$50 bucks a night and that doesn’t include cable, heat, or cleaning. Be out by eleven in the morning or I’ll lock you out.”

  CJ looked at me with a funny expression before looking back at the greasy-haired man. “What if we’re still in the room at eleven?”

  The man grinned and I couldn’t help but stare at the three yellow teeth that were in his mouth. “Then I lock you in and you pay me double to get out.”

  “Okay.” Slapping the money on the counter, CJ pulled his ID from his pocket. “Do you need to see my ID?”

  “Nope,” The man replied. “Don’t give a shit who you are or why you’re here. As long as you have cash, I have no questions.”

  “Easy enough.” CJ responded.

  The till from the cash register dinged and the man shoved the bills inside. Grabbing a key from the wall, he tossed it in CJ’s direction and didn’t say another word before turning back to the game show that was playing on the small black and white television behind the counter.

  CJ wasted no time grabbing my hand and pulling me in the direction of the elevator. Pushing the button, we listened to the gears grind while the car made a slow dissent. The doors screeched open and the single bulb inside flickered for a second before popping and bathing the elevator in darkness.

  “Uh, I’m not sure we should trust this. Can’t we just take the stairs? There are only two floors in this place.” Tugging at CJ’s hand, I attempted to lead him to the door marked ‘stairs’ that was to our left. He pulled me back towards him, hugging his arms around my waist and pulling me against his body.

  “Oh come on, babe. Live a little.” He wiggled his eyebrows and added, “Plus, you know what they say about elevators.”

  Glancing into the car, I noticed the faint scent of urine emanating out of the small space. CJ must have noticed it as well because he let me go and walked me towards the stairs. “On second thought, we could probably use the exercise.”

  Climbing the stairs took no time and we eventually found our room down a long dark hall. I couldn’t tell what had more holes as we walked: the carpet or the walls.

  “Great place you found here, Mr. Dover. I’ll be sure to recommend it to all of our friends when we get back.”

  He squeezed my hand and said, “It’ll be great. No worries.” Slipping the key into the lock, he slammed his palm on the handle and shoved the door open. We stood at the threshold looking into the room and we both groaned to find that it wasn’t much better than the lobby o
r the halls.

  “It’s not about the room, right? I’m sure a hot shower will help get rid of any diseases we pick up in this place.” He gave me a pensive look and pulled me inside.

  As soon as the door slammed behind us, he went to work locking the five different deadlocks on the door and I slipped off my jacket while taking a look around. There was a small table to the left of the room with a broken mirror on the wall above it. Fake flowers held a layer of dust in a vase that appeared as if it had been broken and glued back together. The carpets were a putrid shade of green and the curtains and bedspread had a terrible floral design that must have come straight from the 1970s.

  “Homey.” I remarked and CJ laughed as he came up behind me to wrap his arms around my waist.

  “Maybe if I blindfold you, we can pretend that we’re in a five star hotel.”

  I laughed. “You’ll have to plug my nose as well so I’m not aware of the smell of stale cigarette smoke and alcohol.”

  “Well, the guy did tell us that cleaning wasn’t included. I don’t think he was lying.” Planting kisses on my neck, he nipped at my earlobe before saying, “I have to use the bathroom. Wish me luck.”

  Releasing me, he stepped towards a door on the side of the room. He opened it and jumped back, grimacing as he looked at me to say, “If I scream, don’t try to save me. Just run for your life, okay?”

  I nodded and watched as he disappeared through the door.

  “Where are we, Alex?”

  I jumped at the sound of Jeremy’s voice and pulled away from the realism of the memory. Turning to find him sitting on the bed, I answered, “We’re in the hotel room. We lied to get a night together alone.”

  He nodded, not bothering to say another word before fading out of view and returning me to the room with CJ.

  “Holy shit, that was disgusting.” CJ slammed the door behind him and smiled, “I hope you don’t have to pee tonight because you are going to be so upset when you walk in there. My suggestion is to squat so you don’t have to touch the bowl.”

  “Great.” I dragged out the word, watching as he approached me. He took no time wrapping his hands into the bottom hem of my shirt and tugging playfully in an attempt to pull it up. When I pulled away, his smiled faded and he cocked his head to the side on a silent question. I smiled in response, not sure if my apprehension was about what we’d planned to do with this time, or the place where we chosen to do it.

  “You sure about this, Alex? I don’t want to pressure you into anything you don’t want to do. I’m not like other guys…I don’t want to be like other guys.”

  “What other guys? There’s been nobody but you.” I was confused, wondering why he’d said those words with a cautious voice.

  His eyes narrowed and his expression soured for a moment, but he shrugged and said, “You’re right. Let’s not talk about that tonight.”

  With one quick movement, he pulled at my shirt, the material lifting my arms up so that he could tug the shirt from my body. I felt insecure standing in front of him in just my bra and I wrapped my arms around myself in an attempt to cover my chest.

  Dropping the shirt to the ground, he stepped forward after looking me over. He grinned in such a way that I smiled back. When he tried to pull my arms away from my chest, I could only offer a small bit of resistance before letting go and letting him look at me without being covered.

  “You’re beautiful, Alex.” His mouth was on mine and his fingers traced trails up my abdomen until he took the weight of my breasts in his hands. I gasped at the sensation and moaned when he rolled my nipples between his fingers over the lace of my bra. Between sultry kisses, he talked me through everything he was doing, telling me how beautiful I was and how much he loved being with me. I wanted to feel the heat of his skin against mine so I reached out my hands to grip his shirt and pull it off him.

  I was shocked by what I found. Even though we were still young, his chest and shoulders were filled out and strong, the years of football and baseball having shaped him into the perfect model of masculine perfection. His smoky grey eyes twinkled with mischief and his dirty blond hair framed his face. With a smile that could melt the heart of any woman he wanted, he raised his arms and flexed them playfully.

  “You like?”

  Laughter burst from my lungs and I nodded, happy that he continued to joke around with me in an attempt to break apart the nervousness I was feeling. I was still laughing when he kissed me again and that laughter turned into moans.

  Leading me to the bed, he pushed down on my shoulders, kneeling on the floor in front of me so he could keep his lips locked to mine. There was no other reason for us to be in this room, so he didn’t bother wasting time as he unbuttoned my pants and lowered the zipper. Lifting my ass, I helped me pull the material from my body, feeling all the more anxious when he slipped the pants from my legs and tossed them to the floor behind him.

  Trailing his fingers back up my legs, he reached the heated skin between them and pressed his thumb over my panties against my clit. I fell back on the bed, not caring that I was exposed to his eyes as he slipped my panties to the side to lick along the slickened skin.

  “Oh fuck, Alex. I’ve been waiting years to be with you like this.” Slipping a finger inside me, he continued sucking on my clit and my hips rolled in response to the motion of his hand that was perfectly timed with the movement of his tongue. He breathed out and heat washed over the skin, my mouth opening to beg for more, but stopping when I felt too embarrassed to talk. I was so nervous, yet still desperate for him to continue what he was doing.

  Eventually, his mouth moved away from my clit and he trailed kisses up my body while still pumping his fingers inside me. Reaching my breast, he lightly bit the tip between his teeth, while slipping his free hand between my back and the bed. A quick tug loosened the band and he nudged the lace up with his nose to take my nipple into his mouth, swirling the tongue around the rim and stoking a fire inside me.

  Moving to help him remove the bra from my body, I inched up the bed to give him room to crawl on top of me. He pulled his fingers out of me to unbuckle his pants and push them off his hips to fall to the floor. After kicking off the jeans and boxers, he crawled up, the weight of his body causing the mattress to dip beneath me. He slipped his fingers inside me again, pushing in and out until I was so wet, I could barely feel the skin moving against skin.

  “You’re sure?” He asked the question on a whisper, kissing my cheeks, then trailing those kisses along my neck.

  I was too nervous to speak so I nodded in response, bucking my hips towards him to urge him along.

  He pulled away from me, reaching onto the mattress where he’d placed a condom when I hadn’t been paying attention. Ripping the wrapper, he pulled it from the package and slipped it over his cock. He gave me a shy smile, but his grey eyes were heated with need.

  His mouth covered mine again, his soft lips moving over mine slowly. I opened to him and as his tongue dipped down to slide along mine, he pushed himself inside me.

  I’d expected pain when he first entered me. I was surprised that instead of that pain, there was a pleasing fullness. My body gripped him, the muscles of my core contracting over him with every thrust he made inside me. His hands explored my breasts and his mouth continued to claim mine.

  Letting go of my breasts, he trailed his hands back down to my legs, grabbing me beneath the knees and lifting them up so that he could push deeper inside my body. My head fell back and his tongue licked along my jaw and neck, eventually finding its way to my breast.

  The moans escaping my body sounded so sensual that I was surprised I was capable of producing them. A fire burned inside me, a feeling so unique and exquisite that I was frozen in place, lost in the sensation of his cock moving inside me.

  Before long his pace sped up and his breathing sounded more like panting as he pumped himself in and out. I enjoyed the feeling of being beneath him, but it was over too soon. Within minutes CJ cried out, jerking into m
e with one long, hard stroke before his body collapsed down on top of me.

  I lay beneath him, breathing heavy from what we’d just done, but feeling disappointed at the same time. Was this what sex was all about? It was nice, yes, but it wasn’t the explosive, mind numbing experience that everyone claimed it would be. From everything I’d read in the dirty novels I secretly hoarded and from all the movies I’d seen, sex was supposed to make me scream – it was supposed to leave me feeling spent and sated. It was supposed to be so much more than this.

  “Are you okay?” Finally catching his breath, he pushed up with both arms to look down at me. I faked a smile, reaching out to grab his wrists.

  “Yeah, I’m fine.”

  “I didn’t hurt you, right?”

  “No.” I smiled again, squeezing his wrist to indicate that I was okay.

  His cheeks heated with a blush and he had a crooked grin when he asked, “Did you like it?”

  “Yeah.”

  He frowned at my lack of enthusiasm.

  Putting a little more excitement in my voice, I lied and said, “It was so good.”

  It was enough to make him smile. Rolling away from me, he climbed off the bed and crossed the room to go in the bathroom and clean up. I used the time to find my clothes and slip them back on. I wasn’t sure why I felt the need for the modesty.

  He came out of the bathroom and sat on the bed. Moving past him, I reached out to brush my hand through his hair. “I’m going to go get cleaned up.”

  Smiling, he answered, “Good luck in there.”

  I entered the bathroom and grimaced at the dirt and grime that was embedded in the surface of the white porcelain sink. The toilet wasn’t much better and the shower looked like it hadn’t been scrubbed since the motel was built.

  “Disgusting,” I mumbled to myself. Flicking on the water, I cleaned up as quickly as possible.

  Glass broke in the other room, followed by a deep, yet muffled scream. Throwing the door open, I peered out into what was now a dark room. By the light of the moon and the dim lights in the parking lot I saw him: The hooded man.