Belonging

by Maria Bernard

  Just then the boat came to a stop, and Gwen wavered and landed on Crispin’s lap. Gazing at her with that all too familiar sexy smile, he said, “Well then, young miss, shall we make the most of our last night in London?”

  “I thought you’d never ask!”

  ***

  If Gwen had found Crispin affectionate before, she soon realized how much he had actually been holding out on her. From the moment she told him she loved him, he hadn’t stopped smiling. He hadn’t let go of her hand and when they walked, he even went as far as to swing their arms between them ever so subtly, and there was a definite skip in his step that was not there before. It was hard to describe. He was still Crispin but only more, way more.

  “Come on, keep up, cheeky monkey,” he said, snaking an arm around her shoulder, tugging her in for a loud smack of a kiss on her cheek.

  “Where are we?” she asked, coming up for air. They had left the riverside and without warning, Crispin had whisked her into another taxi. The next thing she knew, they were standing on a very busy intersection with huge signs and blinking neon lights. Nightclubs and bars lined the streets they walked. Kitschy shops were everywhere. Then it hit her…

  “Piccadilly Circus, of course!”

  “That’s right.” He grabbed her hand and spun her around. “London’s not just about art galleries and museums. Besides, we’re young yet, we gotta leave something for when we’re old and grey.” As the words left his mouth, he hesitated for only a second, allowing that old familiar dread to take hold of his heart. Would they be together that long? Could it be possible to have found a lifelong love, a soulmate? Last week he wouldn’t have believed it. But after a mere glance at Gwen’s smile, he stomped his onset of doubt back down. She loved him… She was in love with him!

  “Hahaha, Crispin, you have a point there.” The realization that he was even contemplating a future with her, caused her heart to leap in her chest. While he hadn’t actually said he loved her in return, she could sense it, and he had said he’d never felt so strongly about anyone else. That alone gave her hope. She couldn’t imagine a better way to spend her life than to be by Crispin’s side travelling the world.

  “Come on, let’s grab something to eat. I’m famished,” Crispin said, leading the way.

  No fancy long-winded pub dinners were on the menu tonight. No way could Crispin sit still for long in his current mood. After grabbing a couple of kebabs to-go, they were off again. Gwen had never felt so free or laughed so much as they ran amuck through the touristy Trocadero Centre, playing video games, and virtual reality games. Gwen couldn’t quite believe it when Crispin challenged her to a bowling match.

  Spilling out onto the street, still in stitches, laughing at the vision of Crispin, in his Goth glory, bowling like a pro, Gwen barely had a chance to catch her breath before they were off again. As they walked, she watched him from the corner of her eye and noticed his smile had not yet faded and she was glad of it. In fact, when he caught her looking, he gave her a wink and sexy wag of his brow.

  “What are you up to?” she asked, recognizing that look. It made her nervous in a good way. Nervous and excited in a very good way.

  “None of your concern,” he purred, draping his long arm around her shoulders, leading the way, looking for something or someplace only he knew.

  “Ohh…” Soon enough they arrived at their destination and it all became clear to Gwen what he’d been searching for.

  “No worries, I got this,” he said, leading her into one of the many specialty sex shops in nearby Soho. “We’ll be in and out in no time.”

  Yikes! Gwen did her best to hide her eyes from the multitudes of sex toys on display, yet at the same time, she found she couldn’t look away. She was sure she had turned as red as a sun-ripened tomato at one point but then when everyone else in the place acted as if it were all so run-of-the-mill, she allowed herself to relax. Besides, she trusted Crispin to know what he was doing. Hopefully, he would find whatever he was looking for real quick so they could leave this place. Seeing some of the things on display, she breathed a deep sigh of relief when Crispin walked right by most of it without a passing glance. He did give her hand a reassuring squeeze now and again as he browsed, which she appreciated. Thankfully, they soon left the shop with a little bag of tricks, as Crispin had deemed it. She had been too entranced by a particular display to notice he had already found and paid for whatever it was hiding within the mysterious baggie.

  “What’s on your mind?” he asked with a smile as they finally approached the Lemon Tree Inn.

  “Oh, nothing,” she lied, still weirded-out by the visuals back in the shop in Soho.

  “Hey?” He slowed his steps and instead of going in the front door of the inn right away, he turned and waited until she looked at him. He could her see her eyes darting from the bag in his hand, back and forth to her hands, to her feet, anywhere but his face. She wouldn’t look him in the eye and suddenly it hit him. He’d been on such a euphoric high, he hadn’t considered how seeing all that stuff back at the sex shop might have thrown her off. “You all right?”

  “Yes, of course, I am,” she said too quick, but again it was a lie. Her anxiety was through the roof, and she didn’t even know why. No, that was a lie as well! This time she knew exactly the reason but was too upset with herself to tell him.

  “Come on, let’s take this inside.” Without further ado, he led the way to their room. Once there, he set the bag on the night table and waited for Gwen to come out of the bathroom, where she had run off to, the moment he had closed the door.

  Pull yourself together! Gwen scolded herself over and over, staring at her reflection in the mirror. As she undressed from her daywear and slipped on her nightie, she reminded herself she was with Crispin and that, no matter what, he was still the same sweet lover of last night and the night before. In fact, there was nothing scary or perverse about him and she knew that, but she still couldn’t get the images of some of the more risqué items on display out of her head. She was an over-thinker and she couldn’t help it. It was the way her mind worked and, no doubt, a huge reason for her issues with anxiety came with her inability to simply let things go without analyzing them to death.

  Patience was not Crispin’s strength but Gwen was worth the wait. A painful half-hour later, she finally emerged, looking as nervous as a virgin in a brothel. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he tried hard not to laugh at the trepidation on her face. Not just yet. It would be cruel to laugh. Poor thing, she’s obviously petrified. She refused to look him in the eye. Maybe she didn’t trust him quite as much as he had believed. Her uncertainty only made him want her more. At the slight tremble on her bottom lip, he realized he had never set eyes upon a sexier sight.

  “Come here, you.” He held out his hand for her. When she hesitated, he added, “Promise, I won’t bite.”

  Master Crispin Clover made quite the vision, sitting there in the dark. For a second, she didn’t know what to do, but then he held out his hand, and just like that, all her fears disappeared. The moment he drew her between his knees and placed his hands on her hips, she relaxed and let out a big sigh.

  “There, that wasn’t so bad,” Crispin said with a smile.

  “I’m sorry, Crispin,” she whispered, resting her hands on his shoulders. When he didn’t even flinch at her touch, she smiled even more and pressed her forehead to his.

  “I’m the one who should apologize.” He took a deep breath and allowed himself to enjoy her sweet embrace. She loved him. She was in love with him… the words looped through his mind as they had done since she first spoke them.

  “For what?” She blinked her eyes at him.

  “For not considering your feelings. Your reaction to what you saw in the shop said it all. I should have been more sensitive, and I’m sorry.”

  “Umm, yeah, some of those things were kinda scary. You know, other than with you, I’ve never really done much beyond the regular stuff. And so far, it’s been real nice. But I suppo
se I started to think maybe I was in-over-my-head.”

  With a kiss to her mouth, he sat her down on his knee. “Do you trust me?” he asked her, tucking her hair behind her ear. When she nodded, he hugged her close. “Tonight, when you told me you loved me–”

  “I do love you,” she blurted, cutting him off. “Very much, and I want so much to please you, but when I saw all those things…”

  He smiled and chuckled lightly, touched by her concerns. “Remember, when I told you that you only ever have to worry about me?” He waited, smoothing a hand over her exposed thigh until she nodded. “That means, you have no reason to worry at all since I’m only interested in a small part of it.”

  “Bondage and submission,” she whispered. “But I thought maybe…”

  “Maybe what?” he asked.

  “Now that you know how I feel about you, that I won’t ever leave you, you might not need to…”

  “Tie you up?” When she nodded, he hugged her close again. She made a good point. Perhaps he might even consider it. But could he chance it? If she did change her mind and left him, would he survive the loss of her love once he’d had a taste of it?

  “It’s the truth, Crispin. I love you so much and I don’t plan on leaving you, ever,” she whispered into his ear. When he didn’t respond, she braced herself for the worst. Maybe he didn’t actually want her to stick around. “Unless you don’t me to stay with you.”

  “God, you are the sweetest thing.” Crispin sighed, taking it all in, the embrace, the love. It was all so fresh and new to him, something he had yearned for all his life, and now, for the first time, he had it right there in his arms. “Of course, I want you to stick around. I can’t even begin to imagine being away from you for any length of time, now that I’ve gotten to know you. That is how in love with you I am.” As the words left his mouth, he smiled, overwhelmed.

  So, this is what if felt like to be in love, Crispin thought to himself, a big emotional vacuum where two self-conscious souls come together and dance in circles. What a beautiful, confusing place to be.

  “You love me?” she repeated, just to be sure she wasn’t dreaming.

  He chuckled lightly within his chest, gathered her hair in his fist and angled her face to look at him. “Told you I wasn’t good at this relationship stuff. I could swear I told you earlier that I loved you.”

  “Well, not in so many words, but I understand, you were upset and overwhelmed. I figured you’d get to it eventually.” She giggled, hiding her face to his neck.

  Once again, he tightened his hold on her hair so she had to look him in the eyes. He then gazed at her and smiled for an unmarked stretch of time. Without speaking, he then cradled her head to his chest and just let himself breathe it all in for a moment. Sensing her eyes on the baggie on the night table, Crispin reached for it and dumped its contents on the bed beside them. “See anything scary in there?”

  She took a furtive peek and then smiled when all she saw were a few lovely black and purple silk scarves, a set of furry handcuffs, and something else she hadn’t noticed at first. A shiny black feather which she reached for and stroked. When Crispin chuckled and shook his head, she looked at him.

  “What’s so funny?” she asked.

  “I had a feeling you’d like the feather.”

  “What would you use it for?”

  “You’ll see,” he said with a wicked smile.

  He could see her mind working, and couldn’t help but wonder if she still felt the same or if she had changed her mind about the darker side of his sexual nature. Could he be all right without it if she decided it wasn’t for her? Could he do vanilla sex? It had been so long since he had tried it. “So tell me, how do you feel about all this now, having seen the contents of my bag of tricks?”

  “Much better,” she said, relieved. None of it frightened her in the slightest. In truth, she was suddenly quite excited to try it all out.

  Nodding pensively, he then gathered it all up and put it back in the bag. He was suddenly filled with inspiration. Traditional sex was not his style at all, and under other circumstances with anyone else, he wouldn’t have contemplated it, but for Gwen, well, he was willing to try.

  “What are you doing? Aren’t you gonna tie me up?” she tittered excitedly.

  With a smile, he thought about it then slowly shook his head. “Tonight, because it’s a very special occasion, I think we should keep things simple and put this all away.”

  “Oh?” she said with a hint of disappointment in her voice.

  “Yes, we’ll keep these for another time. Tonight, I think we should try this the vanilla way, to celebrate.” He watched her for a reaction and her smile was reward enough. At that point, he was ready to have her any way she wanted.

  “Our last night in London,” she said with a sigh.

  “Yes, but not only that,” he said as he slowly and methodically rolled her nightie up over her head. “My first time with a woman who actually loves me.”

  “Oh, I do love you, Crispin,” she said with a smile. “I’m honoured.”

  “I’m the one who is honoured.” Pressing her onto the bed on her back, he shed his clothes as fast as he could and covered her body with his own. Resting his entire weight on top of her, he only tensed for a moment when she wrapped both arms and legs around him. Overwhelmed with emotion, he gave himself a minute. He soon relaxed and took it all in, the beauty of it, the comfort of her arms around him, the love surrounding him. It was all he had ever wanted.

  “I love you very much, Crispin. With all my heart,” she repeated as he entered her without hesitation. She couldn’t quite believe she was actually holding him in her arms, so fully, and without restraints. By the way he was holding her in return, one hand under her head, the other under her behind, she could tell he was loving it. They were locked together in that age-old embrace, both moving in rhythm to the beats of their hearts, and it felt amazing. Even without the bondage aspect, sex with Crispin was beyond anything she had experienced in the past. While he plundered and rocked his magnificent hardness into her, she could think of nothing else. Her mind was a lovely blank, only capable of feeling pleasure.

  “I love you, too, Gwen. More than you’ll ever know.”

  Chapter 28

  The next morning, following a quick breakfast, Crispin and Gwen packed their things and said goodbye to the Lemon Tree Inn. On the short walk to Victoria Station, while she was excited about the next part of their trip, Gwen couldn’t help but mourn the end of their short but wonderful stay in London. So much had happened in so little time. They’d seen and done so much, yet there was still a lot to see. Not to mention the fact that they were now both in love with each other. What a contrast to when they’d first arrived.

  “What’s with the smile?” Crispin asked as he walked beside her, his suitcase trailing behind.

  She looked at him and shook her head, giggling. “I was recalling our not so pleasant arrival in London. You were so upset with me.”

  “And you were a nervous wreck.” He gave her a playful nudge.

  “Well, let’s just hope our train ride to Windsor goes smoother.”

  “Ah, come on.” He laughed, leading the way into the train station. “At least, you’ll have a story to tell when it’s all said and done. Adventure is what you wanted, after all.”

  “True, and adventure is what I got, and a whole lot more.”

  “Best part is, it’s not over yet. We’ve plenty more to do and see.”

  Thankfully, it was a quick and uneventful trip to Windsor. While on the train, Gwen thought about the night before. They hadn’t just had sex, they had actually made love. Her heart swelled just thinking about it. Then, of course, there was that moment when she had awoken in the early hours of the morning. For whatever reason, she woke up in a panic, worried about the next part of their journey. Even though she had no cause to be anxious, she simply was. She smiled to herself recalling how, even in his sleepy state, Crispin had held her tight and covered h
er with his body until she had calmed. It’s what he had done every night since their first night in London. It worked every time. She would be ever grateful to him for knowing what to do for her. He never laughed or made fun or lost his patience with her.

  Holding his hand while sitting beside him, she gave his fingers a squeeze in silent appreciation of his presence.

  They were to spend one night in Windsor. They were to arrive early afternoon, check into the B&B there, then go explore Windsor Castle. Gwen was excited since they hadn’t gotten a chance to tour Buckingham Palace. She didn’t think Crispin was too upset about that. As it was, he was rather reluctant to tour Windsor Castle but he had confessed to feeling guilty about Buckingham, so he wouldn’t dare deny her Windsor.

  Their B&B at Windsor was a short taxi ride from the train station and Gwen was excited to see their room. Since they’d gotten along so well in London, they had called ahead to the other places and changed their booking to one room instead of two. Apparently, Stacy had only messed up the first booking. Whether it had been intentional or not, Gwen wasn’t even worried about it anymore. She had finally gotten a text from Stacy that morning asking how things were going. Not wanting to give too much away, Gwen simply texted back that she was having the time of her life.

  When the taxi dropped them in front of the Red Rose B&B, Gwen couldn’t help but notice Crispin shudder at the sight of the place. It was quite quaint if not quirky with flowers everywhere, from the front garden to the interior decor.

  “Lord, help us all,” Crispin grumbled, as he grabbed their suitcases and led the way inside. Wincing at the overtly floral wallpaper, he scowled in distaste while ignoring the grin on Gwen’s face. This time they were greeted at the front desk by a stern little old lady who took her time and wrote out everything manually. Gwen could barely contain her giggle, watching Crispin role his eyes the entire time. But despite his huffing and puffing, Maude, her name was, would not be rushed!