Belonging

by Maria Bernard

  “Well, fuck!” Dorian laughed on the other end. “Finally, you bastard! Where the hell are you?”

  “On my way home,” Crispin answered, tucking Gwen into his side at her return. “Why? Did you miss me?”

  “Of course, you dolt!” Gwen smiled, overhearing the friendly banter. She started to pull away, thinking Crispin needed privacy, but he held her firmly in place and even held the phone close for her to overhear. “But not as much as Becky. Hold on, they’re in the backyard. Yeah, poor little thing’s been inconsolable this whole time.”

  “Is that so?” Crispin winked at Gwen. He could tell Dorian was walking as he spoke, and he tensed in anticipation at the familiar sound of the back door slamming on his way out.

  “By the way, Kell’s gonna kill you for ruining spring break,” Dorian added. “You’re all she talked about.”

  “Well, you better put her on then,” Crispin said.

  “Sure thing, Crisp. Hold on, she’s right here.”

  Expecting Becky’s voice, Kell’s growl caught Crispin off guard. “You’d better explain yourself, you bloody bastard!”

  “I miss you too, Kell.” Crispin chuckled in response. “Listen, I’m sorry. I had to get away for a short time. I’m glad I did. I’m better for it and I’m coming back to stay. Plus, I have a surprise. Lots of them, actually. Oh, and I had a fantastic spring break.”

  “Well, is that right? How nice for you,” Kell said sarcastically. “Wish I could say the same. Too bad you had to fuck up my break.”

  “You can kick my ass when I get there. I’ll be home in a few hours.” Crispin’s smile couldn’t be helped. “Go on, let me speak to her.”

  “Yeah, you’d better. Here she is.” Without further ado, Kell handed Becky the phone.

  “Crispin?” Becky said. “Crispin, where are you?” The excitement in her voice was unmistakable and nearly brought tears to his eyes.

  “Aww… dormouse, I’m in England.”

  “England! How in the world?”

  “Never mind that now. I just called to say hello,” Crispin responded cheerfully.

  “Well, hello…” Contagious giggles followed and Gwen involuntarily joined in.

  “I hear you’ve been missing me, sweetheart.” Crispin smiled and kissed Gwen’s temple.

  “Yes, very much!”

  “Do me a favour…” He paused.

  “Yes?”

  “Cheer up, I don’t want Kell giving me grief when I get back.”

  “You’re coming back then?” she said.

  “Of course, I am. Told you I would. Besides, we have a plan.”

  “A plan?”

  “Our summer tour, or have you forgotten?”

  “Yay! Crispin!” More contagious giggles followed.

  “Now, promise me something else.” Crispin pulled himself together.

  “Yes, anything!”

  “Quit pining after me! Get into bed with Kell and rock his world. He sounds a tad tense. I don’t want to have to deal with that when I get back.” He broke down and laughed, ignoring Gwen’s jab in his ribs. “Right then, I’m off. See you next week.” He bit his tongue at the sudden pause on the other end. “Just kidding, Becky. See you in a few hours.”

  “I can’t wait!”

  “Well, I can’t bear to be away any longer.”

  Once again, giggles were all she could manage in response.

  “Aw… dormouse, you crack me up.”

  Chapter 39

  Without incident or delay, Crispin and Gwen arrived in Toronto right on schedule. On the drive home from the airport, Gwen sat reflecting on their trip and everything they’d seen and done. She couldn’t help but feel disheartened to see it come to an end. She truly felt she could simply keep going, keep on travelling. With Crispin at her side, her anxieties seemed to have taken a backseat and it now felt as though anything was possible. She felt she could deal with any situation. Except one. Being apart from him. When they reached Kingston, and Crispin drove toward her apartment above the jewellery shop, the idea of not having him near weighed heavily on her mind.

  “Hey, I’ll bet you’re looking forward to sleeping in your own bed tonight,” Crispin said, putting on a brave face as he parked in front of the shop.

  “Oh, I don’t know,” she said, unable to mask the melancholy in her heart. “What happens with us now, Crispin?”

  Feeling much the same way, he reached out and took her hand. “What do you want to happen?” he asked.

  She smiled at the look on his face, mirroring her own sentiments. “I’ve gotten so accustomed to your face, to your company. At the prospect of not having you near, I’m feeling an bout of separation anxiety coming on.”

  Crispin nodded and said, “You’ve read my mind.” He had been thinking the same thing all the way home.

  “It’s just… I guess I don’t want this to end. I’ve had such a lovely time,” Gwen said. “I dread being away from you even for a few hours. I know you’re looking forward to getting home, to see your friends. I too want to go in and rest, get myself together for the upcoming week. But I can’t help it. I just want to be with you.”

  Crispin’s smile couldn’t be helped. “Well, then let’s just be together, always.”

  “Won’t you find it stifling?” she asked. “Having me around all the time?”

  “Not in the slightest. Quite the opposite,” he said. “If I had it my way, we’d never part.”

  “That sounds real nice, Crispin. I suppose it’s unrealistic, though. We both have lives to get back to. I have my job at the shop. You have classes to take, band practises and gigs all lined up.”

  “True, unfortunately, we can’t be together every minute of the day, but we can move in together.”

  “Move in together?” she repeated. “You mean find our own place?”

  “I want us to live together, yes. Find our own place? Not yet,” Crispin confessed. “I’m not ready to leave the House of Goths. Move in with me there.”

  “With you and your friends?”

  “Yeah, why not? I have a big enough room, big enough bed,” he said with a wink. “You’d love my bed.”

  “I’m sure I would,” she said pensively. “But I don’t know. Anyway, won’t they mind?”

  “I don’t see why. But I can ask to be sure. Besides, it’s not forever. We would eventually get our own place. I want to be with you but I also want to be with my friends for a little while longer, at least until I graduate. And I want you to go back to school. Quit your job at the shop if you find doing both overwhelming. I just want you to finish your course. I feel it’s important.”

  “I know it is,” she said with a heavy sigh. “But I can’t afford it. Especially if I quit my job.”

  “Gwen, I’m ridiculously rich. You know that. Let me help you. What’s the point in having an absurd amount of money if I can’t support the woman I love while she finishes her education?”

  “Well, when you put it like that,” she said with a smile. “Thank you. I would appreciate your help in that regard and I think I’m ready to try university again. But about moving in with you and your friends… are you sure? This is moving pretty fast.”

  “Are you having doubts?” Crispin asked, dreading the thought.

  “No way, I love you,” Gwen declared. “I’m in this for the long run. You’re stuck with me.”

  “Good to know,” he sighed with relief. “I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather be stuck with.”

  “But, Crispin, I don’t know about this moving in business,” she said with hesitation. If she had it her way, she would be happy to move in with him alone. But to move into the House of Goths felt a bit daunting. “I don’t think moving in with you and your friends is what I want. I wouldn’t feel right about it. I don’t know them. They don’t know me. I just wouldn’t feel comfortable with that. I hope you understand.”

  “Of course, I do.” He brought her hand to his lips and gave it a kiss. “I was being selfish. Hey, it’s only a ten-minut
e drive back and forth from our homes. I’m sure we can divide our time between them. How does that sound?”

  “That sounds perfect. Who knows, maybe after I get to know everyone, I’ll reconsider.”

  “I’ll hold you to it.” He winked.

  “So, what else are you planning to do with all your newfound wealth?” she asked, not wanting to end their time together so soon.

  “A few things.” He turned in his chair and looked at her. “Planning on how to spend money is a great way to kill time on an eight-hour flight, especially when my travel companion sleeps the entire trip.”

  “I was tired,” she said with a rueful smile. “Besides, it’s been a whirlwind of a vacation.”

  “Truer words have never been spoken.”

  “So what did you come up with?” she asked. “What will you do first?”

  “Well, I figured with our summer tour coming up, we could do it in style,” Crispin said, his eyes lighting up. “Maybe I’ll buy a state of the art tour bus for the Kingston Quartet to travel in. Or maybe I’ll just fly everyone to wherever we like. By the way, you’re coming with us. You know that, right?

  “On tour with your band?” she said wide-eyed. “Absolutely! Where?”

  “Across Canada,” Crispin said. “We do it every summer.”

  “I’d love nothing more than to keep on travelling with you, Crispin,” she said wistfully. “You are the best travel companion.”

  “Well, perhaps after the tour, the two of us could travel the world,” he suggested. “If you like we can stay in all sorts of chintzy B&Bs even if we don’t have to.”

  “Oh, wow, that would be a dream come true!” she said with a smile.

  “Speaking of dreams, after I graduate, I’d like to open up an Art Therapy practice.”

  “That would be perfect, Crispin.”

  “Yeah, I’m gonna run it by Kell, too. I think he would be into it. Heck, even Dorian might be want to be involved. We’ve all had a rough go of it as kids growing up. Between us, we could write a book about it,” he said, snapping his finger. “Hey, maybe that’s what you should do. Write a book about us.”

  “A book about Goths?” she said, quirking and eyebrow. “House of Goths, an alternative set of talented individuals coming together, forming a band and overcoming adversity and rising above personal challenges?”

  “Yeah, why not? But don’t forget the falling love bits. That’s where you’ll make the most sales.” He leaned in real close. “I can help you with the sexy parts.”

  “I’m sure you can and I’ll hold you to it!” Gwen giggled, pondering the idea. “Do you think it would sell?”

  “Depends on the writer. And I believe you have it in you to make it a bestseller.” He winked.

  “Wouldn’t that be something?”

  “So, what do you say?” Crispin asked. “Ready to go back to school, finish your course and write an international bestseller?”

  “It’s not exactly historical fiction, but I think it might actually be better. Kind of an old world mystique with modern day characters. Wow, what a great idea!”

  “Perfect, you can use the time on tour to plot it all out,” Crispin said. “Maybe even have it all written by the time we head back to Harlow Manor.”

  “Oh, I don’t know if it’ll be done that quick,” she said with a smile. “So, when do you plan on returning?”

  “Maybe in the Fall. Christmas for sure. I want to invite my friends, too. Maybe we’ll have our annual Halloween party there. I’ll even fly everyone in for the event.”

  “Now you’re talking like a true billionaire,” she teased. “Just don’t let it get to your head.”

  “Never, that’s why I have you and that’s why I want to keep my friends close.”

  “Well, I suppose I should go on in,” Gwen said, taking a deep breath. It was only 6 PM but they were both weary from the flight. “You should head home, too. I’ll bet you’re looking forward to seeing your housemates.”

  With a nod, Crispin agreed. He then carried Gwen’s luggage up to her place above the shop. After taking a look around the small but cozy bachelor apartment, he sighed when she walked him to the door.

  “Goodnight, sweet Crispin,” she said, giving him a kiss. Sensing his need for more than that, she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him close. Her heart leapt when he let her hold him without hesitation. He had come a long way from when they had started out. He no longer worried she would leave him and therefore enjoyed being held. She loved him. She had told him many times. Every time she spoke the words, he had rewarded her with a heart-melting smile. “I love you. I’ll miss you tonight. But I look forward to seeing again, real soon.”

  Holding her tightly in return, Crispin eventually forced himself to release her. But not before a series of emotion packed goodbye kisses. “God, this hurts,” he groaned, chuckling at himself.

  “It does. I agree,” she said, stepping back and smiling at him. “But you know what?”

  “What’s that?”

  “I’m looking forward to seeing you again and again and again…”

  “Haha, I get it. Come here.” Once again her took her into his arms and kissed her. “Sweet dreams, Gwen.”

  Chapter 40

  Driving away from Gwen’s place proved tougher than anything he had ever had to do. Having been together so intensely this last little while, leaving her behind seemed unnatural and wrong. At more than a few stop lights along the way, Crispin had been tempted to turn his car around. But he promised himself he would see her again as soon as possible. Tomorrow at the very latest, he would go get her and bring her home to the House of Goths to meet Becky and his housemates. With that in mind, his heartbeat sped up at the prospect of seeing his friends again in mere moments.

  As he finally pulled up in front of his home and parked, he hadn’t even made it around the car when the back door of the house was flung open. Out ran Becky with tears in her eyes. Without hesitation, Crispin held out his arms and caught her as she launched herself at him, nearly knocking him over with her enthusiasm.

  “Crispin!”

  “Aww… dormouse!” He couldn’t help but smile, his voice filled with laughter. “Sweetheart, I have missed you something awful.” Leaving his luggage, for now, he carried her towards the house, where Dorian waited, holding the door open.

  “I missed you like crazy!” she gasped. Becky was a mess of tears of joy. “I’m so glad you’re back. My sweet prickly Goth, I was so worried.”

  “You shouldn’t have worried, Becky.” Crispin held her tight. “I told you I’d be back.”

  “I told her the same the entire time you were gone,” Dorian said, slapping Crispin on the shoulder. “You could have called, though.”

  Placing Becky down, Crispin turned and tugged Dorian in for a hug. “Yeah, I suppose I should have.”

  “Never mind, what matters is you’re back now.” Dorian happily returned the affection. “Welcome home, mate.”

  “It’s good to be here.” Tensing at the sound of approaching footsteps, Crispin straightened just in time to come face to face with Kell’s frown.

  “Kelley, Crispin’s home!” Becky announced excitedly.

  Kell crossed the space in three easy steps and grasped Crispin by the shoulders, staring him down. “Well, it’s about freaking time, you bloody bastard.”

  What a sight for sore eyes, Kell was with his jet black hair, blood red streaks, scowl and all. “Forgive me?” Crispin said with a playful smile. Of all his housemates, he owed his gratitude first and foremost to Kell. If not for having met Kell all those years ago, Crispin didn’t know what would have become of him. If not for his friendship, he would have been lost. He would never have come to live at the House of Goths.

  “For ruining my spring break?” Kell asked, after sharing a moment of mutual appreciation. With a laugh, he tugged him in for a bone-crushing hug. “Oh, I may eventually forgive you. But you do realize I’ll never let you forget it.”

  “Just
as long as I’m welcomed back,” Crispin gasped.

  “Do you even have to ask?” Kell teased, releasing him.

  “Of course, you are welcome!” Keegan said, coming in from the hall, slapping him on the shoulder. “If I was welcomed back, surely there’s hope for you.”

  Taking him by the hand, Becky led Crispin to a chair. “Sit, you must be tired.” She smiled when he let her lead. “I can’t wait to hear about your trip.”

  “Worried about me, are you?” The moment he sat, he dragged her onto his knee and planted a loud smack of a kiss on her cheek. “I’m never too tired for this,” he said with an indulgent smile. “I have so much to tell you all.”

  Suddenly overcome with joy at being reunited, Becky wrapped her arms around his neck and started to cry. “I’m just so glad we’re all together again,” she said into his neck while patting his wavy hair with her free hand. “I’ve missed my beautiful big brother!”

  “Oh, my sweet little dormouse,” Crispin, choked on a sob at her use of the word brother. Indeed, she was as close to a sister as he could imagine. To hear her say it, well, it confirmed what he recently realized. These people, these friends were his family, his family of choice.

  “We’ve all missed our handsome brother,” Kell added, sitting across from them, Keegan at his side.

  “God, I’ve missed you all so much.” Crispin hid his nose into Becky’s mop of curls. “I’m so grateful to have you all in my life.”

  “You okay, Crisp?” Kell quirked an eyebrow at Crispin’s uncharacteristic show of emotion.

  “He’s a little choked up,” Keegan explained. “I felt the same way when I returned not so long ago.” At his comparing of the two scenarios, everyone, Crispin included cracked up laughing.

  “What?” Keegan frowned. “It’s true!”

  “Right then,” Dorian chuckled, slapping his friend on the shoulder while wiping away a tear. “Shall we order pizza, brothers, and sister?”

  “Extra cheese,” Crispin sputtered, chuckling over Becky’s shoulder. “For our hungry little dormouse, here.”