May be! I Love You

by Kuldeep Sarvaiya

  “Okay fine. I will find it myself, calm down.”

  “I wanted somebody to work with me, but now that you want to present a poster too, then I am clueless.”

  “What? Why?”

  “You said you don’t want to work with me. So I have to find another partner for me now.”

  “Excuse me! When did I say so?”

  “Right now. Just scroll up a few messages and see for yourself.”

  “You want me to be in your team then I will be in your team. I won’t present my poster, but for god’s sake, stop this drama now, okay?”

  “Oh! Thank you very much. Anyways, its 9 pm and I have to sleep now. Best of luck for an exam tomorrow.”

  “Thank you and the same to you. Luck is the only thing I need for an exam because I haven’t done any reading.”

  “Well, the same is the case with me. Bye.”

  We gave an exam of medicinal chemistry (a subject I hated most), and it was easy as pie. We started finding topics for our poster and discussed it hours long every day. For the very first time, I was reading such professional boring articles. You might get the writing of the English newspaper once, but you won’t get the meaning of these articles. I don’t know why people like to make complicated names for things when they can make a simpler one. I was never good at remembering names, and so I hated reading those articles. We started searching for a topic for our poster 29 weeks ago and kept on debating for a better topic until we had 19 days left for the final submission of the abstract. So this proves that “No matter how much time is given to a lazy team, they will do their job in a last-minute rush only, so better give them a job at last minute.” It was Navratri time Gujarat, and people were crazy as always for Garbas. I was chatting with her since I stopped celebrating festivals about four years ago, and she didn’t know how to play Garbas. We were talking on some random topics of this world and keep on doing it till midnight. I was taunting her; she was doing the same to me sometimes, but mostly avoiding conversation going towards her personal life.

  “It’s midnight and not a good time to fight.” She typed.

  “You want me not to fight with you, taunt you, then what do you expect? You want me to narrate a fairy tale right now?” I replied.

  “Hahaha, well, I don’t want you to narrate a fairy tale to me, but imagine that you are wearing a white frock and a magic wand in your hand. A white ribbon on your head and white doll shoes in your legs. Oh my god, you are looking great in my imagination. Now dance like a small baby girl and narrate the story. You are looking so cute; I might kiss you on your forehead. I am so proud of my imagination power.”

  (This is the weirdest Imagination someone could ever imagine on me. I mean you can imagine me as pirate, king or any male character, but fairy? Not a chance. This girl has got wild imagination power.)

  “Are you kidding me? Fairies used to be a girl and white like snow. None of this basic requirement is fulfilled in my case. How can you imagine this? I haven’t seen any innocent devil like you till date, who punch me in the face and still make me smile.”

  “Oh, thank you very much. I am feeling sleepy now. Goodnight.”

  And the day ended, making me a fairy princess who is cute and had a ribbon on her head. But after this chat, I had a good sleep that day. The chatting frequency increased to a great extent, and we used to chat almost every day for hours now. We were chatting on the next day again on random topics.

  “What happened to you today? You look different today.”

  “No, I am not. I am that same old shy, less talkative boy who is conservative.”

  “No ways. I agree you are shy but less talkative? You speak a lot, man. This semester, I met so many people who have a great influence on me, and one of them is you. The interesting fact is that all of them are talkative.”

  “You should thank god that I met you after three years. Because if we knew each other from the very first year, your life might be hell by now.”

  “It's another way round. When you agreed to be co-author, I thought about where you have been for the last three years. We might have created some miracles at that time. It’s all your fault.”

  “Yeah, I know. Everything is my fault. I am the reason for global warming. I am the one who makes shitty Bollywood movies. I am responsible for India’s corruption and poverty. I opened Pandora’s Box. Anything left?” (This is taunting. I am not responsible for any of it. Reader discrimination is advised here.)

  “Yes. You forget to mention one thing which you did late. Why didn’t you come up with the idea of a magazine in the first semester itself? Accept the things which you did late.”

  “Oh, so sorry about that. I have a garden of ideas at my home. I am sorry that I forget to pluck that idea from my garden in the first semester. This is heights I mean; how can you blame me for nothing? You might even question me now why didn’t you born in 1947 and help Gandhiji to get freedom? Things happen when they are meant to happen.”

  “I am sorry; I didn’t mean to hurt you. I am delighted that at least we met last year. I had a great time working with you in the magazine. I respect you for your work and all these talks.”

  “Oh my goodness, So much sweetness in a single message. I think soon; I will be diagnosed with diabetes. My postprandial blood glucose already went above 160.”

  After a few sweet messages, we took a break and went busy in personal work, but she messaged me again after 9 pm. She asked whether I finalized the topic for abstract submission or not? I replied Negative. Then I started taking a lecture on how to blackmail people. (No matter how bad-ass blackmailer you might see in Bollywood movies, but they can’t be as good as girls. They are universal blackmailers. Maybe a gene for blackmailing is absent on chromosome Y.)

  “Yesterday, you were explaining to me about love, and now you are teaching me how to turn from angel of happiness to the devil of destruction. BTW, have you ever experienced love?”

  “Well, I firmly believe in it but haven’t experienced it to date. Four years of college passed but haven’t found any person yet.”

  “He is not going to fall from heaven for sure. All you need to do is find him yourself. You can even find god, if you search for him, all you need to find is a suitable boy. May be your list of requirements in boys is long.”

  “I don’t have time to find the right guy. (The dialogue girls speak when they want to avoid this question. They have a hell lot of time for this.) I don’t have a big requirement list; all I want is a guy should be honest with me.”

  “Are you kidding me? You don’t have time for anything except books and high-class science articles, which are boring than some random horror novels. Now your Mr. Perfect is not going to jump out of your medicinal chemistry book, so get up and find him in the real world.”

  “I do not spend my whole day with books. I live my life peacefully. Being with some guy is a lifelong decision, and so I want to make sure I find the right one.”

  “If you want and permit me, I can help you out with this. I know some of the good candidates who, for sure, are good for you.” (I was helping Jignesh here, no personal interest. I can finish the mission for my friend.)

  “Many people have offered me this kind of proposal. But I think I will find a guy myself. I don’t want your help.”

  “Let’s take one test on you. I will give you the names of a few people from our class itself; they may or may not be candidates for you. Just give me your views on them.”

  “This is no joke, man. There is no need to link my name with anybody; I am not at all that type of girl.” (And the chat started heating up, so I thought of cooling it down.)

  “Don’t take it the wrong please, I just want to know your mindset.”

  “If you want to know my mindset, then directly ask me what my requirements are, there is no need for linking my name with someone from our class. I don’t like a single guy from our college for this particular case.” (Are you kidding me? I asked you indirectly in the very first place, what are
your requirements and you ignored the whole point. Now you want me to ask your requirement list again?)

  “Okay, you are taking me wrong again. You tell me, how should I frame the question to solve this misunderstanding?”

  “Umm…. Say, for example, what attracts me in a guy? Or what do I think of my matrimonial future?”

  “Fine. What kind of guys are your type? What central characters should be there in them to get your attention?”

  “This is an emotional part, and that is why I prefer specific questions for it. The requirements include, he must be educated, smart, caring, and handsome, and nobody from our class meet these requirements.”

  “Wow, really happy to know that.” (No, I am not happy at all. You know why? Even though I study in the same class. Do you think I am not educated, smart, or handsome? At once, I thought instead of saying that you might have slapped me hard on the face.)

  “I want the person to be pure of his heart. I haven’t found many people, pure of heart in our class.”

  “How about Ranbir Kapoor? Is he good for you?”

  “Nope. I will rather go for Daniel Redcliff.”

  “The name suggests he is a guy from Hollywood. I don’t know much about him, but is he from movie Twilight?” (I haven’t seen the movie, but 7 out of 10 girls like that movie and cast. 4 out ten crazy boys like it too, and I am quite reasonable when it comes to watching twilight.)

  “Nope. He is Harry Potter from the movie Harry Potter.”

  “Oh, you can see how big a fan I am of him and that movie. I watched that movie just for Emma Watson, that too her scenes only.”

  “I know; most guys watch Harry Potter movies for her.”

  “So is your Daniel Radcliffe of a pure heart?”

  “I don’t know. He even has a real-life girlfriend.”

  “Then why, Daniel?”

  “He is my first crush and lasts too. I like him from my childhood.” (Now I know why she didn’t like real-life guys. I mean the girl who has a crush on some random not possible story hero, how can she like ordinary guys. She might be looking for a guy who has a random mark on the forehead, a magic wand in his hand, and specs like him.)

  “If he is your crush, then compete with his girlfriend. You should not lose your childhood crush. Fight for him.”

  “I am nothing in front of his girlfriend or Dan. (Oh my god, she gave her a pet name too.) That is why he is my crush and not love. Got to sleep now. Bye.”

  We kept on some random topics every day. Our chats started piling up, and our attacks and counter-attacks too. To avoid mess while chatting on facebook and to make sure another person waits till first finish his part of sending messages, we adopted the method of saying “Over to you” at the end of the message. It was quite annoying since we had to write it again and again. Since one great man once said, “Necessity is the mother of invention” (We always quote famous people because nobody listens to ordinary people.) I managed to figure out a way. I started putting # at the end of my message to show that I am done typing. It worked like a charm, and messy communication stopped. It was my first practical idea that worked like a charm.

  Soon the phase of submissions started in college. If you finish your submission well in advance, people will borrow it and sometimes misplace it, so I had a habit of doing it just before the deadline. I was stuck in questions of Pharmaceutical Analysis submission because I hated that subject most. You might be thinking that the subject might be hard, actually teachers were not that hot, so never paid attention. I thought of asking Anamika if she can help me out or not?

  “Hey, can you send me photos of analysis submission? I am stuck in some questions.” I messaged her.

  “Nope. I asked you earlier this, do you want it or not? At that time, you wanted to do it by yourself. Now do it yourself.”

  “I am in no mood of fighting with you today, okay? I am under a heavy workload, so I am requesting you to send me an analysis submission.”

  “Oh, then I am in full mood of fighting with you today. Say Anamika; you won this time.”

  “Anamika ma’am, you won this time. Please mail me an analysis submission.”

  “lol. Okay, now say this: Medicinal chemistry is better than Biotechnology.”

  “I am not going to say that at any cost. I will sit the whole night and finish my submission but won’t say that. Biotechnology was better, is better, and will be better than medicinal chemistry.”

  “Forget about submissions, then; I am not mailing you any.”

  “Fine. I will see you someday. Right now, I have bigger eggs to fry. My day will come, and you will be on your knees.”

  “I am so sorry. I don’t have my submission with me; it’s with my friend. Sorry, dear.”

  “You could have said that before humiliating me. You are such a devil. I will take revenge for this, and you will remember me for the rest of your life.”

  “Well, that is true. I am going to remember you for the rest of my life. I mean, I haven’t talked this much with anybody from our class on FB. I will remember working with you in the magazine, cake, fights, your smile, and things which will happen in the future.”

  “What is so special about my smile? I mean, I never find it special or anything.”

  “You are cute, and your smile is cuter than you. (And in the background I started hearing the song: Dhak Dhak karne lagaa) You always ready to take revenge or fight but never tried to be a friend.”

  “Oh, is there any form that I should fill to become your friend? Don’t tell me I have to fill some random internet surveys, because I hate them. If you want, I can send my resume to be your friend. I never asked anybody like this that you want to be my friend or not; once I have fine-tuning, he is my friend. (I mentioned he because never had a female friend, you know.) So what is a procedure to be your friend?”

  “Well, there are no forms or online surveys, but I want you to make up your mind. You might not be able to tolerate me once you become my friend. I will make your life hell.”

  “I never make a friend by testing because I don’t have a Q.A department of my own. Second, once I give my words, I live with them for life. Third, I can tolerate anything. I can even be friends with Godzilla or aliens, so I think you are better than those friends. I want you to make your mind. Will you be able to tolerate me?”

  “Yes, I will be able to tolerate you. Say, friend…..!!”

  “Where do you get these kinds of ideas? Daily soaps? Public toilets? Internet? I mean, who said that by saying friend, we would be friends. But to follow standard procedure, here you go: a friend.”

  “No, it’s not like that, when it’s in written, its legal. I wanted my friends to be legal and loyal, and so I wanted to write it.”

  “Then we should go for doing it more official. I know one lawyer; he will do it. Let’s get notary for this.”

  “No need for that. But now I will officially make your life hell. I will trouble you anytime, anywhere. Going to sleep now. Bye.”

  I must say, a girl can trouble you anytime, and you won’t be offended by it if she is cute. The genes for this characteristic are located on the Y chromosome for sure. So this is how I had my first official female friend.

  ◆◆◆

  Chapter III: The Friendship

  "A girl and a boy cannot be just friends." These lines were said in one famous Bollywood movie, but my intentions were no wrong. I still wanted to finish my job given to me by Jignesh. From the very start, I had limited numbers of a friend on whom I couldn't rely ever in my life, and I included one more. (Not kidding at all.) She was reliable, but she was a girl, and one can never rely on girls. As she was one of my friends, I had exclusive rights to pull her legs, being sarcastic, and all the other stupidity a friend can do. We were chatting on some random day before submission of the abstract for competition. I asked her for a favor (Friends have this right too ...!), and she wanted two dairy milk for it, but somehow, I managed to convince her for lollipops.

  "Well, lollipops
are my favorite, but mind well, I want chocolate flavor. Make sure it is of good quality and should taste good." She said.

  "And it should be gold plated, imported from Sweden, and should have an autograph of Daniel inside the wrapper. Also, the wrapper should have code which ensures you having free holidays with Daniel in Paris. I think you forget to mention these things." I replied.

  Being sarcastic with the girl never yields you anything, because she is never going to get it. She thanked me for the offer, and then the whole conversation went from anywhere to nowhere. I kept on teasing her for Daniel as her boyfriend, some random bookworm things. Sometimes she got angry with me for my comments, and so I discovered a "$" symbol to indicate that I am serious. (I do believe more in symbols then emoticons provided in FB.) I made claims like "I know you better than you do yourself." One day we were discussing some random topics, and she told me she wanted to write an email to the director, how to do it? So I gave her a format like this:

  "Dear Sir,

  How are you? I hope your wife is giving you tea on time in the morning, if not divorce her immediately.

  Anyways, I am emailing you some cool stuff about my project in attachment, so spare some time to look.

  Your student,

  Anamika."

  After reading the whole message, she burst in laugh for almost 5-7 minutes, and I had to wait for her reply. She was getting smarter day by day, or maybe she was getting comfortable with me. To get revenge, she started teasing me, claiming I have a girlfriend, and that is why I am online on FB all the time. She also started calling me "Guruji" because I used to give long lectures on world related problems. The day of the "Garba event" came, and because it was last year, I purchased the pass for it. It was Saturday, and so we were chatting in the afternoon, and I was getting ready for the event.

  "You told me once that you stopped celebrating festivals and now going for Garba event. How come so? Oh, I got it. You have the boy mentality. You want to go to an event to find Girlfriend since today each will be dressed nicely." She said.

  "Are you kidding me? I am not interested at all. Already so many of my friends tease me with this. I request you not to do the same."