Belonging

by Maria Bernard

  “Think about it,” Gwen said. “We were meant to find each other. Remember the clover incident? How is it possible we found each other again after all these years. Now this bracelet. Perhaps it wanted to find you, and maybe, that’s why you chose it out of all the others.”

  “I chose it because you compelled me with those eyes of yours. It’s nothing more.”

  “Yes, but maybe I compelled you because the bracelet wanted me to.”

  “You talk like it has a mind of its own or like it’s possessed!”

  “Well, in a way, maybe it is,” Gwen said. “Not so much possessed but maybe your mother was reaching out to you through it. Maybe she wanted you to have it. After all, it found its way back to you. Just like we found each other. Don’t you think it’s way too special a circumstance to be purely coincidental?”

  “You believe it’s fate? That somehow my mother’s spirit willed this bracelet back into my life through you?”

  “Or that the bracelet brought us together with your mother’s help!” she exclaimed excitedly, loud enough to catch Piers’s attention. “Either way, it is fate and you cannot deny it. It all makes so much sense to me now! This attraction I felt for you the moment I set eyes on you. It goes beyond having met you as a child. Don’t you understand what this means?”

  “Not quite. Only that you’re starting to freak me out!”

  “Oh, Crispin, it means your mother was looking out for you all this time. She didn’t willingly abandon you. She had no choice.”

  Crispin could only stare blankly at her. His mind had gone numb, unable to hear or process any more information. All he wanted at that moment was to be alone. He wanted to leave this place and get away from all he had just learned. He wanted to go back in time, to never have come to England. He wanted to return to the House of Goths, to surround himself with his friends, to see Becky, to talk to Kell or Dorian. Even with Gwen right in front of him, he had never felt more alone.

  “Crispin?”

  “I have to get out of here!” Grabbing her by the hand, he hoofed it towards the door.

  “Please, stay the night, or at least for dinner,” Piers intercepted them. “We have so much to discuss. You owe it to yourself to hear me out.”

  “I have nothing more I need to hear and I have nothing good to say to you,” Crispin barked.

  “Crispin?” Gwen protested, holding her ground. His unusual use of force threw her off and she instinctively yanked her hand free. “What are you doing?” For all of a second, a glint of shame and regret stared back at her.

  “You can’t just leave!” Piers insisted. “We’re not done yet!”

  “Silence!” Crispin held his hands up to his ears and shouted, glaring at them both.

  “Good Lord…” gasped Piers. “You truly are a Harlow!”

  “Fuck off! You know nothing about me. I am Crispin Clover of no fixed address. You can do with that what you will! Now, come with me, Gwen, or get left behind. I no longer give a fuck.” With that, he stormed out the door.

  She was about to chase after him, when Piers stopped her, blocking her path. “Please, I have to go!” It suddenly dawned on her that in his current state of mind, Crispin might drive off without her. While she had somehow stifled her anxieties throughout the afternoon in the wake of Piers’s revelations, her heart now raced with a vengeance. All sorts of scenarios clouded her vision. She had to reach Crispin before he might do something crazy.

  “Please, just promise to bring him back here tomorrow morning. He’s upset right now and rightly so. But there is a matter of utmost importance I need to discuss with him.”

  “I don’t know if I can promise anything at this point,” Gwen said with a frown.

  “Please, just do your best.” He handed her a card with his name and phone number.

  Placing it in her pocket, she bolted after Crispin, right past Jones and anyone else who might be watching.

  Chapter 33

  Gwen ran as fast as she could, her heart in her throat. She had gotten so caught up in what Piers had said to fully consider Crispin’s feelings. It must have been an awful blow to learn of his mother’s experience. She had been so fascinated by the news of the bracelet, so excited to discover that he had originated here, in England, the land of her dreams, in a Manor House of places, that she hadn’t understood the reason for his hostile reaction until now. So blinded by regret, she raced for the parking lot, only to find him waiting by the car.

  “Oh, Crispin!” She flung her arms around him and pressed her face to his chest. She should have never doubted him. He hadn’t left without her. He hadn’t abandoned her, even though she felt she deserved it. “I thought you’d left me here.”

  With his arms lightly around her, he chuckled. “Here I thought you trusted me.” He had almost taken off, but by the time he reached the parking lot, he had calmed down enough to come to his senses.

  “I do trust you,” she said, catching her breath.

  “Then why would you think I would have abandoned you?” With his hands on her shoulders, he set her away from him and walked around to his car door. Letting himself in, he waited for her to join him before driving off.

  As Crispin drove, he felt the tension of the last couple of hours finally leave his system. The more distance between Harlow Manor and himself, the better, in his opinion. Aware of Gwen’s unease, he reached out and rested a hand on her knee. Again, none of this was her fault, and he shouldn’t have lashed out at her. He couldn’t blame her for her excitement at the prospect that he could come from such a place as Harlow Manor. After all, he knew all about her fascination with books like Wuthering Heights and Jane Eyre. This must be pure magic for her.

  What would happen, he wondered, when the magic wore off and reality set in? Would she still want him when she found out he had no desire to pursue any form of future or ties with this ungodly place? All he wanted now, was to get through the next couple of days before getting the hell out of England and back to Canada, to the House of Goths, for however long he was welcome, and to forget he ever came here.

  Not having much appetite, they went straight to bed that night. With his heart heavy, he didn’t even protest when Gwen cuddled into him, her arm tight around his shoulders, her head on his chest. She must have sensed his desire for quiet since she didn’t utter a word all night. He hadn’t expected to want her so close after learning so much. Yet he did. When he had first stormed out of the manor, he wanted nothing more than to be by himself. But by the time he reached the car, he realized he needed her more than ever.

  When she startled in her sleep from a bout of anxiety, as he had come to expect, he simply rolled her over onto her belly and settled himself on top of her. “I’m here and I will never leave you,” he whispered in her ear, brushing his lips on her cheek. Seconds later, she drifted off again and he smiled to himself. If only everything in life were so simple.

  ***

  At Breakfast, the next morning, Gwen couldn’t help but wonder at Crispin’s curious good mood. He had woken her up, made love to her rather thoroughly, given her a playful smack on the butt before showering, getting dressed, and telling her to hurry up. They had much sightseeing to do before the end of their trip.

  He hadn’t said a word about what he had learned yesterday and she was hesitant to bring it up. “You’re awfully happy today,” she said as she followed him back to their room to gather their things for the day. “Not very Goth of you.”

  “Why wouldn’t I be happy? One more day of sightseeing before we get the hell out of here and back to normal life. What more could I want?”

  “Crispin? You know, we don’t have to go to Stonehenge or Salisbury today.”

  “Why not? It’s listed on your itinerary, highlighted in pink no less. Obviously, it is of great importance to you. And that is what we are here to do. To see all those things on your list.”

  “Well, I mean, given the circumstances, I would fully understand if you’d rather spend the day with your uncle Piers at
Harlow Manor.”

  “Why the fuck would I want to do that?”

  “Well, because we fly back tomorrow.”

  “Thank God for that,” he scoffed as he walked out the door. And there it was, the old familiar prickly Goth had returned. With a shake of her head, Gwen grabbed her camera and followed.

  As he sat entering the directions into the GPS, Gwen felt compelled to try again. “Crispin, we should spend the day with Piers.” When he sat up, closed his eyes and breathed deeply, she steeled herself and forged on. “You’ll only regret it if you don’t. We can always come back another time and sightsee. Here, he gave me his card. Call him direct. He’s waiting to hear from you.”

  “God, Gwen, can we not just let this go? I’ve already heard everything and none of it makes me feel better. In fact, it hurts all the more.”

  Watching his resolve and false bravado melt away, Gwen almost gave in, but deep down she knew he should face whatever bothered him. If he left things the way they were, he would only be cheating himself. “Just give him the morning to tell you whatever it is he needs to say. Obviously, he’s suffered here too. He lost his sister. He’s all alone as are you. I’m sure he just wants to make amends to your mother through you. Let’s just give him a chance to put all this behind him.”

  “Fine, he can have an hour or two of our time,” Crispin said with determination. “But nothing more, and he better not expect anything from me. I’m not much into family reunions.”

  ***

  When they arrived at Harlow Manor, instead of using the main driveway, Piers had advised them on the phone to use the private entrance, located off the main road further south. To anyone who passed, it appeared more like a maintenance entry.

  This driveway led up to the private apartments away from the main house that was open for tourism. While it wasn’t as grand, Gwen found the garden leading up to the house to be quite stunning. Jones greeted them and led them around to the patio where Piers waited. He greeted them with a brilliant smile and nodded in appreciation to Gwen. He was sure if not for her, Crispin would not have come. The scowl on his handsome nephew’s face was evidence enough.

  “I’m so glad you came back, dear boy.” He gestured for Crispin and Gwen to sit at a table. “Jones, I believe tea is in order.”

  “I’d rather coffee,” Crispin said as he held out Gwen’s chair. “She’ll have the tea, earl grey.”

  “Crispin, it’s not important. Whatever you have is fine.”

  “Are you kidding me?” Crispin snarked. “Look at this place. What don’t they have?”

  “Yes, of course, Master Crispin,” said Jones with a slight bow of his head. “Anything you wish.”

  “Master Crispin, indeed,” Piers said with a quirk of his brow.

  Gwen couldn’t help but notice how handsome and distinguished both her male companions were. Crispin in his Victorian splendour of head to toe black, Piers in a grey morning coat fitted to perfection and matching slacks. Clearly, the man came from money, a bone of contention for Crispin, obviously, from the few comments he had already made. Gwen braced herself for whatever he might say.

  “Well, whatever is you feel the need to talk about, make it quick,” Crispin said. “We have plans.”

  “Plans?” Piers asked.

  “Oh, you know, touristy stuff,” Gwen explained lightly. “Stonehenge, Salisbury Cathedral.”

  “Ah, yes, of course,” said Piers. “Right then, I’ll get straight to the point.”

  “Good,” Crispin agreed.

  “It’s about the house, Crispin,” said Piers.

  “What about it?”

  “Well, it is yours as well as the rest of your inheritance. I’m glad you’re here so you can finally lay claim to your share.”

  “I don’t want anything to do with this place!” Crispin said with a scowl. “Or the money. Did you think you could throw money at me and make everything all right? Not bloody likely.”

  “Seriously, you’re aiming your anger at the wrong relative. I am not your enemy. I have not wronged you. I simply want to make you aware of what’s yours. In fact, it’s all taken care of. You see, I’ve already arranged it with the lawyers, but just to be sure, I wanted to tell you in person of your options. So even if you don’t want your part today, it’ll eventually be yours when I kick off.”

  “The fuck does that mean?”

  “Oh, don’t worry, I don’t plan on dying anytime soon. But you see, I have no interest in marrying or having children of my own either. I quite enjoy living the life of the eccentric bachelor. Now that I’ve finally met you, my dear nephew, I am assured to have an heir, someone to leave all this. I’m sure Jones is relieved as well. With you here, he won’t have to worry about his employment. You see, I had almost given up on finding you, and quite frankly, I’m tired of having to come here to look after the old place. Too many memories and not many of them good. After Cassandra died, the place just wasn’t the same. Besides, I’d much rather spend my days in sunny Spain at my villa there. I would have placed the old house in the hands of the National Trust had you not shown up when you did. ”

  “So, you expect me to just stay here and look after all this? I don’t know anything about running a Manor House. Why the hell would I do that?”

  “Not necessarily, I mean with the staff already in place, all you’d need to do is show up now and then. Spend a few weeks here once in a while. Maybe a month or two to take care of any bills or paperwork required. The ticket sales from tourists pretty much cover the cost of running the house. Anyway, why not? Think of it as a place to spend your holidays now and again. With you here, I might even stop in and visit at Christmas. It would be nice having family at Christmastime again,” he added wistfully. “If you choose so, you could even live here year round. The point is, it’s yours, Crispin. I’m done with it.”

  “Wow!” Gwen blurted excitedly. “How wonderful!”

  “Wonderful? How so, exactly?” Crispin stared at her in bewilderment until the reason became perfectly clear. “Oh, I get it! This is your dream come true, isn’t it, Gwen?” He growled at her, unimpressed. “You forget one thing, sweetheart. I want nothing to do with this!” He paused, measuring her reaction. “How do you like me now?”

  Gwen physically flinched at the venom in Crispin’s tone. His reaction shocked her and hurt her feelings. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…” she started to apologize but paused when she didn’t know what exactly she was supposed to be sorry for. In fact, she felt quite indignant at the accusation in Crispin’s words. Did he really believe she was more interested in the old house than in him?

  “Besides, we leave for Canada tomorrow,” he continued. “Have you forgotten that small detail? Even if I decide to take this despicable place on, where would that leave you?” He didn’t know why he said that and he regretted it the second the words left his mouth. He just couldn’t fathom why everyone was so thrilled with the idea of him suddenly taking on this role of Lord of the Manor. Did Piers and Gwen forget he had spent his entire life as a penniless orphan? Did they expect him to be so grateful for his sudden wealth to forget the sorrows he had endured? Not bloody likely!

  All three stilled when Jones returned with the beverages. Not only until he left did Crispin start up again, only to be shut down by Gwen’s words. “Excuse me, Piers. Would it be okay if I took a stroll through the garden?” Averting her eyes from Crispin, she stared blankly towards the flowers, attempting to stifle her rising emotions.

  “Alone!” she added when he attempted to join her.

  “Yes, of course,” Piers said as he stood, Crispin at his side, watching her walk away. When he attempted to follow, Piers held him back. “Let her be. She’ll be fine. You and I have important matters to discuss.”

  “What part of I don’t want your money, don’t you understand?” Crispin said with a scowl. “You can’t fix this that easily. You don’t know the horrors I’ve endured growing up in foster care, the loneliness, the emptiness I’ve carried arou
nd.”

  “No, I don’t and I’m sorry, truly I am, but please try to understand. I was powerless at the time. Now, I only want to do right by you, Crispin. This is your land, your house, your birthright. Your grandfather cheated you out of a comfortable life. He sent your mother off to God knows where all alone! It was his doing. Please, don’t hate me.”

  “I don’t hate you. I hardly know you.”

  “Well, let’s change that,” Piers said. “Stay on for a few weeks. We can get to know one another. Together, we can then come to an agreement on what to do with the old place.”

  “Stay?” Crispin repeated.

  “Yes, why not?”

  “What about my commitments?”

  “Oh come on,” Piers said with a dismissive chuckle. “How old are you? Twenty-two at the most? What have you got waiting that you can’t put off for a little while longer? Surely, whatever it is can wait.”

  “How dare you?” Crispin frowned. “As far as my commitments are concerned, you don’t have a say. You have no idea what or who they involve. In fact, you know nothing about me.”

  “You’re right and I would love to change that. I want nothing more than for us to get to know one another. Sit, tell me about yourself. What is it you’re about?”

  “Fine, since you’re so keen.” With much reluctance, Crispin sat down once again. “I’m currently in university, I have one year until I graduate and I’ve got student loans to prove it. I’m also a singer-songwriter. I currently reside at the House of Goths with my friends and fellow bandmates. We have a tour lined up and ready to go at the end of the school year and I intend to see it all through. Therefore, I cannot simply fluff off my commitments to stay here.”

  “Ah, a musician?” Piers nodded, impressed. “Is that what you’re studying?”

  “No, I major in art with a minor in psychology. I have many talents and interests, but being Lord of the Manor isn’t one.”